I had the idea for this fic for a while and I wasn't going to work on it until I finished one of my other stories first but I couldn't resist writing this any longer, so I figured I might as well publish it now. There is no Cas in this chapter yet but he'll be in the next one. Since I'm definitely going to hell for this story I hope you at least enjoy reading it ;)


Dean looked at his small duffel bag which held everything he would be taking with him to his new life. It really wasn't much but he wouldn't need much where he was going. He looked around the empty room one last time and then grabbed his bag and left, closing the door behind him, behind his old life.

His brother was waiting for him with his fiancée Jess, by the front door. "Are you sure about this, Dean?" Sam asked for the about one hundredth's time.

"Yes, I am sure. It's the right thing for me," Dean answered, sounding more certain than he actually felt but it was still true. He couldn't continue living like this, with temptation everywhere and yet having to deny himself the pleasure of giving in. It was wrong. His dad had told him that over and over and made sure that Dean understood.

It had started when he was fifteen and his best friend had brought his cousin over to his house to play. Dean had instantly liked is friend's cousin and had felt exactly like other friends had described feeling when they had a crush on a girl. Dean had never really felt like that with a girl before and that day he felt it with a boy.

It had confused him because from his religious dad he had already learned that these feelings were wrong. But the feelings had been strong and he'd met his friend's cousin again and eventually they had gotten closer. Dean's dad had caught them when they'd kissed for the first time and severely punished Dean for it. He had even called a priest to perform an exorcism, reasoning Dean must have been possessed by some kind of demon to make him kiss a guy.

Dean had agreed that something was wrong with him even though he hadn't believed the possession theory. He had looked for help and guidance in religion and had tried to avoid temptation wherever it was possible. He had even tried going out with girls to appear normal and for a while he had been able to pretend to have a relationship with Lisa Braeden. But it was hard and now in his twenties he had the feeling that eventually he would give in to the craving for being with another man.

"The right thing? Dean, you're leaving all of us behind, your entire life. This is a huge step. Are you absolutely sure about this?" Sam asked again.

"Yes, Sam. I have thought about this for a long time and I'm sure. Let's go," Dean answered, grabbed his duffel bag and walked out of the now empty apartment.

With a heavy heart Sam followed his brother and closed the door behind him. He didn't want to see his brother go but he understood Dean's reasons. He had watched his brother struggle and suffer over the years and wanted him to finally find some peace of mind. But joining a monastery was a drastic step.

"I know it's full of men. But it's mostly old monks in long, billowy robes. And they have devoted their life to the Lord. Even if I felt some attraction to one of them, which is unlikely, I wouldn't have a chance to act on it," Dean had explained his decision to Sam and Jess a few weeks ago.

Their dad had of course thought that it was a brilliant idea and had supported Dean in everything. From reaching the decision, to finding the right place for him and making the necessary arrangements. Last night they'd had their last family dinner and Sam had tried one last time to change Dean's mind, getting into a loud fight with their dad. He had ended up leaving early but he had promised Dean to come to the monastery with him the next day and that was what he was doing now.

Dean put his bag in the trunk of the car and then slid into the driver's seat for the last time. This car had been his only true love, his baby, and it was hard giving her up. Almost as hard as leaving his family behind but he had no choice, if he didn't want to be damned forever. And he was leaving the Impala in his brother's care. Sam had been pleasantly surprised about the offer and had promised to look after Dean's baby.

They drove to the monastery in silence. There was so much to say, even though they had already talked so much. But all of them knew that talking wouldn't change anything anymore now, so they stayed quiet until the high walls of the monastery came into view. Dean stopped the car at the foot of the hill on which his new home was located.

"So…," Dean said.

"So…," Sam echoed. "I guess this is goodbye now."

"Yes, it is," Dean agreed a little sad. For a split second he considered just starting the car again and driving away but the moment didn't last long and Dean unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door to get out of the car. Sam and Jess followed suit. Quickly Dean went to the back of the car to get his bag and Sam and Jess met him there. He put the bag on the ground and faced his brother and his brother's fiancée.

"Thank you for coming here with me," Dean told them and then pulled Jess into a hug.

"You're welcome. I hope you'll be happy here," Jess said warmly and Dean gave her a small smile. Then he turned to his brother.

"Really? A hug?" Sam asked but then he smiled and pulled Dean into his arms, holding on to him for a few seconds. "I'll miss you dude. Take care."

"I'll miss you, too. Take good care of my baby," Dean answered and Sam nodded. Then Dean turned and walked up the winding path to the monastery, turning around halfway there, to see Sam and Jess still standing next to the car, watching him go.

Finally he reached the large wooden front door and knocked forcefully. He didn't have to wait long for it to be opened. An older, gruff looking man with a beard and wearing a long, scratchy, brown robe greeted him.

"You must be Dean Winchester. We've been waiting for you. I'm Bobby. I'll show you around," the monk said and stepped aside to let Dean enter. He was exactly what Dean had expected when he had imagined the monks and there was absolutely no attraction there. Dean was relieved.

"Yes, I am Dean," he answered quietly and stepped carefully through the door. The place was old and intimidating. When the door closed, Dean just saw how his brother drove away with the Impala. Then he turned to Bobby for good, ready to start his new life.

"Come on, I'll get you some clothes and show you your room. You have tonight to yourself to settle in and tomorrow you'll meet the abbot and learn about your duties," Bobby announced and started walking. Dean hesitated for a moment but then followed the monk deeper into the building which was now his new home.