A/N: If you are a die-hard Twilight fan, please do not read any further. You will not like what you find.

Creeper stands above
dead deer and Mary Sue
and watches her sleep.

Hundred-year-old jerk
Bella is an idiot
Werewolf's really hot

A sparkling old man
should totally not date a
seventeen-year-old.

Two-year-old girlfriend
Pedophilia is okay?
I really think not.

You think he's sexy?
His nipples are misshapen.
Think again, fangirls.

What is so sexy
about a walking corpse?
That is a zombie.

Really, I'd rather
not date a sparkly dead guy
who watches me sleep.

I want to know this:
Do vampires have to pee?
Where does the blood go?

If I awoke to
Edward standing over me,
I would call the cops.

I would call the cops
if a hundred-year-old man
asked me on a date.

I would move back to
Arizona if I kept
practically dying.

I'd want a puppy
much more than a giant wolf.
That's a naked kid.

Alright, this is what happens when two teenage girls become bored on a plane ride. Review, and you will get cake at the end. (Note: The cake is a lie.)