A/N: OK so this is my first attempt at fic writing for Downton Abbey. Please be gentle and I hope you like it. I'm a huge Anna/Bates shipper so felt the urge to produce something. However I may write some more chapters but looking at other pairings. Thank You.
As with all fan fic, I do not own the characters, this is written purely as fan fiction and respect all rights to the owners of them.
Afraid
The garden party had gone downhill after his Lordship's announcement. Nobody really felt like eating pretty sandwiches and drinking fine wine when the word "war" had left such an unpleasant taste in everyone's mouths.
Guests had begun to leave, politely thanking Lord and Lady Grantham for their hospitality but it seemed everyone wanted to return to their own homes and ponder, what will happen next?
O'Brien had managed to encourage her Ladyship back inside and Lord Grantham had followed. He took himself into his library and requested to be left alone, to think no doubt.
The servants had begun the task of clearing away the china and tidying the lawn. They worked in silence, nobody wanted to speak, and nobody had anything to say. They were all lost in their own thoughts, wondering, how would this war affect them?
They went about their work until it was time for their own dinner, the world may have stopped for a brief moment but Mrs Patmore's kitchen does not. Mrs Patmore had made a simple meal and though they all sat down, food seemed to get pushed around rather than consumed.
Anna sat in her usual place, next to Mr Bates. They had not spoken since the garden party and Anna feared he was avoiding her. Despite his reassurance that he was not angered by her visit to his Mother, Anna felt that he had pulled away from her.
She looked around the faces sat at the table. Mr Carson was sitting at the head of the table, his heavy set brows knitted together, he clearly wasn't hungry. Anna noticed he hadn't put his fork to his mouth for a good five minutes and he was obviously deep in thought.
Her eyes moved to O'Brien, even she had been silent, usually she was the first to speak and offer up some catty comment but tonight she sat with the same haunted expression she had worn since the loss of Lady Grantham's baby. Her plate was untouched and she sat, staring into the space between Mrs Hughes and Mr Bates.
Mrs Hughes was deep in thought; her hands held her knife and fork but they were yet to touch the food on the plate. Across the table, William was pale, his eyes were cast down and he carefully pushed a potato back and forth across the plate. Anna knew that he would be thinking about going to fight, everyone was going to be thinking that.
For a brief second her stomach twisted as she realised that the same thoughts would be passing through Bates' mind. She glanced at him but out of all the staff his face displayed the least emotion. He caught her glance but did not respond, instead he put down his knife and fork and said,
"I'm afraid that we are not hungry tonight"
The atmosphere seemed to clear slightly, everyone relieved that finally the deafening silence had been broken.
"No, we don't seem to be in the mood" Carson agreed, "Let's clear this away"
Anna and the other maids quickly began to gather the plates together; glad to have something to do that didn't involve them sitting there in silence. When Anna returned she saw that Bates had left, she hadn't heard the bell ring so he couldn't have gone upstairs. Glancing around she saw the back door slightly ajar and slowly she walked towards it.
She crossed the yard; he was leaning against the old barrel, arms folded in front of him, his stick discarded on the floor. He met her eyes as she approached and though he didn't move his eyes twinkled as they often did when he looked at her.
She didn't speak and neither did he, she sat herself on the accompanying barrel and let her eyes follow his gaze to the opposite outbuilding. They sat there, in silence. So much needed to be said, both wanting to speak their heart but both too afraid. Finally Anna worked up the courage,
"This changes everything….war"
Her voice cut through the night, splintering the silence and sending Bates' thoughts scattering. He found that often happened when she spoke to him.
"Yes, it does" He agreed. He felt her eyes fall upon him and he paused before continuing. "War is a terrible thing and we will all have to play our part"
"We?" Anna's voice was quiet; although it was a question she was terrified of the next response.
"The men at least, every man will want to play their part" Bates replied. He saw her eyes drop to the floor and cursed himself inwardly. He always seemed to be hurting her.
