The full moon glows relentlessly, casting its solitary rays through the suffocating air; its claws reaching out and clasping around my throat in a tight grasp. There is no breeze, everything is still, stale, and unmoving. Even if there was a breath of wind, I would not feel it.
The place I reside is dark, secluded, and mine.
There is a legend at this school, one that still travels in rumors throughout the student body. A young girl, long before us, studied at this school. She was pretty, intelligent, nice, and was liked by nearly everyone. However, one day her boyfriend broke out in a rage. The legend says that he lured her out into the woods outside of school, and there he brutally murdered her with a fire axe. Not wanting to be caught, or perhaps it was just that he was insane, he carried her severed body parts, and hid them throughout the school. An arm was found beneath the rotten floorboards of the old gymnasium, her leg was found shoved in the science lab closet on the third floor…
She was everywhere.
They say that she can be seen traveling throughout the school grounds, sometimes wailing, sometimes crying, other times she's a rotting piece of corpse dragging herself around by a single arm. Each version of the legend tells a different story. They were right of course, in the fact that she wandered the school, but she can only travel where her blood had left its mark.
A chime screams throughout the silence of the night, the sound signaling the strokes of midnight with each passing second. It resonates throughout my ears, a painful blast by its closeness. After all, I am hiding in the old clock tower itself. Of course, I had to pull away a few old boards and "Keep Out" signs in order to make my way in, but it was worth it. I liked what I found.
The air was damp yet stale, the aroma of dust and seclusion filling my nostrils. There was hardly any furniture in the attic area of the rundown building, only an old sofa, a table, and a broken mirror, all covered by cloth and dust.
But it had much more than that.
So much more.
I let my lips part in order for the nostalgic words to leave them. "I know you're there, Sakura."
A familiar presence appears in the far corner of the room.
"What a pretty night." she says, her voice echoing through the emptiness of the room like a wind chime. She walks toward the small window beside me, her steps silent, the ruffling of her school uniform inaudible. Leaning on the windowsill with her elbows, she gazes out at the full moon longingly. "I like nights like these the most." She turns her head slightly, her emerald eyes, duller now in death, bearing down into my own. "Don't you?"
I look away from the haunting gems, and cast a glance toward the moon.
"Hn." is all I reply, a calm content washing over me as I do so.
"Gaara." she calls softly, and walks slowly over to my form, sitting down right next to me, leaning against me gently, her head resting on my chest.
I close my eyes and let the deep coldness of her touch numb me, a feeling I've come to long for, a relationship I've come to accept.
There is no sound between us, just my heartbeat and breathing, and her silence. No idle thoughts, just broken silence. We stay like this, content with our position, but I dare to move.
My hand slides up her arm, trailing lightly from her hand toward her shoulder. She doesn't move, accepting my motion, for it was customary and familiar. Slowly, my hand trails back and forth against her arm, tracing from her shoulder down to her elbow, and back again. A soothing movement, a caring one; the only form of love I've shown to anyone, alive or dead.
Her skin is ice cold, my fingers barely touching it. They hover against her flesh, a transparent murkiness in the light of the moon. Sometimes, when I'm not careful, or unfocused, my hand will go right through her. She has a solid body, but just barely. Her aura is concentrated enough to form a body for her, but it is just like thick air; just like a dense fog. You can see it, you can taste it, and you can feel it, but it always slips away from you if you try to grab it for keeps. It never lets you hold onto it.
"This feels nice." she says softly, a peaceful sound flowing from her soft pale lips. She sighs quietly, a breath in the silence.
I wrap a firm arm around her waist, pulling her toward me; demanding, yet gentle. We're much closer now, and her faint scent rushes over me like incense. She smells like the wind, cold, and fresh, but behind a small mustiness of the earth from which she came, there is truth. The luscious scent of a beautiful red; a rich blood, an immortal blood. The scent of the ruby color staining her uniform and skin flows gently. She is not drenched in it, but it marks her, stains her. Specks of the color paint her ivory flesh a soft rosy color. Her skirt rises up as she adjusts her leg against mine, the skin exposed a dark luscious vermillion, a trailing road of life.
