I stared at my brother, he was miserable, he had said it himself. He was lost, my death had affected him, probably more than anyone. He was alone. Me and my brother had been on our own for a very long time. We had each other and that was enough. Even when I had been a selfish bastard and left him, he knew I was still there. He knew that if he ever truly needed me, I would come, because I had promised.
Stefan wasn't sad. He was broken. Last time I had seen him like this had been when mother died. I still felt foolish calling her that. It was the 21st century and I still called my mom mother. It's just something I got used to.
I remembered the night she died like it was yesterday. Maybe because the memory of it all, was constantly on my mind. There wasn't a day where I didn't think about it. Now after 150 years I wonder, if it hurt Stefan as much as it hurt me? I mean when she died I thought no one knew what I was going through, no one loved her as much as I did, the pain I was feeling was unbearable. I still wonder how I got through it, and I guess the answer is Stefan.
I had gone to bed early that night, everything seemed to be getting better. Father wasn't drunk out of his mind that night, mom wasn't as sick anymore, Stefan and her were even supposed to go for a walk the next day, our family seemed to be getting relatively better.
I looked around the room that me and Stefan shared. There was so many rooms in our house, yet me and Stefan didn't mind having to share. I looked towards his sleeping figure, smiling as I saw the way he was positioned. His whole body still remained on the floor, the only thing that he had managed to get to the bed was his tiny little head. He had been playing outside all day, I guess he was tired. I removed the covers from on top of me, and stood up to help him.
"Goodnight Damon" he said quietly as I headed back to bed.
"Goodnight Stef" I said half-awake.
If only I had known that would be the last time I saw my mother. I would have stayed with her all night, I would've been there for her when the pain came, I would've been there to tell her I loved her. But I hadn't and she was gone, and there was nothing I could do about that. That night has been one of my biggest regrets.
"Damon, Damon!" Stefan called as he tried to wake me.
I turned away from him, annoyed "Stefan, please. The sun isn't out yet. What do I always say about that?" I face planted on my pillow, trying to shut him out, but he was persistent.
"You say that if the sun isn't up yet, then neither are you. And I shouldn't change that"
"Okay. So why are you changing that?" I closed my eyes once more hoping I would get at least one more hour of sleep.
"Damon. It's mother" I snapped my eyes wide open. He didn't need to say more.
"What has happened to her?" I asked now concerned. I now noticed how worried Stefan had been.
"Father is sad, he is drinking again, and the doctor won't let me in, he put a sheet over her head. Isn't that dangerous? What's going on Damon?" The fear was all over his face, he was scared. So was I.
"W-what do you mean a sheet over her head?" I asked scared of the answer, unlike Stefan I knew what that meant.
Back then I had been so scared at the thought of losing my mother. I wasn't ready for that, but I don't think anyone ever is. Because after all this time I'm still not ready for it.
I rushed to my mother and father's bedroom. Running as fast as my feet could take me, with Stefan not so far behind. I stopped abruptly as I stood outside their room. My biggest fear was then confirmed. Father was no where to be seen, and the doctors were writing stuff down as they examined the body that lay lonely on the bed.
"You shouldn't be here" The doctor said as he stood up and walked slowly towards us.
"Mother?" I choked out as my eyes filled with tears.
I felt Stefan pull on my shirt wanting to catch my attention. "Why are you so sad? What's wrong with her, Damon? Please tell me" I looked down at his sad green eyes. I blinked back the tears, I wouldn't break, specially not in front of Stefan.
I kneeled down so I was almost his height. "Well, mother was sick. And sometimes when people are very, very sick, they fall into a deep sleep" I said, trying to hide the sadness in my voice, how do you explain a 7 year old that he will never see his mother again?
He looked at me with a confused expression. "So, when will she wake up?"
I looked down sadly. "Never" the tears returned, but I wouldn't let them fall.
Stefan looked up looking straight into my icy blue eyes. "But then how will she hug us, and talk to us?" he said growing sadder and sadder.
Stefan hadn't been able to understand what death was back then. And he shouldn't have learned what it was at such a young age.
People say that sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you want it too, but it isn't sometimes, it's never. I've never heard of a happy ever after, because they're not real. Life isn't meant to be as you wanted to be, life does whatever the hell it wants. And sadly, you can't do anything about it. If you end up as unlucky as me, you have to pay extra years. I had thought I had been playing life for over 150 years, but I was wrong, because even in death life is still playing me.
"She won't" I responded.
"But won't that be… like being dead" Tears slowly started to fall down his cheeks, and as much as I wanted to sit down and cry, I wouldn't.
I picked him up trying to cease his crying. "No, Stefan. It's not the same" I lied. I was giving him false hope and I knew that, but this wasn't just for him, I need this too. I had prepared for this, when mother had been incredibly sick a few months ago, but she had been getting better. She had gotten back to being our mother, she would take us outside, cook for us. I didn't understand.
As soon as Stefan noticed the doctor leaving he freed himself from my arms and ran towards the bed were my mother lay. I chased after him, which I will admit, was the stupidest thing I've ever done because the scene before my eyes has haunted me ever since.
Stefan had pulled the sheet down, and was now silently crying on mother's chest. I froze as I saw my mother's lifeless body. She seemed so calm, her beautiful, long, curly hair was surrounding her, her hands were placed right above her stomach, making her seem peaceful, but I knew that her death couldn't have been peaceful. She must have been in agonizing pain.
I snapped back to reality, and continued to make my way over to Stefan trying to peel him off of her.
"Please Damon, don't take her away from me!" he sobbed. I continued to try to get him off.
My hand accidently made contact with my mother's, and I instantly pulled away. It was cold and pale, I didn't like it.
I finally managed to get Stefan off, I carried him back to our room, not being able to bare the sight of my dead mother.
"Stefan, please stop crying. Mother is okay, she feels no pain now, she's better" I tried to convince him, but how was I supposed to do that, when I didn't even believe that. When you are dead, you're dead, there is no second option, no alternative, your short, probably insignificant life is over and there's nothing to be done.
"You're lying to me again!" he shouted angrily.
I sat him down, trying to calm him. "Listen, no one is truly yours. Not really, you just…get to borrow them for a while. But there's times where that person is needed somewhere else, so they take them away, and give it to someone who needs it more" I remembered, mother had told me the exact same words when her friend died, I had asked her why she was so upset and she explained to me, that she died, but in a nicer way.
I saw Stefan's frown grow and more tears stream down his cheeks. "But I need her more!"
"Apparently not. But don't worry. I am still here" he looked up sadly.
"What if someone needs you more than me?"
I gave him a serious look. "No one will. You're my brother, and I won't leave you, no matter what happens?"
"You promise?" he said as he wiped the tears from his face.
"I promise"
And that's where our story truly began. The Salvatore brothers, with that one promise, that I did my best to keep, though considering where I was at now, my best wasn't enough.
But if I knew one thing, was that I wouldn't break that promise, I won't do that to him, I will get back.
