Title: Road to Joy
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: 4x16
Warnings: Oral sex
Disclaimer: They belong to Kripke, no matter how much I wish they belonged to me. There are some Bright Eyes lyrics mixed in here too, since this fic was inspired by the song, "Lua". I changed the tone a bit. Conor's song is about not caring for someone, but I used his lyrics to convey caring deeply about someone. Anywho, everyone go listen to Conor Oberst and love him like I do. :)
Summary: Dean awoke from dreams of Hell, panting and shaking. He steadied his nervous breathing and wished with all his might that he had someone there to comfort him. Night after night with the horrible memories of Hell seared into his mind. All the pain, and no one to help alleviate it.
Chapter One
What Is Simple In The Moonlight
Dean was tired of running, tired of fighting, tired of everything. His mind was screaming for him to just rest. His body was near collapsing of its own accord, with or without his permission. Most of all, his heart had endured nearly all it could take without ceasing to beat. The realization that he was the cause of the apocalypse, that he had been destined to fail and torture souls in Hell, and being reacquainted with the heinous creature that lived inside of him was just too much. He would never forgive himself for the acts he had committed while he was in Hell. He had thought he was past all that, he was Dean again, not the monster that Alastair had trained so well. Not the version of himself that enjoyed bringing pain to others, because it made his own pain more bearable. And as sure as Sam was the size of a sasquatch, Dean was harboring his fair share of pain. With every slice and every scream, he could release some of the anger and pain he had festering inside his heart. While in Hell, Dean fully understood how nice people became demons. The things you did when you were there, the things you saw, the things you were forced to endure; it would mutate even the purest of souls. The torturing had become a sick, twisted sort of therapy for him and now that he was back on Earth, he had to face the horrible things he had done.
Dean awoke from dreams of Hell, panting and shaking. He steadied his nervous breathing and wished with all his might that he had someone there to comfort him. Years and years of traveling and sleepless nights. Night after night with the horrible memories of Hell seared into his mind. All the pain, and no one to help alleviate it. He craved someone to lose himself in, someone to make all the memories of the slicing and tearing of the flesh go away. Someone to purify his body and mind. Sure, he wanted to just fuck the pain away, but more than that, he needed someone to wake up next to, just once. Someone to hold him and tell him it was okay. Not gonna happen, just suck it up, he thought. He turned over and was startled to find Castiel sitting on the other side of the bed, watching him curiously. Dean leapt from the bed, holding his arms out in front of his body in defense mode.
"Oh no you don't. Last time you showed up on my bed in the middle of the night like this, you worked some of your time machine magic. Why are you here, Cas?"
Castiel rose from the bed and walked toward Dean angel placed his hand on the scar on Dean's shoulder, his fingers slipping into place perfectly, for it was his mark. Dean felt a surge of lust, devotion, and vulnerability wash over him almost as soon as Castiel palmed the scar. It made Dean dizzy and punchdrunk. "Dean, I am connected to you. Because of the bond that was welded between us when I pulled you from Hell, I can see inside of you. I see your pain, I see what you dream about," he paused and lurched forward, crushing Dean with a desperate kiss. Dean's body melted into the kiss that he had secretly waited months to feel. He was powerless against this, because his body and heart needed it so badly. After breaking the contact of their bodies, Castiel whispered, "I see what you need most right now, and it is this."
Dean chose to ignore the twinge of pain inside his heart, because he hated it when someone knew he was vulnerable. He chose to allow his hormones to take hold of him. His body needed the contact and he would not deny himself this. Maybe it wouldn't heal him, but it would mask the pain for one night.
They fell together on the cheap bed, the mattress too firm to really be comfortable, but it served its purpose. Dean had slept on far less comfortable surfaces in his many years as a hunter. But, who was sleeping anyway? This was not the time for sleep, that would come much later, and to Dean's surprise, it would be the most peaceful sleep he would ever experience. Now was the time for primal urges and the desperate grinding of hips. Anything to make the pain inside his head and heart cease.
