Chapter 1: Growing Up
All children must grow up at some point in their lives. Whether it be when a child reaches a certain age, or chaos strikes at a crucial time. A person's whole world can change in the blink of an eye. That being said, is that so scary? The fact that your world can change so drastically…so quickly, without warning. For better or for worse, it happens every single day to the brightest of stars. These stars can be seen from solar systems away. They're so bright that they cannot not be dulled, nor can they be blown out like a candle. They're quite delicate and precious, and aren't easily caught or even visible to the naked eye. But when you have the pleasure to lay your eyes upon one, you just can't look away.What I'm about to tell you is the story of a bright star. She never figured that her world would be changing for the better. Not until the day she met him. That being said;
All children grow up—
Except some.
Lea's Perspective:
Sometimes, fate has a funny way of telling you you're living your life wrong. For instance, some people walk into an intervention hosted by their friends and family; others have their families ripped away from them in cold blood. Now yes, that seems quite harsh, but it is true. With my luck, as a child my family was permanently ripped away from me. I had to grow up fast because I was now on my own. It's crazy how ten seconds can change your life. I had a loving family; a younger brother who was ten years old, and a mother and father. At fourteen years of age it was New Year's Eve when my family and I left the party early hoping to get home before midnight. Us not being the traditional family, we never really seemed to stay to celebrate the new year at parties. We celebrate at home on our own watching movies and opening bottles of sparkling water. And at 11:59 we would each go around and say our favorite family memory before the year ended. It was a tradition of ours. But little did I know this would be the last night I had hugged my family before we left the party at 11:20pm. The roads were icy, typical weather for Wisconsin. My younger brother Tyler sat adjacent to me in the back seat. We were about twenty minutes away from our house and we had just hit an intersection. I was tired from the party so I just plugged myself into some music and rested my eyes. Once I noticed our car hadn't moved after about a minute or two, I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head slightly to look out my brother's window. There's those moments in life where you think you're seeing things, but then the sudden realization kicks in; that "what if I'm not imagining this" moment. In that moment your heart rate begins to increase, your palms begin to sweat, and the air is forcibly ripped from your lungs allowing only the smallest of wheezes to escape your dry lips. There was a semi-truck coming from our right side at about seventy miles per hour with no intention to stop. All I could do was watch as the vehicle sped toward us. My father, however, didn't see the truck speeding our way. In the moment I couldn't speak. I tried to move but my body was in shock. Our lane's traffic light turned green, and my dad who was driving accelerated. I saw the lights slowly inching toward us as I screamed. Slowly, then all at once, everything went black.
The Next Day…
My eyes were heavy as I stared into darkness. My limbs felt as if they were weighed to the ground by lead. But soon I felt my body begin to wake from its state. I began to panic. Am I alive? Was it all just a dream? My eyelids pried themselves open as a bright light shone into them. When my eyes focused, I came to realize I was laying in a hospital bed. Not only that, but it was daytime. It was a well lit room with a side table and I was hooked up to a machine. I couldn't remember where I was or why I was here, but then the headlights of the semi-truck flashed before my eyes. At this point I didn't know what to think. Could my family be hurt? Was I the only one hurt? Was this all a huge nightmare I would wake up from? All of these questions were jumbling around in my head when suddenly the door on the right side of the room opened. The first thing I saw was the uniform of what looked to be a nurse. She was a brunette with brown eyes who was probably in her early thirties. She held a clipboard, along with a crooked, fake grin. It seemed as though there was something…off. She stepped through the doorway, closing the door behind her. Approaching my bed, I sat up, fighting the painful spasms in my back.
The woman greeted;
"Hey there sunshine. I'm your nurse, Rebecca."
I looked to her with dazed eyes, or what I assume to have looked dazed and glassy.
The woman cleared her throat.
"Would it be okay if I asked you a couple of questions?" she asked.
