Sacrifice

By Dixxy Mouri

"Why the hell are we in New Hampshire? It's like, the lamest state."

Steve groaned. "Tony. There have been strange sightings near here-"

"But it's NEW HAMPSHIRE," said Tony. The Avengers were currently on one of Tony's private jets en route to the state in question, and the Iron Man seemed less than enthused. "Don't they have more cows that people or something? I mean what's in New Hampshire? What does New Hampshire have going for it? Isn't their nickname 'the granite state'? Cows and rocks. COWS AND ROCKS."

"And a possible magical threat, which means Fury wants us there," said Bruce.

"But it's fucking New Hampshire! Cows and rocks, guys, cows and rocks!"

Tony was disappointed to see Steve had given up and returned to his book (one of the Harry Potter novels – early in book six, maybe he should tell him Snape kills Dumbledore just to piss him off). The others were similarly occupied – Thor had a Nintendo DS and was playing some Pokey Man game or something (Tony didn't care what he was playing but seriously who gave him a DS?), Natasha and Clint were engrossed in a game of Words With Friends, and Bruce had fallen asleep in his chair, so there was no one to bitch at.

Of course he knew why they were going. There was a "vague yet probable threat" in the state that may or may not require the Avengers, so the team was being flown out to be on stand-by while S.H.I.E.L.D. finished their initial investigation. In the meantime they were staying at a tiny little bed and breakfast in the middle of nowhere run by a little old man and woman who'd probably been married for like a million years and Tony was positive he was going to be bored out of his skull.

The others were looking forward to it. Clint had gotten his gaming license so he was going to go hunting for deer or something, Steve had seen some old timey diners or something in the brochure he wanted to visit, Bruce enjoyed the quiet so he'd probably LOVE a state as boring as fucking New Hampshire, Thor just enjoyed visiting Midgard and seeing what it had to offer, and Natasha had mentioned something about meeting an old friend or something, he didn't know.


They were at the bed and breakfast three hours later. There was a pretty S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with straight blonde hair in a skirt suit waiting for them – Tony realized this was their handler for the assignment. "Welcome to the Purple Lilac, Avengers," she said. "You can call me Agent 13, or 13 for short, if you'd like."

"You mean like that one chick on House M.D.?" Tony asked.

Natasha rolled her eyes at Tony before smiling and giving the other agent a friendly hug. The others realized this was the old friend she'd mentioned on the plane (except for Clint, who gave her a casual hand wave – he must have known her, too). "It's been a while," said the Black Widow. "I haven't seen you since Madrid."

"That long?" said 13. "That was over a year ago!"

"Well, you know how it is – I had companies to infiltrate, you had French mercenaries to hunt, things get in the way," said Natasha. She turned to her teammates. "Let me introduce you the others. You already know Barton."

"Oh yes – I clearly remember debriefing you two after Budapest," said 13.

"This is Dr. Banner," said Natasha. 13 and Bruce exchanged a friendly smile and handshake.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Lady 13 – I am Thor Odinson of Asgard." 13 looked a little surprised at the polite bow, but extended her hand for another handshake. Thor laughed jovially, shook her hand, and slapped her on the back. She hesitated, shrugged, then returned the gesture. Thor seemed pleased.

Tony was next. "I don't need an introduction," he said, extending his hand.

"Of course not – an ego check would be much more useful," 13 said sweetly.

Tony winced. "That attempt at an insult almost hurt – I pity your lack of skills."

"I've seen the videos online. Clean energy or not, Stark Tower is called 'overcompensating'."

". . . we'll call it a draw."

Clint was snickering. Tony shot him a look.

"And you must be Captain Rogers," 13 said, standing before him and extending her hand.

Steve was usually pretty well put together in these kinds of situations – he was a soldier, he knew how to stand at attention, give and take orders from the appropriate people, and get the job done. He was by the books and usually pretty boring to watch when meeting new people when they were out avenging things (as Tony liked to call it).

Apparently not this time.

"Uh, um, hi," he said, looking a little nervous. Tony turned to face the exchange. Steve was sweating bullets and almost looked like he'd seen a ghost. But there was a flush to his cheeks that suggested something else entirely. His eyes were studying her, and his mouth was flapping but no word were coming out.

