Claire was woken by the insistent warble of the phone by her bed. Groggily, she reached for the light, and blinked its glare away. The alarm clock read 3:00 am.
"Hello…?"
"Claire? It's Brian."
Claire's mind snapped back the twenty-odd years to her schooldays. For two semesters they had been inseparable, before John's final defiant act had seen him kicked out of school. After that, the remaining four had started to drift slowly apart.
Even after all these years, Claire still heard from Andy – well, heard of him, whenever the national team was in the newspaper. He'd made the state wrestling team, and then gone on to the Olympic trials. Now he was fitness coach of the national squad.
John had, as everyone feared, progressed from moody teen to actual crime, and was in some jail or other somewhere, probably. And Allison was married and lived on a farm in Iowa – not quite the rebel she had been back in the days when 'the Breakfast Club' had been their whole lives.
But Brian? He'd gone off to college soon after school ended, and then just disappeared. She'd not heard his voice since 1988….
"Claire?"
"Brian? Where the fuck have you been? And where are you?" she yelled, her eyes filling with joyous tears, her mind suddenly wide awake.
"Look out the window……" he said with a smile.
Claire leapt to her feet and ran over to the window, throwing the drapes open. There he stood, under the streetlight across from her house. His hair was longer, his clothes a little shabbier, and a tote-bag sat by his feet. But the posture, slightly stooping and endearingly geek-ish, left her in no doubt that this was Brian.
"Oh my god, it is you…"
"So you gonna let me in or what? Don't know if you can tell, but it's cold out here!"
"What? Oh – of course. I'm coming down.".
Claire got to the top of the stairs before she realised that she was wearing nothing but panties. She automatically turned and had reached into the closet for her robe before she thought of how she would have appeared to Brian when she'd opened the drapes…..
She ran downstairs, knotting the belt in haste to get to the door. She could already see his shadow through the glass. Even in her hurry to let him in, she still paused for a second or two by the mirror, making sure she looked… well, right.
As the door opened, she finally got a good look at his face. His eyes were framed with slightly unfashionable spectacles, and these, together with his shoulder-length hair, gave him the look of the intellectual she'd always thought he would become. He was looking straight at her, almost through her, and for an instant there was hesitancy in both of them, broken only when Claire threw her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her, tears suddenly flowing freely.
After a few seconds, Claire realized that she wasn't the only one crying. Brian was shaking, wracked by huge sobs that almost made her his only means of support.
They stood for fully five minutes, letting out all the tension and emotion they had. Only when both had calmed enough to talk did they break.
Once coffee had brewed, Claire sat at the table in the kitchen, looking across at him.
"Do you realise how hard we tried to find you? What happened?" asked Claire.
"I know – I'm sorry about all that. But I needed a little time – there was some stuff I needed to sort. I will tell you – I want to. That's mainly why I'm here. But I need to get it straight, so's you understand. What about you? How's life been for the princess?"
"Oh – OK, I guess. It could have been a lot worse. I finished my training as a legal secretary, and now I work at a small firm in the city. I'm doing alright"
"And is it just you, or is there someone else – sorry. I didn't mean to be so…"
"Hey, Bri – it's me. You don't have to apologize. For anything." Claire saw the smile fickler for a moment on his lips. "I was married once. Didn't work out though. He was… going different places. When it was good, it was OK, but those times weren't the most regular. It was a bit of a mistake all round. So in the end we just cut our losses and called it a day. Thank god there were no kids involved, else we'd both be screwed up now."
"Well, you've done well from it" said Brian, glancing around at the kitchen. "Nice place you've got here."
"Took me a while, but I managed to get the cash together to buy him out. The best thing to come from it all was this house."
"Did you not get this as a settlement?"
"No – I couldn't do that." Claire's head dropped. "Bri – it was Andy…"
"Huh? How come….?"
Claire looked up, and was relieved to see that Brian wasn't showing any judgment on his face. Not even much surprise – only interest and concern.
"Bri, I don't know how much of this you know, so I'll just say it, and hopefully it'll make sense. After you left for college out in California, Allison and I both went on to Northbrook College. Andy got a scholarship to Winterton. So we all stayed pretty much local. John got a job fitting tires down at Old Joe's place on Argyle Street.
"Thing is with John… well he wasn't ever good at taking orders from anyone. I guess none of us were surprised when he got arrested – but we didn't expect that he'd get two years straight off….
"After John got sent down that first time, we all tried to keep going, you know? Ally and I were doing well, living in the same house at college. And Andy never lost interest in her, so he was always around.the place. Then one day she came in all happy and stuff, telling us she'd just met this guy. Andy just upped and walked out.