I wasn't sure that I would be up for playing 'Answer These Questions So That I Know You're Not Insane', but I may as well so that maybe she could leave me alone sooner.
"Yeah, that's fine" I responded with a somewhat raspy voice.
The nurse clicked the top of her pen.
"What's your full name, dear?" she questioned.
I responded without even having to think;
"Lea Anne Robel."
The nurse scribbled something on the clipboard.
"Alright Lea, how many siblings do you have?"
I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment only to reopen them.
"Just one."
She nodded her head and continued to write on the clipboard.
"Okay, and what's their full name and age?"
Why doesn't she just ask him herself? Surely he must be here, waiting out in the lobby or something.
I cleared my throat.
"His name is Tyler. He's ten years old" I stated, resting my eyes.
The nurse froze. The look on her face showed emotional pain.
"Excuse me" she said, practically storming out of the room. She forgot to close the door behind her and I could hear her talking to someone of importance. Their voices resonated from the hallway.
"You didn't tell me the child was only ten! How can I tell that girl that her parents and brother…"
And then I couldn't hear what she said after that.
Something was wrong.
I continued to listen.
"Both parents are reported deceased. The mother was killed on impact and the father passed shortly after. The other child is in critical condition with severe brain damage. Looking through the family and relatives there is no one liable to take care of the daughter, nor is there a legal adult present to make the decision for the boy. Therefor, she is…" the doctor trailed off.
"She's the one who has to make the call…" he finished.
My body went numb. This isn't happening…It can't be…
"Deceased?" I said baffled.
No it can't be possible, we were just at a green light and the semi-truck "tapped" our car...at seventy miles per hour...when they ran a red light…No, I want to see my brother. I need to comfort him, he's probably freaking out. As my thoughts pondered the nurse walked back into the room. She was white as a sheet and she seemed to have had a hard time speaking.
"Miss Robel, I'm afraid I have some good news and some...terrible news. Which would you like to hear first?" She asked with so much pity in her voice it was unbearable.
Neither…I don't want to hear it.
"…Bad news first" I stuttered.
The nurse paused.
"...I'm going to start off with the good news..." she hesitated.
The nurse sat down on the edge of my bed.
"You and your family were in a car accident—" she paused.
"They say it was a drunk driver. You were rushed to the hospital immediately and were stabilized. You made it out with a few bumps, cuts and bruises, which is pretty amazing if you ask me. You are a very lucky girl" the nurse finished.
Lucky?
"What about my family?" I asked intently.
My heartbeat continued to increase the more she hesitated. Her face turned even whiter than before, whiter than I knew was possible without being dead.
"...Your family wasn't as fortunate..." she continued, pulling a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.
She sighed heavily;
"We tried everything we could, but it wasn't enough..."
Before I knew it my face turned white and tears were dripping down my face. Feeling empty inside, I wanted to curl up in a ball and scream. I was now an orphan. I waited patiently for this horrid nightmare to end with me screaming at the top of my lungs and my father to come running into my room to tell me that I was okay. But it didn't happen.
And it never would again.
"They're...dead?" I asked through my sobs.
The nurse looked to me with sad eyes.
"Your parents passed last night before they could make it to the emergency room. Your brother is in very critical condition. He has suffered a lot of head trauma and brain damage. At this point the only thing keeping him here with us is the machines he's hooked up to. Other than that, he's not functional, and there's nothing we can do for him."
My heart sank into my chest. How could things have changed so quickly? Everything was normal yesterday, not a pin out of place. But now, nothing seems real…
"Can I go see him? Please?" I begged with my cheeks stained with dry tears.
The nurse looked at me questionably, probably deciding whether or not I could handle seeing my brother in such conditions. It seemed at first she was going to say no, but then it looked as though she was having a change of heart.
"I can take you to his room…" she gave in.
