Disclaimer: SM owns. If I owned Twilight, Jasper would be in every scene in the whole saga, preferably shirtless.
SPECIAL THANKS TO K (Calin_Durus, one half of Alsper) for beta-ing this chapter for me.
AN:
This is my very first fanfiction, so bear with me. It contains mature themes as well as swearing and future lemons, so if you are underage, please don't go any further.
I was inspired to write this story for several reasons. Jasper's character is loosely based on Criminal Mind's Adam. Jackson wonderfully portrayed such a deep, wounded person so well that my heart broke at the end when we lost him. I decided to "revive" him, but make his condition not as extreme. He remains the shy, unsure, non-confrontational person most of the time.
The other story that inspired me to write this is Demons & Sinners by Alsper. My most fave story for all time forever! If you haven't read it yet, go to my profile where there is a link.
Characters:
Alice – 21 year old nurse, RMT and yoga instructor at Rolling Hills Rehabilitation and Wellness Center. The center specializes in helping people with mental disorders and addiction transition into functional lives. They use a more holistic approach in their treatment, using naturopaths, acupuncturists, and massage therapists. The facility includes a full gym, yoga classes, etc.
Jasper – 22 year old patient with a history of mild multiple personality disorder / dis-associative personality disorder, as well as depression. He has been stable for a year now and has been sent to Rolling Hills for rehabilitation and occupational therapy. He is still dealing with his prescription narcotics addiction.
CHAPTER 1
JPOV
"So this is your room." I forced myself to focus on the motherly nurse as she finished up the tour she was giving me of the building and facilities. "I'll leave you here to unpack and get settled in. Dinner is in about an hour."
She closed the door and I looked around myself. It was a small room, but nice and clean. My bags were on the floor. Ignoring that for now, I lay down on the bed. I had a killer migraine. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers against the side of my head, hoping to relieve it a bit. The nurse, Carmen, had given me some painkillers not long ago. I hoped to God it starts to kick in soon.
As the drugs started to work, I thought of my adoptive parents. Man they really shelled out a lot of money for me this time. The perks of being an only child. I really wanted to get better though. I was tired of all the bullshit, tired of the raging storms inside my head God, if you're out there; please make it work this time.
I was 6 years old when my dad died. Mom eventually got married again, to an abusive dickwad who beat her so badly one time she never recovered from it. Fucker was smart though, made it look like an accident, so the cops never found out. With her gone, he turned his anger on to me. I was in and out of hospitals, until eventually child services found out and took me away from him. I was twelve by that time.
Not long after that, Dr. Cullen and his wife adopted me. They were really patient with me, dealing with my mood swings and anger problems. They sent me to doctors and shrinks to help me recover from all the childhood trauma. Unfortunately, I got addicted to whatever they prescribed to me. I suffered from regular migraines, and I blacked out from time to time.
I did OK in school, but mostly I was busy just trying to survive living day to day with my mind in a constant whirlwind of confusion and pain. I tended to hang around the bad kids. I guess I just gravitated towards them. I fooled around with girls, whoever was there at the time. I AM a horny bastard, so high school was just a blur of booze and drugs and pussy.
I've been in and our of rehab centers, to deal with my addiction and mental disorders. But nothing seemed to work. Not to mention some of the people inside those centers were pros at different ways to get drugs. There were a few years where I was mostly in a drug-induced state. Whoever says weed is not addictive is full of shit. These days, most of it is laced with heroin and speed.
With all that crap in my system, and psychiatrists trying various forms of treatment on me, that ranged from hypnosis to mild shock therapy, I finally snapped and hit rock bottom. They say I have mild Multiple Personality Disorder. Or at least, it's mild now. I don't know how bad it was before, I don't remember. I suffered a nervous breakdown around that time, and it was months before I could even leave the house.
Eventually, I became a bit more stable. Not long after, Carlisle found out about this center and decided to send me here. They have naturopaths and therapists, instead of doctors and shrinks. Some of the therapists here are supposed to have rough backgrounds as well, but they've survived and come out of it able to help others.
As long as my therapist is able to really help me, rather than treat me like a science experiment like most shrinks I've had to deal with, I'll try my best to cooperate. I thought, getting up and starting to put my things away.
But the withdrawals are gonna suck ass. I could feel my hands start to shake. FUCK!