New Hampshire was now slightly less boring.

"Hi," said Agent 13.

"Um, Rogers. Captain Rogers." He shot out his hand, holding it out a little too rigidly.

13 took his hand and gently shook it. "Pleasure to meet you."

"I, er, same. Yes." Steve looked like he was sweating bullets and Tony allowed himself a smirk.

Aw, does Captain America have a crush? And do I have new ammo to torment Steve with?

13 pulled her hand away from Steve and smiled, turning to look at the rest of them. "I'm assuming you've been debriefed about the current situation?" The Avengers nodded (except for Steve – he yelped out a nervous, high-pitched "yes"). "Unfortunately we don't have anything else to share with you at this time so our orders are to sit tight until you're called to assemble." She reached into her pocket and produced six keys on plastic key chains – metal keys, which made Tony realize that the bed and breakfast was so low-tech they didn't even have card keys.

"I've already checked you all in – your room numbers are on the key chains and there's a pool in the back. Although you can certainly go into town if you'd like try not to wander too far – remember, we might have a mission to tend to. But in the meantime I'll leave you all to your own devices." After she passed out the keys (Steve tried to thank her, but he barely managed to take the key without dropping them). She turned to the Black Widow with a smile. "Nat, want to grab lunch?"


For some reason, Steve didn't leave for town right away like everyone expected him to (what with the old timey stuff he wanted to see so bad) and followed Tony up the stairs to the second floor (where Tony planned on playing video games until someone told them they could go home or blow shit up, which would probably make fucking New Hampshire way more interesting: cows, rocks, and blowing shit up). "Weren't you going on about some diners or something?"

Steve shrugged. "I'd like to unpack first."

"Meh, fair enough," said Tony. He grinned. "I saw you eyeing Lucky back there."

"Who?" asked Steve.

Tony rolled his eyes. "13. Lucky number 13. Ha ha, I made a funny."

Steve blushed. "Um. Oh. Um. OH."

"You like here."

"No I don't! I don't even know her!" He was getting redder by the second.

"Yes, and I'm still an innocent, wide eyed virgin," said Tony, snorting.

Steve glared. "What's wrong with that?"

"Well, I'm not," said Tony. "I'm rich, I'm handsome, and I'm Iron Man. I've had plenty of ladies."

"Why is that something to brag about?" asked Steve, crossing his arms.

"Oh come on, we've all seen the old propaganda films with you and the dancer girls," said Tony, slapping Steve on the shoulder. "You must have had some private shows with those girls all across the country. Bonnie in Boston? Felicia in Philly? Sheila in Chicago? Debbie in Dallas?" Tony's eyes widened. "Steve, I will die in a fit of laughter right here, right now, if you slept with a girl named Debbie in Dallas. My kidneys will explode. Literally. Because that would make my entire week."

"I didn't sleep with any of the chorus girls – I think the term now is 'Friend Zone'?" said Steve.

Tony winced. "Ooo, you got stuck in the Friend Zone by that many hot chicks? Bummer," he said. Really, he should have stopped there, but Tony was an inquisitive man who didn't put much stock in sayings about curiosity and cats. "Well, did you have a main squeeze before the Super High Tech Vita Ristic Shots with Muscle Toneness?" he asked.

". . . uh, no, I was 98 pound asthmatic . . . and what movie did you reference this time?"

Tony pulled out his phone. "JARVIS, add more Julie Andrews and Disney to our movie night schedule." He put his phone back into his pocket. "Mary Poppins. It's about a magical nanny, the kids she takes care of, and her chimney sweep friend. There are dancing penguins in there and I know you liked Happy Feet." He crossed his arms. "Okay, so no pre-serum girl fun time and no chorus girls. What about groupies?"

"No."

"European farm girls you took in the hayfield or the family barn?"

"No."

"Seducing sexy lady HYDRA agents to get information out of them?"
"What? NO!"

". . . wait, are you gay? Because it's totally cool if you are."

"No, I like dames, not fellas – and no, I am not homophobic just because I'm from 1945."

