Rain
A flash. A crack. And the downpour.
She sat. Not daring to move, she simply sat. In the dark, everything else would fade away, she knew that much. In the corner, curled up in the foetal position, life simply disappeared. And it was just her. Just her, curled in the corner of the closet where nothing could hurt her. This was where she was safe. At least from herself.
Every year on this date, it had rained. And every year on this date she had repeated this ritual. This had been her tradition for the past nine years, she was well used to it by now.
A flash of lightning radiating from the outside world infiltrated her solace and aroused her from her vacant state of mind. She braced herself for the blast that was sure to come.
But it didn't come. Instead she became increasingly aware of the steady pour of rain beyond her hiding place. She watched as a single drop slowly made its way down the inside of the wooden door. She looked up at the small hole in the roof of the closet, wondering just how the drop of water had made it inside the house at all. She stared wordlessly at the tiny pool it created when it hit the floor.
When she was 5 she had asked her mother where raindrops had come from and the answer had captivated her.
"When it rains, my darling daughter, it simply means the clouds are crying."
"Why do they cry? Are they sad?"
"Sometimes…But sometimes they are happy. So incredibly happy they just can't hold it in…And so they cry to let their happiness out. And when these happy-tears reach the ground, my baby, they spread joy and love wherever they hit…"
From then on, whenever it rained, she would stare intently at the sky trying to decide whether the clouds were crying from sadness or joy. There was no doubt this time. She could almost feel the pain oozing from the droplet. Or perhaps it had simply absorbed some of the anguish leaking from her own heart. She was desperately fighting back stinging tears when it came.
The crack.
---
The crack of thunder startled her. She lifted her head and stared out the window. The rain streaming down the panes was beautiful to her; rain in itself captivated her so often. She quickly lost interest however, and returned her attention to the picture she was so intently colouring. It was an image she had drawn often, but it seemed to never lose its appeal to her.
A family. A father, a mother, a daughter. All smiling. All happy. All loving.
The door to her bedroom opened slightly. She looked up, but saw no one.
"Mommy?" she called hopefully. A brief period of silence met her. But then a soft voice spoke and shattered her thoughts.
"Sydney? Could you come out here please?"
The young girl sighed impatiently at the unfamiliar voice.
"I'm busy! I'll come out when Mommy gets home."
"Sydney." The voice took on a firmer tone; "Your father needs to talk to you now."
The girl sighed again, but complied with the request. She stood; shaking crayons of assorted colours out of her lap, and walked slowly out the door. A woman her mother's age was waiting for her. Her black suit and somber expression troubled Sydney a little bit, but the 6 year old ignored it. The woman watched the girl skipping down the hallway and her heart began to break. This innocent child had no idea what she was in for.
When Sydney reached the living room, she was surprised to see not only her father, but also 5 other men and women sporting the same suits and expressions as the lady who summoned her. She froze for a moment, unsure of what to do next. She didn't know what was going on and it frightened her. Her father sat across the room in an upright position staring blankly across the room. Sydney slowly walked across the room and crawled into his lap. She waited for his limp arms to close around her tiny frame before speaking.
"Daddy? What's going on? When will Mommy be home?" she asked expectantly.
Her father didn't respond. Instead one of the men stationed around the room came closer and knelt down beside her. He then began to speak. Sydney recognised the words, but failed to comprehend their meaning. She simply stared at the strange man for a moment before turning to face her father and repeating her query.
"When will Mommy be home?"
There was a collective stifling of breath from the 'intruders'. None of them seemed to know what to do next. Finally, the lady that had retrieved Sydney reluctantly stepped forward and repeated the words of the man before her, but in a much softer tone. The child's confused appearance expressed her remaining bewilderment. She still didn't understand. The elder female sighed sadly and looked at the girl's father hopefully.
"Jack…"she began before resuming her place on the outskirts of the room. For the first time since his daughter entered the room, the elder Bristow spoke.
"Sydney…" Jack uncharacteristically trailed off. The girl looked up at her father and saw something that scared her more than anything she had ever witnessed. A single tear, rolling down her father's cheek. She had never before seen him cry, and this rare sight convinced her something was terribly amiss. She began to tremble before he even began to speak.
His soft words pierced her heart and mind, scorching an aching wound in her very soul. It was only then, when her own kin had spoken the harsh words that she finally understood. She finally grasped the awful concept, comprehension finally set in. She felt as if her world was crashing down around her. She found it increasingly harder to breathe, to think, to be.
And so she ran.
She leapt off the motionless lap of her father and ran down the hallway as fast as her short legs could take her. It seemed an eternity passed before she reached her parents' bedroom. She scurried inside and slammed the door. Looking breathlessly around the room, she searched for a hiding place. Her eyes rested on one thing.
The closet.
Her mother's closet had always been a forbidden item. Sydney was never allowed anywhere near it. She had been immensely curious of what this oh-so-magical item could possibly contain; but her fear of being caught always prevented her form looking inside. How many times had she outstretched her trembling hand to touch the oaken door? But now she slowly crept towards it, no longer scared of punishment.
She drew the door open to its fullness and stared into the darkness, gathering her courage before she took the plunge and stepped in. Closing the door, the last remaining shred of light was snuffed out.
And in came the darkness, the quiet, the depth of pure nothingness. Sydney collapsed to ground, hugging her knees to her chest. In the dark, she could hear her heart beating at a thoroughly abnormal rate and feel her pulse racing throughout her body. She frantically fought back the hot; stinging tears welling up in her eyes.
But eventually, finally, at last she gave in. She let out the tears, allowing them to flow freely down her red cheeks. They were painful tears, filled with anguish and grief. But once she began, she just couldn't stop.
She sat there, crouched in the corner of the closet, crying her little 6-yr old heart out for hours. And then, as abruptly as she began, she stopped. She could cry no longer, she was simply exhausted. Still curled up in the closet, she fell asleep.
And as she slept, she dreamed.
--
She dreamt of her mother, of her smiling face, her loving eyes, her tender arms in an affectionate hug. But most of all… her soothing words.
"My baby…" she breathed, "Í love you so much…"
Sydney began to whimper.
"Don't cry, my dove…"
She leant down and grasped her daughter firmly by the shoulders. Smiling, she laid a single kiss on her forehead.And the she disappeared, like wisps of smoke fading in the breeze.
--
When Sydney awoke, she was no longer in the dark closet. Rather, she was in her bed. She slowly arose, pulling her thin pyjamas close to her body. She gazed out the window unseeingly, soft rain was still falling. She crept down the hallway until she reached her parent's room. She opened the door slightly and peered inside. She was just about to close the door softly and tiptoe back to her cold bed when she heard the whisper.
"Sydney?"
Her father. Sydney's as-low-as-it-could-go heart lifted slightly as she crept inside the room. Crawling into the bed, she nestled up against her father's warm body and let him wrap her in his arms. He hushed her gently and kissed her cheek tenderly.
With a miniscule smile on her grieving face, Sydney and Jack both fell asleep simultaneously.
They could grieve tomorrow. Now was the time for rest.