"Even you?" As the words left her mouth, Anna knew how ridiculous she sounded. Of course he'd want to do his bit; he was such a man of dignity and honour. Of course he'd want to help…but how?
"Even me" He replied with a soft smile. "You know me too well to question that."
Anna couldn't help but smile as he looked away, staring back at the door of the outbuilding.
"I'm not sure how but I would like to offer my services, I expect his Lordship will want to do the same" It was a more of a musing than a statement. Despite his injury, Bates was sure there must be something he could do.
"Of course" Anna said, she seemed to rally herself slightly. "We should all do our bit to protect our country. I think it very noble"
The silence resumed, there seemed to be a thousand unspoken thoughts and feelings whirling around in the darkness but for now, silence was the loudest voice. They both lost themselves to private thoughts, Anna wasn't sure how long they sat like that but finally she spoke.
"Mr Bates…..I'm afraid"
Afraid of what? The war? Him leaving? Or the fact that she was so head over heels in love with him that she found it hard to breathe when he looked at her? Anna didn't know and she wasn't sure she wanted the answer. Her words lingered between them. They didn't look at each other but slowly, his hand crept towards hers. His fingers moved over hers until they linked, her smaller hand engulfed by his. His thumb softly caressed the soft skin.
"I know" He said simply, squeezing her hand tenderly.
She lifted her eyes from their entwined hand and met his tender gaze. She felt her heart leap as his dark eyes swallowed her up. Surely no man could look at you in that way and not be in love with you? Anna barely dared to hope.
"I don't want you to go….." Her voice trailed off and she dropped her eyes to the floor. Hot tears began to sting and she willed herself not to break down, not here, not tonight.
Bates moved away from the barrel, his hand still holding hers and stood in front of her. His other hand reached out and softly cupped her chin, tilting it upwards towards his face. Their eyes met and slowly Anna stood up. Bates leaned in towards her and she responded by closing her eyes as his mouth captured her lips and softly, tenderly began to explore them.
Anna had imagined this moment many times but nothing, not even the sweetest dream actually came anywhere near to this. His kiss was so full of love and so deep that Anna felt her legs weaken beneath her. He seemed to realise this and his free hand swept around her waist, pulling her into him. She found her hand sliding up onto his chest, losing herself in the moment.
Slowly and reluctantly the kiss ended, Bates was the first to gently pull back and he gave her that soft smile she adored,
"I know you don't" his voice was hoarse with desire; he gently let his hand fall from her waist and looked at her flushed face. She replied with a gentle smile. He was still holding her hand and carefully he lifted it up to his lips, he closed his eyes as he planted a tender kiss on the soft skin. As he lowered her hand he said quietly, "Things will have to change"
Anna nodded, "I know…that's what scares me."
Gently he placed his free hand on the side of her cheek; "Tonight though, there's nothing to fear and nothing to be afraid of."
Before she could answer the distant sound of a door opening scattered through the night. "MR BATES?" William's voice sliced the moment in half, "Are you out here?"
Bates looked at Anna and gave an apologetic smile as his hand fell away from her face, "YES WILLIAM, WHAT IS IT?"
William appeared around the corner, he took in the scene of Anna and Bates stood very close to each other and went red, "Oh…sorry…erm…I…"
"What is it William?" Bates asked again.
The younger man shifted awkwardly, "His Lordship has just rung for you. I think he's ready to undress."
"Thank you, I'll be in directly" Bates replied. William took the hint and set off as fast as was respectably allowed for a second footman.
Bates looked back at Anna and she smiled, "You'd better go"
"Remember what I said, whatever happens, wherever I may have to go, there is nothing for you to be afraid of." Bates said simply. He leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek, pausing he placed another lingering kiss on her lips, "Goodnight Anna."
"Goodnight Mr Bates" Anna replied.
She watched him leave and found herself sitting back down onto the barrel. Her legs still felt weak and her head was spinning. He was right, whatever happened from now on she would still remember that kiss and the way he had held her. Tonight at least, she would go to bed and dream of him kissing her again and again and even if it's only for tonight, Anna would not be afraid.
