icarly/Hannah Montana

icrash

Part One: Two Parts of Darkness

From Seattle to Malibu, Las Angelas, the Shays and the Cyruses would enter into a world of deception, crime, and danger that would tear apart lives, and slowly consume them until they finally meet through a system of evil activities. It all started one day, when Spencer was reading a hobby magazine.

Spencer was looking at a magazine, with a look of sheer interest on his face when his sister Carly walked in. "Ha, Carly! I found this art institute, it's taught by artists who've already made millions on their art work, and people who have names of artists. It sounds incredible!" Said Spencer.

"Wow, that must be really exciting, I'd guess." Said Carly. "As exhilarating as this has been, it has my heart racing, I'm going to the mall with Sam to buy some shoes."

"I thought you bought shoes yesterday." Said Spencer curiously.

"And it sucked!" Said Carly. "Today they're 99% off."

"Wow! How could they be so cheap?"

"They're recycled out of old garbage. Remember, that's the kind you bought."

"Oh ya." Said Spencer, putting his feet on the table revealing his shoes, made up of gum, candy wrappers, and old black paper. "And they do wonders." He said putting his gum on his shoes. "And nobody'll ever know."

"Ha Carl, uh. There's gum on your shoe!" Said Sam.

"Ah nuts!" Yelled Spencer, as he shook off his shoe and a huge pile of garbage sat under the table.

"Let's go Sam." Said Carly.

"Okay. Bye Spencer.

"Ya by. Oh, I found this art institute..."

"Aah!" Said Sam as she ran out.

"Rude person." Said Spencer as he ripped all the pages out of a novel and put them on his shoes.

In Malibu, the Cyruses were sitting down to breakfast, all but Robby and Jackson. "This ham in a can tastes like trash in a can." Said Miley.

"Ha Miley, guess what my new job is." Said Robby.

"You got a job? I didn't think you went to college."

"I didn't. This job doesn't require a diploma."

"What is it?"

"Undercover police officer for the Malibu Police Department. I'm gonna hide in trees and spy on people and get em' arrested forever!"

"Isn't that kinda dangerous?"

"Na, they only give dangerous jobs to people with degrees." I gotta go to the station and get my badge, and my sticker to put on my jacket so I don't have to obey laws."

"Ha dad." Said Jackson.

"Get out of my face!" Yelled Robby.

"Ha, I just scored a date with the hottest girl at the unemployment office! Her name is Monica Gekko, and she thinks I have definate potential, whatever that means."

"What's so special about her?" Asked Miley.

"Well, she looks okay and doesn't talk too much, but what really interests me is her dad. She says he's the richest man in Malibu, he changes his hair and face a lot, and he's mover over 56 times in the last year! I'm gonna meet him tonight."

"Wow, I'm sure you and Monica's dad will be very happy together." Miley said sarcastically.

"Sure we will, bye!" He said as he ran and hit the door. "Oh, better stop by the doctor. Don't wanna meet Monica's dad with a dented face."

"What a bumb." Said Miley as she sipped a cup of Victory Tea.

Meanwhile in Seattle, Carly was walking out of the mall with Sam. "Wow, can't believe we got 500 marbled for only $300."

"Me neither." Said Sam. "I'm gonna go trip fat people and watch em' try to get up, see ya."

"Bye." Said Carly as she walked on. She then came to an alley where a men was holding up a business man."

"Give me your wallet, and I won't have to break your legs." Said the robber.

"No! My legs get me to merger lunches!" Said the business man.

"Ha! Cops!" Yelled Carly.

"Freeze!" Yelled a cop who was disguised as a mail man.

"Ha, my IRS check!" Yelled a man who had given his check to the apparent mail man.

"You're going away for a long time!" Said the cop.

"Wa! You, I'll get you, you'll see!" Yelled the man at Carly.

"Oh no." Said Carly, dropping the marbles and tripping another cop.

"Ah!" Yelled the cop as he fell and the gun went off in his pocket.