"Okay. Uh . . ."

"Tony. Stop."

That was when it finally dawned on Tony. "Are you implying you're a-"

Steve crossed his arms. "I don't see what the problem is."

Tony sputtered a laugh. "Captain America is still a VIRGIN!"

Steve disagreed. "It's not funny!"

The billionaire put on a serious face. "You're right," he said.

"Damn straight," said Steve, closing his eyes and smiling. "Just because I'm a virgin doesn't-"

"It's fucking hilarious. Or rather not fucking hilarious!" Tony cackled and clapped.

"You're an idiot," said Steve. He sighed. "If you must know I was waiting for the right person – not the first one to come along, be it some groupie in Chicago or some French girl in the middle of the European countryside. And oh yes, I met the one, and she was gorgeous and intelligent and unflappable, and believe me, I WANTED to and sometimes I think she did, too, but it was never the right time and before we could even go on our first date I crashed a plane into Arctic waters and now I . . ." Tony half expected a lecture, but saw a sad look in Steve's eyes and suddenly felt like an asshole.

Well, more than usual. He winced. Peggy Carter. Dad's British buddy with the SSR. Of course he knew about her. He'd heard the stories about her, including her history with Captain America. He'd heard all about "fondue" (actually, that should have told Tony everything he needed to know about Steve's sex life, really) and how Peggy had been the last person to talk to him and how terribly sad it all was because they might've tied the knot and there might have been dogs and kids and white picket fences in the picture if Steve hadn't . . .

I am a huge asshole.

"I'm sorry," he said. "My dad told me about you and Agent Carter."

"It's . . . I'll be okay," said Steve, putting on The Smile. Tony almost cringed.

No one liked The Smile.

To the untrained eye, it was just that – a smile. And it's not like Steve didn't smile – of course he did. Even with all the things in the world he still wasn't familiar with and how much he'd lost as a result of the crash, he hadn't lost the ability to be happy about something – he laughed at jokes, enjoyed drawing and painting in his spare time, and found enjoyment in various other things (food, games, talking with friends, whatever).

But The Smile was different. It kind of looked like his normal smile, but it was off. Natasha always noted how his mouth curved a little differently at the corners, and Clint saw that his eyes were a little wider. Thor was sensitive to his change in stance and Bruce could hear it in his voice. Tony didn't notice any of those things in particular, but he could tell that Steve was a little "off" and was just as good at picking it out as the others were.

The Smile came out whenever Steve was really upset and homesick for the 1940's.

The super soldier quietly excused himself and shut himself up in his room. Tony heard him slump against the door frame and weep. Ton could feel his heart breaking. As much as he teased and bickered with the other Avengers (except for Bruce because Bruce was the twin brother he never knew he was missing all his life and their bromance was the stuff of legends), he was getting closer to all of them and Steve was no exception. This wasn't just his teammate hurting – this was his friend hurting.

And it's my fault he's upset right now.

Tony didn't much feel like playing video games anymore. He shuffled into his own room, closed the door, and flopped onto the bed. He settled for grabbing his phone and picking out a playlist, putting in some ear buds, and taking a nap.


No one saw Steve for the rest of the evening, not even for dinner. Natasha was a no show, too, but Clint said she was going to catch up with 13 somewhere else while the rest of them ate pizza in Bruce's room. Thor had gone to check on Steve but there was no answer from his bedroom – either he'd gone into town after all or needed some alone time, which, considering Tony's conversation with him in the hall, he expected.

True, Steve was adjusting and adapting more quickly than anyone would have guessed and at this point it was mostly pop culture references that flew over his head – in casual encounters, he could pass for someone born in 1986 (the year listed on his license) instead of someone born in 1918 (the year listed on his birth certificate). He had a cell phone, currently held the high scores on all of Tony's Mario Kart and Katamari Damacy games (he was the only one on the team who'd rolled up the Queen in the last level of We Heart Katamari and everyone who played hated him a little for it), and probably knew more about the history of the last 70 years than the rest of them did because he read EVERYTHING about post World War II EVERYWHERE. But he had his bad days or his bad moments, which no one blamed him for because what he had to do was daunting to say the least, and this had turned into one of those moments. Someone, probably Bruce, would check on his later to make sure he was okay, but for now he probably needed alone time.

