All recognizable characters and Twilight are the property of Stephanie Meyers.

Warning: Trigger warning: This story will deal with some very difficult and sensitive subject matters. I will try and approach them in a delicate manor. Bella has dissociative Identity Disorder. There will be references concerning drugs, alcohol, self-harm, childhood abuse, sexual, emotional and physical. There will be a polyamory relationship between Bella, OOC / Jasper / Paul. There will also be M/M slash in this story.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy
I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes
It's all I've got to keep myself sane, baby
So I just ride, I just ride
~ Lana Del Rey

Bella POV

Sitting in my back yard on the grass, I dig my fingers into the hard crest of the earth as the grass kisses the palms of my hands. Leaning my head towards the sun, arching my back, I take in a deep breath, letting my bare feet sink into the grass. the Arizona heat blisters against my flesh. I'm trying to take in as much heat as I can, because I lose it all next week. I feel a warm tear roll down my cheek, a gasp parts from my parched lips. There are so many thoughts in my mind, so much pain seeping through my heart and soul. I can sense past memory's stirring in my head, and somehow I am able to block the thoughts. I still feel the echoes of pain from my past haunting my subconscious.

Sitting up I reach for my glass pipe, I pack a bowl of weed, bringing the smooth glass to my lips, I light the herb, inhaling deeply. The relaxing effects calms my nerves. I've been worried about next week I will have to put on the persona of the good girl, the police chief's daughter. I have to be sweet and innocent. I can't let anyone see how broken I truly am.

I am looking forward to seeing my father again. I love the man dearly even though it's been years since I have seen him. I have talked to him over the phone but it's not the same as seeing him. I always Wondered how he could let me go so easily. I wonder if his choices would have been different if he knew what I have been through all of these years. Then I wonder if he is like every other man my mother has lived with, pieces of jack ass shits who have taken advantage of us both. Now my mother has found another douche bag to live with and I refuse to stay and see what happens. Something inside me is driving me away from this place, away from the hell I have endured. It's like something or someone is calling me, hypnotizing me into a new existence.

The world around me begins to fade and blur, darkness over takes me. I feel so lost, I try to claw myself back into my reality, and I wonder how much time I will lose this time. I can hear the thumpa thumpa of music, the vibration of the base shakes through my veins. My body sways to the music, warm masculine hands caress the bare flesh of my arms, there is an unfamiliar heat growing between my thighs. I have no control of my own body. I feel myself moving but I am not the one moving it. I am on the inside looking out. I feel frightened and yet free.

Ian / Bella POV

I feel the handsome specimen behind me grinding his hard cock against my ass. Turning around I grind my hardness against his. The man's head tilts back, moaning in pleasure. Our bodies move together with the beat of the music. I look around the dance club and my cock throbs in anticipation. I feel a smirk cross my lips as I watch all the half-naked men practically fucking on the dance floor. Wrapping my hand around the back of his neck, I pull his head down towards mine and kiss him roughly. The heat of his moist tongue rubs against mine, our hot breaths mingle together as our moans escapes our lips. Pulling back from the kiss, I lean into his ear and in a breathy lust filled voice I tell him; "I'm going to take you into the back room and fuck you with my 9-inch cock." Lust filled eyes look back into mine. I take his hand and lead him in the back room. Forcefully I push him up against a wall. The man laughs lightly then leans in and says, "my names Rodney." I smirk at him, "I don't exchange names." I spin him around, he takes down his pants as I unzip mine, bending him over I align my hard cock against him and enter his sweet hole gently, and then fuck his brains out. His moans filled my ego. When I'm done I zipped up my pants and walked out of the club.

The closer I get to my home I feel dread seeping into my heart and soul. I hate this place and my Junkie lush of a mother. I can't wait to move away from this fucking cunt, she has only caused me pain and strife. Living with her has been pure hell. When I walk in the house I hear my mother and her new boyfriend fucking. Walking past the living room I see them going at it. They don't even fucking care if I see them. I look on the coffee table and see the white powdered lines remaining on a small mirror, fucking figures.

