Disclaimer: Don't own CSI, never will. You all know that. Don't own the Goo Goo Dolls, either. Damnit, just realised I don't own anything worth mentioning. Oh well, I'll get on with it.
Spoilers: Umm, Crash and Burn, and spoilers for any episode with Hank the Skank. Most of it's my crazy musings, though.
Setting: Set just after Crash and Burn. For my sake, we're pretending the Scene in Nesting Dolls happen in Season 3.
A/N: Beta'd by FanficAddiction. I love the Goo Goo Dolls and CSI. I love combining them too. Heard the song for about the 23rd time, and a little idea started swirling in what I jokingly call a brain. My plot weaver set to work immediately. Please review. I do appreciate it, and I know all of you love reviews and beg for them. So return the favour. And listen to the song. It's worth your while, seriously.
Dedication: To FanficAddiction, for introducing me to the Goo Goo Dolls, for showing me Sandle CAN be written nicely, writing some of the best songfics I've ever read, and for replying to my emails. This is for you, your favourite mix of Goo and Sandle.
Become
Greg sat in the DNA lab at the end of normal shift, waiting for results to print. He swivelled round on his chair, grinning like a hyper active kid.
Suddenly, he stopped. So did his smile. He could see the locker room from where he was. She sat silently, the lights switched off so she sat in the dark. She found the dark comforting, she once told him. Tears streamed down her face, and he knew the two "men" who did this to her. He considered them.
Grissom: Who never appreciated how much she sacrificed to get him to notice her. He never acknowledged her. It was a wonder she even liked him. He'd driven her to the dark. He was completely emotio-blind. Didn't see that a beautiful, funny, sensitive, beautiful young woman liked him. If he did, well then he was just an asshole.
Hank: Obviously didn't love her, thought Greg didn't know how anyone could not love Sara. She was wonderful, definitely. But he messed her up. He heard from Catherine about how he cheated on her with his fiancé, and didn't have the guts to apologise properly to Sara, who deserved grovelling from him. Another A hole.
There's so much more about you
That you never let them see
You turned away
But not to me.
And I know how they tried to take you
Held you up and meant to break you down
But you can't be.
For so long I tried to reach you
I know I'm almost there
I'm close enough for you to see
Surprisingly, she still loved Grissom. Told him about her family, and Grissom just left her crying in her apartment. She told Greg the next day at work, acting casual but clearly fighting back tears. Greg told Grissom he was purposely hurting Sara and being unfair to her, even when she gave up so much for him. Grissom just looked at him over his glasses, and told him that it didn't concern anyone but Sara, and she was just a bit over-emotional now. And to get back to work. Yeah, Greg thought, to make up for your lack of concern and emotion.
Grissom seemed to try do what was right, to be fair to him. But he always screwed it up, and screwed Sara's head up too. He tried to do what was right, but nothing was right, so he ended up being wrong all the time.
Greg always tried to be there for her, comforting her when she was crying, and swearing behind Grissom's back with her when she was pissed off. He always tried to be close enough, but Sara was pushing everyone away. He always used to make her laugh, but that was becoming increasingly hard.
You've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream.
Let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It just helps you see
Can you see
Yeah, you have become
Yeah you have become
Beautiful.
And even sniffling with tears dripping from the end of her nose, she was beautiful to him. He sighed. He had told her again and again how she was poisoning herself with the men she chose, hinted at himself being and excellent candidate in the way of love interest, but she just laughed. He didn't care.
But Grissom had pushed her into the dark. She wore dark clothes, loved the dark way more than the light, and stopped caring about her hair. It wasn't bouncy and vibrant like when she first came, it was straight and slightly depressing. She wore no makeup, even though she was gorgeous without it.
He wanted to bring her back into the light, even if she wouldn't love him back when she was safe.
And I can't be the stranger
That's been sleeping in your bed
Just turn around
And come to me.
And I feel all the pain inside
And everything you've been denied you feel
Yeah, it's all you feel.
He'd taken her home. He could see hardly a sign of Hank. Only a left behind sock and a pair of running shoes. She smiled weakly through the tears she couldn't stop. He wanted her to cry, selfish though it was, to let all her pain out and stop being so brave.
She felt the rejection from Grissom. He wouldn't talk to her since she shared. She hadn't shared her past with anyone, and he just ignores her once she does. Hank, well, to Hank she had been a mistress, a little distraction from his fiancé. She hadn't even been a person he could talk to. And Greg could feel the hurt emanating from her. He sat her down on the sofa, and hugged her hard. She just sniffled her misery onto his shoulder, her voice muffled and thick with salt pain.
You've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream.
Let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It just helps you see
Can you see
Yeah, you have become
Yeah you have become
Beautiful.
Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become
Beautiful.
Hours of talking, till her voice was hoarse, she sat up. Light was streaming through the window. It seemed symbolic of the fact she was going to leave all the dark greys and black of depression behind.
She smiled at Greg, her proper, happy, gap toothed smile he felt he hadn't seen for years. She thanked him with his eyes.
And he saw in her eyes that she realised Grissom would never be there for her like that. He wouldn't listen to her, leaking sympathy in through her pores. He wouldn't let her cry on his shoulder, curled up next to him like a cat. But Greg would. Greg would do anything for her.
Brush back your hair and look around you
Feeling like the truth has found you here
You're here with me.
Let love become the mirror
With no fear where you're from.
Greg looked at her. Her eyes were red and wet, and there were still tear streaks glistening on her face in the morning light. Her hair was rumpled, and she tucked a strand behind her ears, grinning.
He had cried too, when she told him haltingly about her childhood. He felt the grief and ache that she had carried for to long. He wanted to kill her parents for messing up her childhood like that, and wish all her anguish away. He knew he couldn't, but he still wanted to.
But now, she knew. She wasn't afraid of her past. She had told two people. One seemed not to care. If he did, well, he didn't help her at all, in fact the opposite. The other one, made her feel better, encouraged her, hugged her, cried with her. She knew that she was slowly, slowly throwing all the chains of her past off, and with Greg's help, love, patience, and crazy happiness, she could confront her demons, and maybe even get rid of a few. She also knew that maybe she couldn't do it, or make it worse, but she wanted to now. She couldn't live with her past and present. She could no way get escape it all, but maybe diminish it.
And, in the soft morning light, Greg saw her, and promised her that he would always be close enough no matter how hard she pushed him away. And he knew in his head he couldn't help loving he forever. Yeah, as if he hadn't had a crush on her since she stepped into the crime lab. A crush that developed, intensified, and wouldn't go away.
Greg grinned back at his Sara. Beautiful Sara who without words was suddenly his. She'd become even more beautiful.
Yeah you have become.
Yeah you have become.
Beautiful.