Besides, there was more interesting topics to discuss. Like how Natasha suddenly had a gal pal.

"So who is Ms. 13?" asked Bruce, looking directly at Clint.

Clint shrugged. "Another agent with S.H.I.E.L.D. She and Nat are buddies. They've done a few missions together and go do stuff together – movies, drinks, whatever. They didn't like each other at first, got into a REALLY nasty fight one day, and apparently that was all they needed because they went and got tacos together that afternoon."

"Why is her name a number?" asked Thor. "Is that a Midgardian custom?"

"No, it's just her codename," said Clint. "You know how like my name is 'Clint Barton' but my codename is 'Hawkeye' and Tash is sometimes called 'Black Widow' or Steve is 'Captain America'. 13's real name is Sharon Carter – not sure where her codename came from."

Bruce nearly choked on his pizza. "Did you say 'Carter', Clint?"

Tony whistled. "Steve's girlfriend from the 1940's was a Carter. Peggy Carter."

Thor furrowed his brow. "It did look as though he thought he'd seen her before."

Clint paused. "Oh yeah. She's Peggy's grand niece. Still visits the old woman whenever she can."

"She probably used her codename to avoid making Steve uncomfortable if he connected her last name to her aunt," said Bruce. He paused. "So that means Peggy Carter is alive? Why hasn't anyone told Steve that so he can go visit her?"

"They have and he did," said Clint. He lowered his eyes. "Advanced Alzheimer's."

Tony and Bruce winced. Thor didn't know what it was, but he understood what the reaction implied.

They ate in silence for the rest of the meal.


Night fell. Natasha and 13 returned looking relaxed and happy with painted finger and toe nails. Apparently it had turned into a spa day. 13 called for the entire team to assemble in her room for a meeting, and Tony went to go get Steve – he was worried about the super soldier and wanted to check on him privately. He knocked on the door. "Steve? You in there?"

No response. "Steve, meeting."

Still nothing.

"I'm sorry I laughed at you about still being a virgin," he said. He sighed. "I get it. You want to wait for the right person. You know what? I respect that. It's a nice sentiment. You want to do the lovey dovey thing before you punch your V-card and you know, that's kind of cool. Look, you do what you need to do with your body and when the time is right you're going to have a blast with your special lady friend and I'll be happy for you."

Still no response – Tony hoped that Steve was all right.


Apparently it was not exactly spa day for the ladies.

"We found out some interesting things about what's going on in town," said 13. She grinned, looking at her nails. "Women in salons can get real chatty real quick. First of all, they didn't know what the hell we were talking about when we asked about the supernatural occurrences – no one around town did."

"The reports were fake?" asked Bruce.

Natasha nodded. "Yes, but we think we know where they came from. Something we didn't pick up before is the presence of a cult in town – they've been around for a while, but a few of our songbirds said that they've been acting a bit strange lately." She sighed. "Well, more so than usual. They appeared to be 'up to something' at their compound and have been telling people that their Great Spirit King is coming soon."

"What is a cult?" asked Thor.

"An unpopular religion," said Tony.

Bruce elbowed Tony in the stomach. "What Tony meant to say is that a cult is something LIKE a religion, but the term comes with some very negative undertones," said the doctor. "When you say someone has joined a religion it just implies they've had a spiritual awakening and aside from maybe giving up some vices continue life as normal. When you say someone has joined a cult, the changes might be a little more extreme – some of them may be violent, sometimes members up and leave their entire lives behind, including their friends and family."

Tony twitched a little. What if Steve joined the cult? He was vulnerable, and didn't some of those cults live super humbly, so maybe it reminded him of his home time period. Maybe they should all go check on Steve and maybe that meant Thor busting down the door (with numerous apologies and monetary gifts to the bed and breakfast courtesy of Stark Industries for the damages).

"Well, what's extra strange?" asked Clint.

"They keep looking for a 'virgin warrior'," said Natasha.

Tony paled. Uh oh.

"And why do they want one of those?" asked Bruce.

