It's not easy to be me

It's not easy to be me

I'm only a man who looks like a bastard. I'm the man who takes the bad guys out of the world. They say for maybe a thousand times that I'm a bastard, but if you stand in my shoes you know why I am. Because it's not easy. I'm the person who has to investigate what they did; see the victims who scarified their lives for them. I'm not the bastard they are. The kill, they murder, they terrorize,… innocent people. At the end I have to listen to those awful stories, sometimes I have to act that I understand them, while I don't understand it.

When I came home from the first case, I thought I was going to die. Die of guilt. Guilt for the people who had died. I wish that I could look into the future and help the people so they could prevent the horror, but experience told me that was impossible. If I helped one person, another person would suffer. The circle of life as they like to call it. After 20 sick cases, you'll get harder and stronger. If you then com home, you don't have any guilt. No, you just eat, in my case work on my boat and go to bed. For those 100 people I save there lives, there will be at least 60 people died for them. At the end I'm not the hero they are, the people who died and survived. Those 60 people draw my attention so I could save those other hundred.

The team I work with now they're to young to understand that fact. They still think they could save the world. Not that I denied that fact, when I start I thought the same. We don't save the world, we save innocent lives and help the world. And we try to make the best of it. That's how we work, that's my opinion. This is my gut telling me that.