He always found ways to make me feel special, it was always little small ways but it always made me feel special.
Sometimes he would wake up early and make me chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast (he even snuck bacon for me a couple of times.) He would come upstairs and gently wake me up and say he had a surprise for me, after the second time I knew what the surprise was, it was still sweet though, and we would eat our breakfast and talk to each other. Man, it was nice back then.
Some things he did would be as little as opening my door and helping me into his truck, even when I was still capable of doing it myself. He didn't do it to make me feel like I couldn't function without him, he did it to show me how much he cares about me. I shouldn't have taken him for granted.
He carried my books to class, even when they weren't heavy, even when his class was on the other side of the school. He didn't do it because I needed help carrying my books, he did it because he knew I felt safer with him around. I still do.
He would hold me while I cried, if it was over my parents or school or just crazy pregnancy hormones. He would put his arms around me and keep me wrapped in his warm safe embrace where nothing could ever hurt me until I felt better. And I always felt better, it always worked.
His face would light up and his hand would gently rest on my stomach anytime our baby would move or hiccup or give us any type of reminder that she was there. As if we could ever forget her. It just isn't possible, not now, not then.
When we would come home and we were tired and I was sore he would rub my back or my ankles. He always mad sure I was comfortable, even if that meant that he wasn't. He always put my needs before his own.
He was my home. He was there when my parents didn't want me. He was there when Sue kicked me off cheerios. He was there when I was abandoned by my friends. He was always there. He was my safe place, and I let him get away.
He always acted like I was a princess and I needed special attention. Always acted like a real man, the kind in those movies where he spreads his jacket across a puddle so that the girl doesn't have to step in water. He always loved me even when I didn't deserve it. And I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. But I know now, and I miss it so much. I miss HIM so much. And I love him but the way I've treated him, I don't even deserve someone half as good as him but I want him. I need him. I love him.
I love Noah Puckerman with all of my heart and I wish I could have him back.