"Something about summoning their Great Spirit King?" said 13.

. . . one day, after we're out of fucking New Hampshire and Steve is all rescued, we're all going to look back on this and laugh and go "Remember that time Steve was a virgin sacrifice? Good times, guys, good times."

Tony stood and ran from the room. 13 yelled after him, as did the other Avengers, but there was no time for discipline. The billionare skidded to a stop in front of Captain America's door and started to slam his shoulder into the door frame, but to no avail. "STEVE! STEVE! IF YOU ARE IN THERE OPEN UP RIGHT NOW OR I WILL-"

Tony was stopped by Thor's hand – of course the other Avengers (and 13) had caught up. The Asgardian shook his head, gestured for him to move out of the way (because obviously this was a job that the wielder of Mjolnir was currently best equipped for), and plowed through the door in one go, leaving it a mess of splinters and hinges.

Steve's room was a mess, and baring the room he'd made into a studio on his floor of the tower ("If art isn't messy, you're doing it wrong" was his philosophy . . . or his excuse), he kept his spaces immaculate. There was some broken furniture, pillows and shams strewn about the room, and the glass door leading to the balcony was shattered. His uniform was folded neatly on the dresser and his shield and boots were in the corner.

"Tony . . ." asked Bruce.

"Steve sort of told me he's still a virgin this afternoon?" said Tony. "And if 13's intel is good . . ."

Agent 13 stared blankly at Tony before smacking her forehead. "Fuck my life, they kidnapped Captain America. Fury's going to kill me," she said. She looked up and glared at all of them. "All right, here's what's going to happen. Clint, I need you in the trees around the compound. Nat I need you to get any intelligence you can on what this ceremony entails so we have a time table. The rest of you – suit up and follow me. Am I clear?"

"Did you just give us orders?" asked Tony.

"If you have a better idea, give it. Otherwise shut up and suit up."

Clint radioed back that there was definitely some kind of ceremony being set up in the compound. Of note was a large wooden pole surrounded by brush, logs, and other things that screamed "we burn easily". No sign of Steve (yet) but it was strange enough for the other Avengers to get to the scene to wait it out and see what was going to happen. Iron Man, feeling guilty, was carrying the captain's shield so he could use it in the inevitable mess about to unfold.

If they were right.

If they were wrong, then where the hell was he?

While waiting for contact from Clint, Tony was distracted by 13's S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform. Much like Natasha's outfit, it was a black cat suit that showed some cleavage and had the agency's insignia on the shoulder. Where it differed were the snow white gloves and white knee high boots and white utility belt. "What's with the uniform, 13?" asked Tony.

13 shrugged. "It's how my division dresses. Why, is there a problem?"

"Why go go boots? Didn't those die out in the sixties?"

"They're not-"

Clint radioed the group. "I've got visual contact – the bald eagle is in the nest."

"Clint. English," said Bruce.

"You guys are no fun," said Clint. He sighed. "Yes, they have Steve. They've got him chained up and are leading him to the stake – he's putting up quite a struggle but there are like, ten of them." He paused. "Scratch that. Eight – no, wait, they got reinforcements after that, twelve. Twelve of them. That was some impressive head butt work though. Nice job, Steve."

Iron Man sighed. "Okay. After this I am buying him a prostitute so this doesn't happen again."

"Stark, you are not buying Captain America a prostitute," 13 said in exasperation.

"Why, you want to get the job done yourself, Go Go Boots?" asked Iron Man.

13 glared. "Shut up." Tony noticed she had blushed a little.

Ah HA! The attraction is mutual!

"Clint, what's the situation at the gates?" asked Tony.

"Southern gate is the most densely populated – that's where Steve is headed. East and west are ghost town," said Clint. "Steve's still putting up a struggle and – ow, that hurt just watching! Steve, man, I get they're trying to kill you before you can get laid but that was brutal! Just . . . ah man, you guys have no idea!"

13 grumbled something under her breath. "Nat?"

Natasha came over the radio. "The ceremony takes about fifteen minutes and they won't try to hurt Steve until about the ten minute mark – we cannot take that long. Ceremony begins once he's tied to the pole and their leader emerges."