Quickly I rush to my bedroom before the tears well up in my eyes. I slam the door behind me hard, locking it. Walking towards my wooden dresser I lean against it, looking at myself in the mirror, hollow brown eyes stare back at me. I can see my own masculine and feminine features. I take off my beanie cap that's hiding my lush brown hair. I hit the dresser hard with my fist and I can feel the throbbing pain in my hand, my anger and frustration is boiling up inside of me. It's difficult for me to live inside a female body. My beautiful host does not even know I am here, but I sense that her eyes are slowly opening to myself and the others who live inside her. We are all struggling with our past and doing the best we can to heal our broken hearts. Next week our lives are going to change forever and that scares the shit out of me. Taking off my shirt, I unwrap my bound breast. Looking into the mirror I let the tears run down my face freely, as a painful gasp parts my lips. Taking off my jeans I wrap my hand around my dildo, stroking it several times, wishing it was real. Taking the strap on harness off, I feel like a part of me is missing. Standing in front of the mirror I do not even recognizing myself. Slowly I crawl into bed naked, laying my head against my pillow, crying myself to sleep.

Bella's / Ian's dream

The cool breeze kisses my cheeks as the motorcycle hums underneath me. I feel a smile spread across my lips as I hold on tight to the man in front of me, I feel free. His body chills me to the bone and yet I find it so comforting. I nuzzle my face into his neck, he laughs pulling over to the side of the road. Turning off the bike, the man turns around and I am pulled into his honey gold eyes. Gently he cups my cheek with his hand. I see humor dancing in his eyes as he huskily whispers my name before he leans down, and kisses me passionately.

Even in my unconscious state of mind, I know this man will change my life. He has been in my dreams since I was a small child and the dreams have become more vivid over time. I know he'll come into my life when I least expect it, he will be my whole world. I part my lips from his and I take in my surroundings, we are sitting at the side of the road in the forest. Gently he caresses my scarred arms and I feel no judgment from him. I look past him and I look deep into the shadows of the trees. Even though I have the knowledge that this man is my whole world, I feel something or someone is missing. In that moment I hear a wolf howling in agony, there is an ache in my chest I am unable to explain.

Jaspers POV

The full moon shines brightly over the long stretch of road ahead of me as the cool breeze hits my face. My Harley roars underneath me and I love the vibration of my bike. Being on the road like this, speeding without a care in the world, is the only time I truly feel free or have a small glimpse of what it would be like to be human. During these times in my life nothing else exists, just the freedom of the ride. Except for tonight this ride is different. I'm on my way to Phoenix Arizona before I make my way back home to Forks, after being away for three months. I know my family misses me and I them, but it's difficult being a single man living in a home with three mated couples.

I have been staying with Peter and his mate Charlotte the last few months. I would still be there if Peters; I just know shit clock did not go off. I have learned not to question him; he is always right when it comes to just knowing shit. What he told me tonight left me feeling haunted and intrigued. I'll admit only to myself, slightly scared.

Flash back

I'm lying on my bed reading a book when I heard a light knock on the door. Instantly I could feel that Peter's emotions were all over the place he was sad, happy, excited, grieving and very hesitant all at the same time. I closed my book, sat up and called out "Come on in."

When Peter walked through the door his usual smart ass smirk was off his face. I have not seen him look this serious, since the southern wars. I tilted my head in concern and asked, "is everything okay?"

He closed his eyes taking a deep breath, he then looks me directly in the eye. " can we talk?"

"Sure." I scooted over on the bed so he can sit down next to me. " what's up?"

Peter sat down putting his head in his hands, he shook ever so slightly and I heard a dry sob part from his lips. Without any hesitation I wrapped my arm around him and cradled his head to my chest. "Peter what the hell is going on? You're fucking scaring me."

He pulled away from my embrace and looks at me intensely. " trust me when I say, I'm scaring myself as well. This is honestly one of the most difficult things I have ever had to say to you." He pauses for a moment and he looks totally and completely depleted, and then he lets out a sigh of frustration. "It's time for you to go back home."

I feel myself getting slightly angry. " what the fuck Peter?! You just told me two days ago that I am welcome here in your home and in your bed as long as I wish to stay here; and now your fucking kicking me out?! Is it Charlotte, is she mad at us, at our relationship?"

