We would like to apologize for the delay in posting. Several important factors have kept myself (Digitalis) from doing so. Please
enjoy our script. In addition, in response to those of you who are not liking where the storyline is going, keep in mind that like Joss, we have
the entire season outlined and scripted. There is a very good reason why the characters are doing what they're doing. Thank you
for your patience.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Summer Script Challenge
The Powers that Be Pro Temporae
Episode 6.14: For Those Who Would Gather
By J.A.I.T., SWS, JodithGrace
GILES (VO)
Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
From Fish in the Sea:
Buffy and Spike discussing their feelings for one another with Anya and Xander. Xander looks suspiciously at Anya and Spike
talking.
From Rifting:
Dawn ripping the demon apart, Dawn telling off Buffy, then to Lydia shocked that Travers isn't weirded out by the Slayer fight.
From Surprise:
BUFFY and HULKING VAMP come crashing through the window at the side of the Bronze. Glass flies everywhere. They land on the stage, struggle briefly but BUFFY has the upper hand. She stakes him.
Cordelia pops up from behind a couch.
CORDELIA
Surprise!
OZ
That pretty much sums it up.
From Blood Ties:
Buffy opens Dawn's present. It's a picture of her and Dawn laughing and hugging each other on the beach, in a frame adorned with seashells. It hits Buffy hard.
DAWN
Jeez, don't get all Movie of the Week. I
was just too cheap to buy you a real present.
BUFFY
Thank you.
Buffy hugs her close.
and
DAWN
Is this blood?
JOYCE
Dawn!
From The Point Of No Return:
LYDIA
The new Slayer… It's Dawn…
CUT TO: Spike in agony as a bright light envelops him.
LYDIA
He's human - he's got
a soul now.
TEASER
EXT. - GILES HOUSE - day
Establishing shot.
INT. - GILES HOUSE - day
We see Buffy walking through the house with a bag of groceries...a schmuck baity feel to it. She's definitely stalking something.
ANGLE ON
Buffy's POV. She's following a phone cord. We can hear the sounds of someone in conversation, but it's too muffled to make out words. Buffy trails the phone cord to the closet. Just as she's about to rip the door open we hear:
GILES
I know what happened before, which is
why I want this one to be special...
ANGLE ON: Buffy's POV of Giles in classic teenager-trying-to-get-privacy pose.
ANGLE ON: Giles' POV of highly pissed off Buffy.
GILES
Oh, uh, Buffy...Buffy's here...Damn.
BUFFY
(Takes phone receiver away from GILES,
says into it)
Sorry, the surprise party is off.
CUT TO:
INT. - HOWARD'S HOUSE - day
We see a man hanging a banner. It's HOWARD. The place looks homey, with couches and wall hangings and carpeting and a fridge, but if we look real closely, we see it's a sewer tunnel offshoot. We see the banner says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSE! There are balloons, streamers, big
wrapped presents, and a superfluous amount of teddy bears for my taste.
ROSE (OS)
Daddy... I'm hungry.
HOWARD
(Almost falling off stepladder)
J-just a minute, honey!
ROSE comes in, she's about eight years old. She's carrying a teddy bear. Which she promptly bounces off her father's head.
ROSE
I'm hungry now!
HOWARD
Wouldn't you like to open your presents first?
ROSE
No. Food first!
HOWARD
I'll go get you something to eat right away, Honey
Bear! What would you like for your special
Birthday meal?
ROSE
(Morphing into game face)
I want Slayer blood!
HOWARD
B-but Honey Bear…
ROSE
That's why we came here, right?
HOWARD
Sure, honey….but it's just not that easy…
ROSE
(Throws herself on the floor and
starts screaming)
I want Slayer blood now! NOW NOW NOW
NOW NOW NOW NOW---
CREDITS
ACT ONE
INT. WILLY'S BAR - day (but not so as you'd know it)
Cut to Willy's bar. Howard is there, a bit nervous. He doesn't get out much. He's dressed in a trench coat, sunglasses, and a fedora. Tré Film Noir.