"Good. Where are you now?"

"I lifted a robe and hood – I'm on the outskirts of the crowd."

"Okay, get out of the cult gear once you see one of us so we don't accidentally kill you," said Tony. "Okay, if everyone is at the south gate then we're going to wait Thor and the Hulk there – that'll break up the crowd and we're going to need that. Natasha, you said you're on the outskirts – which gate are you closest to?"

"East."

"Excellent, that means Go Go Boots should go to the west gate."

"Stop calling me that!"

"No. Clint, can you get any clear shots from your location?"

"Tony, that's the stupidest thing you've said all day."

Actually, it's not. "Well, okay then. I'm going after Steve – if he's chained up I've got the best chance of getting him out without the keys or hurting him. I'm going to assume once he's out he's going to join in until reinforcements get here," said Tony. "You know, for the arresting and the clean-up work and the finally getting us out of this stupid state thing."

"Whatever, let's do this," said Bruce. He and Thor started running towards the south gate (one of the two getting larger and greener as he ran) while 13 sprinted towards the west gate. Once the Hulk ripped the south gate off its hinges, Tony shot himself into the air now that the cult's attention was elsewhere.

Diving into the middle of the compound, Tony was glad to see that Steve was easy to pick out, as he was the only one not wearing a hooded robe (or a shirt – apparently sacrificial warrior virgins are not allowed to wear shirts on sacrifice day). Just like Clint said, there was a collection of cultists trying to keep him wrangled with a bunch of heavy metal chains but Steve was having none of that and doing a pretty good job of stalling.

Iron Man landed next to Steve and started slicing chains and throwing off cultists. "You okay?"

"Took you guys long enough," he said, taking the last chain and tripping up five in one go. Tony noted that Steve's body had red writing all over his chest and back in some kind of greasy oil paint and he smelled like incense. All probably part of the ritual, or some guy in the cult had a bizarre sense of humor. Tony handed him his shield and Steve went into full on Captain America mode.

Minus the star spangled outfit.

The battle went about as well as they usually did. Iron Man shot lasers and bullets and rockets and flew around. Thor called in some backup lightning clouds and made good use of Mjolnir. There were cultists all over the yard with arrows stuck in various non-lethal body parts ("Clint, we need to have a discussion about your Skyrim problem again!" Tony called out). Natasha was switching seamlessly between fighting styles. Steve was getting the brunt of the attack as the cult's leader (who was distinguished by a pair of deer antlers on top of his hood), being their super special sacrificial virgin and all, but we doing a good job now that he had his shield and was not chained up.

The Hulk smashed. No one was surprised.

13 came in, guns blazing and generally doing what Natasha was doing, except in go go boots. Tony had to give her credit – although she wasn't the most skilled fighter on their side, she was doing a respectable enough job and had definitely earned her place at S.H.I.E.L.D. Especially that time she elbowed one guy in the face while shooting another into the shoulder. That was kind of cool.

Tony focused mostly on his own fighting, though he tried to stay close to Steve. 13 was working her way towards them, probably because that was where the highest concentration of cultists was. Whatever, he had virgin killing assholes to deal with. If 13 thought she was useful helping protect Captain America, fine by him, she seemed capable.

And then something weird happened.

One of the cultists managed to trip 13 up and she went down, dropping her gun and left in a prone position. She successfully swept kicked one of her assailants, but three more came in from all sides. Her eyes widened.

But then in came Steve, standing over her with his shield and simultaneously taking out all three cultists while 13 braced herself on her hands, unwound into a handstand, and then took someone down with her ankles. She pushed up and off the ground, landing in a standing position long enough grab a spear from a cultist trying to stab the super soldier – they were stabbed instead. Steve stepped on and launched 13's pistol into the air, which she effortlessly caught before continuing her firearms assault on the cultists.

Tony was amazed. They fell right into sync with each other. Odd. Steve couldn't even talk to her before. Now he's fighting alongside her like she's always been there. They had each others back and were almost wordlessly switching off opponents and taking cultists out left and right. Maybe seeing her in battle had done something to Steve, or maybe her Aunt Peggy's stories had gotten to her.