He lets out a snarky laugh and smiled at me wickedly. " stop being a little cunt, and let me fucking explain my shelf. My mates not mad, in fact she is sad about you leaving. She loves having you here and in our bed. We have all been together off and on since the southern wars. So in all honesty everything I am about to tell you is hard to say, because we see you as an extinction of ourselves. Even when you're not here we love you so much, you are our family" He takes another deep breath. "What I am not so gracefully trying to tell you is that your destiny is in Forks. Your mates and the Majors will be crossing your path soon and they are a force to be reckoned with." For the first time tonight I saw a mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

I take in everything he has to say and I think about myself and the major. Even though we are in the same body, I have always felt in many ways we are two very different beings. "They? You mean we have more than one mate?"

I feel the sadness slowly leaving him and the happiness start to take over. "Yes and no, how can I say this without revealing to much? Your mate is all that and a bag of peanuts, all wrapped up in a cute little package. Think of yourself and the major and more."

"What the fuck does that all mean Peter?"

"Your mate is very complicated, and has been through hell and back. Please keep an open mind." As we are talking, Peter tilts his head as if he is seeing something I cannot see. He gently grabs my bicep in surprise, he then giggles. Fucking giggles like a school girl! "Before you go back to Forks do me a favor and head to phoenix, go to a gay nightclub called Boners"

"Boners?! Are you fucking with me?"

He laughs hysterically "I can't make up this shit. Best name for a gay club ever!"

"Why do I need to go there?"

"Your mate will be there having their last night out before moving to Fork"

"My mates a man?" I'm intrigued.

"Yes. No. It's complicated." He looks at me thoughtfully. "Oh and I forget one very important detail"

" What's that?"

Peter got up and moved swiftly to the doorway " your mate is still human." He winks as me and runs as fast as he can, with me tailing right behind him.

My thoughts come back to the present as I pull my Harley over to the side of the road. I have been riding none stop from Peters home in Texas, to the night club Boners. Getting off my Bike, I take off my helmet and reach inside my leather for a joint. One of the good things about living in the State of Washington, Is the weed. They have top grade shit! I put the joint in my mouth, I light it and inhale deeply. I smirk to myself as I feel the smoke ghosting through my body. I lean my head back and exhale. I look around me; the city of phoenix is booming at this time of night. Loud music thumpa thumps from the gay night club across the road from me. Closing my eyes, I take another drag off my joint, taking in the cool desert breeze against my marbled flesh, I exhale. Stepping away from my bike, I feel the mating pull leering me into the club. Putting out my joint I make my way inside. The thumpa thumpa vibrates through my stone cold body. My eyes light up when I see half naked men grinding up against each other. All of their emotions flood into me, everything from lust to numbness and pleasure.

I spot my mate across the room, he's dancing with a very handsome Latino man. The man's back is pressed against my mate's front. My mate caresses the man's arm as he grinds his pelvis against the man's ass. I know I should feel jealous but all I feel is heat, I smirk at how fucken sexy my mate is. I don't even know his name but he is sexy as fuck. He's shorter in structure and very lean. He has a black beany hat on and his shirt is a silver blue the sparkles under the disco lights, which I find very amusing. It reminds me of my flesh on a sunny day. The Latino man grinds his ass against my mate, he leans his head back, moaning when my mate tweaks his nipple. When I move closer It feels like my soul his tethering with his. Without even thinking I follow my instincts and move behind my mate, sandwiching him between the other man and myself. He leans into me, wrapping his arm around the back of my neck. Sensually I caress my hand down his arm. I feel my dead heart clench when I feel the small scars cluttering his arm from cutting. Its then that I smell the faint sent of dried blood. Closing my eyes, I focus my thoughts onto his energy's. I feel his passion, lust and the underlining of pain, clenching at his soul. The whole world fades around us. Without thinking I turn him towards me, ripping him away from the other man.

