"Love is such a priceless treasure that you can buy the whole world with it, and redeem not only your own but other people's sins. Go, and do not be afraid."
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
"Wake up."
The voice cuts through Kylo Ren's brain, slashing and burning like the slice across his face, throbbing like wound to his side. Grimacing, he pries his eyes open, struggles up on his elbows.
"Well," Snoke says, peering down at Kylo with an unreadable expression. "You did it."
Did… It all rushes back. The Starkiller. The girl. The traitor… and Han.
"I must admit, I doubted you had it in you," the Supreme Leader states, reaching out to grab Kylo by his chin, force his face up. The Supreme Leader's hands are cold. Not like his father's, which were warm even in death.
"The time has come to complete your training, now," Snoke purrs. His fingers press against the gash on Kylo's face, and Kylo bites his lips to keep from crying out.
Snoke withdraws. "Lean into your pain, Kylo Ren. Feel it. Feel the humiliation of your failure."
You're a monster!
You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!
The Force?
"Losing to that untrained girl," Snoke sneers, condemnation flowing off him and crushing Kylo.
"The Wookiee's bowcaster—" Kylo starts. He curls his fingers as the injury aches.
"No more excuses. That's the first step towards completing your training." Snoke drifts away.
"By the grace of your training," Kylo promises, pounding the wound. "Next time, I will—do better." He will. He will convince the girl… or kill her.
But he doesn't want to kill her, and he can't let Snoke know that. Not when the Supreme Leader finally believes he's eliminated all sentiment.
You failed at that, too, Kylo realizes, and panic sets in, clambering its way up his insides.
I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain.
As Snoke tells him to get up and Kylo obeys, blood dribbling down his side and feeling pain so tight it feels as if it will break him in half and his brain screaming, he realizes that he's never been in more pain.
Han Solo, why did you have to come?
Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
He hadn't been, though. He'd been avoiding it.
"Take your lightsaber."
Kylo grabs it, his hands shaking. Sweat beads his brow, stinging and searing his face. He ignites it, heart thudding.
Snoke's hand, soggy and decaying, swipes out, knocking Kylo to the ground. He falls, his shoulder slamming onto his lightsaber. Kylo gasps, writhing.
"Next time, you will not let injuries or pain distract you," Snoke intones, stooping and turning the lightsaber off. "General?"
Hux strides into the room, immaculately groomed as always. He wrinkles his nose at the sight of Kylo crumpled on the floor, clutching a new smoldering wound. Kylo cringes as he remembers the General finding him barely conscious in the snow.
"Really, Ren? An untrained scavenger?"
A voice enters Kylo's head as Snoke directs Hux to help Kylo back into his bed.
Rey?
May the Force be with you.
His mother's voice.
Not his mother—Leia Organa, she means nothing to you.
Kylo summons all his strength, pushing himself back to his feet and climbing back onto the bunk without Hux's help. The General snorts.
She means nothing to you. Neither of them do. No one does.
Why is he hearing her, though? Speaking not to him, but to that girl?
Kylo's too exhausted to think about it.
"You're awake! Oh, thank the Maker, he's awake!"
Finn opens his eyes, expecting to find himself back on Starkiller Base. Instead, a golden droid peers over him, millimeters away from his face.
"Droid, do you mind?" Finn croaks out, jerking away.
"My apologies, sir—I only—"
"Buddy!" Poe Dameron sweeps into the room, arms wide.
The Resistance base. D'Qar.
"Rey?" he asks. He killed her, didn't he? Kylo Ren killed her!
"Hey, easy. She's gone to find Luke Skywalker," Poe says, hand on Finn's shoulder. "She said goodbye to you. You'll see her again."
So many images rush through Finn's mind—Ren's face, twisted with malice as he seared Finn's shoulder with his twisted, sparking lightsaber, Han falling, Rey flying into a tree and cracking her head—snow, so much cold, so much blue darkness and red light—"How long was I—"
"Take it easy," Poe commands again. "Don't get so worked up. When you got here, they weren't certain you were gonna make it. But I figured if you were strong enough to break away from the First Order and all their brainwashing, and to survive our little TIE fighter crash in Jakku, you'd be fine." He stops babbling. "You feeling okay?"
Finn flexes his back. "A little sore." He lifts his legs. "And stiff."
"Rey told us what you did. That you took him on."
"Rey—"
"She fought him," Poe says. "She won."
Rey won? Rey? She defeated the First Order's most powerful commander? Pride swells within Finn. Pride, and something else.
"Chewie got you both home. Er, back here. The base," Poe adds. "That's where you are now. If you want to leave, I'm sure—"
Finn shakes his head. "I don't want to leave." Not unless leaving meant meeting up with Rey again, but he knows no one is going to send him to Luke Skywalker.
Rey has the Force. Finn's face cracks in a smile.
A familiar orange and white droid veers into the room, speeding straight for Finn. "BB-8!"
"My droid likes you a lot," Poe remarks. "Good thing you're sticking around."
I'm just trying to get away from the First Order.
Come with me.
Finn shudders as he considers what would have happened if Rey had taken his advice. Poe would be dead. D'Qar, annihilated, along with who knows how many other planets and how many souls. Shame curdles in his stomach as he looks at a beaming Poe.
I'm not a hero.
You took the lightsaber, Finn reminds himself. You rescued Rey.
Well, helped, anyways. Kind of.
BB-8 whirs and whirls around in small circles, as if dancing. Because it's happy Finn's awake?
The only other time someone acted so happy to see him was Rey, on the Starkiller Base, when she'd hugged him.
