Opening the Door
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter – JKR does – or any of the songs here – Evanescence and/or MCR do – but I do own my Oc's and the plot. Enjoy!
Chapter 1 – Weight of the World
"Oof!"
Lily Evans rubbed her head as she fell back onto her butt, after bumping into someone in the busy corridors of Hogwarts.
"Oh, I'm sorry, let me help you…" the girl she had bumped into said politely, helping her up gently. Her voice was quiet and shy-sounding, though Lily heard no emotion other than sorrow and apology in her voice.
Lily brushed herself off and smiled at the girl. She blinked at her.
"…You look like James Potter!" she exclaimed quietly, "Who are you?" she asked. The girl looked at the floor sadly.
"I'm Evangeline Potter, his younger twin sister. Don't worry about it, Lily, I'm easy to forget." She added quickly, seeing the guilty look on Lily's face as the girl came back to her at once.
She shared a dorm with her – Lily really felt she should have remembered someone as nice (if a little quiet, permanently sad and Potter-blooded) as Evangeline.
"I'm so sorry, Evangeline!" Lily replied, ignoring Evangeline's 'it doesn't matter' part.
Evangeline smiled shyly. "No, Lily, it's fine. I'm usually gone
before you get up, and besides," her smiled faded slightly, "you're
so busy – I wish I were like you." She said. She bent down to
pick up her fallen bag, thankfully with its full content still
inside.
Lily opened her mouth to argue against that comment, but
the girl had quickly swept from view.
Feels
like the weight of the world,
Like God in heaven gave me a turn.
Don't
cling to me, I swear I can't fix you.
Still in the dark, can you
fix me?
As she walked along, knowing she would never catch her up now, Lily though over Evangeline.
She had messy black hair that fell about her shoulders in a way similar to James', though thicker and a little longer than his. Her eyes were chocolate-brown: wide and innocent, though shyly hidden by fallen bangs of black. She had a good figure, but failed to show it off – come to think of it, Lily never really saw her going to Common-Room-Parties or balls in the Great Hall.
'So maybe the girl isn't as social as her brother, hey, at least she was better to talk to than him!' Lily thought as she walked into her dorm to grab her trunk, after stuffing the last few items inside it.
They were going home, today.
Next year, Lily would be a seventh year – and oh, how she hoped to be made Head Girl!
Evangeline sighed and gazed out the window, watching as the four regrettably familiar faces came into view outside the train.
She had already gotten them a compartment, just like always. This would be the seventh time she had gotten the compartment for them, just waiting for them to take over it when they finally arrived.
"Oh, hi Evangeline!"
Evangeline looked up to see Lily Evans smiling into the compartment. "Mind if I join you?" she asked kindly.
Evangeline it her lip. This had never happened before.
"Umm, the Marauders are going to be here, so you might want to leave…" Evangeline trailed off sadly as Lily's brow buried into a brow.
"Why? Since when?" she demanded, hands on hips. Evangeline swallowed the lump in her throat.
Freefall, freefall, all through life.
"Since the first train ride here. I offered to get a compartment for us all, and on the seventh train ride I'm still doing that for them." she murmured, watching as James Sirius, Remus and Peter – who was leaving now that his sixth year was over, thank goodness – drew nearer along the hall.
"Look Lily, I really appreciate it, but if James sees you he's going to -!"
"Lily-Flower!"
Evangeline's expression dropped into sorrow and apology again, as James bounded up to Lily, grinning.
"Come to settle in with us, I see." he assumed confidently, trying – and failing – to escort her into the compartment.
Evangeline shook her head sadly and gazed out the window again, as the train began to move.
"OI! EVE! GET OUT THE WAY!"
Evangeline sighed and obediently moved, so that James could swoop round gracefully on his broom – the top model, naturally – and swerve round to grab the quaffle from Sirius.
Remus frowned at James, glancing at Evangeline, who had continued her reading again, though she seemed sad and tired, still.
"Aren't you a bit mean to her?" he asked, knowing what the answer would be, but still wanting to try.
James and Sirius both glanced briefly back at Evangeline - who sighed and turned a page - before answering in unison.
"Nah!" they both replied cheerily.
If
you love me, then let go of me.
I won't be held down by who I
used to be.
She's nothing to me.
"She's used to it, right Eve?!" yelled James, looking down at his younger twin. Evangeline glanced back up at the three boys (Peter was absent at Potter Mansion for the summer, for the same reason he wasn't attending Hogwarts for his last year).
James looked back to Remus and grinned. "See? She's fine, Remus!" he said. "OVER HERE, PADFOOT!" he yelled, racing forwards to grab a non-existent quaffle (the real one still being in Sirius's hands).
Evangeline sighed, sadder than usual, as she trudged into the kitchen. Mrs Potter glanced up at her daughter.
"What's the, matter, Eve-darling?" she asked, through a mouthful of toast and scanning the Daily Prophet.
Evangeline sighed again. "I didn't get Head Girl." She mumbled, slumping next to her mother, glancing at the paper, before sighing again, glaring at the tabletop.
James smirked from where he was sat opposite her.
"That's 'cos Lily got it." He told her calmly. "Lily Evans. She told me when she replied to my letter." He added innocently, upon seeing Evangeline's hurt yet curious frown in his direction.
Sirius grinned at his best friend. "Let me guess, she turned you down?" he teased. James sighed, but Evangeline was oddly uncompassionate when he shook his head 'no'.
Feels
like the weight of the world,
Like all my screaming has gone
unheard.
And oh, I know you don't believe in me.
