Hello! It's 'Fer! I wanted the Doctor to have a gentle moment with his Ponds. :D So here it is!
This is shortly after the Doctor's Wife, but before The Almost People. There are a ton of stories about Amy and Rory finding out about Rose, but what about the other companions? What about Tegan? And Ian?
Summary: Amy and Rory ask to have a boring day in the TARDIS, but they stumble on something unexpected. Just how many companions has the Doctor had?
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.
Amy barged into the console room as the Doctor prepaed for the day's adventure. "Doctor! That's it, I've had enough now! No adventures today, okay? Today is going to be our boring day." The Doctor's mouth fell open and he drew his head back.
"A boring day? I have a time machine specifically engineered to skip boring days! Well, except for the occasional Tuesday, but generally I avoid them. Boring isn't cool." He pouted derisively.
"Doctor, I have almost died every time you choose where we go. I don't know other planets, and it might be nice to have a breather after almost crashing into a planet yesterday, yeah?" She scowled. "I just want to relax, Doctor." Rory cut in quickly.
"And, and, and we haven't even seen that much of the new TARDIS rooms yet! We don't know where the, er, fitness room is!" He smiled nervously. The Doctor sighed.
"The TARDIS rebuilt all of my rooms for me, just like they were before." He brushed his hand lovingly over the console. "Ah, well, come along, then, Ponds. I'll show you the fitness room." He glanced at them, then ran off enthusiastically down the hall, calling back to them, "After all, one should always waste time whenever one can!"
Amy and Rory followed the Doctor at a more leisurely pace. "Was he encouraging me, or insulting me?" Amy stared at the disappearing form of the Doctor. Rory shrugged. "Well, did you really want to see the fitness room? Suddenly feel like exercising, eh?"
"Well, no." Rory admitted. "But anything's better than plummeting to our deaths, eh? Exercise is proven to be therapeutic and-"
"Okay, that's nice." Amy cut him off. "Rory, where's the Doctor?" They were stopped at a juncture. The Doctor's echoing footsteps were no longer within hearing range. "No," Amy moaned, "we're gonna be stuck wandering these halls forever." Rory glanced at her, unimpressed.
"Well, we wanted to explore. Let's explore." He grabbed her hand, taking charge. This was the day he did not die and getting lost was not going to spoil it. They kept straight ahead, peeking into all the unlocked rooms as they went. They found billiards, a jungle gym, a laboratory, a room full of trampolines, seven squash courts, and multiple bedrooms, spotless, tidy, empty, lonely, just like their room had been. They wondered why the Doctor needed so many rooms. How many companions had he had? All the doors were the same, so everything was a surprise, either mundane or nearly impossible. The TARDIS led them where she thought they would want to go, but she also guided them to the Doctor's favourite spots, like the cinema and the indoor football field. It was impossible to tell how much time they wasted, running through halls, laughing, and exploring.
"Rory, look at this." Amy crouched in front a door with the word 'rose' carved into it. "Why is it different?" She muttered. Straightening up, she pushed open the door. "I love a good mystery."
The room was messy, full of clothes, books, photos, and even makeup. There was an outfit in a pile in front of the unmade bed, a book on the pillow, and pink. Pink everywhere. The whole room looked like someone had just gotten up and walked out that morning, a blatant contrast to the immaculate rooms everywhere else. "Amy," Rory whispered nervously, "I don't think we should be here. It's not our business. Amy, love, let's go." Amy ignored him. She frowned, taking a closer look at the picture near the door. A blonde woman stood next to a tall man with intentionally messy hair. They were fixated on each other. Probably hadn't noticed the picture being taken. The Doctor was waiting for someone. Possibly two someones. What was she, then? Just a temporary replacement?
Amy turned on her heel and stalked out of the room. Rory followed her eagerly, glancing back at the one room they never should have entered.
The TARDIS seemed to want a confrontation as much as Amy did, or else she just wanted the Ponds to stop messing around with her rooms. Either way, she took them in a straight path to the kitchens, no twists or turns. The Doctor was bustling around the kitchen, energetically setting up for tea. "Ah, Amy, Rory, did you have fun doing your thing? Relaxing's a bit rubbish if you ask me. Who wouldn't want an adventure? You Ponds, you're odd folk. Are all humans like that? Oh, would you look at that. Kettle's just boiled."
