I lounge on the couch anxiously waiting for Spence to come home. I always wait up for him when he calls to say they are coming home. Even though he always tells me to go on to bed. The door slowly creaks open and he makes his way inside. I look at him with excitement but quickly change my expression when I see his face. Oh no, it was a bad one. I scramble up and wrap my arms around him. He rests his head on top of mine and kisses my hair.
"You okay?"
"I will be. Just had a hard case."
"Wanna talk about it? You know you need to get it out."
"Okay…I want to get cleaned up first though."
"I'll make some coffee."
Spencer emerges from the bedroom ten minutes later wearing sweats and his hair is damp. He sits on the couch beside me and takes the coffee I offer him.
"It was kids. Teenagers. The unsub's life read like a 'how to make a serial killer' manual. Bullied, mental health issues, nobody took it seriously. Adults turned a blind eye when he was young. Lost him in the end, turns out he was making the kids…well he kept boys and girls both. You can fill in the blanks."
"I'm sorry baby, I know those are tough on you."
"I was first on the scene with Morgan. It was terrible. We found ten of them alive though."
"How many-"
"Sixteen. Sixteen dead. In a freezer. They were made to kill each other." He drops his head and picks at the knee of his sweat pants.
"Oh my God."
"I'll be fine. I don't want you to worry about me. You shouldn't have to be subjected to what I see."
"I won't force you to keep talking about it. Just know that I'll always be your shoulder should you need one."
"Thank you. Now I think I'd just like to curl up with you and shut out the world for a while."
"Sounds perfect." I give him a peck on the lips before rising and taking his hand in mine, leading him to the bedroom. We curl up in bed and I lay my head on his chest, listening to his soft breathing.
"Tell me Ash, do you ever get frustrated with me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm talking about my quirks."
"No. I love your quirks."
"If you ever want something, just tell me. You know, I'm not very good with talking and emotions…with relationships in general. You're honestly the first real girlfriend I've ever had."
"Babe, you don't have to…"
"Yes. I do. I know I'm gone so much and I know that it has to be hard on you sitting here day in and day out by yourself. I'm so grateful for everything you do." He tightens his grip on me and I keep quiet, knowing this is his way of unwinding.
"If you ever want to go…further…all you have to do is say something. I'm perfectly content with what we do now. I won't ever try to do more without you telling me to. I just…I don't want to hurt you…or screw up what we have…I can't-" I shoot up on my elbows and put my finger to his lips.
"Spence. Stop it. You don't have anything to worry about. I won't leave."
"You know, when we come back from cases like this and I try to get some sleep, usually I can't because I'm having dreams related to the case. This time was different. I had a dream that I came home and you were gone."
"Spencer. Stop that right now. I'm not going to leave. Please believe that. And I won't ask to do more until I'm certain you're ready." I rest my palm on his cheek and he gazes up at me before taking my face in his hands and rolling over, pinning me to the mattress and kissing me fiercely. We stay like this until we are both breathless and flushed. When he pulls away I run a hand through his hair and he leans into my touch. I trace my thumb under his eye.
"As much as I'd like to play with you tonight, you need some rest."
He concedes and kisses me before he cuddles into me, wrapping his arms securely around me and nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck. I lie awake and run my hand through his hair, not even realizing when I fall asleep.
...
I roll over to cuddle up to Spencer and realize I'm alone in the bed. I smell breakfast being cooked so I slip out of bed tip toe into the kitchen. I come up behind him and wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his back.
"Good morning baby. I could have made breakfast."
"Don't mention it. Just take a seat and let me take care of you. You deserve it."
"If anyone deserves to kick back its you, my sexy crime fighter." I pop up on my tip toes and trail butterfly kisses across his shoulder and up his neck before he turns and kisses me.
"Sit Ashleigh. It's almost done."
"So bossy…" I saunter around the counter and perch up on the barstool. Within minutes he places a plate in front of me and a glass of juice. Pancakes and bacon. My favorite.
"So, what is all this about?"
"I had an epiphany last night and I couldn't find the right words to tell you what was on my mind."
"Have you found them now?"
"I believe so. After calling you from the plane Hotch sat down with me. Asked how you were, talked about the 'honeymoon' phase of moving in together. Told me about how he used to call Haley ten times a day. After a few minutes, he told me to never stop calling and not to make the mistakes he made. To not let it be the job. That made me think. I realized that I need to be present when I'm home. When I walk through that door, all of my attention needs to be focused on you."
"Oh Spence…" He takes my hand in his and kisses each of my knuckles.
"I love you, Ashleigh."
"I love you too, Spencer."
"Now eat. Today is for you. What would you like to do today?"
"I think I'd just like to spend the day wrapped in your arms. I missed you so much, and the night before you came home I got a little spooked. Made me realize how safe you actually make me feel."
"Spooked how?"
"I just kept feeling uneasy. I was out to dinner with my friend Ellie. You know her. Well we were shopping after dinner and I had this feeling like I was being watched. I came back home and went to bed, brushing it off and I could have sworn there was an extra car on the street when I got here. I know what you are gonna say, but I don't think it was out of the ordinary. I was just jumpy."
"Just promise me you will be safe?"
"I promise. Don't go getting all paranoid on me." We lounge around on the couch for most of the day watching movies in comfortable silence. I've been subtly watching him for a few minutes. He's been on the same page of that book for seven minutes so I know something is on his mind. After a few minutes he speaks.
"What are you thinking about for lunch?"
"Takeout?"
"Whatever you want."
"How about that place across town? They don't deliver but I can go if you don't want to get out."
"You really are the perfect woman." He gives a small laugh and kisses me before going and getting his wallet off the counter.
"Here, use my card."
…
I get back home about an hour later and there's candles and the curtains are drawn.
"Spence?"
"All in, remember?" he comes out of the bedroom, takes the bag out of my hands and wraps his arms around me, kissing me deeply.
"I love you."
"I love you too." I nuzzle into his chest before he breaks away from me. He eats slowly and I'm trying to read him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Perfect." He gives me a reassuring smile and suddenly it clicks. The candles, dim light, him sending me out. He's planned something. And I know what it is. He's into research so I know he's read up on 'what women want'. Now I know why he's so quiet. It's because he's nervous, and when he's nervous he profiles. We finish eating in silence and I catch him twiddling his thumbs. I get up and move around to him, perching on his lap. I kiss his forehead and trail down to his neck before gently biting. He lets out a heavy breath and folds his arms around me.
"Let's go to bed." His voice is different. Husky almost. I like it. He stands up, bringing me with him, making me squeal in delight while I wrap my arms around his neck. He lays me down on the bed and all the sudden I am covered in kisses. We're all tongues and hands, throwing each other's clothes off. This is different than anything we've ever done before. It's all passion. He's trailing kisses down my body before reaching my sex and I gasp when his mouth descends on me. He continues his sweet torture until I'm trembling. I knot my fingers in his hair and I can feel him smile against me.
"Spencer…" I pull his face up to mine and kiss him before reaching down and lining him up to me.
"Are you sure, Ashleigh?"
"Yes. I want this. Do you?"
"Yes. I do." With that he eases into me, ripping through my virginity and I gasp, clawing his shoulder. He stills for a few moments, allowing me to adjust before I nod into the crook of his neck and he builds up a steady pace.