"Sakura…" I start softly, her hand rising with my chest as I speak.
"Hmm?" she hums delicately, almost inaudible in her peace. Her eyes are closed, as though she were asleep. She looks innocent. Beautiful. Something so perfect and haunting…
"What's it like…dying, that is?"
She lifts her head slightly, in order to see me clearly, her pink hair flowing around her elegantly from the small movement. Her expression does not change, it's serene.
"How to explain it…" She makes a small adjustment in her face, one of deep thought. "It's cold, overwhelmingly so, like you're frozen solid…but it's also numb. It's not scary at all…just…lonely. You're all by yourself…nothing seems to matter, not the cold, or the pain… I guess…it's like drowning. Probably…"
"Like drowning…" I let the words sink in.
Alone. In life…in death… You're always by yourself. Somehow…I had been hoping that it would be different. Somehow… I had hoped it would change. I had wanted, perhaps I have always wanted, to belong somewhere, where someone accepts me…understands me.
What a childish dream…
My thoughts are interrupted by an icy numbness washing over my face.
"Sakura?" I ask somewhat confused. A hand is placed gently on each of my cheeks, holding me in place. I look toward her now, letting her expression rush through my eyes. She's smiling at me, a small, beautiful smile. Hesitant, but genuine.
"Let's not talk about such things…" the bell of her voice chimes. My eyes widen as she leans forward, pressing her frozen lips gently against my own. It's so unexpected, so cold, but I can't find the will to break away. I can't find a reason to want to. I find myself wanting to stay like this…always…
She pulls away, a new emotion crossing her face as she looks away from me.
"I'm sorry…" she says, so quietly that I almost miss the words.
Sorry… She's sorry… Why? I…
"Gaara?" she asks confused as my hand reaches out and grabs her arm tightly, her figure turning toward me in search of an answer. Her face is as soft and serene as ever, but her eyes have a small glow, a curious, hopeful shine. Reserved, understanding, alone… She's absolutely beautiful…
My lips crash against hers, wanting to relive the kiss with her once again. The feeling this time is nearly the same, the coldness, the companionship, but she's startled. Her small form is tense from my sudden uncharacteristic act. I never would have done this before…but I need her…the one who understands what it's like to be alone. I had never realized that she understood loneliness as completely as I did, but she does.
Her body relaxes, and I feel an odd sensational chill as she starts kissing me back, her lips working against mine in a slower, gentler, fashion than my barbaric force of a kiss. Her arms wrap around my neck, sending more chills of cold throughout my body, and she leans into me again, deepening our connection, adding more force to her lips as she grinds with mine in a haunting melody of lust.
My skin is completely numb, as though it didn't even exist, where she touches me; her cold flesh running over me like a frozen stream. I shiver, a small trembling coursing through my body from the cold, but this only causes me to get closer to her; to kiss her with a new found vigor.
I have to be gentle, not as forceful as I would like to be. She's probably struggling, trying to keep herself in a solid body, not fading away into the air like most spirits do. Did I force this on her? Am I making her uncomfortable with my need?
No, she returns all my advances with just as demanding of desires.
"Gaara…" she moans softly, her lips speaking against my own, a movement that makes me nearly convulse with my desire for her. She meets my need, replacing her lips back onto mine, but she moves as well.
Gracefully, hauntingly, she slides her leg against my thigh, making its way to the other side of me, encasing me between her legs in an innocent straddle. She clutches the black shirt of my uniform, wadding the material in her small clenched hand tightly, pulling me closer to her.
"S-Sakur-ra…" I manage to make force out through my trembling lips. My skin is covered in goosebumps, whether she's touching me or not, and my fingers are pure white as I hold them against her perfect face. Pushing my tongue against her lips, I dare wait for an answer, almost fearful that I would bite off my tongue with my chattering teeth. She replies almost immediately, opening her soft mouth and meeting me with her own tongue stroking against mine like a long lost lover come home.