"Who are you waiting for?" Amy demanded.
The Doctor turned around with a grin. "What do you mean, Pond? I have a time machine. I don't have to wait for anyone."
"Then whose room is all done up and ready to replace us, eh? Who are you waiting for?"
Amy watched the Doctor stiffen. "Where did you go?" He growled. Amy stayed silent. "Where did you go?" He shouted, spinning around to face her. He exhaled slowly, measuring his breaths. A gentle, insincere smile spread across his face, but his eyes remained dark. "Now, Amelia, you really shouldn't poke your nose into other people's business. And you!" He spun around, glaring up at the ceiling. "When I say 'give 'em a good time' that doesn't mean you can show them my things."
"Oh, so, so that was your room, then?" Rory asked. That was better than any alternative he could imagine.
Amy snorted. "Yeah, stupid, our bowtie Doctor likes eye shadow, pink and romance novels. That wasn't his room and I want to know who it is that's supposed to come back any day and replace us!"
"She's not going to replace you because she is never going to come back!" The Doctor lashed out. He began pacing before walking agitatedly toward Amy. "There, you wanted to know what's going on? It's none of your business! You think you know everything there is to know about me? Oh, but I'm much, much more than your Raggedy Doctor, Amy. I've lived nine hundred and seven years. I've destroyed worlds. I've known millions of people. I've had eleven different personalities, been basically eleven different people. They call me the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness, the Great Exterminator. You've never seen that man, Amelia. You've never seen the one who believed in no mercy, showed no forgiveness, and took no prisoners." He laughed harshly. "There are secrets about me that could sear your little human mind, things I've done, people I've murdered. You think the worst about me is that I killed my own people, but even after that there's more. Oh, there's so much more!" He pounded the wall in emphasis. Amy cried. The Doctor released a shuddery sigh.
"I've threatened to take you home many times, and that's never worked out." He turned to look at them, his eyes grieving and sorrowful. "So, I'm going to find a way to fix this mess I, you...we've made. Until then, please, stay in your room. Rory, look after her." He passed a hand over his eyes and sank to the floor. Amy stood up, wiping her tears.
"No." Amy answered. The Doctor turned around, jaw set. "I'm not just going to stop. We need to talk about that. What just happened. I mention a room, and you threaten me. I know now. I thought that I was the girl the Doctor trusted. Naive, yeah?" She sniffed, trying to get a grip. She continued gently walking shakily toward the Doctor. "But there's a room here in your own TARDIS. A room where there was a 'she', a girl in love with someone. And just talking about her does that to you. Who was she, Doctor? Please." The Doctor looked up at her.
"Is this for me or for you, Pond?" Amy's heart broke as her best friend stare up at her as if he didn't know her. As if he didn't trust her.
"Doctor, I love you. And you can't not talk about this if it matters so much. Please. You're my best friend. I'd die for you." He flinched violently at her words. Rory pulled up chairs for them, then helped the Doctor to his feet.
"I study medicine, Doctor, but I know that there's a reason for therapists. It will help if you tell us." Rory's helpful-nurse mode was coming in full-force. The Doctor sighed.
"That room you stumbled on, why did you go in?" He questioned.
Amy replied, "It was different from the others. The word 'rose' was on the door."
"Yes. Rose. My Rose, the defender of the Earth." He smiled faintly. "Another life I ruined. You want my story? You want me to talk about it? Okay. I've had 43 companions, counting aliens and robot dogs and whatnot. The first of my companions here on Earth was my granddaughter and her... friends, Ian and Barbara." Amy looked askance at him. A granddaughter? Somehow, children didn't seem possible for their childish Doctor. "Then there was...well, I suppose I can't go through all of them. Of course, then Tegan came. She was with me in my fourth and fifth regenerations. She was with me for so long. And then..." The Doctor looked down. "She left. She had been through so much. Her aunt had died. Right away. She was tortured by nightmares, she stood by as I murdered Sea Devils and Silurians, but then came the Dalek's civil war. She couldn't take it anymore. The death, the massacres that surround me and everyone I care about. 'It's stopped being fun' she said. 'A lot of good people have died today. I'm sick of it.' Do you know, I remember the last thing all of them said to me? All of them. And I know that in the end, my companions have only three options." He stood up, and put his hands on either side of Amy's shoulders. "Die, leave me, or get left behind. But I'm selfish. I can't go without other people. I wouldn't make it." Rory gently pushed the Doctor back into his seat. Amy flung herself on him, eyes dry.