It was a curious combination of rough kisses and heavy breathing. Ripped shirts and moans of desperation. Once they were freed from the confining clothing, Dean had a chance to really admire the vessel that Castiel was inhabiting. He studied the defined muscles of the vessel's chest and stomach, the pale skin that screamed purity, and of course, the God-given gift he carried between his legs. He didn't even know anything about the man whose body he was about to use to quell the flow of pain in his heart. He felt a pang of guilt , but that quickly disappeared as Castiel brought the vessel's mouth up to meet Dean's in an animalistic kiss filled with one thing: need. Dean kissed back with fervored lust, exploring the luscious cave of Castiel's mouth that tasted of honey and sunshine. It was the purest and most delicious thing he'd ever tasted in his entire life. The feeling of the other man's body pressed against his own was intoxicating. Dean had to have his hands all over the angel. He ran his hands down to rest on the other man's hipbones, which jutted out just enough to tease him. All his thoughts turned to those hips, and how he needed his hands on them in a different position. Breaking the kiss, Dean slithered down Castiel's body, pausing every few inches to kiss lightly and dart his tongue out, tasting the salt-slick sheen on Cas' abs. Castiel was watching him with wide eyes, not sure what would come next, but feeling an unexplainable urge to grasp Dean's hair and push him downward. He resisted the urge, just barely. Dean licked and nibbled his way around Castiel's hipbones, causing Castiel to writhe and wimper below him. When the sounds spilling from the angel became too much, when he could wait no longer, he suddenly took all of Castiel into his mouth. He choked a little, instantly regretting not allowing his throat to relax. He gagged, and much to his surprise, the sound seemed to excite Castiel. The angel bucked his hips upward into Dean's warm mouth and Dean smiled inwardly at the thought of someone as powerful as Castiel being overpowered by the immense pleasure. His throat relaxed, he gripped Castiel's hips, and he found the perfect rhythym to send the angel over the edge. Being new to such sensations, Castiel did not last long. Dean had just begun to hum, deep in his throat, when Castiel gripped his hair tight and cried out in Enochian, spilling down the back of Dean's throat. The guttural and primal sounds bursting forth from the angel's mouth overwhelmed Dean and though he had been rutting his own hips against the bed furiously, he came without warning. He had not expected it to all be over so quickly, but, for the first time in his life, he didn't mind. He used his ripped shirt to clean himself and the bed as best he could, before finding his place on the mattress next to his angel. Castiel snuggled up next to Dean, buried his head in the crook of Dean's neck and whispered, "I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss. You wanted this, but tomorrow you will deny it. You expect me to leave as soon as you fall asleep, because it's all you know. You always leave women, but this is different. You need me to stay and you are terrified that I will leave you."
Dean squirmed uncomfortably at the painful truths Castiel was whispering to him so matter-of-factly. He could feel the small blooms of warm kisses on his neck, as Castiel continued, "But I am not a 'gamble', as you would say. You can count on me. I will be here in the morning; I will be here always. I will never leave you, unless it is what you truly desire."
Dean's heart swelled with something like love, but he didn't want to admit that he loved Castiel. Anyone he loved was doomed and he would not curse this being who had given him everything. Castiel had pulled him from Hell, he had given him a second chance. Instead of telling Castiel that he never wanted him to leave, that he needed him more than anything he had ever needed, or that he wanted nothing more than to lie in that stupid, cheap bed with him for all of eternity, Dean just kissed the angel, hoping that Castiel could see inside his heart at that moment. Of course, Castiel could see it all, but he also knew that things would not be so simple in the morning. He savored the kiss, fearing that it would be the last. He broke the kiss reluctantly and placed his finger to Dean's temple, whispering, "Sleep, Dean." But Dean didn't hear the broken, ragged, and barely audible whisper shortly thereafter, "Please love me in the morning."
Dean slept the ten most peaceful hours of sleep that his body and mind had ever known.
What is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is.
A/N: If you want a second chapter, let me know in the reviews! I have ideas, but I want to know that you guys are interested in hearing the rest of the story! 3