WILLY
What'll it be, pal?
HOWARD
Uh, white wine spritzer, please.
WILLY
Sure you don't want a Bloody Mary?
HOWARD
Um, no, I stay away from hard alcohol.
WILLY
Jeez, you're really new at this vampire
stuff, aren't you?
HOWARD
(Panicked)
Vampire?
(Realizing this is an asset here)
That's right...I'm a vampire, so you
better listen to me here...I
need some information, and you
know what'll happen if I don't get
what I need from you, right?
WILLY
(Rolling his eyes)
Please, I've got scarier cockroaches
than you in this place.
HOWARD
(Dejected)
Oh. I guess that this wasn't
such a good idea...I just heard
that you were the person to
come to for information about
what goes on in this town.
WILLY
(Importantly)
Well, you heard right about
that...but the kind of info I have
is very valuable, and very costly.
As in cash money...in advance.
HOWARD
(Resigned to paying for things)
How much is it?
WILLY
(Thinking quickly)
Oh...um...it's gonna cost you
two hundred, for starters...could
be more, depending on what you
want to know.
HOWARD hands over the cash. WILLY pockets it gleefully.
WILLY
Okay, so what do you want to know?
HOWARD
Where is the Slayer?
WILLY
Sorry, won't help you.
HOWARD
But I gave you money!
WILLY
Yeah, and she'll give me trouble,
which I do not need. You know this
job does not come with major
medical, which I will need if I start
messing with the Slayer. This I will
not do. But you did pay for something
so I'm gonna give you some advice.
Stay away from the Slayer.
WILLY makes a dismissive gesture. HOWARD grabs him by the lapels.
HOWARD
(Angry and desperate)
You don't understand! I have
to find her. You don't know
what I'm up against!
The THIRD DEMON FROM THE LEFT is WILLY's bouncer (tee hee!); it chucks HOWARD down the access tunnel.
TDFTLAWB
Don't come around here again.
INT. SEWER TUNNELS - day.
HOWARD brushes himself off, squaring his hat.
HOWARD
You people obviously have no
idea how hard it is to...
INT. GILES HOUSE - KITCHEN - day
GILES
...do something special. After all, it is your
twenty-first birthday, Buffy...traditionally
this is a rite of passage into adulthood, for a
Slayer it's doubly significant.
Giles is sitting at the table with Buffy pacing back and forth behind him. He looks like a disobedient teenager explaining something to his angry parent. And Buffy does look pissed off. She's unpacking groceries as she paces.
BUFFY
Hello! Does anyone remember last year?
Buffy's birthdays all begin with
hats and merriment and happy
la-las and end with bloodbaths.
GILES
Yes, well, what happened last year with
Dawn was unfortunate, but there's
certainly no danger that it would
be repeated this year, and-
BUFFY
(Cutting him off)
No and no! I am not having a birthday party
this year!
Dawn walks in as she says this and adds her two cents.
DAWN
Finally, you're understanding what it means to be
a Slayer.
BUFFY
(Shooting look o' death)
No, I'm going to stay in tonight with my head under
a blanket to avoid disaster. But this is a conversation we
will finish later.
(To Giles)
No party.
GILES
But--
BUFFY
No. Party. Noparty. Nopers on the party. No hats,
no candles, no cake...
(Phone rings, Buffy picks it up)
No party tonight!
(She slams it down)
GILES
This is really a day to celebrate...
BUFFY
If we all survive till tomorrow, then we'll celebrate.
Not before then.
INT. SEWER TUNNELS - night.
HOWARD is pacing back and forth, muttering to himself
HOWARD
(Practicing)
Rose, honey, the thing is, Daddy tried, honey bear,
but...no no no, she'll be screaming for days, I
have to get her what she wants, I just have to-
VOICE
(o.s.)
Psssst. Hey, you.
ANGLE ON: HOWARD's POV: we see a rather scrawny and weasely looking SNITCH VAMPIRE, obviously having come down the same way HOWARD had been unceremoniously dumped from. He's looking nervous but eager.
HOWARD
What do you want?