The door slides open again, and General Organa strides in, her face a mask of tension that eases when she sees Finn sitting up, awake. "Finn."
"General!" Finn feels nothing but respect for the woman, instead of the fear that soaked his voice whenever he spoke of the other general he's served. "General, I'm—so sorry."
If I do, what do you think you'll see?
The face of my son!
General Organa's son killed her husband. Finn's never had a family, but he can't even imagine the kind of sticking, tearing, agony that must cause, the rawness that must leave. And as he watches the woman's face nod, sorrow present, determination even, but neither overriding the kindness, he wonders how such a brave, heroic lady could ever have birthed such a cruel man.
The General takes Finn's hand, clasping in between her own.
"How long is Rey gone for?" Finn ventures.
"She went to train with my brother. It will depend if he wishes to travel back here," the General responds.
"You're going to wait for him to decide that?" Poe asks incredulously.
"Well," the General says with a ghost of a smile. "Maybe not."
"Rey, wake up!"
The skull-like apparition fades from her mind as hands shake her, drawing her out of her slumber. Chewie howls.
"Are you okay?" Luke peers into her eyes, his face mottled with concern.
"Y—yes," she stammers. "Just a… bad dream."
A rather vivid bad dream, though. A creature she's never seen before but feels she knows, somehow, leering over her and saying things, horrible things…
"Do you want to talk about it?" Luke asks.
She shakes her head. "Bad memories." A lie, because what else can she say? Her imagination is acting up?
Luke looks away from her, towards the horizon. Birds swoop and dance across the orange hull of the rising sun. "We might as well start for the day."
She nods. "I'll get ready." Trudging off behind a rock, Rey shakes out her hair, tying it up in three knots. What a horrible monster, she thinks of the creature in her dream.
He is not a monster! another voice, softer than it should be and oh so familiar, snaps.
The Dark Side? Is the Dark Side speaking to her now? Is she going mad?
Shut up! she thinks furiously.
And the voice answers as if it's not just a figment of her imagination: How are you in my head?
Rey gasps, clamping her hands over her ears, but that's not going to work because the damn voice is in her head, in her actual head, and yet it's not her voice and it can't be her imagination. Get out!
I'm not in your head! Kylo Ren snarls back.
Yes you are!
Did you decide you wanted a teacher, after all? He sounds gentle, almost hopeful.
Yes, she snips. I chose the man who saved his father, not the one who murdered his.
A pang hits her, of something sharp, strong, crushing—remorse?
Not her remorse.
That's not possible, she tells herself.
More thoughts, also not hers, flood Rey's mind: Please don't—I'm trying, I'm trying—
And he's gone, as if he was never there, leaving Rey trembling as the sun continues to rise, wondering if she's gone insane.
"What is the matter with you?" Snoke snarls.
"I'm still recovering," Kylo lies. Part of him wants to confide in Snoke, the only one who's truly believed in Kylo, seen his potential from the beginning, encouraged him along his path. But what if he's going insane? He can't bear to lose Snoke's respect.
Weak. You're weak.
His voice, not hers. Kylo still hates it. Hate. That's what he needs.
"Hm." Snoke studies him. Kylo sees the Supreme Leader's hand flinch, and fights the terror that comes with the thought of Snoke trampling through his mind yet again. He's thought they were long past those days.
"It's the girl," he blurts out.
"The girl?"
"Yes. The scavenger. Rey." That's her name.
Snoke paces the room, his footsteps echoing. With each one, Kylo jumps, expecting the Supreme Leader to turn about and rip through his mind. "What of her?"
"Um—" Kylo swallows. If he thinks you're mad, you'll lose everything. Imagine Hux's face… it'll all have been for nothing, everything, because you'll be nothing, you'll have stabbed your father for no reason… "I was just—" Angry thinking about her? No, dammit, anger helps him, it doesn't hinder! Think, you idiot! "Worrying. If she's receiving training, too—"
"Ah, yes." Snoke nods, coming closer, so close Kylo has to crane his neck to look up at him. In person, Snoke is not near as tall as he is in his holograms, but he's no less imposing. "You should know that we have reason to believe the girl has gone to train under your uncle, Luke Skywalker."
Of course, the girl found his uncle before he could. Of course she did. Rey.
"The Dark Side is more powerful, Kylo Ren," Snoke reminds him. "Luke may be a Jedi, but that means the girl will only train in Light. She will be limited. Unlike you."
He nods. You'll be limited in your training, he taunts immediately. Unless you come—
Shut up!
Kylo stops, continuing to stare at his master, draw strength from him because he feels so desperately weak, and letting her voice drift into his head, angry as it sounds, only weakens him further. When she speaks, he sees Han's face, horrified and dying. When she speaks, he feels his nightmares chasing him down in the snowy woods, cold breathing down his back, sees his father falling and feels himself collapsing to his knees, his dreams, what he'd been so certain of—that killing his father would eradicate the Light—collapsing too. When she speaks, he feels like he's being torn apart.
Snoke shakes his head. "Have I ever been wrong, boy?"
Father.
Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.
Yes, Kylo thinks. You told me it would make me stronger.
Did he ever say that? another voice, darker than Rey's, sniggers. Or did you just assume that? Did it come from your own Darkness?
"Enough of this." Snoke throws Kylo's lightsaber onto the ground. "Get General Hux and Captain Phasma. All three of you are to speak with me. Immediately."
"Yes, Supreme Leader." Kylo bows and stalks out, fury bending and knotting within him, fury at his father, at the Supreme Leader, at the girl, and at himself.