At the house, Spencer was throwing things all over the house and out the open windows, which was all of them, for they were all broken. Carly then walked in. "Spencer, what the hell are you doing!" She yelled.

"I have no one who appreciates my artistic integrity!" Yelled Spencer in a desperate voice.

"Well I can't see why! Why don't you try out for the art institute?"

"Nooo! I'm not associating with those losers!"

"But this morning, you said..."

"Okay, I tried. They rejected me, 'cause I don't have the money. They didn't know that! Just because my shoes are made of garbage!"

"They turned you down for that?"

"Ya! And because they said my art work was, hu, land fill!"

"Sorry Spencer." Said Carly.

"Don't be. Hu. It's not over yet! All I need to do is get that money, then I'll be in that institute! They'll all see!"
"Okay." Said Carly.

"Ha, I got an e-mail this morning from dad. He's coming home."

"Really?"

"Ya, says he got a brand new job."

"Wow, when."

"Tonight. Too bad I won't be here. I'll be out job hunting."

"Who has job applicants at night?" Asked Carly.

"Bla!" Yelled Spencer as he sat down and drank Victory Beer.

"Back in Malibu, Miley was at the library, looking for educational films for a school assignment. "Hmm, uh, oh, there! No."

It was then that Heather walked in, Lilly's mother. "Oh, hello Miley. I was just thinking about you. Or, something relating to you."

"Hello Ms. Truscott. So, what're you doing for a job?"

"Oh, It's really interesting. But I can tell you, nothing about it. So, how's yer mom doing?"

"She died. She's been dead a long time."

"Oh, I had no idea. I'm sorry for your loss. May her murderer live a life of anguish and despair."

"I never said she was murdered." Said Miley suspiciously.

"Well it goes without saying." Said Heather. "Well, by." Said Heather as she walked away and seemed to disappear."

"Do you have a video on architecture?" Asked Miley.

"Ya, hold on." Said the librarian as she reached past the tape of architecture, and accidentally grabbing a tape from the surveillance camera. "Here, enjoy, like that's possible." Said the librarian.

"Thanks for nothing." Said Miley in a happy voice.

At the Malibu Police Department, Robby was being given his badge, his gun, and his brand new identity, which every cop got. "Welcome to M.P.D, Billy Ray Cyrus. We hope to have you here for many, many months." Said the chief.

"Months? I don't have a diploma." Said Billy.

"Oh, sorry. Many years."

"Thank you. So when can I start?"

"Well, for many others they go for weeks with no work and get paid for it. But you won't have to worry about that. We have a special assignment ready. It can only be done by a man of sheer talent and determination."

"That's me." Said Billy trying not to fall asleep.

"That's exactly our thoughts. Your job, should you choose to accept it, which you have to! Is to spy on your neighbors. All of them. Even your friends."

"No problem there."

"It'll be extremely dangerous. What you'll be looking for potentially dangerous people plotting against the force. Are you in?"

"I'm ready!" Yelled Billy.

"Great. Take these binoculars and tree climbing equipment. Now get out there!"

"Where? I thought we were talking about lunch? Oh well."

That night, at Monica's house Jackson was meeting with her dad. "Well, it certainly is great to meet you Mr. Gekko."

"Please, call me Gordon." Said Mr. Gekko.

"So, what happened to you wife?"

"Oh I killed her. You know how it is."

"I sure do." Said Jackson.

"Oh. That's my dad." Said Monica.

"Jackson, how would you like to work, for my corporation?" Asked Gordon.

"Sure, as long as I don't have to answer phones."

"Oh but you will. But as many people. Specialists, executors, economists, you know."

"You got it." Said Jackson.

"Great. Bwa ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha!"

"Okay." Said Jackson.

At the Shay house, Carly was sitting in the kitchen waiting for Spencer to return when Jack busted through the door in a police uniforms. "Ah! My freakin' arm!"

"Dad!" Yelled Carly.

"Ha Carls." Said Jack hugging her. "Where's Spencer? Is he dead. I knew it."

"Na, he just went out to get a real job."

"Ya right. Ha ha ha! Now seriously, is he dead?"