SNITCH VAMP
I heard what you asked Willy.
Man, I know where the Slayer
lives, and I'm willing to share that
piece of info, for the same price
Willy got.
HOWARD immediately reaches into his pocket in relief, then eyes narrow in suspicion.
HOWARD
How do I know you're on the up and
up? I'm not handing over the money
till I get the address.
SNITCH VAMP doesn't like this, but holds out a slip of paper. HOWARD snatches it eagerly and reads it.
SNITCH VAMP
This is where's she's living these days. I
swear!
HOWARD reaches into his coat like he's going for his wallet. We are watching SNITCH VAMP over HOWARD'S shoulder and can't really see what he's dong.
SNITCH VAMP
There, you see? I held up my part
of the bargain...though I don't know
why you'd want to actually go up against
the Slayer, but hey, it's your second
funeral-oof!
SNITCH VAMP explodes into dust, and we see that HOWARD has staked him. He looks back at the paper eagerly and begins talking as if the vamp was still there.
HOWARD
Funeral? Oh no, it's not my
funeral, my friend...
(Switching to game face but not looking happy)
It's my party.
BLACK OUT
ACT TWO
GILES' Living room. GILES comes in bearing a large bowl of chips, for the impending crowd. DAWN comes in and flops down in an armchair. BUFFY remains in the Kitchen. The doorbell rings. GILES answers it, large bowl of chips still in hand. It is ANYA and XANDER.
GILES
Oh good. You're here. I'm afraid I've
got some bad news on the party front.
XANDER
Let me guess. Buffy found out our
big surprise.
XANDER helps himself to chips from the bowl.
ANYA
(also helping herself to some chips)
What? And we were so sneaky too...
in a good way.
XANDER (To ANYA)
Oh yeah...and what do you know about
being sneaky…the not so good way?
ANYA
(Innocently)
What do you mean? I thought that it
was okay to be sneaky if it was
for a good cause...like jumping
out at somebody and shouting
"surprise!"
GILES
Excuse me…It's not just that Buffy found out...
Before he can explain, the doorbell rings again, and it is WILLOW and TARA. They come in and help themselves to chips.
XANDER
Hey Will, Tara. Bad news. Buffy found
out the big secret.
ANYA
In spite of all of our stealthiness.
XANDER looks at her suspiciously.
GILES
No, that's not it exactly.
WILLOW
Who told? Spike? Was it Spike?
He is such a blabbermouth.
GILES
No. I'm afraid…
The doorbell rings again. In comes SPIKE with a six pack of beer.
WILLOW
Spike! Did you tell Buffy about the party?
SPIKE joins the crowd gathered around GILES eating chips out of his bowl.
SPIKE
Me? No. Bloody hell...she found
out? Can't you lot be trusted with
the simplest secret?
(Reaching into the chip bowl)
Are these salt and vinegar?
GILES
WILL EVERYBODY STOP EATING
BLOODY CHIPS FOR ONE BLOODY
MINUTE? Does nobody feed you
people?
They all drop chips and back away) It doesn't matter how Buffy found out about the party. The fact is she doesn't want it!
XANDER
What...no birthday bash for the Buffster?
WILLOW
Did she say why?
BUFFY comes in with a bowl of dip for the now rather extinct chips. Everybody looks shocked to see her there. During the next exchange, people find seats; SPIKE puts the beer on the table, and takes one, GILES takes the dip from BUFFY, and puts the chip bowl on the table with the dip next to it, where nobody touches it.
BUFFY
So...do all of you have amnesia, or what?
Hi Spike! Hi everybody.
WILLOW
You're here. You're not supposed to be here.
SPIKE
Hello, Buffy.
ANYA
This was supposed to be a secret
meeting. A stealthy secret
meeting. With chips. Except
that Giles won't let us have any.
(To GILES)
Why isn't she gone, Giles?
GILES
(Chagrined)
I sent her to the supermarket.
With a very long list.
BUFFY
It just so happens that I shop at
super slayer speed…especially
when I know that something's up.