I slide my hands down her face, down to her neck, slowly across her shoulders and the fabric hiding her skin… I keep making my way down until I reach the clasps of her white shirt, ignoring the spattered stains of blood on the cloth. I tremble, barely being able to unclasp the buttons holding her shirt together, but somehow I manage. The moment I do, the material falls away from her form, revealing all the hidden skin I've never seen before. The creamy white of her stomach, the shimmering ivory of her chest, the beautiful paleness of her breasts…
"Hnnmn.." she sounds, unclasping the buttons of my shirt in an identical fashion to the way I undid hers. She pulls its fabric away form me as soon as they're all disconnected and runs her nails against the pale skin of my chest, her touch feeling like a small frozen blade as she trails it down my abdomen. It does not hurt…it only stings slightly…
Her hips move forward against mine slightly as she works, softly, rhythmically…
I feel myself grow full for her in our passion, my newfound desire pressing painfully against the fabric of my pants.
She stops her movement, frozen in time as soon as she realizes what's happened. She pulls away from me, ending our kiss. My panting breath coming out of my mouth in bursts of white fog.
"Wh-Wh-Why'd ya s-stop?" I beg through chattering teeth.
She looks down at me, her eyes searching through mine for something.
"Are you okay with this…with us?" she asks, her voice clear even through the loudness of my teeth.
Am I okay? Of course I am! I've been waiting for someone like you, someone who understands me, for my whole life! Now that I've found you I don't ever want to be apart from you! I don't ever want to let you go!
But my lips betray me, not forming the words I so desired to speak to her, so instead I just nod my head for an answer.
She smiles again, grabbing hold of my hand and guiding it along the smooth silken skin of her stomach and up toward her chest, letting it rest on the smooth roundness of her breast. She holds it there, firmly keeping my hand stationed on her cold flesh, and shifting the pressure of her hand so that I can feel her entirety from different angles, the hardness of her nipples, the smoothness of her skin… I feet it all, almost clearer now with the cold.
She pushes against my arm, leaning down so that she's nearly laying down on me with all her pressure, but instead of falling asleep, she runs her tongue slowly, seductively, against the pale skin found there, trailing from abdomen up toward my neck, stopping to suck on my hardened nipples. I let out a small gasp as the flesh is exposed to the freezing cold of her saliva. It hums as her icy touch comforts it, but it do not refuse her.
There's a strange feeling by my thigh, and I soon realize that she's undoing the clasp of my pants. Shaking fingers from my free hand go down to help her, but only get in the way. They refuse to grasp, to grip, they just tremble. She pays it no mind, and manages to undo them herself, taking the fabric off in a matter of seconds, along with my boxers, leaving me completely exposed for her, ready for her, a servant to her.
"Gaara…" she moans louder than before as she rocks against my exposed erection, her thin skirt the only thing separating me from the coldness of her waiting desire. "I want…"
She doesn't have to say anymore. Mustering up the waning strength of my body, I force it to move for me, ignoring the stiffness it's acquired from the chill of her body, I manage to use my weight to push her gently to the ground, her back laying against the wooden floor, her eyes staring up into mine with wait. We look at each other for a moment, none of us moving, me not even breathing. This lasts for only a second longer before she nods a single time.
That was enough for me.
I huff, no longer able to even speak her name since my chattering jaw refuses to open enough, my breath momentarily blinding me from her face as the white fog flies through the air between us.
My shaking hand does not steady, but I force it to shove her skirt up, exposing my waiting treasure.
I position myself, my other hand lightly grabbing her hip, not able to grasp correctly in it's stiffness. My whole body is convulsing in trembles, her skin being as cold as ice against the bareness of mine, yet I still manage to find the strength enough to shift forward and enter her fully.
"Argh!" I yelp loudly as the frozenness of her innocence encases my manhood. I feel my strength drain from me immediately, and I find myself not even able to move. I feel as though I have been thrown into a pool of freezing water. Escape is impossible, breathing is impossible, yet I know I still am by the white bursts of air escaping from my lips in a quicker more desperate manner. My vision blurs slightly, keeping me from seeing the emerald eyes looking back at me.
No! I won't let my humanity keep us apart. Not now!