When his tortured brown eyes meet mine I hear a gasp part from his lips. The pain of his past shadow in his orbs the torment I see in them, match mine. Within the shadows of his eyes I see a warrior. I also see relief and recognition. I let my empathic abilities surround him. I am almost knocked on my feet by everything I feel from him, disbelief, confusion, relief, Love, contentment, fear, happiness, sadness. The emotion that confuses me the most, is his acknowledgment of the mating pull. Humans do not usually feel it, but I can already tell he is not your usual human.

Gently he caresses my face, "How did you find me? I have been seeing you in my dreams, since I was a child." His hand begins to trembles. "You're not real, this can't be, this is too much; I can't." I hear the awe and fear in his voice. "She's coming please keep her safe."

I look at him in confusion. "Who's coming, Keep who safe?"

His body start to convulse in my arms and If I could cry I would. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I hold him in my arms trying to keep him safe from any injury. Suddenly he stops shaking and he pulls away from me in confusion, his face draws a blank and his facial features change. I notice his eye color is a lighter brow. He looks around the room and then hold on to me tight. I am startled by the child like little girl's voice that comes from him. "Where am I? she looks at me with childlike wonder as a huge grin spreads across her face. "Hi! I know you. My brother has seen you in his dreams. "

At first I'm startled and confused and then remember peter telling me to keep an open mind.

"who's your brother?!"

"You are a silly goose aren't you?!" she playfully hits my arm. "He was here a minute ago" She looks around the club like she is trying to find her brother. "His names Ian and I'm peaches, I'm 3 years old and I'm a girl!" She says proudly." She looks at me blinking her eyes rapidly. "Can you help me get home? It's too loud in here, my ears hurt."

I smile down at Peaches "No worries little Darlin I will always keep you safe. Do you remember where you live?"

Peaches nods her head yes, then reaches into her pocket and hands me a paper with her address on it. "Here you go kind prince!"

She takes hold of my hand and starts skipping until we get out of the club; while talking a mile a minute. "Now We need to be very quiet when we get to my home, mommy might be home. I don't like mommy very much"

"Why do you not like her?"

"She's mean and stupid she hurt us. But that's okay, we are going to go live with Daddy tomorrow."

The Puzzle pieces are starting to fit together, my heart breaks for my mate and everything they have gone through. I try to keep a casual conversation when in actuality I'm plotting the demise of her mother. "Do you want to live with your daddy? Is he a better person? Does he know what she has done to hurt you?"

She shrugs her shoulder and shakes her head. "That's a lot of questions, my kind Prince! that's even more questions than I usually ask! No he does not know. Yes, I do want to live with him, and I hope he's a better person. I mean he is the police chief of forks, he has to be better, right?!"

I look at her in shock. "Your Isabella Swan."

Her eyes widen and she shakes her head yes and speak in her little child voice. "Yes, That's my host name! How did you know that?"

I smile down at her. "I know Your father."

"And, and!"

"He is a very good, caring, honest and fair man."

"He Is?!"

Gently I squeeze her hand. "Yes and I know he will be good to you."

"How do you know my daddy? He lives far, far, far away."

"Well here's the thing little Darlin, I live in forks too."

"You do?!"

"Yes."

"Then why are you here?"

"I'm here for you, Ian and everyone else who lives inside of you."

"Oh!" She thinks about that for a while then a huge smile spreads across her lips. "You really are Prince Charming, where is your white horse?!"

Playfully I point to my Harley. "That's my horse."

She lets go of my hand and runs to the bike and really looks it over. "that's not a Horse, it has no legs, you're silly!"

"Miss Peaches, you are a cutie pie aren't you?"

"I really am, I'm the cutest!" then suddenly she gets very serious. "I know you say you are here for us, but There are a lot of us in here. We might not all remember you, so be patient with us okay. I'll always remember you, because I'm the oldest and the youngest, I have been here the longest. But I'm still only three." She holds up three fingers and laughs.

We are standing by my bike when she smiles and places the tip of her finger on my nose, "Boop!" She pulls her hand away, and then places the tip of her finger back on my nose and even louder says,"BOOP!"

I smile at her and lightly place my finger on her nose, "Boop!"

She laughs and claps her hands "I like you, you're fun! Okay I got to go now Ian is coming back, bye, bye buttercup!"

"Bye, bye Peaches."