Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King, nor any of the characters from the original manga. I do not own Chocolove. Hiroyuki Takei owns him and Shaman King. I own myself and rights to this essay. Don't sue me. I'm just a hopeless fangirl.

Summary: Everyone has to get depressed sometimes. Of all people, why is Chocolove still smiling? Rated mature because Miss Author swears like a sailor.

Chocolove, you are an enigma.

Did you know that? Of course you didn't, you're too busy being happy and trying to spread the winds of laughter around the world. You don't have time to listen to the ranting of one your fan girls. But please, hear me out. I feel that there is something seriously wrong with this situation and it has come to my attention that you don't seem to care. Take two seconds out of your busy day with Team The Ren and give me a chance. Chocolove, please--

What the fuck are you so happy about?

Unlike you, Chocolove, I'm not kidding. You confuse the fuck out of me Chocolove and I have to say, my brain's starting to hurt from trying to comprehend you. How are you still smiling after all this time? How do you manage to stay so peppy in the face of EVERYTHING you've gone through? Do you drink lots of energy drinks? I hear Red Bull gives you wings, but what makes you smile, literally, ALL THE TIME? Maybe it's the skirt. However, I'm pretty sure I've seen you wearing pants underneath (to much disappointment). I love you Chocolove, you know I do. But come ON. Even YOU must get depressed sometimes. I don't WANT to depress you Chocolove, but you've left me no choice. If you're going to be human, you need to be sad sometimes, right?

First of all, your parents are dead. They died when you were only four-years-old. Correction, they were KILLED when you were only four years old. On Christmas. Fucking. Day. They aren't even my parents--- hell, they never really existed in my world in the first place-- and I still feel sad when I think about it. Your parents were murdered by burglars, on Christmas day, when you were four. Doesn't that make you want to frown just a little? Just a LITTLE? No, no; not Chocolove. You must stay chipper and full of energy. More Red Bull for Chocolove because he needs to stay smiling!
Because of this tragic event, you weren't raised by parents, but mostly just people who took you in. No Mum or Dad will come to see you graduate, let alone see you become Shaman King. There is no one to cheer you on, or to give you advice on girls. You are a very lonely child, Chocolove.

So FROWN dammit!

My second point, you've killed people. At the tender age of 12 no less. You were a fucking gansgter-- Christ, you RAN the gang! You were one trigger happy tween and you know it. Don't try to deny it. Sure, you regret it now. You're a good guy now, you won't kill people anymore, but that doesn't change the fact that you did it. Back then, it was nothing to you. You destroyed families by killing their fathers, maybe even their teenage sons. You did horrible things Chocolove and I doubt a simple 'Sorry' will do much for them. What are you going to do when you see those broken families on the street, Chocolove? Will you ignore them? Maybe give a wave, even though they don't know who you are? You can't do anything Chocolove. You stole someone they loved away from them and you can't bring them back. Okay, sure, you could get Faust and Anna on the case but I don't know if Faust likes you that much and Anna will probably make you break your back cleaning the springs before even considering the idea. You can't do anything to make it up to them Chocolove.

My third point, you finally found someone to act as your guide. Old Inedo (also known as Orona I hear) and Mic. These two became your new family. They took you into their hearts and gave you something you will never forget, the beauty of laughter. You're going to be a Shaman, and you're going to compete to be Shaman King! Isn't that great Chocolove? You've stopped killing, you've left your gang and you're turning over a new leaf! You're loved now! Well-- you WERE. For a couple months I think. Maybe less (By the way Chocolove, fan girl moment hear, during that time I saw you take a piss. I just thought you should let Hiroyuki know about that moment. I personally enjoyed it but I figured you should know). It all came to a slamming halt when your gang came back asking where the fuck you'd been and wanting you back. Apparently, it's hard to leave a gang. They give you a choice, go back to your old life-- or kill Inedo. The one person in your life since you were four-years-old, who gave you something to smile about. You refused to go back to your old life-- but you couldn't kill Inedo. Why not Chocolove? Wasn't he like all the others your murdered without flinch? No, he was different. He meant something to you.
Inedo died that day, killed by your old gang. But he told you that avenging him with violence would do nothing. What beautiful words.

My fourth point Chocolove, is that nobody thinks you're funny (I do, but I also want sex from you so I don't count). It has literally come to the point that if you even open your mouth, someone's going to hit you to make you shut up. I know you try Chocolove, but it just doesn't seem to get you anywhere. It's like someone fucked up your funny-bone or something. Even when other people try they look silly or goofy. You just look stupid. You are fighting for a lost cause Chocolove, doesn't that make you doubt yourself? Don't you feel threatened? Aren't you in the least bit afraid that you might FAIL?

My fifth point Chocolove, I recent found out that in the manga you go blind. No no, you DIED, and then came BACK blind. Pardon me. WHAT THE HELL CHOCOLOVE? You're fucking BLIND! You can't see ANYTHING anymore. Doesn't that fucking depress you? What the fuck is wrong with you!

Okay sure, maybe what you do requires you to be cheerful all the time. Looking on the bright side and making a joke of it. Or maybe just looking at the bad things that have happened to you and making a joke out of them. I've seen it done before. If you do the latter, I'm sure you've got a lot of fucking material to work with. But God. Damn it. Chocolove. EVERYONE gets depressed sometimes, even comedians. Why won't YOU?

Alright, maybe you feel lucky to have survived it all. You lived on the streets of New York, have seen death, yet you're still around and because of that, you want to live life to its fullest. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. But Christ Chocolove, if what you're doing is simply suppressing all your anger and sadness with that smile, you're going to end up being one of those guys where the friends are on a News Story giving testimonial about how you always loved life and they have no idea why you would hold up a grocery store with a shot gun.

Chocolove, I'm worried about you. I really am. I don't WANT to depress you, you have to realize that. I just want to help. This just isn't healthy for you. Everyone needs to get depressed sometimes, even you. You go through life practically ignoring the bad stuff. Though, maybe the better question is why I love you despite it all?