I should have known there was something wrong from the moment I realized that whenever we were walking down the street outside, cars always slowed down upon noticing him, sometimes even stopping completely. I might have thought it was out of admiration or the shock of seeing someone so famous. Or perhaps even jealousy. He's a well known and wanted bachelor, after all. I bet anyone would want to have a role in his writings and be his inspiration. Even women, who knows. To my luck he's not interested in anyone else. It's comforting to know that I'm all his and he's... well, he's not really mine and mine alone. I think. I don't really know. There's this lack of communication between us that I've kept ignoring, thinking that everything should be obvious to make out when it clearly wasn't. I should have realized.
"Misaki, please", he begged in his usual monotone, trying to remain calm. But I could hear his tears, even through the door separating us from each other. "Open the door. I can explain."
I sobbed out loud, my voice cracking as I made an effort to push him away.
"There's nothing to explain! You lied to my brother! You lied to me! To everyone! I thought you loved me..."
"I do love you", he said, stuttering with desperation. "I- I just..."
"You just what? Thought I would judge you? Thought I would leave you? Well for your information I'm thinking of doing just that and it's not because of what you are. It's because I can't stand your lies."
The door handle turned and I could feel the wood of the door pressing harder against my back, trying to push me away. I hit the back of my head against the surface and let out an angry grumble.
"Get out. Don't come in."
"Misaki. I'm sorry. Could you at least listen to me?"
I gave the door another push in an attempt to keep it closed and whimpered quietly in despair. Despite the door between us I could tell that he was frowning in pain. The frown sent a dagger flying at my hest and the blade sunk right in, making me bite my lip to try and not cry out. Yet the whimper still came out and I gave up, allowing Usagi to enter the room. But I couldn't look at him. Not after his betrayal.
"Then talk", I demanded in a weak voice. "I'll listen. But after that I'm going out."
The shuffling of his clean clothes revealed to me that he was kneeling next to me. I felt his large hand brush against my cheek, a cold touch that made me flinch and shiver. He let out a deep sigh.
"I'm sorry I lied to you. I never meant to hurt you... but this isn't exactly an easy subject to talk about."
I remained silent. He grabbed my chin with his long, slender fingers that reminded me of the legs of a daddy longlegs and tried to turn my face towards him. I resisted, slapping his hand away.
"Can't we just have sex to make up?" he whined. "Like always?"
"Why bother asking when you always force me anyway?"
There was a brief pause. I could sense Usagi's annoyed glares rolling up and down my body as if measuring the risks of what would happen if he took my challenge.
"I was going to tell you eventually. I just wasn't ready yet."
"When would you have been ready? On my death bed? On yours?"
"I don't know! Before... before we get married?"
"More like after. So I couldn't complain at what I married."
"Misaki. Please."
"Fuck off, idiot."
This time the hold on my chin was rougher, giving me little room to resist. I tried to close my eyes not to be forced to look at him, but his voice was stern and authoritative in my ears. I tried to fight it, but it was difficult.
"Look at me."
"No", I resisted, desperately trying to hide my face.
"Look at me, Misaki."
"No!"
"Misaki."
I reluctantly opened my eyes, my gaze lowered on the floor rather than looking up at him. Slowly my eyes moved up his slender body, hesitating before moving to his face.
"I'm still the same person you fell in love with, right?"
My eyes finally looked at what I had assumed was his very triangular face, but I could no longer see those amethyst eyes or the tidy, silver hair. Just a big, yellow triangle with a red lining.
No. He was no longer the man I loved.
I should have seen the signs of him being... well, a traffic sign.
A/N: I cri evrytim.
