Introductory A/N: As of now, my current MGLN/Pride & Prejudice cross-over is on indefinite hiatus, due to the sheer intensity of continuously re-reading the novel. As such, I've decided to try my hand at writing a collection of MGLN shorts, ranging from one-shots to crack!fics, as well as snippets that are loosely based on what I will be putting up on my LiveJournal account.
As for pairings, I will be focusing on the lesser (both major and minor) characters, which means I won't be writing much NanoFate, unless the scenario calls for it. If I do write something that pairs Yuuno with either Nanoha, Fate, or the both of them, I will put a warning for Yuuno-haters to not read the chapter so that I can avoid flame wars. Remember, it takes a troll to know a troll.
Anyway, the disclaimer for this chapter - I do not own the MGLN franchise; 7Arcs does. I do not own the Top Gear franchise as well - the BBC does.
It was a nice summer evening at the Dunsfold Aerodome, located in Surrey, England. The venue, which had been converted into a racing track for a particularly well-known motoring television program, never looked as spectacular as it currently was, lending a sense of tranquility to the former air base.
All that would change in a few minutes. Of course, the audience who were attending the filming of this particular episode of BBC's Top Gear had no idea of what the producers of the show had in mind. Some people did point out that something was amiss upon noticing that the cars belonging to the usual presenters, Jeremy "POWER" Clarkson, Richard "Hamster" Hammond, and James "Captain Slow" May, were not present, while others would claim that the trio were planning on making their entrance in a crazy manner involving some sort of hand-made transportation as part of a "How Hard Can It Be" challenge.
It could have been worse. Nay, it was much worse than that.
The audience, consisting mostly of young, attractive British ladies for an unknown reason, became quiet as the lights in the hangar-cum-studio dimmed. A few minutes passed before the hanging television flat screens started playing a montage of video clips featuring exotic supercars, with the famous Allman Brothers song, "Jessica" playing in the background.
"Tonight, on BBC's Top Gear," a female voice suddenly announced, "we get to admire plenty of curves, we get to blow things up, and someone gets groped on national TV!" As this was said, the television screens showed footage of a young woman with naturally blue hair taking a shower, a weapon discharging what appeared to be an ammunition shell, and an attractive redhead getting out of a low-riding sports car, completely unaware of a young Japanese brunette sneaking up behind her. The studio lights came back on again as the theme song ended, prompting three young ladies to step forward from the audience into the spotlight. The leader of the trio, who happened to be the same Japanese woman in the clip with the redhead, had a lecherous grin on her face while her companions, the redhead and a pink-haired woman, stood around with neutral expressions on their faces.
"Hello everyone," the Japanese woman proclaimed without a hint of her birth accent in her voice, "and welcome to a very, very special edition of Top Gear. My name is Hayate Yagami, the lovely redhead is Vita, and the gorgeous pink-haired lady is Signum." The brunette waited several seconds for the polite applause to die down. "In case you were wondering where Jeremy, Richard, and James are, the BBC has decided that in addition to treating exotic cars and exotic locations as the good kind of pornography, it will also be offering, for one episode only, something for you to actually fantasize about."
"Hayate," Vita called out, "do we really have to do this? And did you really have to forcefully age my physical body?"
"There, there, Vita," Hayate walked over to the redhead, "you know that this is part of our community service punishment for starting up that enjoyable mass orgy back in Sagev, right? Besides…" The brunette took the opportunity to gently grope Vita from behind. "While age is not a factor for my favorite pastime, when it comes to doing this on national television, I'd rather do this to someone who looks legal, and not someone who looks younger than ten."
"Mou! Hayate!"
"Last, but not least," Hayate purred, "you don't see me AND the audience complaining, right?"