Iron Man didn't even need to pay heed to the flailing cultist he was keeping at arm's length. They couldn't get to his torso if they tried and even if they did they were armed with a stick. He hadn't done a lot of extensive testing with the suit and "sticks" as the intended weapon, but he was pretty sure he knew how it was going to go down. It was interesting watching Cap and the blonde S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. They took shots over each other's shoulders. Steve did a sweeper kick that 13 flipped over to kick another guy in the face. At some point she was holding his shield and fired her gun – they switched back so 13 could reload while Cap watched her back.

They worked really, really well together.

"Huh."

And then the Hulk repeated his showdown with Loki using the cult leader, Thor ignited several of the buildings with a stray lightning blast, Clint had joined the brawl, possibly to collect his arrows or to prove that no they didn't need to stage an Elder Scrolls intervention for him, and S.H.I.E.L.D. finally decided to arrive in time to see the chaos.

Tony saw Fury getting out of a car. "Does this mean we can leave this stupid state now?"


Once out of the suit, Tony wandered over to where Steve was being questioned by some S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and washing the paint and perfume off his chest. Tony waited for the agents to disperse before he decided to approach the captain. "Look, Steve, I was an asshole earlier today," he said. "I was out of line."

"You were?" asked Steve.

"Um, hello? I teased you about being a virgin, and then you thought about Peggy, and-"

Steve shook his head. "It's all right. It reminded me of what she was like back in the 1940's and not . . . what she's like now," he said. "And about the virgin thing . . . I know I'm under experienced for my age, even if you don't count the ice years and maybe I should so I can blend in better-"

Tony shook his head. "No, no dude. Don't think like that . . . wherever you got that idea from. Steve, this is your body – you shouldn't have to do something you're not ready for." He put his hands on his friends' shoulder. "Before we knew you were gone, I was worried about you, and I gave you a little speech through the door of your room but I don't think you heard it."

"All right," said Steve, looking confused. "Don't think I heard your . . . speech."

"You need to do what's right for you," said Tony. "If you want to find that special lady – and maybe it doesn't seem like it, but I have confidence you are going to find a woman who takes your heart when you're not looking but that's okay because you're going to have hers in your back pocket – and you want to wait for her, that's okay. Because you won't be 'fucking' for your first time, you're going to make love, and you're going to have a blast and then we never have to come back to New Hampsnore ever again because stupid cults looking for virgin sacrifices are going to lose all interest in us."

Steve smiled a little. "You think I can find love again?"

"Of course you can. You're a nice guy, and you also have a butt I would kill twenty kittens to have for myself because I would work those buns like a con man in a small town." Steve was trying to frown but he was blushing and a tiny grin did creep up onto his face. Tony patted his shoulder. "Once you think you're ready, go get 'em, tiger."

At that point 13 walked over – her hair was little bit of a mess and there was mud and dirt all over her pretty white boots and gloves, but she still looked pretty and now that they weren't fighting for their lives Steve was getting fidgety. "Mr. Stark, Captain Rogers," she said, "I wanted to make sure everyone was all right."

"Um, I'm, I'm fine," said Steve, his blush from a moment earlier returning.

13 grinned. "I'm glad to hear that – I have to admit, this is my first sacrificial cult."

"Mine, too. Does that mean we've all had our sacrificial cult cherries popped?" said Tony.

Steve groaned. "Tony . . ."

"Hey, everyone's okay, we should all take a moment to step back and relax. Right Go Go Boots?"

13 glared at him. "Stop calling them go go boots!"

"Well it's still a dumb choice for battle – they stick out," said Tony.

Steve raised an eyebrow. "And your suit is perfectly camouflaged."

"No, but now I'm going to work on cloaking technology for the next one and by the way I don't need to blend in because I have armor on. And look at your suit! You're a walking target, too! Heck your shield looks like a bullseye with a star in the middle of it!" said Tony. "It's like 'okay, bad guys, here is where I need you to hit me – I've got a target!'"

"It's a vibranium shield – you know what happens when things hit it," Steve said dryly.

13 grinned. "Captain Rogers has a point – he wants the bad guys to hit his shield."

