This is set after the episode Extreme Risk when B'Elanna attempts to feel some emotion or pain by running dangerous holodeck programs without safety protocols.
Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Gene Rodenberry and I don't own Star Trek or any of its characters.
B'Elanna sighed as she flopped onto her couch after another long shift in Engineering. She wanted nothing more than to lose herself in a battle on the holodeck but her privileges had been revoked after her latest self-harming fun.
Chakotay thought his talk with B'Elanna had helped her and she felt there was no reason for her to correct him. They thought she was happy again and she let them think that. She let everyone think she was normal, short tempered, spunky B'Elanna.
Her stomach growled but she ignored it. She didn't feel like being in the crowded mess hall and she was out of replicator rations for the month. B'Elanna wandered into her bathroom and pulled off her dirty clothes and stepped into the sonic shower. Sometimes she wished she had a real bathtub like the Captain. She didn't think she could stomach Neelix's cooking long enough to save up the replicator rations.
B'Elanna really hated the sonic showers sometimes, they didn't give you anytime to just soak in the hot water and think about how much you hated your entire existence. As she stepped out of the shower B'Elanna heard her door chirp letting her know someone wanted to see her.
"B'Elanna, it's me," shouted a male voice.
"Ugh, Tom," sighed B'Elanna as she wrapped a towel around herself and walked to the door.
It slid open revealing Tom leaning against the doorframe looking like a cocky asshole. Sometimes she really hated him.
"What?" demanded B'Elanna.
"Jeez, I was just wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me," said Tom.
"I already ate," replied B'Elanna sharply.
"Okay, well you're already dressed for the other 'activity' I was going to suggest," he said as he waggled his eyebrows.
B'Elanna snorted. "No thanks, hon, I just want some alone time right now."
"Okay, well if you change your mind, you know where to find me," said Tom before striding off down the hall.
B'Elanna stepped away from the doors allowing them to close and then flopped back on the couch resuming her earlier spot. She really hated Tom sometimes. He was such an immature idiot. She thought of the things that kept them apart in the first place. Eventually her mind fell why Tom would stay away from her. She was short-tempered, had anger issues, she was aggressive and moody.
She stared at her commbadge on the table in front of her. She picked it up and fingered the spikes on the back that held it in place. She pressed her finger into.
She felt warm blood, but no pain. She pulled her finger back and watched the blood run down her finger.
"Why can't I feel," said B'Elanna in anger.
She stalked to a stand with drawers and dug through it until she found what she was looking for: scissors. She opened them pressed one side to her arm. She pushed it down and drug it across her arm. At first there was just a faint red line, then the blood started spilling out. Not enough to kill her. She repeated this action ten more times until she had a nice collection of cuts on her arm.
B'Elanna watched the blood run until it started dripping on her carpet. She rushed back into her bathroom and wiped the blood off with a wet rag. She cursed the Captain for taking the dermal regenerator she had managed to swipe. It looked like she was wearing these 'battle scars.'
B'Elanna held the rag to her arm until it stopped bleeding and then disposed of her bloody mess. It was still early, only just after dinnertime, but B'Elanna decided sleep was better than wallowing in her pitiful existence.
B'Elanna woke up the next morning to the sound of Seven calling her name. She thought about answering but the dull ache in her arm prevented her from moving.
"Lt. Torres, I require your assistance, please respond," said Seven. She was beginning to get agitated at the Lt.'s refusal to answer her. "Computer, please locate Lt. Torres," asked Seven.
"Lt. Torres is in her quarters," replied the computer.
Seven looked at the pad in her hands. She set on her console and strode out the door. A few minutes later she was standing outside Lt. Torres' quarters. She tried for a few minutes to get B'Elanna to come to the door but it proved futile. Finally Seven overrode the lock code and walked into B'Elanna's quarters. She scanned quickly for B'Elanna before deciding she was in her bedroom.
She started for the door. Halfway across the room, Seven spotted blood on the carpet. She also noticed the scissors on the counter. She quickly came to the most logical conclusion that B'Elanna had injured herself working on a project.
She knocked on B'Elanna's bedroom door. There was no answer. She opened the door to reveal B'Elanna curled up in a ball under a heavy blanket. Seven noticed even though the room was warm B'Elanna was shivering.
Seven called her name several times to no avail. She finally grabbed B'Elanna's shoulder and shook her. B'Elanna's eyes shot open and she grabbed Seven's arm. She twisted her and flung her on the bed. B'Elanna stared into Seven's blue eyes wide in shock.
"What in the hell are you doing in my quarters," shouted B'Elanna looking down at the ex-Borg woman now sprawled across her bed.
"I required your assistance and you wouldn't answer my hails," stated Seven matter-of-factly as she sat up.
