Disclaimer: The Black Magician Trilogy and its characters belong to Trudi Canavan.
This will be a random collection of the entries Akkarin would make to his diary, so chapters might not link at all. And I think I would probably update as and when inspiration comes to me.
This chapter is an extension from my BMT Alternate Ending story. Set after Akkarin and Sonea had discovered and accepted their feelings for one other.
On a certain night, Akkarin awoke from those daunting nightmares and made a short entry reflecting his thoughts and feelings. Which night exactly, I would say it's Chapter 14.
Peace and Promise
I awoke to darkness again, feeling more tired than I had before. The dark ceiling pinned me to my bed, until a slight stirring on my side lifted me from its weight. Her breathing was the deep rhythm of sleep, and a faint smile was curled around her lips. Her hair slid over her soft pale cheek as she edged closer and closer to me.
Despite the familiar misery which settled upon my exhausted self, I smiled at the comfort her presence had brought to me. Her mouth drew me near. I placed a kiss on it. Barely more than a feathery brush, lest I awake her.
At least, I did not scream myself out of sleep tonight. And at least I have more than just the emptiness I would usually find until I remained wakeful to meet daylight.
The brightest stars pierced the darkened sky still, and the horizon has not shown its face behind those distant hills. It is the deepest hour of the night, where twilight has not gone too far behind, but the dawning of a new day hasn't quite arrived.
These late nights we share should have given more life and joy than a man can expect to find. I would knock on her door, she would answer, and we would have one another. Sometimes she would come to me instead. But always, I would rouse to wakefulness in the odd hours of the dark, feeling the length of her body pressed against mine, holding me tight. As if she would not allow me to slip into the bottomless chasm of the night.
Often times I wonder if we have changed one another and if we are no longer who we used to be. How did I ever convince myself to venture into such forbidden joining? How could she ever desire me after learning my darkest deeds? Such affection she willingly gives would have brought completeness to my heart and restored my wounded soul, if not for the dark time that lies ahead of us.
Some might say memory is just a thing of the past, but it never was for me. Like an old injury that wouldn't heal, I would find myself debilitated by fear and remorse whenever those ghostly recollections haunted me and reminded me of the dark days they could set loose upon me. I wished they were none of my doing, and I wished time would put it all behind me. But no; it would never be and will never be, for there is no freedom to be gained by denying, and my only hope was to keep on fighting.
At last, fate has presented me a chance to weed the source of my misery, with not just the bitterness and guilt I had brewed within me, but with the strength I would gain from those around me. And what I sensed from her these many nights was another kind of power she had unknowingly given to me. A fierce determination to treasure what we have between us during such difficult times, along with an undying persistence to overcome those opposing forces that would painfully tear us apart.
Until then, happiness is not a promise.
Until then, I will find no peace.
Akkarin
Hope you have enjoyed this short chapter! I always imagine Akkarin to be someone skilful with his words (probably his sword as well :p) and perhaps a little on a poetic side. So...this would likely be the style/tone of his diary. ^_^
THANKS to Ralobat for beta-ing! And THANKS to Laura again for your feedback and comments!
As always, please do leave your reviews as there is nothing much more valuable than to hear from you about what you think of my work! Thanks for reading! ^_^