"It's alright, Doctor. It's alright. They loved you. It's alright." She repeated this mantra over and over, willing the Doctor to be okay.
He pulled back and stood up, plastering his familiar smile on his face. "Well, then, that was fun, but I'm very much done with 'relax day'. We're going adventuring bright and early about now, so I'd say you should sleep, goodnight!" He turned and made to run off but Rory grabbed his arm.
"Clearly, we should have made you talk about this a long time before now. Sit down Doctor; you still haven't told us about", Rory hesitated, "um, about Rose."
The Doctor sat back down, his smile melted off, stiff and staring straight ahead. "When I was in my tenth incarnation I had lots of companions. Donna, Martha, Jack, and many more. That was a very bad time for my companions." He laughed humourlessly, eyes glazed over, seeing it all again. "Adelaide killed herself. I left Donna. Donna, who was the most important woman in the universe. She saved so many people, and then she lost her identity. All of the best of her, gone. My fault. I can't ever see her again. Martha left me, I killed Jack, he became immortal, and so I abandoned him too. And none of this even compares to what happened with Rose. I loved her. She was my first companion in my ninth regeneration and followed through into most of my tenth. She rescued me. I was hardhearted, battle-scarred, angry. I needed her like I've never needed anyone before. She was worth everything to me. And when it came down to it, I left her, I didn't tell her I loved her, even when she asked, I found her, and I still couldn't tell her. Then she left me."
Abruptly, he stopped. He didn't move, he didn't speak, he barely blinked. Amy glanced down at her hands. The Doctor had so much bottled up inside him. How was it that he kept from exploding? She wished fervently that she hadn't opened Rose's door. But she was glad she had. He needed this.
The Doctor turned to them, eyes cold. "Now, Ponds," he began softly, "go to your room." Amy swallowed nervously. Maybe he didn't need it that much.
The Doctor watched as they left the console room and slumped back. He smiled a little. As painful as that was, he was glad he had chosen to tell them. It was a fair warning to them, having his history. Certainly, there were things he'd never share with anyone, but these were his friends-and right now he missed his having friends who would follow him. Lately he picked up lots of people who liked nothing better than to disagree with him. He sighed and put his face in his hands. He needed those kinds of friends too, but sometimes he'd like to feel like he was in charge.
He stood up, shaking his head at himself. He had the right to be gloomy, but not when it spilled onto others. He went to find his Ponds.
The Doctor knocked on their door, beaming. Am opened the door and he hopped in, smiling. "Sorry, Ponds, shouldn't have yelled at you, wasn't expecting to be ganged up on. No punishment for you, but we're never ever doing a relax day again. Okay? Okay." And he turned to Amy and hugged her. "You're sweet, Amelia. Thanks for caring." Then he turned to Rory and hugged him. "Never do that Doctor thing on me again, Rory. Not fun." He smiled at them and turned to walk out.
Rory called to him, "Doctor, I'm sorry for pushing you. I didn't mean make you relive your painful memories."
The Doctor laughed. "Rory, if I hadn't decided to tell you, you wouldn't have gotten anything from me. Don't worry about me." Amy sighed. She always worried about him. He smiled at her. "I have brilliant ideas for tomorrow! I'm going to take you to the planet Hufeltorn! It has trees made out of chocolate!" He bounded out of the room, read to prepare the next day. Amy smiled. Tomorrow was a new day. Which reminded her...
"Rory," she began, "we are never having a boring day on the TARDIS ever again."
There are some things sacred to me. Things for which I feel I should never write fanfiction. Les Miserables is one of them, and Doctor Who is another. But it's been bugging me, how this Time Lord, so old, so sad, can keep everything bottled up inside. It's a weight on him, and he just lives it with. It's horrible. So I made him fess up. I don't feel like I got Rory's character very well, unfortunately. Ah, Well. Enjoy!