TARA
Buffy, why don't you want a Birthday
party?
(She smiles at WILLOW)
They can be really fun.
SPIKE
(Disappointed)
First one I would've been invited to.
BUFFY
(Smiles at SPIKE)
Tara and Spike are the only ones here
who have any excuse for not
remembering my birthday disasters
of the past. And even Tara was
there for last year's bloodletting.
DAWN
(from the depths of her easy chair)
I was just a child then. I had
no idea of my true destiny.
GILES
(Trying to head off another BUFFY/DAWN confrontation)
You know, Buffy. Not all of your parties
have been disasters. Remember the surprise
gathering we had for your 19th Birthday?
At your dormitory?
BUFFY (Thinks)
Why yes, Giles. You're right…there
wasn't any actual blood spilled at
that party. Though I do believe
several partygoers expired of boredom,
you being chief among them.
GILES
M-me? Yes, well, it wasn't exactly
my crowd.
(Remembering back)
S-say, wasn't that the occasion when
you first introduced me to Riley?
BUFFY
I rest my case! No party.
XANDER
(Singing like the Beastie Boys)
She's gonna fight! For the right! Not
to paaarrrtay!
SPIKE, restless, gets up and starts looking around GILES' house.
GILES
Spike, what on earth are you doing?
XANDER
Casing the joint?
SPIKE
(At dining table)
I remember this place. Pleasant Thanksgiving
dinner, all tied up, being shot at by Red
Indians. Buffy made a bear.
BUFFY
No I didn't. I made a turkey!
XANDER
(Grimacing)
Please don't remind me of that
horrible Thanksgiving.
ANYA
Oh…but you were so cute and sickly.
WILLOW
Not one of our better Holiday efforts, if I
recall.
BUFFY
Well, if you prefer, this year I could make
a ham.
SPIKE walks over to the bathroom door.
SPIKE
Spent a few days tied up in that bathtub
when I first got my chip.
(To GILES)
Still got that Librarian mug with the
heart on it?
GILES
Spike…if all of this nostalgia is an attempt
to wangle an invitation to move back in
here, I am unmoved.
SPIKE
Well, you see, my crypt is proving
bloody uncomfortable these days. And
as I'm a bit low on funds, I thought
you might consider takin' me in. I'll
take a sofa, anything.
BUFFY
We could do that, couldn't we, Giles?
(To SPIKE)
Would you like me to show you the upstairs?
SPIKE
Sure.
GILES
Please. By all means. Make yourself
at home. Have you got any other
friends you'd like to move in as well?
SPIKE
(slaps GILES on the shoulder)
Thanks, Rupe!
BUFFY and SPIKE go upstairs.
GILES
(Yelling up to them)
That wasn't a yes! That was sarcasm!
Cut to upstairs in GILES' house. Hallway.
BUFFY
Actually, I was just trying to get you
alone for a moment.
SPIKE
Figured. Though it was so subtle you
probably fooled everyone else.
BUFFY
Well, let them think what they want.
She puts her arms around SPIKE. They kiss. SPIKE pulls away first.
SPIKE
Actually, this is as good a time as any
to give you your Birthday present, since
you're not havin' a party.
SPIKE takes a small box out of his pocket and hands it to BUFFY.
SPIKE
Don't open it now.
BUFFY
Thank you. You didn't steal this did, you?
SPIKE
(Insulted)
What...and have you throw me in jail?
What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
BUFFY
I don't know, Spike. Are you my
boyfriend? Except for going out a
couple of times, I've barely seen
you. I saw more of you when we
were mortal enemies.
SPIKE
(Grins)
Yeah…that was fun wasn't it?
(Awkward)
Well, I've had a lot on my mind. A lot
to think about. Now that I'm suddenly
human and all.
BUFFY
I know. I'm not blaming you. I was
just wondering where things stood with
us…if there even was an us. You know?
SPIKE
Yeah. Been wonderin' the same thing.
Fact is…well, nevermind.
BUFFY
What?
SPIKE
Well, it's your birthday and all…not the
best time for all this.