For the purpose of not shocking my system and transitioning my mind, they have me on very mild antidepressants right now, which they told me would gradually stop. I grabbed my smokes and lighter from my duffel bag and went downstairs for a smoke before dinner started.
APOV
The sun was shining on my face as I drove to work. I got a nice tan from my four days off. Got to lay in the beach and relax before I commit myself to working for fourteen days straight.
Goodbye outside world for two weeks... oh well who was I kidding? I love my job and I have no life anyway.
Working at the rehab center has its perks. I have a very flexible schedule. Normally it's three days on, four days off. Three days on being fourteen hour days. Those days I lived, ate and breathed in the center. We had staff quarters attached to the main building.
On my days off I lived at the apartment I shared with my best friend Rosalie. Since I'm hardly there anyway, her boyfriend Emmett practically lives there. It's a good thing he mostly stays over when I'm not there. Their nightly moaning rituals just add to my pent up frustration.
Yeah I haven't had any for… um…eight months twenty-one days and counting…
My ex- boyfriend Tyler broke up with me cos of my work schedule. Says he hardly ever sees me. More like he wasn't seeing me as often as he likes to get blown.
If he was any good in bed, I would have worked my schedule around and seen him more.
My sexual experience was very limited. But after hearing Rose scream and wail, I was pretty sure Tyler was doing something lacking.
I stopped by the gate and scanned my employee card for the electric fence to open. Driving through the rehab grounds towards my parking spot, I smiled a little. It's not so bad being here for two weeks straight, this place is so pretty. The Rolling Hills Rehabilitation Facility was a privately-owned center, situated on top on a hill, with nice manicured lawns and a pretty view from the buildings. Due to recent storms and flooding that hit my parent's house, I took on a shitload of overtime to be able to send them some money.
I went in the building into the nurse's office and did my regular starting routine on autopilot. Signed in, sorted through my mail, and checked my inbox. There was a notice about a new patient with mild MPD who just came in yesterday. Jasper Cullen, looks like my boss was assigning me to him. Here at the center, they like to give their patients more one-on-one attention, especially the new ones, to help them feel safer and secure as they adjusted. The email had a rough outline of his treatment and therapy schedule.
I changed into my pink scrubs and walked to the main area to see what my boss wanted me to do today. Yes I'll admit it, I custom ordered different colored scrubs. With my tiny frame, I would drown in the standard ones. The ones I got were custom-sized as well so they didn't hang off my body, rather it fit me nicely.
"Alice, it's time for room four-oh-two to take his meds. Can you bring it up to him? Also tell him group is in thirty minutes in Hall B." Carmen, the head nurse, was a nice mother-figure to me.
"Sure thing, mamasita." I grabbed the cup of pills and bottled water from the fridge and headed up to the fourth floor.
I stopped outside his door and knocked. "Come in." I heard a voice say. I pushed open the door and stepped inside.
OH. FUCK. ME.
I dunno how long I stood there staring at his tortured green eyes. They had dark circles under them, but it didn't take away from the breath-taking beauty of his face. His messy, dark blond hair looked like he'd been running his hands through it. He was wearing a thin white t-shirt that hinted at his taunt and well-defined muscles, and jeans hung low on his hips.
I snapped myself out of my lust-hazed thoughts and gave him a small smile. "Hi, my name is Alice." I held out my hand.
He shyly stepped closer and engulfed my small hand in his. Fire shot up my arm and made my stomach flutter. God Alice pull yourself together!!! You're a nurse and he's a patient. Be more professional!!! I tried my best, but his smell was distracting me. It reminded me of campfire and cedar and freshly cut grass. That and his hand; rough and slightly calloused but with nice slender fingers.
His voice brought me back to his face. "My name is Jasper, nice to meet you." Dammit!! One minute with this guy and my panties are already getting soaked! I was a sucker for southern accents.
He smiled at me and let go of my hand, breaking eye contact and rubbing the back of his neck, looking at the ground. It finally gave me a chance to compose myself. Those eyes are just hypnotizing. The amount of pain and weariness in there. I looked around his room. It was neat and simple. No pictures or personal touches. That could be cos he just got in yesterday. I noticed a guitar case in one corner of the room.
