I try to control it. Really, truly, I try but it's like another part of me, wild and lawless. Like anger, burning and intense, I must fight it constantly and still it can take me over in a second. I wish I could hold it back it but nothing I can do stops me feeling like this. When I cool down I regret everything I might have done, everything I said but I can not make it right, and I know it is but a matter of time before it happens again.
My jealousy drives me insane. Awkward, nobody knows what to say when I wish, as I do so much. Maybe I do not want these things. That does not matter. I do not have them, therefore I crave them.
I hurt people for the things they have. They may be a stranger or my best friend, to a part of me it does not matter. The pain in their eyes when I lash out at them, I feel it too, but nobody knows. To them I may be intentionally cruel.
Aren't they wonderful, those people who I should be more like. Aren't they great, people think. So funny, so clever, they say. Perhaps one day someone will say that about me. Perhaps one day I will not care.