Part of me was glad, but then the other part of me was horrified. I didn't want to see Tyler in a way that would taint my image of him, but I have to be there for him. As his big sister, I'm all he has left. I held my hand out as the nurse grabbed by arm. Standing up out of the bed she steadied me as I took my first step. Sharp pains coursed from my back and through my neck, making me flinch. I remained persistent and kept walking through the pain. It wasn't long before we stepped out into the hallway. One step at a time we made our way down the hallway. Every doorway I passed by I looked through and saw different patients. Some like me, others…not so much like me. Some are here temporarily, others would never see the light of day again. One by one we passed each door until we came to the end of the hallway with the only one that was closed. The nurse stepped in front of me as I peeked through the rectangular window. I caught a glimpse of what would give me nightmares for years to come. There laid what resembled my brother in a white hospital bed. Tears had already threatened to escape my eyes and I hadn't even seen him up close. The nurse guided me through the room where I stood near the bed and I saw him up close. His face, as well as his small ten year old body, was swollen. His skin had turned to shades of purple and black. I found it hard to believe that my brother was the body that was laying in the bed. His breathing was faint and barely noticeable. Breathing only through a tube lodged in his throat, he was unresponsive. His eyes were sealed shut, probably never to reopen again.
The words just barely escaped my lips;
"Is he…"
My throat became dry and I stopped. For I feared that I knew what condition Tyler was in. The nurse beside me started;
"I know this is hard to hear, but your brother is in a state that isn't likely for him to recover—"
"He's brain-dead, isn't he?" I interrupted, not daring to meet her eyes.
I heard the woman sigh as I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye. I felt my body tense up in fear…in anger…
"So what's going to happen to him?" I interrogated.
I may have only been fourteen, but I knew what happened to patients that were brain-dead. You could keep them 'alive' for years, but there was no point. Any hope of them waking up one day was foolish. Their body may be holding on by a thread, but that person, their soul, is gone, whether we like it or not.
The nurse swallowed the lump in her throat as she began;
"Well, it appears to be that there's only one legal figure who is allowed to make the decision…"
Please don't tell me…
The nurse met my eyes.
"You are the only family he has, which makes you the one who must make this hard decision."
No…I can't…
Tears threatened to run down my cheeks, but I sniffled and held them in.
"You mean, I have to…"
I trailed off before I could finish my thought.
The nurse looked at me with sad eyes and nodded her head. I nodded my head, showing I understood. I had to make the call. The call to let him go.
"I know this is very hard for you, but think about it in your brother's best interest…" she insisted.
I broke away from the nurse and sat on the edge of Tyler's bed. His unmoving body and his non-existent smile haunted me. His small hand laying beside him, I held it in mine.
"Do you need a few moments to…consider your options?" the nurse asked patiently.
I breathed slowly as I let her words sink in. Part of me wanted to hold onto him for dear life, for he was all I had left. But how selfish would I be to do that to him?
I cleared my throat;
"No."
For a moment the nurse seemed shocked, but she relaxed her expression and nodded.
"It's not doing anyone any good to keep him here…" I spoke quietly to myself.
She walked over and sat beside me.
"You're doing the right thing."
I nodded, acknowledging her attempt to comfort me. But honestly, I just wanted to go back to yesterday before this all happened. The nurse stood up from the bed and made her way towards the machines my brother was hooked up to.
"I just hope he doesn't get scared…" I mumbled.
"Scared of what dear?"
At first I flinched in shock that she heard me since I was only mumbling to myself.
I shook my head.
"Scared of being alone. The afterlife must be pretty scary to a child, wouldn't you think?" I said.
She was quiet for a moment before speaking up.
"I wouldn't worry about that. Peter Pan guides the children to heaven."
What she said made me turn to meet her eyes.
"He holds their hand the whole way, so that they aren't frightened."
I looked at her skeptically.
"You really believe that?" I asked.
She smiled;
"Absolutely."
I shrugged my shoulders and looked back to Tyler. He hadn't moved a muscle as he laid there. He's so young, he didn't deserve this.
