Two Souls Never Changing

BPOV

"Pleasse" Alice begged me, pouting.

She widened her eyes at me, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Pleasse let me cut it". She fingered a strand of my hair. "Please, please, please, please, pleassse let me cut it!"

"No Alice!" I shouted, slapping her hand away from my face. "There is no freaking way I'm going to let you cut my hair. I've been growing it out for a really long time. You know that. Why would you do this to me?" I crossed my arms angrily across my chest.

Alice gaped at me with an astonished look on her face. "Are you saying that you don't trust me to beatify and redo your obviously outdated and mediocre haircut?" she questioned challengingly.

"Excuse me!" I gasped. "I love my hair! It's beautiful, thank you very much." Alice pouted at me again and ignored my change of topic.

"But Bella, you're leaving tomorrow-" The tense angry mood of the room abruptly changed as Alice suddenly halted, her eyes brimming with tears as she was reminded of our imminent separation. I choked up, tears filling my eyes too. We'd known each other since freshman year of high school, and she was my best friend. Alice knew me better than anyone else on the planet. I couldn't even imagine going to college without her. Just then the pixie herself interrupted my reverie.

"And…and…you need something to remember me by." she finished off quietly.

"Alice, I couldn't forget you for the world. Not to mention you're going to call to check up on me every second of every day." I replied, giving her a quirky half smile. "I couldn't do without you."

"Don't try that sentimental crap with me Isabella Swan. Now sit your cute little butt down and let me work my magic. You know you're going to cave in eventually."

I huffed out, frustrated. She was right as usual.

"Fine Alice." I snapped sitting down. "But so help me God, if you-" She cut me off. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now look down and tilt your head 15 degrees to the left."

I sighed. I never could say no to Alice. Especially, especially now, since I was so close to leaving. But, still…. I exhaled nervously. I couldn't help but be anxious for whatever torture she had planned next. I was very sure that nothing good could come of giving in to Alice's pleas. And I really liked my hair.

Three hours later, I very deeply regretted ever stepping foot into the hair salon to say hello.

"Alice?" I questioned hesitantly. "Just how short are you cutting it.? You know I can't pull off something like what you have."

"Oh shush." she reassured me. "You know you can pull off anything if you've got a mind too. Who was the one who bought that dress last year for the prom? You. And you looked fantastic. You'll love this style. It's perfect." She paused, snipping off the last split end. "There!" she declared. "Now turn around slowly, take it all in, and don't hurt me." I shivered. Alice sounded nervous. She was never nervous. I swiveled in my chair and cautiously opened my eyes to look in the mirror.

"Alice!" I shrieked. "What the hell?!"

"Now just calm down-"

"No way! You cut off like 12 inches!"

Alice put her petite hands on her hips and wagged a finger.

"Now just look here. I only layered it. Don't you love your bangs! They fall right across your eyes. You look gorgeous. It's so much better than your old boring haircut."

She rattled on, and I tuned her out. I lifted my hand to brush my new bangs out of my face. I speculated. It wasn't so bad. I'd get used to it.

Even though I couldn't believe I was even considering this…..maybe it was time I embraced the many new looks Alice gave me. It wasn't just the hair. It wasn't. The hair was okay. I grinned. And it really did give me something to remember her by. I'd get pissed every time I looked in the mirror. My grin became wider as I imagined the non-reaction I would get at college. I might even seem confident with the ultra-short frisk Alice had given me. I shook my head in reverence. She really did give me some variety. She made me do things I wouldn't normally do. She made me ask a guy out to prom. And that one time she took me clubbing at a karaoke bar and had me sing Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. Not entirely up to the dirty dancing standard of music you usually hear at a club.

I shook myself out of the reverie and tried to brave up, and face the thing I was trying to hold off admitting to myself. Well, here goes. Alice was right. I cringed. And the cruel twist was that I actually agreed with her. Not only was this haircut a token of my admiration for her; it was my first step into unknown territory. It was the first step toward flying outside the radar, and really trusting myself to be enough.

I was trying to hit the ground running in college; but I wanted to step up. Outdo my normal. Beat my best record. I wanted to meet Alice halfway sometimes. And I above all, I also wanted to do something for myself.

Of course, an anxious voice interrupted my thoughts.

"So. What do you really think?" Alice, as usual, had snapped me out of my internal dialogue. She was chewing on a fingernail staring at me.

"Oh Alice." I sighed, exasperated. "Of course I like it. How could I not?" She squealed, very loudly I might add, and flung her arms around me for a short tight hug. All I saw was a blur of black hair. I giggled.

"Yayyayyayyayyayyayyay! I knew you would love it! I just knew it!"

She extricated herself and started jumping up and down. I pulled her in for another hug and smiled.

"I'll miss you Alice. And your crazy-bitch makeovers." I teased.

"Girl, those makeovers are soo last year." Alice replied in a flippant voice, rolling her eyes. I giggled again, a little sad. I would miss her so much. She pulled back and looked at me calculatingly.

"Come on." she said. "It's our last night before you're off to a faraway college. I'll call Rose."