"Six months later, she was gone – moved out to Iowa, started working for some supplies company out there. A year later they were married. He's a real nice guy, but Andy couldn't see it. He'd always imagined they would end up together, and never really believed her when she told him that he wasn't who she wanted. I think the toughest thing for her was that I was the only one of us who went to the wedding. John was still in jail, Andy refused to go – even returned the invitation – and you… "
Brian shrugged, and sipped his coffee. "In a while, Claire – I promise. Go on…"
"When I got back, there was just the two of us left. We'd talk a little, mostly about nothing at all. But mostly he stayed away, so I was all alone. After being so close, suddenly you were all gone. Then one night a month or so later, I came home to find Andy sat on the front step, with what was left of a bottle of bourbon. He was in no state to go anywhere, so I took him up to my room. He was talking about everything – about how he hated that everyone was gone, how he reckoned he'd fucked up with Ally, how it was all his fault that John hadn't stayed clean, how I must despise him for chasing everyone away. All bullshit, of course, but he couldn't understand. So I just held him until he slept. I lay there, awake all night just holding him, listening to his breathing.
"I know it was stupid, but that was the closest I'd felt to anyone in a long while. So slowly, as the clock ticked the night away, I started thinking about him – as a man, not just as a friend. Anyway, it must have been a couple of hours later, I suddenly realised that he was awake, and looking at me. I looked into his eyes, smiled, and kissed him. That was the start.
"We spent the next three years together. Right after we both graduated, we got married. He got his chance to work with the national coach, and ended up travelling more and more to meets across the country, and even overseas. And the more time we spent apart, the more we realised that we'd kinda fallen into the marriage instead of building it. I learned to be more self-reliant and confident, and Andy eventually learned to let me go."
Brian hadn't said anything through this; he'd simply sat quietly, listening. He finally reacted, reaching his hand out to cover hers.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, Claire. I don't know what I could have done to help you, but I should have been here."
"So where were you, Brian? We tried getting some information from your college, even thought about travelling down there to ask around. But they told me that you'd simply up and quit."
"Yeah – they… that's what I told them. I said I was homesick, and was dropping out to come home."
"Where did you go?"
"At the beginning, I just needed some space, some distance. Jeez, we thought school was tough. You wouldn't believe how easy it was compared to college for me. I was so used to being the bright kid. Well, compared with some of the others, I felt like every class was metal-shop. I just didn't get it. Every lecture, every paper, I was working flat out just to keep above the line. Then this guy offered me help: a few answers here and there, to start with. I knew it was wrong, but at least it gave me a little breathing space. In return, I did a few favors for him – he said he was helping a friend to move home, and had a crate or two that needed dropping off at a house downtown. I didn't think there was anything more to it, so I did it. Turns out he was a dealer.
"By the time I realised, it was too late. If I stopped, or said anything, I was implicating myself. Worse still, he knew some nasty people that would not be happy. So I had no choice…."
"Shit, Bri…. How long was this…"
"'Bout six months. More and more, the staff kept on about the increase in drugs in the town, and every board had a notice about the danger – as if we didn't know. I felt like shit, reading all this and knowing that I was a part of bringing it all in.
"Then one morning I remember being woken by yelling in the corridor. Turns out that Rich, my… contact… had been found dead in the locker-rooms by the gymnasium. Really turned over, from what they said. I went back into my room, closed the door, and vomited. Totally freaked. After a while, I knew I needed to be somewhere else, so I grabbed a bag and some money, got in the car, and just drove – anywhere, as long as it was far away. Sent a letter to school a week later, telling them I was going home, and then kept running."
"Where did you end up?"
"Canada at first. I drove all the way up the west coast, ended up in a little town just north of Vancouver. Sold my car and rented a room. Didn't do anything 'cept drink coffee and read the newspapers for a week. When I finally went out, I ended up getting a job at the local diner, washing up and cleaning tables. Stayed there for about six months in the end.
"As the fear of being either arrested or killed went away, I started to look for other work – anything that paid a little better, and that gave me a little more stability. Ended up doing OK, got myself some money together and moved into a little apartment in a town up in Alberta. It was only a small place, and the longer it went without anyone turning up and asking questions, the better it got. Eventually, it became harder to leave than to stay."
"Did you ever get together with anyone?" Claire interrupted.
"Not really. Well, there were some, but nothing serious, and nothing long-term. I'd made some friends up there, and that was fine for when I needed company. For… anything else, there were… places I could go."
Claire couldn't stop herself.
"Hookers!?"
"Hey – don't be like that. Think back, Claire. I've never been someone who knows how to talk to women. Add to that I've never been the rugged, handsome type. And all that stuff – it didn't exactly boost my confidence at all. So yes, if you like, hookers. Nothing rough, and not very often. But it helped me get through."
"Is that where you've been all this time?"
"Pretty much. Like I said, after being somewhere for a while, it gets harder to leave. Not just because roots get planted, and not just because you become more… responsible, I guess. For me, it was also harder to face up to what I'd been running from. I'd made some really good friends there, and got myself a good job. People liked me. But it was all built on the lies I'd told when I first got there. I'd almost got to believing them myself."