I studied him a bit. I'm not an expert with MPD, but I've had some experience with different patients. Jasper's was supposed to be a mild case. I knew it was usually post-traumatic stress that caused it, and I hoped to find out more. Although Jasper's therapist is the one who will work with him for treatment, as nurses here we are encouraged to get to know our patients a bit more to help them open up and deal with their condition, therefore making it easier on his therapist.
His posture and body language told me he was a bit unsure of himself. He hunched his shoulders forward and started running his fingers through his hair, seeming agitated. I focused on trying to make him relax.
That's right. Concentrate on seeing him as a patient, and how you are going to help him. Not on how much you want those fingers to be running over somewhere else…
Snap out of it!!
I gave myself another mental shake. "I've been assigned to be your nurse for the next few weeks while you get settled in here. It's time for your meds." I gave him the cup and bottled water, and watched as he popped the pills in his mouth and took a gulp of water. I stepped closer to him. "Please open your mouth for me. Sorry it's just procedure."
"'S'alright." He gave me a small half-smile and opened his mouth. I inspected it quickly, making sure he swallowed. Oh good Lord he has a tongue ring!!! My panties were getting more uncomfy, my head spinning, as I smiled at him, pretty sure I looked like a horny idiot.
"You're all set. Group starts in half an hour in Hall B. I'll see you around, OK? Don't hesitate to find me if you need anything." I started backing away, determined to put some space between us while I gathered my thoughts.
"Thanks Alice." His voice was quiet as he fiddled with the water bottle.
"You're welcome." I turned and quickly left the room, hurrying down the hall.
I am in trouble.
JPOV
I was sitting at my desk finishing up writing in my journal. I met my therapist Jim last night, and he wanted me to do this. He was actually a pretty cool guy in his fourties. He's been through some pretty fucked up shit as well, so at least he has some life experience and can empathize with me.
Getting my thoughts and feelings on paper was making me feel tired and weary, and it was almost like I could feel my brain start to slow down. The common misconception about depression is that people who suffer from it feel sad and blue. For me, I feel nothing, it's like there's a void space in my brain and chest. And that scares the shit out of me. I would rather feel fear or sadness, even pain. I chose that over feeling dead inside.
My head was starting to pound again. I got up, planning on going for a smoke, when I heard a soft knock on the door. "Come in." I said hesitantly.
The door opened and I sucked in my breath. Holy Fuck am I dreaming? Did my mind finally snap?
Looking back at me was one of the hottest girls I have ever seen. Long, thick dark brown hair against glowing, tanned skin, smoky blue-gray eyes and pouty lips on a heart shaped face. She was small, around 5 feet, but she had big boobs that strained against her pink scrubs.
I felt my pants tighten as she smiled at me and introduced herself. Her voice! It was the perfect combination of innocent and husky, and the sultry quality of it went straight to my dick.
She's holding her hand out. Stop ogling her and do something idiot!
I shuffled forward and took her tiny hand. Electricity shot up my arm and I got even harder. Her hand was so smooth and soft. I introduced myself. Damn I hate how my accent comes out strong when I'm nervous! I don't know what is it about this girl, but she's making me feel all uneasy and self-conscious, even more so that usual.
I dropped her hand and stared at the ground, hating how I felt so inadequate next to her. I started to fidget with my hair, remembering craving a smoke before she came in the room, and the feeling intensified tenfold.
I heard her say how she was assigned to me for the next few weeks. OK Jasper you can do this. I mentally gave myself a pep talk. If you're gonna be spending time with her, you better get used to being around her.
I went through the motions of taking my meds and letting her check my mouth; all the while willing my body to relax around her. It won't do you any good if she notices your raging hard-on! Then she might report you and you're ass will be in deep shit! It was fucking torture though; the very air around us seemed to be charged with sexual tension. At least where I'm standing.
I hope the pills help relax me a bit before I have to head to group. She told me to find her if I needed anything.
Anything?
Get your mind out of the gutter!!
I thanked her and watched her as she turned around and left the room, my eyes glued to her ass. Cute and firm. Fucking perfect.
Fucking hell! On top on having to deal with withdrawals and emotions, I'm gonna have a hell of a time trying to control my lust-hazed thoughts around this girl!
So whatdy'all think? Reviews are loved. Again, this is my very first fanfiction, so please keep that in mind.
