This is my first attempt at a fanfic. I will forever love Shizuru...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own these lovely characters

--oOo--

The crowded bar was full of strangers, but Natsuki felt oddly at ease among them. She had been at Mai and Reito's bar and grill for a good hour and a half celebrating her friend's engagement to Mikoto. The VIP karaoke lounge in the back was filled with all of her closest friends. All except for Shizuru who was coming late from Kyoto. Everyone in the room had a partner, and were not shy to be all cute and cuddly with each other. Midori was already on her 4th glass of champagne which was less than what she would normally drink, all thanks to Youko. Mikoto and Mai were all over each other. Even Nao was in an unusually great mood and was just starting to sing her third song. The atmosphere among the friends was very happy…maybe just a little too happy. Natsuki was restless and needed a break. She decided to leave the VIP room and sit at the main bar for a while.

She already had 2 glasses of champagne, but Natsuki still could not relax. She was carrying a heavy burden, and was not particularly looking forward to having to unload it. She stared at the bar entrance anxiously. She knew Shizuru could walk in at any moment, and she was nowhere near ready for what she knew she had to do. Her heart pounded so loudly with dread that she didn't notice Mai come up to her with a drink in hand.

"Don't tell me you haven't told her yet." Mai said with a quizzical look handing Natsuki another glass of champagne.

"Tell her what?" Natsuki tried to act cool as she chugged the champagne, but Mai was not going to let her get away with anything.

"Don't play dumb with me, Kuga Natsuki. You haven't talked to Shizuru-san about you and Nao-chan have you?"

"Oh...that" Damn, I just can't hide anything from Mai, thought Natsuki as she accepted defeat.

It was true, afterall, she had spent the last two months avoiding Shizuru, not knowing how to tell her she was now Yuuki Nao's girlfriend. How could she explain it to Shizuru? She had fallen in love with Nao inspite of herself. She wanted so much to reserve this part of her heart for Shizuru—the one who killed and died for her three years ago during the carnival. Instead she found herself indescribably drawn to the sultry redhead. When was it that her interest in Nao changed from simply seeing a whole lot of herself in the girl, to having her heart ache when they were apart? All she seems to want to do now, is to protect her, and share her everything with the younger girl. Somehow, no matter how hard she fought, she just couldn't ignore the fact that with Nao, she felt everything she had ever gone through in her tough life would simply be understood without ever having to explain it.

With Nao, she never had to feel any regret for anything she has or hasn't done in the past. It was a 'come as you are' type of relationship, and each time she was with Nao, she felt her life come full circle. It became all too obvious whom she wanted to be with, and that's how she ended up in this predicament. When she finally exhausted all of her energy and resolve fighting her growing feelings for Nao, she no longer had the energy left to properly find closure with Shizuru.

"That's mean even for you, Natsuki." Mai looked straight at Natsuki as she said this, obviously disappointed in her best friend.

"I will tell her, OK?" Natsuki was stressed out about this issue enough without Mai prompting her, but she knew her friend was right. "I just don't know how to approach her about it. I mean, what am I supposed to say? 'Sorry I couldn't go gay for you, but now I'm in love with Nao'. Yeah. That'll really drive her over the cliff."

"Baka." Mai said still not changing her stern look. "She still should know, so she can finally move on and find someone else too."

"I know..."

"Or… do you want her to move on?"

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" Natsuki raised her voice slightly at what Mai was hinting at.

"I don't know, you tell me. I mean, you and Nao-chan… no offense, but that just came as a shock." Mai paused to consider her next words. "I always thought you were secretly in love with Shizuru-san, then out of the blue you declare love for Nao-chan." Another pause.

"I just find it hard to believe that all those years that you and Shizuru-san were each other's most important person, you didn't have any romantic feelings for her at all. Besides, the way you reacted when her parents sent her to an omiai last year...pSsshh let's just say you could have fooled me." Mai said shaking her head slightly.

"That's different!" Natsuki blushed furiously. "I...knew she didn't want to get married. I was only worried she would be pushed into something she'll regret forever. Shizuru is…like family to me. I'm bound to her somehow, but not in the way you're suggesting" she said almost self reflectively.

"Right...well, whatever. I'll see you back in the VIP lounge, Mikoto must be looking for me already" Mai said half giving up on her stubborn friend. "Promise me you'll tell her?"

"I will!" Sigh.

"Soon...before she finds out from someone else."