"No, he's not!"

"Okay." Said Jack sitting and drinking Carly's tea.

"So, you said you got a new job. You're a cop?"

"Ya, for the time." Said Jack suspiciously.

"Well I'd be proud of you, even if you weren't a cop."

"Phh!" Said Jack spitting out his tea. "Why would you say that? What do you know!" Said Jack in a grave voice.

"Nothing. I'm just saying."

"Oh, kay."

Spencer then walked in throwing a huge folder of documents on the table. "Eighteen interviews, no one gives me a job! This world is full of idiots!" Yelled Spencer.

"Ha, Spencer." Said Jack uncertainly.

"Ha dad. So you left the Navy to be a cop. Well either way. Neither of them do anything do anything for the good of mankind."

"That's right!" Said Jack hitting the table. "More right than you know."

"I need a job to get into a fancy art institute. But I can't find one. Don't even try to give me the money. I want to earn it myself."

"No worry there. I get paid on a case to case basis."

"That doesn't sound like a police officer." Said Carly

"Well it's changed since a few weeks ago."

"I see. So earlier today there was this guy, robbing..."

"I'm sorry, got a message, I have to report immediately."

"Can't you stay a little longer?" Asked Spencer.

"You want me to die! You'll see plenty of me I'll be living here."

"You will?" Asked Carly.

"Ya but don't worry, I don't get much sleep. Won't be in your way for more than an hour a day. If I'm not back in three days, I'm probably dead. Ta!"

"By dad!" Yelled Spencer.

"That was odd." Said Carly. "Dad always said how awful the police are, being as he got arrested for going awal five times. Wonder what changed his mind."

"Who knows. Oh, wake me up at, uh, two. I got another interview. I have a good feeling about this one. It pays $700 a day and all I need is a driver's license and a big trunk. And a car."

"Okay, I'll set an alarm."

"No, wake me!"

"Okay. Night."

"Night." Said Spencer falling asleep at the counter.

That night at the Cyruses, Miley was on the phone with Lilly. "Ya, no I haven't seen the tape yet. Ya I got the tape of architecture. Ya I'll call yoou tomorrow, by."

"It was then that Heather walked in. "Ha Miley, is you father here?"

"No, he's out on his top secret job."

"I see, if you see him, tell him I said, hi."

"Hi?"

"With more feeling!"

"Sorry, okay I'll, tell him."

"You'd better." Said Heather as she walked away."

"Weirdo." Said Miley.

"Ha Miley."' Said the Billy formerly known as Robby. "Boy, did I have a good night. I saw seventeen mob members. And Donsig doing yoga. He had the curtain closed, but I got x-ray glasses. Ha what's that?"

"Just a tape I got from the Main Street library."

"Ah. You know your mother died outside that library. I remember it. May 17, I had a book due, and I asked her to return it. If she wasn't there, it would've been me. Thank goodness."

"Ya, okay." Said Miley.

"Ha there." Said Jackson. Monica's dad is the best. He gave me a job at his corporation. I get an office in his basement, or his inner sanctum, and I get a salary of $78,000 for just answering a phone. And Monica's great to. She's my partner and she really likes me."

"Ha guys." Said Monica.

"I said she could stay here till things die down, here's the basement."

"Thanks Jackson." Said Monica as she kissed Jackson passionately and he fell on the floor. "Night."

"That Monica. I've been touched by an angel."

"Get me some tea!" Yelled Monica.

"Must be one of those evil angels." Said Billy.

"Harpies!" Yelled Jackson.

"Ya." Said Billy.

"Whatever, night." Said Jackson grabbing a fire pole and sliding up it.

"Weird." Said Miley.

The next day, Carly was at the house, sleeping on the couch when Jack walked in. "Dad, where were you? You said you'd be home by nine."

"Ya, didn't say which nine."

"Ya, you said p.m."

"I've been on the east coast."

"You were stationed in Alaska."

"Shut up, I mean I love you."

"What happened to your arm, there's a huge cut on it."
"Oh, I got into a knife fight with a cop."