I groaned playfully. I knew all about Alice's girl time, it usually materialized for me as some form of torture, while all the while I would be wishing to be up in my room, reading a good book. But tonight, truthfully, I was glad Alice had suggested it. I was eager for one last wild night with my life-long friends, and I needed all of her genuine Aliceness, and the whole group's spontaneity. I'd never thought about it before, but tonight I knew that Alice and Rose needed me as much as I needed them. The thought comforted me and made me despairingly sad at the same time. I wasn't going to see them again for who knew how long.

I grabbed a movie and flipped through the yellow pages, all the while trying to find some comfort in going to college. But I couldn't really get away from the fact that it was unnervingly terrifying. Seattle held all kind of expectations for me, heavy with insecurity and hope. All my own expectations. I wanted college to be some kind of different. I'd been wishing for this since junior year, but now that the time had come, I was terrified. I didn't want to leave Alice behind. She'd helped me so much to just figure out who I was over the years and really accept that person. I didn't know if I was ready to be on my own. I didn't want to lose all that Alice and Rose had helped me to gain. Well, I wasn't. I wasn't going to let being on my own make me nervous or insecure. I was going to be strong this fall. I was going to be who I'd always wanted to be. And I wasn't going to let Alice down.

I glanced in the mirror again at a brand new person. I knew that every time I saw her I was going to be astonished. Alice had made me look completely different. So right there and then I decided. I wasn't going to let myself down either.

I was lying on my bed, trying to sleep. It was pitch black and silent, but neither of these things helped me sleep, particularly in light of the fact that my mind was running around in circles. I slowly turned over to my side, running my hand through my recently-shortened hair. I would never get used to that. My pillow felt cool against my cheek and I closed my eyes thinking back over the night.

It turned out Rose couldn't come over. The thought depressed me. Emmet, her boyfriend, had called with a surprise date, and heaven knows she could never say no to him. Those two were soul mates. Three years and the couple was still going strong. Emmet would be proposing soon. I just hoped to be there for the event. Alice stuck around for a while, but I wasn't much fun. I just couldn't believe everything was ending so quickly. I wasn't a big fan of change. I never got accustomed quickly enough.

So now I was lying on my bed feeling pathetic. I sighed. It's not like there was anything I could do about it, and yet I was still irritated. I had finished packing hours ago. Now I just wanted to sleep. Unfortunately that one escape seemed impossible. Tonight, sleep was eternally out of reach. Slipping away with every new thought.

My flight left at 8am tomorrow, and currently at 2 o'clock in the morning, my chances of being on time were slim to none. I would almost certainly fall asleep at around 7 and then miss my alarm. I reached over toward my bedside table and twisted the volume knob all the way up. Maybe that would help.

I didn't feel like getting up, so I just lay there, thinking. Every thought that crawled into my head was an old one; already analyzed and overanalyzed dozen's of times. I grabbed my comforter and pulled it up to my chin, simultaneously trying to imagine anything that would help me sleep. Emmett and Rose. How did they do it? How had they found each other, and everything else? How did they find love? I drifted off to the image of an imaginary stranger. Murky and blurred in the outlines. Smart, sensitive, brave… The perfect stranger. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I was so tired I couldn't even try to exert control over myself right now. I thought more about him, daydreaming really. Beautiful to me, inside and out. Kissing someone like that, loving them, waking up beside them. I dimly wondered if the perfect someone was out there for me somewhere, but by then I was too far gone to contemplate. And finally I drifted into blessed sleep with thoughts of him.

Bright light, cutting through the curtains. I blinked sleepily. Wha? A dim beeping was breaking through my morning haze. Oh shit. I glanced at the alarm clock afraid of what I would see. Shit. 7:15. I knew I would be late, but shit.

I abruptly tried to jump out of bed, and with newfound vertigo and my aptitude for tripping, I abruptly tumbled to the floor. The hard floor. I groaned. This day was just starting out lovely. Picking myself up and mumbling profanities under my breath I practically ran to the bathroom and yanked on my outfit from yesterday. Throwing my hair up in a ponytail, and grabbing a piece of gum from my purse, I was out of my apartment in about 5 seconds flat. That must have been a new record. From that point on through the next few hours, my whole world was a blur. I almost cried when security wouldn't let me through. Thanks to a very helpful guard and some Alice-worthy groveling, I barely made it to my gate in time.

When I finally sank into my velour business class seat I was enormously relieved. That feeling passed relatively quickly replaced by fatigue, and a seemingly chronic nervousness. I couldn't stop tapping. I took a deep breath. Okay Bella, calm down. I put my head in my hands and took another deep breath. Then I took out my laptop. It always calmed me down to write. Even before we took off, after I finished another chapter, I was actually pretty composed and relaxed. I had finally found some peace. I sighed again, closing the lid of my computer. I leaned back in my seat and found myself thinking about Seattle again. What would it be like? Of course I had been there to see the school, but this was different. I guess I wouldn't know until I got there.

Staring out the window again at the clouds and sunlight flashing by, I couldn't believe I was actually on my way there right now. I smiled against the glass, drifting. Not really thinking about anything, just occasionally catching glimpses of the earth, thousands of miles below. I was happy. Seattle. This could be the place for me. I realized I was grinning. Finally. I was sure about this decision. What do you know? It had to happen someday. I felt another grin flash onto my face. A voice came over the loudspeaker. I looked back up.

"Attention all passengers, this is your captain speaking. We'll be circling in for a landing in about 10 minutes. Welcome to Seattle folks."