I groan in aggravation, and force my body to move. I ignore the pain, ignore the aches, the protests of my bones and flesh, and I move.
I jerk my hips forward slightly, and start thrusting, slowly, continuously. I wish I could move faster, stronger, more forcefully, but I can't… this is all I can do…
Why? Why!? I finally found someone… and I can't even pleasure her right, like she deserves.
The outline of her beautiful face, contorted into one of overwhelming need and pleasure, her lips parting as she moans, her eyes slammed closed in order to better feel my thrusts, pitiful as they are, and meeting each one with a rock of her hips to deepen the effect.
A large shiver courses its way through my body once again, the next wave of freezing cold covering me like a cloak.
My pace slows down drastically, her eyes open as soon as she notices. I try to gain speed again, to regain my regular strength, but it's useless.
I can't…go on…
"Gaara?" she calls softly, a small edge of worry in her voice. "Gaara? Gaara!"
My mind goes blank.
I can't see anything. Everything is all just a blur of color. It's quiet, oh so quiet. There are no sounds at all, not a breeze, not a breath, nothing. Only a never ending silence.
A faint pressure catches my attention, what little attention I have left…perhaps I just don't seem to care anymore… It's a soothing touch, not painful in the slightest. It traces across my arm, from my shoulder down toward my elbow and back again. I can't feel anything but the pressure, the light touch of someone…something… I'm too numb to feel anything else, yet someway, somehow, I know that it's Sakura.
I would speak, tell her how nice it feels, but my lips do not move, and my voice doesn't even tense with a trial. So instead I just listen to the never ending, unwavering silence, and feel for something I no longer have the capability to appreciate to the fullest.
I am numb.
The black encases me, my own personal coffin of darkness. Have I closed my eyes? Was it willfully? Subconsciously? Or was my sight taken from me? Are my eyes even open, or are they closed? I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. Nothing seems to matter anymore.
I welcome the silence. I was getting tired of the blurred room anyway. Now I can focus more on the feeling brushing back and forth against my arm. The feeling…and the strange thing hiding behind it…dull…and throbbing. It rings through my head, almost inaudible, yet it is so calming… I wonder what it is? It's a pair of sounds, two beats of something, almost together, yet slightly apart. It's so small, and weak. So weak I need to focus all my concentration just to hear it, but it still fades. It still manages to escape from me. Slowly, steadily, it beats.
A heart.
Is it my heart, or is it Sakura's? It's so pretty, and gentle... It must be hers.
I wish to speak to her again, to tell her how lovely her heartbeat sounds, but I know thinking about such a thing is useless. I can no longer speak. I can no longer move... But somehow…that's okay, because I know she's here. I know I'm not alone.
It's a nice feeling.
Time passes, I can barely feel the movement on my arm anymore, and the heartbeat…the heartbeat is so faint…
I listen as it disappears.
I awaken in the clock tower, the first rays of sunlight breaking through the small window and dyeing the dust a golden color. The room is much brighter than I've ever seen it, more spacious, more open…
It's strange… I've awoken standing up…and my uniform is on… Was everything just a dream? A strange, beautiful dream?
My attention is caught be the sound of muffled crying coming from my left. I let my eyes follow the noise, and they meet a familiar sight, but one that makes my heart sink.
"Sakura?" I ask, my voice much softer than it usually is, a small whisper in the vastness of the room.
She doesn't look up. She doesn't even move. She stays huddled in the corner, her knees being hugged to her chest by her arms, her hair falling across her shoulders in a disarray of rosette, and her eyes locked in a daze toward the wall.
She's crying, the tears rolling down her cheeks.
It must be something sad…to make even the dead cry…
"What's wrong? Sakura?" My feet move on their own, and I find myself walking toward her.
She doesn't move, even still, but I hear a soft voice break through her wall of silence. "I've done something unforgivable." she says, another tear rolling down her pale face, much more transparent than I've ever seen it before. "I'm sorry, Gaara. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Gaara… I've done something unforgivable." she repeats.
"It can't be as bad as you think." I try to reassure her, the first time I've ever had to do such a thing. I must not be very good at it, for she just lets out a loud yelp through her tears, as though I had smacked her.