The nurse began;
"Now if you want to say you're goodbyes—"
"I'm not leaving" I said boldly.
She appeared taken aback by my words.
"I'm gonna be here for him until the end."
She nodded her head and sighed as she operated the machine. Glancing up at the heart rate monitor, I noticed how Tyler's heartbeat began to slow gradually. I looked away and down at my brother who I could barely recognize at this point. I gripped his hand even tighter than before. I practically jumped out of my skin when I heard the screeching of the heart rate monitor, signaling a flat line.
He's gone.
I killed my brother.
I remained still and quiet, not saying a word.
"I think it's time you get some rest. You've been through a lot these past few hours" the nurse suggested.
But I didn't move. I blocked out the nurse's voice.
It should have been me.
Tyler should have lived.
I should've died.
The nurse spoke once more, interrupting my thoughts;
"Honey?"
I awoke from my trance and blinked a few times.
"It should've been me" I spoke aloud.
She looked at me in a concerned manner.
"What are you talking about?"
My open fist clenched along with my jaw.
I cried angrily;
"It was supposed to be me."
Tears began to scream down my face.
"Lea, please calm down—"
"It should've been me" I said once more.
It was now I realized I was shouting. I couldn't control myself any longer. The nurse pulled out her pager as I sat there yelling.
"I should be dead!"
"It was supposed to be me!"
Not a moment later several doctors and nurses rushed in to the sound of my panicked voice.
"It should've been me!"
The doctors grabbed my arms and pulled me back away from the bed. I screamed and shouted in between sobs. They began to drag me out of the room and shut the door. And that was the last time I ever saw my brother. They pulled me towards my room as I tried to break away. They held their strong grip and brought me to my room. They closed me in and did everything they could to calm me down. My frantic shouts of denial probably made every patient on my floor think I was a nutcase. The doctor in the room laid me down on the bed and wouldn't let me get up. I messed up. I'm crazy. I laid there until the doctor left and sat up. Before I knew it I was crying again.
A few hours later I was sitting on my bed with my legs crossed, staring at the wall. I heard the sound of the door opening and didn't move. I remained silent as I stared at the plain, blue wall. I soon found out it had been the nurse who entered the room. She sat on my bed next to me. I didn't even look at her. I couldn't.
"Listen" she began.
I didn't move, but I was listening.
"I promise you, you will get through this."
She spoke sincerely and it seemed as though she truly cared. I finally broke my silence and chuckled sarcastically;
"What am I supposed to do now?"
I have no family. I have no one.
"There's no one that can take care of me that's family" I informed her.
But it appeared to be she was already one step ahead of me.
"We found a foster care about ten miles away from here" she stated.
"You'll be staying there for a little while."
Foster home?
So this is my life now? Foster care? Part of me deep down inside still hoped this was a nightmare, but I think I'm out of luck. Two days and I'll be released from the hospital to a foster care. No mother, no father, no brother; nothing. The only thing I could think about at that time was Tyler. He was so young and full of hope. I should have been the one killed in the accident, not him. For a while I thought about how I should've been the one that was killed, but then I came to the sudden realization. He would be the one that's alone. All by himself just like I am right now. I couldn't do that to him. May it be fate, destiny, karma; I'm going to live for him. I won't let the Grim Reaper take me. I will find a way. This whole situation has made me realize…
It's time for me to grow up.
—
A.N:
Alright, so this is future me coming from, well, the future! Spoiler alert, yes, I did finish the book! Haha! I decided to come back and fix up some of my earlier chapters since the writing was really raw and cringy. I hope you enjoy the story and I'll see you soon!
HEY GUYS! So I'm really excited to be writing this story and I can't wait to hear what you guys think. I know that the first two chapters are gonna be kinda slow but it will really pick up the pace when it gets going. ;) I'm actually on vacation now but I'll be updating as much as possible so stay tuned! XOXO-agm:)
-Agm3