"So why come here now? What made you come?"
"One day, John showed up."
"WHAT??"
"Yup. Threw me a curve as well. He was hitching with this truck-driver who stopped off in town. I'm sat in the diner eating breakfast, and he just walked in the door."
"He's – he's out of jail?"
"Uhuh. I recognized him straight away – he's still wearing that old battered leather coat of his, and acting as tough as possible. When I called his name, he turned to see me and almost had a coronary. Had to sit down, but just kept on saying my name. In the end, I called the office and took the day off. We just sat there talking all damn day."
"How is he? Where is he now?"
"He's staying in my apartment for a while. I can give you the number later if you want it, so you can ask him yourself."
"Shit, Brian…. hang on, that doesn't answer my question. Why did you come find me after all these years?"
"John told me some stuff – about himself, about the five of us – that I never knew. Whether it was because he'd been away for so long I can't say, but I'd never spoken to him and thought he was being completely truthful until that day.
"I knew I had always been the spare peg in the club. Right from day 1, it was you and John, Andy and Allison, and me. Don't get me wrong, that was OK, in fact had either of you girls shown any interest in me, I'd have panicked. But I now had two friends who were girls. Of course I was gonna have a thing for you both."
Claire saw Brian's cheeks begin to flush, and squeezed his hand a little tighter.
"Bri – we both knew. You couldn't hide it. We saw you looking at us both. As we are being honest, we both kinda enjoyed it – maybe not at first, but as we got to know you better, sure. In the end you became a good measure for us – if what we wear made you notice us more, we knew we were on the right track."
"That's what John said. I had no idea that you knew."
Claire chuckled. "Of course I knew – as I remember, there was a pretty good indication sometimes!"
"What? Oh – shit…"
Now Brian's face glowed scarlet, as he recalled the time he'd been caught staring at Claire, and she'd noticed the tent in his pants. He'd managed to stammer some weak excuse, and Claire had never mentioned it again – until tonight.
"Anyway, what are you here for, Brian?" Claire smiled, trying not to make his discomfort worse.
"John turning up made me think of the rest of you for the first time in years – I mean, really think. His appearance shook my whole life up there. We talked, ate, talked some more, remembering stuff from years ago, and filling in a lot of the gaps.
Later that night, when he'd fallen asleep on the couch, I tried to look you guys up online, to see what was going on. I found plenty about Andy, through the sports pages. Not a lot about you or Allison though. But I had an email address for Andy, so I gave it a go. The next afternoon, I got a call from him."
"How's he doing?"
"Seemed OK. We talked for a little while, but he didn't open up so much. When I asked about you, he didn't say too much, but gave me the address and number. He didn't mention all the stuff about you and him. When I mentioned Allison, he clammed up completely. Said he needed to go, but he'd call me back soon."
"Nothing since?"
"Nope. Now you've explained, I'm not that surprised."
"Brian, what about your family? Have you…"
"No – not yet. They knew I was OK – I'd called my mom not long after leaving College, telling her I was going on a trip for a little while. When I wrote to them afterwards, I'd made up a story to let them know I was OK. Every now and then I'd write and keep them informed a little – even went overseas a couple of times, to make them think I'd moved away. I know I have to go over there, but how I'll break the truth to them, I haven't decided yet."
"Brian, you know that if you want me to come over with you, I'll do that."
Brian's shoulders dropped, as he relaxed. Claire hadn't realized just how tense and difficult this must have been for him.
"Thanks – that means so much to me. You know, what amazes me is that however you two got together, Andy ended up throwing you over for his wrestling."
"Why? You know how important that's always been to him."
"Yeah, I get that bit. However, three reasons. One – he knew that Allison was out of the picture, so no matter what he did or said, that wasn't going to happen. Two – I know what being alone is like, so to have someone as kind, as warm, and as successful as you, and risk losing it, just doesn't make sense…"
Claire now felt herself start to blush.
"And three – I will never forget what you looked like up at the window earlier, not for the rest of my life!"
Claire immediately reddened, and only then noticed that Brian's gaze had shifted from her face. Looking down, she realized that her gown was gaping more than it should. She moved to close it, then stopped, and burst out laughing. She'd been reacting just as the Claire of twenty years ago would have, and one thing she was sure of – this wasn't the old Brian sat before her. They had both been through a lot since then, and each had grown stronger and more certain of their character.
Claire reached out, and used her index finger under Brian's chin to lift his eyes to hers.
"Brian, I'll let that one go for now. Let's not talk about – well, US, right now. I'm still getting used to having you here, after so long."
"Claire, I promise that whatever happens, and wherever I go – I'm not disappearing again. I've crossed too many bridges this week to go back now."
And he stood, pulled Claire to her feet, and hugged her to him.
He was home.