"Mistre… I mean, Hayate," Signum spoke out, feeling nervous around a group of newly-converted fan-girls, "I would like to make a complaint…"
"Anyway," Hayate interrupted, "we have received one letter complaining about how most people tend to jump to the conclusion that one particular Subaru Nakajima is so blatantly gay to the point where rainbows are considered to be straighter than her. Now, as to why someone would write a letter regarding a Mid-Childan to an earthen media broadcasting corporation, I have absolutely no idea." Seeing Vita and Signum shaking their heads to indicate the shared sentiment, the brunette shrugged. "The letter has also gone on to state that Subaru is definitely not a lesbian, and is just overly affectionate towards her close female friend."
"In case you were wondering," Vita took over, "we do happen to know the writer's identity. I won't be giving you a name, given that you have absolutely no idea who we are talking about, but I can say that she is THE close female friend, and that she is in denial about her own feelings towards Ms Nakajima. Hayate, you should perform the test."
Pulling a photograph of a young blue-haired woman from her cleavage, Hayate walked over to where a group of highly-attractive girls were standing. "Alright, ladies, be honest with me, do you think that the girl in this picture, Subaru Nakajima, has the "LOOK AT ME, I'M A LESBIAN" vibe?"
"I'd say it's pretty obvious," one of the girls muttered with a blush on her face, "isn't it so, luv?"
"Would you make out with her, even if there were no incentives for you to do so?" To say that Hayate was not exactly the most subtle person in the world was an understatement.
The blush was even more obvious on the girl's face. "Oh, not just that – I would totally make sweet, sweet love to her, with Kenny G's 'Songbird' playing in the background."
"Well then," Hayate purred as she placed a hand around the girl's shoulder before leading her away, "I do have plenty to teach you, and it's pretty fortunate that I happen to have Kenny G's 'Songbird' on a cassette tape in my possession."
As the two walked off, Signum cleared her throat. "Right, before we get thrown off the air for completely derailing Top Gear, I would like to get things back on track. In response to the letter, I persuaded the producers of the show to allow us to carry out our own challenge, instead of what was originally written for the actual presenters. We were each given five thousand Sterling Pounds to buy a second-hand car that we feel would best remind us of Subaru Nakajima. We would then put these cars through a series of challenges, and will give the winning car to Ms Nakajima's friend as a way to challenge her denial. This was what transpired."
Vita face-palmed. "I'm not going to ask who gave you the idea for that challenge, which I still think is nonsensical," the redhead muttered before the footage could be shown, "but I am pretty curious as to who you persuaded the producers to allow us to carry it out."
"Well…" Signum had a smug look on her face as the TV screens flickered to life, showing footage of the pink-haired woman using Laevatein, in its Snake Form, to blow up the cars belonging to the producers of the show.
More A/N: The actual version on my LiveJournal account is in a script format. For those of you who are wondering, Hayate is the equivalent of Jeremy Clarkson, teenage!Vita is standing in for Richard Hammond, which means Signum is left with the role of being James May. If I were to actually continue this here, you can figure out who the Stig would be portrayed by.
There are a couple of shout-outs to Satashi and Grand_Phoenix in this one-shot. Brownie points for those who can point them out.
As for what will be coming up next, you can expect some sort of MGLN/Archie cross-over featuring Wendi and Nove attempting to rehabilitate Sette, a crack!short featuring Harry Potter becoming the Master of the Book of Darkness, a short featuring Signum singing her heart out to Shamal, and quite a few others as well. If there's something you would like to see, drop a review. Just don't ask me to write a Yuuno hate!fic or anything that involves killing him off - the requester WILL be humiliated in the most degrading way I can think of in a future short.
Omake:
Hayate: Some say that he is the love-child of an unholy union between Bardiche and Strada, the details of which I don't know and don't ever want to know, and that he was the one responsible for originally corrupting the Tome Of The Night Sky into the Book Of Darkness. All we know is that...
OZ7UP: (hands over a piece of paper to Hayate)
Hayate: (reading the piece of paper) Well, apparently, The Stig is now on a sabbatical so that he can find out his true origins, so it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, the one, the only, The Stig's Mid-Childan Cousin!