Steve blushed again. "Uh, yeah."

13 turned to him with her arms crossed. "I'm sorry, am I making you nervous, Captain?"

"Um, I, um . . ."

Tony couldn't look away. Come on, Steve, you can do this . . .

"Look – we worked really well together back in the compound and you had some pretty cool moves. I'd love it if you taught me how to do some of those grabs," said 13. She put her hands behind her back and smiled brightly at him. "Maybe we can talk over coffee sometime? Or maybe dinner next Friday night?"

Tony discreetly elbowed Steve when he didn't answer right away. "Sure! Okay, 13."

"Please, just call me 'Sharon', Captain Rogers. Friends don't need to call me 13."

Steve smiled. "You can call me 'Steve'. Friends don't need to call me Captain America."

". . . did you guys just Friend Zone each other? Because I thought-"

"Shut up, Stark," they said in unison.


Three months later . . .


Steve hadn't come back home to the Avengers Tower one night and the group was starting to worry; no calls, not nothing. Natasha was ready to start a search party, but Bruce announced he'd gotten a text from the captain stating he was going to be "out for the night" and that he'd be back in the morning. They all relaxed and didn't think much of it.

Tony was the one who encountered him the following morning (or, well, early afternoon – everyone else had been up for hours) in the communal kitchen, wearing the same clothes from the night before, now slightly rumpled, and smelling like strawberries and vanilla. Steve was beaming and slid into the seat across from him, grabbing a pear from the fruit bowl Bruce insisted be on the table at all times.

"Good morning, Captain Frisbee," said Tony.

Steve ignored the jab. "Morning, Tony." He was swaying in his seat a little, humming something.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "You're in an awfully good mood. Did the Dodgers come home?"

"No."

"Did zoot suits come back into vogue, because if they did I turn violent."

Steve laughed. "No."

Tony stared at Steve for a few minutes and then it dawned on him. "You got laid."

Steve didn't answer directly, but his head lowered a little and his cheeks were pink.

The billionaire's eyes widened. "You DID get laid!" Tony said.

"You were right," said Steve, looking at the pear fondly. "Did it my way, had a blast."

Tony smirked. "So that's where you were last night – you were with Sharon." Despite Tony's initial assessment that Steve and Sharon had effectively Friend Zoned each other, they'd started dating about a month after the whole virgin sacrifice thing happened. They'd gone out a few times and took turns cooking dinner at Sharon's apartment and she'd become a regular at the tower for things like movie viewings and poker night.

Steve nodded. "We said 'I love you' for the first time three days ago, and then last night we ran into each other and grabbed dinner and a movie, and then we went back to her place and one thing led to another and then . . ." he trailed off, a dopey, far-away look in his eyes. "It happened. And it was amazing. She even said I could have a drawer in her dresser."

"Well, if you want I can get her card key access to your floor," said Tony.

"Really?"

"I did the same for Thor's girlfriend, why the hell would I treat you and yours different? Steve, that's where you live – it's your space. It's my building but I'm not going to stop you from bringing your girlfriend over for a sleepover," said Tony. "I can even program JARVIS to recognize her voice – again, just like anyone else's significant other."

"Thank you so much!"

Tony smiled back and gave Steve a pat on the back. "Well, I gotta go see who won the pool."

Steve stood and followed Tony in confusion. "Pool? What pool?"

"Have a good afternoon!"

"Tony, what are you . . . were you taking bets on my virginity!"


Author's Notes

So this is my entry for the Virgin (Captain) America challenge on LJ! The challenge was to write about the Avengers discovering that Steve's still a virgin and how they react. Although I had another, shorter idea involving a comic misunderstanding on Steve's part this idea came up . . . somewhere . . . and I decided to run with this.

I actually don't hate New Hampshire - it's where I'm from and currently live, and my state doesn't get a lot of time as a setting for fictional stories XD I kind of figured Tony would grow tired quickly of the rural parts of the state so that's where that came from. Fun fact: Purple Lilacs are the state flower, which is why I chose to name the bed and breakfast what I did.

Also our state motto is "Live Free or Die". So :P

Hope you guys enjoyed!

Dixxy