She still keeps her eyes locked in front of her. I follow her gaze, looking in the shadows cast by the wall.
My breath catches in my throat.
"That's…" I gasp, shock emerging for the first time through my voice. "me…?"
I try to deny it, shaking my head back and forth, yet my eyes keep locking onto the body, the pale body with blood red hair. He's stiff and unmoving…dead.
I look to Sakura, demanding answers, "What's the meaning of this!? What's going-"
"I knew it was going to happen…" she says so softly, so saddened.
"What?" I choke, my voice catching onto the air harshly, confused.
"You…I knew that if we were together…you would…" she pulls her knees even closer to her, her body becoming even more transparent than before, so much so that she's just a shadow against the wall. "You froze to death."
I froze to death. I died? That can't be… That can't…
But it floods back to me, the memories. Our desire, our lust, our need for companionship, the cold…so cold.
I shudder, but the wave of nausea is overpowered by rage.
"Why! If you knew that I would…that I was… " I couldn't even say the words, "Why did you do it!" I scream.
She flinches, trying to escape from my fury, but knowing that there was no place to run, instead she looks at me, hesitantly, her eyes shifting so that she wouldn't have to meet mine, yet she kept looking at me, as though she were unable to look away.
"Because…I was lonely." she says, her voice filled with her tears, her wind-chime spell cracking with emotion. "I knew that if we were together you would die, but I couldn't do it! I couldn't stop! The thought of being with someone, being with you, someone that wasn't afraid of me, someone who understood me… I couldn't let go…I couldn't…" she no longer has the ability to finish her sentence, her emption getting the best of her as she collapses into tears.
I watch her, weak and trembling with guilt, regret, self loathing…
She killed me. She let me believe that everything was going to be alright… I should be disgusted with her. I should hate her, but for some reason… I can't. I find myself… at peace.
I suddenly find myself at her side, my arms wrapping around her, pulling her fading figure closer to me. "It's alright. You don't need to cry. You don't have to be alone anymore."
Her sobs get caught in her throat as the words escape my lips. She stares at me, a small bit of solidity coming back to her, but only a little. "Gaara, I-"
I don't let her finish. I won't allow her to apologize again.
I press my lips against hers. It's different this time. It doesn't hurt. It isn't cold. Instead it's…warm. Not quite human warm, but there's something there, some sort of energy, and it feels… right.
"It hurts, doesn't it," a say after we part, "being alone. You have to watch others grow up with people, laugh with friends, fall in love, get married, do all the things that you can't seem to do, no matter how hard you try. It feels like you're cursed, like you're some kind of disease, and the others don't even acknowledge your existence. They don't even notice. And you, you've had to bear that loneliness all of these years…
She nods, slowly, not trusting her voice to speak.
"Let's stay together. Always." I say, my voice serious and firm.
She looks shocked, stunned even, her emerald eyes widening until they catch the light enough to shine. "But Gaara…you're-"
"Dead." I finish for her without a wince, "Just like you."
"But I-" she painfully tries to remind.
"Are lonely, as I am." I counter.
She slouches against the wall, her mind going into deep thought. She weighs the options given her. Suffer alone and let me hate her for eternity, or stay together to lessen the pain of forever, even if only a little.
"You'll never leave me right? And I'll never leave you? We'll be together…always? Forever?" she asks, a slight begging and hope to her voice.
I move in closer, reaching a hand to caress her soft skin delicately. "Forever and ever," I brush my lips against hers, "and then some."
She leans into me, kissing me with a new vigor that wouldn't have been possible in our past relationship. Her arms wrap around my neck once again as she pulls me closer to her, her mouth working against mine, but not in need this time, in love.
And I find…that this feeling, this love…
It's not such a bad thing.
Please Read and Review. This was my first attempt at a lemon and I would really like to know if it was any good and how I should make it better next time. I know it got pretty long, so thanks to all who bore through it to the end. Sorry the ending kind of sucks… It was kind of hard to end. Hope it wasn't too painful…
Thank you for reading.