"A, cop?"

"Oh, I mean a mob, guy."

"I see."

"Ha, I got the job! I got a thousand dollars just for signing up, and a months supply of tourniquets. Ha dad, nice arm. See ya."

"By, gotta go." Said Jack leaving, but not before grabbing a hand full of knives and a lighter.

"By dad." Said Carly. "Cops are idiots."

At the inner sanctum, Jackson, Madison and Gordon were reviewing stock charts and options, and contemplating their next moves. "I have an inside tip, that the Malibu bank will be robbed tonight, plummeting their stocks." Said Gordon.

"And I have an inside tip that we'll be the ones to do it!" Yelled Jackson.

"Ha ha ha!" Laughed the entire group.

"Ha, someone's at the door!" Said Monica.

"If you value your life you'll stay back!" Yelled Gordon as everyone pulled out guns and switchblades.

"Mail man!"

"Yaa!" Yelled Jackson as he and Monica ran up with blades in hand.

"My children!" Said Gordon in an evil voice.

"Oh my gosh!" Said Carly. "The robber I turned in escaped from prison today. And he's gonna come and kill me, ah! Who am I talking to?"

At the police station, Billy was in conference with the chief, and it was not going well. "So it is decided. For the good of the team, you will accept this mission that will inevitably risk your life to help your fellow man?"

"As long as it gets me a raise."

"Oh, it will. So," Said the chief grabbing his hand and their vanes lit up. "will you, Billy Ray Cyrus, carry out the deed, of intercepting the mob, and leaking their secrets to us. And should you be caught, will give your life other than classify our mission?"

"I will." Said Billy very confused.

"Great, we'll make you an all new identity, Billy, a criminal who will do anything to get what he wants. And you'll be in the mob by tonight, when you are initiated."

"Okay. So all I gotta do is walk in and I'm in?"

"They'll definitely let in someone as evil as you! Now, report here, at noon."

"Okay!" Yelled Billy hitting the wall.

At Spencer's new job, he was just ready to leave on a run. "Here's your pass, and your drugs to ship!" Said the boss.

"Don't forget my gun!" Said Spencer.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Here. May the spirits of drug dealing guide you safely."

"Thanks Sokko's brother, Druggo."

"Ya." Said Druggo.

"Ya, I got in. They don't expect a thing." Said Jack.

"Good, in time the entire Seattle Police Department will be vulnerable to us, and you will be the vice head of the mob, brother Jack Shay."

"Thank you brother Vitorio." Said Jack.

Back in L.A, Heather was associating with her co-workers. "Ya, soon that man will be in my hands, and we'll be married."

"You're engaged?"

"No, and he'll never marry me. Not after what I did. But who cares. I do."

"Sure. You, get those drugs on the truck!"

"I'll take him for a nice dinner when the shipment gets in. Drug dealing is a dirty job. But it doesn't matter, when you got money."

"That's right."

"Ya!" Yelled Jackson as he, and Monica shot out the windows of a bank in black masks. The police were on their way, and Gordon was already making profit on it.

"This one's for you Gordon!" Yelled Jackson.

At the mob headquarters, Billy was being initiated to the mob by being tattooed. "Welcome to the mob, brother Billy."

"Thank you, brother Sullivan."

"Now, let's play poker for our blood."

"I'm in!" Yelled Billy pulling out a knife.

At the house, Miley was on the phone to Lilly. "Ya, they messed up the tape, I got some, surveillance tape. I'll return it tomorrow, by. Wait." On the tape, the surveillance tape from May 17, 2002, Miley's mother stood on the sidewalk outside the library, when a woman grabbed her "Aah!" Yelled her mother on the tape. At that point she was stabbed and killed, at the same time she could just make out the face of the murderer, as the woman she had met at the library the day the tape was rented. It was Heather. "Oh my gosh." Said Miley in shock.

"What cop takes a lighter to work?" Asked Spencer to himself as he drove his truck full of drugs. "I've been drivin' a truck, all the truck drivin' day!" The scene then faded out.