Safe in
the dark, how can you see?
"Nah, but I can see why she got Head Girl." James replied, watching his sister's face out the corner of his eye. He knew it was mean, but she never showed any emotion – maybe she'd get angry and try and blow him up again. That was always a laugh.
But to James's dismay, Evangeline didn't let herself get angry at all. She got up and left without a word, though she moved quicker than she usually did in mornings.
Remus frowned as he watched her leave hurriedly.
"Was that really necessary?" he asked James sternly, as soon as Mrs Potter got up as well.
James shrugged. "If she'd have stuck around longer I'd would've said yes." He admitted, only slightly put out at the thought that annoying his sister didn't work as well as he hoped it would.
Remus rolled his eyes at him. "Idiot." He muttered, biting into his toast.
Slamming her bedroom door shut behind her, Evangeline flopped onto her bed, burying her head into her pillow, muffling her sobs of dismay.
Why did James have to be such a prick?
Why did Sirius have to help?
Why didn't Remus stop them?
Why was Lily Evans so freaking perfect?
Why wasn't she perfect?
Why was James always better than her?
Why did Dumbledore make Lily Head Girl?
Why couldn't somebody notice her for once?
Why did people always notice James?
Freefall, freefall, all through life.
Why did people call
her creepy?
Why did she cry herself to sleep?
Why did James have to be older?
Why did Mom and Dad have to spoil him?
Why did people ignore her?
Why did they tease her and call her names?
Why didn't they like her?
Why didn't she fit in?
Why did Dumbledore make Lily Head Girl?
Evangeline rolled over to stare blankly at her ceiling.
She wasn't crying over the Head Girl thing: no. She was crying because James always felt the need to rub things like that in her face, even in front of their parents. But it wasn't even that that she was really crying about: no, she cried because he always got away with it.
Evangeline had always heard that the younger siblings got spoiled rotten, got away with everything, and so on, and it was the older sibling that was left with the hard work.
But Evangeline didn't even have that.
People didn't need her in the world: her parents had house elves to the work, and James, Sirius and Remus to care for as children.
Snapping into a firm state of mind, Evangeline sat up and went to her chest of drawers. She took out a false bottom of her underwear draw and took out a small knife, and a small first aid kit.
Rolling up her sleeves, her face emotionless, Evangeline looked down at the scars that were carved up her arms; her wrists deliberately free of any markings. She was very careful not to let anyone catch on to what she did.
Locking the door and pushing her wardrobe in front of it, Evangeline took the knife again and began to press the blade onto her skin. She let out a hiss of pain through clenched teeth, before relaxing slightly as blood welled up in the wound, which was deliberately shallow and controllable.
Taking the first aid kit with her other hand, Evangeline fished out a small bandage and washed her wound in the en-suit bathroom, wincing as it began to sting. She bandaged her arm with an experience that had come with the knife and scars, and went back into her room, relaxed and free once more.
She took a tattered old notebook and began to write to pass the time, waiting for the bleeding to stop, so she could change the bandage and go out of her room again.
This was far from the first time Evangeline had done this, as anyone who had just seen her back then would agree. Either at home or at Hogwarts, Evangeline would cut her arms when she felt the depression and pain was completely unbearable.
This happened often. Too often.
Evangeline didn't like what she did after she did it, but when it came to the choice of whether to cut or not, the answer was always yes. She didn't know how else to deal with it, and since she was pretty much invisible, she figured it wasn't like it mattered or anything.
If
you love me, then let go of me.
I won't be held down by who I
used to be.
Many-a-time Evangeline had wondered why she didn't just slit her wrists or something, and be done with it.
But something was always stopping her, and made her keep the cuts shallow and controlled. She was still afraid of what she was doing to herself, though.
She just wanted someone to share her pain with, she supposed. She didn't want to cut herself, but found no other option. What she really wanted was someone to notice her, instead of looking through her, befriend her, instead of sneering at her, and maybe even love her, instead of pushing her away.
Evangeline smiled down at her notebook, having been writing whilst thinking as well – she did that often.
Glancing down at the bandage again, she decided not to chance it, and waited another fifteen minutes – by which time she had been in her room for about half an hour – before going down.
She headed towards the music room, where she was amazed to see a grand piano.
After a few seconds of brief wondering, she remembered that her parents had conjured it up for the upcoming ball.
Evangeline's heart sank as the ball floated back into her mind.
She never went to the balls. She never fitted in.
James did, Mom did, Dad did, Sirius did, and everyone-but-Evangeline did.
Evangeline saw it more of her duty not to go, rather than her choice. She was so full of misery, pain, and, of course, her invisibility, that there was no point in her attending. She simply told her parents she turned up late for every one, and didn't do anything.
They were disappointed to hear she never did anything, and offered to help her find a dance partner many-a-time, but Evangeline turned them down firmly, telling them she preferred it like that.
Which she did…sort of.
Evangeline smiled absently to herself as she slid onto the piano stool, tucking herself closer towards the piano itself.
She lifted the lid and let her fingers skim over the tops of the keys lightly.
Oh, how she loved to play the piano…
Evangeline locked the doors to the music room, not wanting to be disturbed, and began to compose her song, the lyrics to which she had just written.
Evangeline had composed songs before; enchanting the guitars, drums and so on to play the music she wrote for each piece, smiling as she sang and played the piano she loved, whilst trying to keep a drum set, an electric or acoustic guitar and a bass guitar in time as well.
It was always very, very hard, but when she heard the finished song, Evangeline felt compelled to write more.
It was the one thing James couldn't best her at.