Natsuki froze in a moment of realization—aside from telling her close friends about her relationship with Nao, she had been very discreet about the whole thing. Nao, on the other hand, was just the opposite. She practically announced to the whole academy that she has "tamed" the lone wolf. It would be a surprise if none of Shizuru's fangirls have reported back to Shizuru already, not wasting any time to turn their beautiful idol against her.

"Crap! You're so right."

--oOo--

"Hello Natsuki. I haven't seen you in so long." Shizuru greeted Natsuki when she finally arrived at the party 15 minutes later. She looked very beautiful in her simple white dress. As expected, she had a radiant smile and a graceful elegance about her. Anyone would say she seemed very cheerful and relaxed, but Natsuki knew different.

Natsuki has been close to Shizuru long enough to know when Shizuru is smiling from happiness, and when she is smiling to cover up something terrible. Tonight, she is definitely covering something. Natsuki winced at this thought. "So she does know…" There's no avoiding it now.

"Ano...Shizuru. I need to tell you something."

Shizuru continues to smile not saying anything

"You're not going to make this easy at all are you?" Natsuki's heart continued to pound.

"Eto...Remember what you told me the night before you left for university?"

"Hai. I said Natsuki is a cute girl, it's only natural for her to have many admirers besides me."

"Then you also said..." Natsuki can't look at Shizuru now. She was starting to tear up as she was sure she was breaking her best friend's heart.

Shizuru, on the other hand, is still looking directly at Natsuki, eyes unreadable, with a warm but detached smile still on her face "…that if you found someone you loved the way I love you, you should go for it full force."

Silence

Shizuru finally stopped smiling. "Are you sure..." she began.

Natsuki only looked up in confusion. Then she saw Shizuru, her image blurred by her tears that were threatening to fall.

"About Yuuki-san." Shizuru finally said it. Just saying it gave her a sharp pain in her heart, but she didn't show it.

"Shizuru...I..." Natsuki tried to say something but got choked up as her tears began to fall.

"That's what Natsuki came to tell me isn't it? You came to let me down gently to be with Yuuki-san." Shizuru continued.

"I…am so sorry…Shizuru." Natsuki could not believe how hard it was to say anything at this point. Her chest hurt like never before, and she was fighting hard to hold her sobs.

Why was she the one who's all upset about it? Why was she the one crying like an idiot? Why was her heart breaking so? She could not find any answers, all she knew was that she hated doing this to Shizuru—the one person who would turn the whole world inside out just to make her happy.

In between muffled sobs, Natsuki noticed Shizuru was not smiling anymore. She looked dejected, but calm and collected. There was no sign of anger or resentment in Shizuru's demeanor…she was simply defeated. Her eyes betrayed little, but Natsuki knew the deep sorrow behind those crimson eyes. She half expected this from Shizuru, but it still surprised her how calm she was about this. She almost wanted Shizuru to get angry, to yell at her, to slap her even. Yet she knew Shizuru would never do any of those. For all the years she quietly accepted Shizuru's affection for her, she also never gave the other girl the proper right to be mad at her for this. This woman, who has been her soulmate for years…Natsuki berated herself, "Why can't I love you like I should…Shizuru? Why?" She could practically feel her own heart breaking in two for what Shizuru must feel inside. Natsuki was crying uncontrollably now.

Shizuru stared at the ground hiding her eyes from her Natsuki. No matter how much pain she has had to endure waiting for Natsuki to return her one-sided love, this had to be a hundred times worse. She wanted to take Natsuki tightly in her arms, plead with her to reconsider her feelings for Nao. She all but lost her mind, as her whole being was being ripped apart. If only she could forget her place right now, she would profess her love for Natsuki over and over and over again, tell her Natsuki she would never ask for anything more, that she would watch her from a safe distance, as long as she didn't cast her aside completely and love someone else. Yet she did none of those things. She was Shizuru afterall. She would do this for Natsuki, and for Natsuki only. Her last gift to her beloved. She would do the right thing.

"It will be alright, Natsuki." Shizuru said without looking up. "I told you before didn't I? I want Natsuki to find her one true love."

Long pause.

Shizuru finally looked up at Natsuki, her eyes now more desolate than ever, tears already shed and wiped away. She swallowed the painful knot in her throat, then she smiled.

"This time...I just have to give up hope that it could be me."

Shizuru leans over ever so gracefully close to Natsuki's ear causing the younger girl's breath to catch. She lovingly held Natsuki's cheek in her hand for the last time, then she whispered, "I'm letting you go...my Natsuki."