Hidden
I never understood why they hid me from the world. I never even realized that they hid me until a few months ago. I finally pieced all of it together. I never played outside, never owned a mirror, never had friends, and I never went to school. I was hidden from all things that could potentially bring me hurt or harm. But why?
I had considered two theories: one was the fact that my parents were extremely over protective. Being their only little girl, I could possibly see as to how they would want to shield me from the world, all the seen and unseen. But, I've seen enough movies to know that even the most extreme parents gave their children some freedom. I have never even been outside.
So, needless to say, the "over protection" theory was out. The second was the fact that maybe I was…ugly. I mean, like I said, there were no mirrors or anything that could possibly give off a reflection. We always had plastic utensils and my mother always fixed my hair (even though I went nowhere to see no one). Our T.V. was a special kind of screen that didn't reflect. I wasn't sure what it was called, but remember, at the time, I didn't care.
So, what is it? My parents always told me how beautiful I was, but that's because they were my parents, they were bias. They always told me that it was dangerous out there. That everyday, just stepping outside of our door-outside of the secure comfort of our home-was the possibility of death. This frightened me. So, I never dared to go outside.
But, when I was finally smart enough to ask the question how they were able to go outside and come back in one piece, I received the answer, "because we are older and wiser." And, I accepted this answer. I don't understand. I never did understand much of anything in my life. Maybe it was because I've been sheltered my whole life. I had no windows in my room (only fake ones painted on the wall) and I dreamed of the day that I would see the bright yellow sun and feel its warmth against my skin. Or feel the cool breeze of the night while the moon shined bright.
These things, I feared, I would never see. I cried many nights to put myself to sleep in hopes that maybe I could make up a dream of the outside world. The smell, the sounds, the people, the feeling, the joy and thrill of never knowing what might happen. I always knew what was going to happen from day to day in my life. There were no surprises, no thrill.
I can't believe it's taken me 15 years to realize that I haven't had a life, I've never lived. So then what was the point of living? I saw on T.V. once that this girl said that death was easier than life. I ignored it then, but now I wonder. It's clear that I'm never getting out of here, not without having to sneak out. I've seen it done. And it will be extremely difficult, or, WOULD be extremely difficult, if I could pull it off. I have to get out of here. I have to live, really live.
So tomorrow night, I will try. I will pack some things in a bag, take some money, and go start my new life. But, there's one thing I have to do first. I have to look in a mirror. I have to see what my parents have seen for the past 15 years, I have to find something that reflects.
As my parents went outside to do whatever it is that they do, I snuck into their room. I looked under the bed, and there it was! A mirror! I held my breath and opened my eyes. I gasped. A tear ran down my cheek. I knew they were lying. I didn't look anything like the girls on T.V. In fact, I looked in comparison…quite hideous. I placed the mirror back under the bed and ran to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet. There had to be some cure for this right? I found a bottle and it read: Lithium. I turned to the back of the bottle to see what it did. It said that two were to be taken every 6 to 8 hours and it was used to numb severe pain. I poured four in my hand. I figured if I doubled the meds, I doubled the numbness.
An hour later, I felt nothing. Literally. Nothing. I felt no pain, nothing but the pure pleasure that I couldn't feel anything. I decided that I couldn't wait till tomorrow to escape. I would take all of the lithium with me, along with the money and a bag of necessities.
I crept my way down stairs after I was absolutely sure that my parents were asleep and that I had everything I needed. There was no turning back now. I had to do it. I silently opened the door and shut it ever so gently behind me. I slung my bag over both shoulders and ran as fast as I could. I had left a note to my parents, explaining why I wouldn't be there when they woke up. I memorized everything I had written. The note said:
I know your wondering where I am. I can't tell you because I don't even know where I'm going. I've left because I have to experience life and I felt that if I didn't leave right now, that I never would. You lied to me about being beautiful, and for that, I will resent you forever. I hope I will see you again someday. I still love you.
Love,
Annie
That was it. I taped the note to their desk lamp and kissed them both on the cheek. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I'm going, but I do know that I will no longer be hidden.
