Chapter One
Joey sat and tried to remain stoic, making her face a mask to hide any emotion. She'd been preparing herself for this moment for months and now that it was here it felt surreal.
Her image of Charlie had been idealised, as it must be when you're in love. It had taken her cheating with Hugo to make Joey realise how false the image had been. Charlie was nothing like the person she'd thought she was. Charlie was supposed to be her protector. She was supposed to be strong, and brave, and indescribably sweet. Charlie had gone above and beyond for her, had been there for her when nobody else had and she'd been free falling.
Joey had been hurt by Charlie before, but that had all arisen from Charlie's confusion and through being misguided. There had been a time when she'd been in the closet too; so she could at least understand some of Charlie's behaviour. All the time when Charlie had been pushing her away she could see that it was hurting her too, and it provided some small comfort to know that it wasn't about not being wanted..
But she had never imagined that Charlie was capable of cheating and lying, of betraying her trust in such an ugly way. There were no words for how much of a fool Charlie had made out of her. There were no words for small it made her feel, how pathetic. Running away had as much to do with taking a part of herself back as it did with getting away from Charlie. She had to keep her dignity somehow, she'd thought bitterly.
So when she'd heard that Charlie had moved on, she hadn't been surprised. She was relieved to hear that it wasn't Hugo she was with, but it still twisted in her like a knife. She'd wanted to believe that maybe she was wrong about this new version of Charlie; maybe it really had been a one-off mistake. That Charlie could move on so quickly was like a slap in the face. She obviously wasn't even sorry enough, let alone had any respect for Joey, to resolve things with her before she moved on to the next guy.
Charlie had told her about her brief relationship with Angelo back then, but it hadn't sounded like any more than a fling. He was just a rebound guy; and a crooked cop to boot when Charlie prized the uniform so highly. It was hard to imagine how Charlie could have forgiven him for what he'd done. It was a story she wanted to hear, just to fit the missing pieces together, but she knew she would never ask.
She had seen the hurt in Charlie's eyes when she'd spoken about Angelo and had thought it all came from the death of her friend Jack. Maybe she'd been lying about that too. Maybe she'd had feelings for him all along, and Joey had always been second best.
It crossed her mind that maybe Charlie was using Angelo as a rebound relationship again, but she quickly dismissed it. It didn't make any sense, not when things had been left so open between the two of them (or at least she had thought). And even if that were true, it didn't say much about Charlie's character.
They sat down across from one another; Joey with her arms crossed defensively, Charlie looking nervous.
Joey could not stand the thought that Charlie might pity her, or see her as some kind of obstacle to her new happiness. A mess for her to clean up before she got on with the real business of her life.
"How have you been?" Charlie's eyes flicked at her and then away.
Joey hated the tone of concern in her voice. "Fine, fine. Did Leah tell you she offered me a job?" The diner had been one of her first stops into town when she'd been testing the waters. Leah had greeted her cheerfully and when she found out she wasn't working and was planning to stay for at least a little while, she'd asked her if she could start immediately.
It was just what she needed. She'd worried about working so closely with Charlie's housemate and knew that it could get awkward, but that was the nature of being in such a small town anyway.
"She did, that's really good news," Charlie said. When Leah had told her about the job offer she'd felt silent judgement from her housemate in a way she'd never felt before. Leah had always thought highly of Joey. Although they weren't close enough for her to ever comment on Charlie's love life, Charlie was pretty sure Leah thought she was an idiot for letting Joey go.
Charlie was playing with her hair, looking everywhere but Joey's face. It gave Joey an opportunity to look at her properly. Charlie's beauty still took her breath away, and she realised she'd always been blinded by it.
"Look, Charlie. I should tell you I already know about Angelo, so you don't have to worry about telling me. You know how this town is, I practically knew before I got off the boat," she said.
"Who told you?" Charlie asked. A part of her was relieved that she already knew. She'd always wondered how on earth she could look Joey in the eye and tell her that she'd moved on so quickly after she'd left town.
Joey noted that her shoulders were drawn up, she looked tense.
"Aden told me. He was worried about butting in but he didn't want me to get a shock," she explained, making it obvious what they both knew. That he'd at least done the right thing, when Charlie couldn't.
Charlie exhaled loudly. "I guess you're wondering how that all happened. It's pretty complicated."
Joey shook her head. She couldn't hear any more excuses, any more justifications. In her experience, "complicated" was usually a word people used when they were the ones doing the complicating in the first place.
"You don't have to explain yourself. We broke up," she said simply.
Charlie tried to take her hand where it lay on the table and she moved it away.
"Joey . . . "Charlie looked close to tears. She pushed her hair behind her ears.
Why are you the one crying, Joey thought, when I'm the one who's been left behind?
"Joey, I don't want you thinking that what we had wasn't important to me, or that I forgot about us when you left. You know that Angelo and I have a history . . . "
"Charlie," Joey said, more harshly than she had intended. "It's really not necessary, this conversation. I wasn't expecting you to be waiting for me when I got back."
Not expecting. Just hoping, no matter how hard I tried not to, like the fool I've always been for you.
Charlie nodded. It was useless to say any more right now. She needed to be forgiven, she felt like throwing herself at Joey's feet, but she knew that she was being selfish. Joey wasn't ready to hear her.
Clearing her throat, she swallowed back her tears. She had not been prepared for how seeing Joey again would make her feel. She'd tried to imagine it, but imperceptibly her emotions had dulled over the months. And they all came back to her now, sharply and in focus – it was overwhelming.
"Can I buy you a coffee?" she asked. It sounded trivial, such an every day question when so much was at stake. Now that Joey was sitting in front of her, the thought of parting with her awful. She wanted to prolong it for as long as she could.
"Thanks, but I've really got to get going. Still settling in, lots to do," Joey pushed back her chair and Charlie stood as well.
"Bye," Joey said, not meeting her eye, and brushing past her with her eyes downcast.
"Bye."
Charlie looked after her. There were so many questions she'd wanted to ask. Would Joey see her again? Where did they go from here? She knew being that being treated like a stranger was exactly what she deserved, but she didn't know how she was going to be able to bear it.