B'Elanna sighed and noticed Seven was looking slightly lower than B'Elanna's face. Suddenly B'Elanna was very, very aware that she was naked. She pulled her sheets up quickly.
"Sorry, I'll get dressed, you can wait in the living room," said B'Elanna slightly embarrassed.
Seven watched B'Elanna's cheeks redden and felt her own grow hot. She nodded and slid off B'Elanna's bed. She looked back at B'Elanna retreating into the bathroom and looked quickly away. She walked into B'Elanna's living room as she had instructed.
Seven glanced around as the heat left her cheeks. She didn't know why the Lt. had her so flustered. She noticed a small collage of photos over a desk. She wasn't used to this strong urge she thought was known as curiosity, but Seven wanted to see who or what the short-tempered Lt. had pictures of. There were some with B'Elanna and Tom, the couple and Harry, B'Elanna with Chakotay and a few other former Maquis. A few of the prettier planets and stellar formations they had seen. There was one in the center with the entire senior staff, Seven included. The collage was devoid of pictures from B'Elanna's life before Voyager.
B'Elanna stepped silently into her living room. She expected Seven's Borg hearing to pick up the opening doors, but apparently she was too engrossed in B'Elanna's collage. She cleared her throat loudly and Seven spun around.
"What did you need my help with?" asked B'Elanna.
"I require your assistance in recalibrating the shields to protect the ship through the nebula we will encounter next week," said Seven.
"Okay, let's go," said B'Elanna.
Seven followed her quietly out of her quarters and to the turbolift. She wondered why B'Elanna hadn't scolded her for intruding in her personal space and looking at her pictures. And just what the Lt. had been doing with the scissors. Seven knew her questions would have to wait.
They arrived in Astrometrics and got to work. Soon it was lunchtime and B'Elanna stomach growled. She hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous day. But something kept her working. Something was telling her that if she could feel hunger, maybe she could feel something else. Even the dull ache in her arm was gone. Unfortunately for B'Elanna, Seven noticed it was lunchtime.
"Lt. is it not time for lunch," asked Seven.
"Yeah, I'm not really hungry, let's just get this finished," said B'Elanna.
"Your stomach seems to think otherwise," said Seven.
B'Elanna laughed and Seven had a slight smirk on her face.
"Did you just make a joke Seven," asked B'Elanna.
"It would appear I did," said Seven.
She smiled at B'Elanna, and for a second B'Elanna could feel something. She didn't know what it was about this Borg ice queen, but she'd figure it out.
"Would you care to join me for lunch Seven?" asked B'Elanna.
"That is acceptable," said Seven.
They strolled out of Astrometrics and back to the turbolift. B'Elanna told the computer to take them to deck 6. They waited in silence and when the doors opened they were met by Tom and Harry.
"Hey guys, you're a little late for lunch," joked Harry.
"Yeah, we were in the middle of a project and lost track of time," said B'Elanna.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second," Tom asked taking B'Elanna's arm. She winced slightly and it didn't go unnoticed by Seven.
B'Elanna glanced at Seven. She was half-listening to Harry.
"Yeah, sure," replied B'Elanna.
She followed Tom away from the turbolift and Harry and Seven. She leaned against the wall and waited for Tom to speak.
"Did you get over your problem last night?" he asked.
"What problem, just because I don't drop my clothes and spread 'em every time I see you means I have a problem now," said B'Elanna defensively.
"Whatever, I don't need this. I try to ask if you're okay and you bite my head off," said Tom angrily.
"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't pick up on the concern through all the bullshit," B'Elanna retorted.
Their conversation grew into a full-blown argument loud enough to bring Harry and Seven down the hall. They caught the end.
"Well if you have such a problem with my attitude, you immature flyboy asshole, then why don't you just stay away!" shouted B'Elanna.
"Maybe I will, this immature flyboy asshole doesn't need your mood swings anymore!" Tom shouted back.
"Fine then, we're through!"
Tom stalked away with Harry close behind. B'Elanna slammed her fists into the wall behind her. Seven could see the tears streaming down her face.
"Lt. do you require assistance," asked Seven, unsure of how to act.
"No, I'm fine, let's just go back to work, I lost my appetite," said B'Elanna.
Seven didn't argue as B'Elanna wiped tears from her eyes. They headed back to the turbolift and Seven hoped Harry and Tom were gone. Luckily they were. The two women went back to Astrometrics and worked the rest of the afternoon silently.
B'Elanna was upset, but she made no mistakes in her calibrations. Seven was impressed. The ex-Borg woman had an inability to concentrate when other things were on her mind. Little did Seven know B'Elanna was concentrating very hard on finishing this so she could get back to her quarters and try to make herself feel.
R&R
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