BUFFY
All what? You have to tell me now, Spike,
Birthday or no birthday.
SPIKE
Well, it's not you. Nothin' personal, you
understand?
BUFFY
Uh oh…Why do I get the feeling that I know
where this is going?
SPIKE
It's me. I think maybe I was a bit hasty
asking you out and all. Right now just isn't
the time for me to be thinkin' about
all that. I mean you've been great
helpin' me adjust, and with the guilt
and everything. But my unlife has suddenly
become a…life! And…
BUFFY
And what you really need right now is
a friend?
SPIKE (relieved)
Well…yeah!
BUFFY
Funny…I've never been on the receiving
end of one of these conversations.
It's not quite as much fun as I imagined.
SPIKE
Well, oddly enough, I've never been on this
end. It's not much fun from here either.
BUFFY
It was the movie, wasn't it? I failed the
foreign film test. I suspected it at the time.
SPIKE
It wasn't that. Exactly. But face it, Buffy…
aside from slaying…what do we really
have in common? We don't like the same
movies, or TV shows…
BUFFY
What…that idiot show Passions?
SPIKE
See…you just don't get it. Or music.
BUFFY
Well, excuse me, Mr. Stuck in the 80s! Or
was it the 70's?
SPIKE
But we could probably get around all that stuff,
if I wasn't so bloody tied up with all these
confounded humanity issues. Like findin' a place
to live and a job, and…
BUFFY
Giles will take you in. I'll talk him into it.
SPIKE
(Sighs)
Yeah…a sodding sofa.
BUFFY
(gesturing towards her room, coyly)
Well, you could have had a bed…or at least
half of one.
SPIKE
(Regretfully)
Buffy…don't make this harder than it is.
You know I want you. It's just with Anya
busy makin' plans to marry us off, and
all, I just can't do it right now. Okay, love?
BUFFY (Sighs)
Sure Spike. Friends it is. I guess we'd
better go downstairs. Everybody's probably
wondering what we're up to.
SPIKE
And jumpin' to all the wrong conclusions,
no doubt.
BUFFY
(Looks at package, sadly)
Should I give this back?
SPIKE
No! I want you to have it.
BUFFY
Thank you.
BUFFY and SPIKE head downstairs.
Cut to GILES' living room.
XANDER
So, Spike…does Giles' house meet with
your approval?
SPIKE
Well, it's okay. But I figure I'll check out
yours next.
XANDER
(To Giles)
Please Giles, can Spike stay with you?
GILES
Does it even matter what I say at this point?
At this, the camera pans out of the house and we see the discussion continuing through the window from the viewpoint of HOWARD, who is doing a Peeping Tom at the window. He finally works up his nerve and goes around to the front door, rings the bell, and waits with game face on.
The porch light comes on, and BUFFY opens the door.
HOWARD
I've come for the Slayer.
BUFFY
(Total confusion)
Which one?
BLACK OUT
ACT THREE
HOWARD and BUFFY are having a momentary stare off. HOWARD appears about to explode in frustration.
HOWARD
(Confused)
Which one? I don't care which
one…I just want the Slayer.
BUFFY
(Sizing him up as no real trouble)
You really don't have a preference?
HOWARD
No. Can we just get this over with?
I've got to get a move on here.
BUFFY
(Smiling)
I'm sorry. I really shouldn't hold
up your death wish. Forgive me for
being so rude.
(Yelling behind her)
Dawn! Someone's here for you!
DAWN
(Yelling back on her way to the door)
Who is it and why didn't you invite…
(Staring at HOWARD, nonplussed)
That's a vampire.
BUFFY
(Agreeably)
Yes, it is. He asked for the Slayer.
(Gestures towards HOWARD with a big game
show flourish)
Go. Slay.
She begins to walk away, but DAWN grabs her arm and stops her.
DAWN
You can't just walk away. You have
A sacred duty!
BUFFY
No, YOU have a sacred duty. I have
party unplanning to do.
DAWN
You understand nothing about what it means
to be the Slayer. I don't understand why the
Council allows you to live.
BUFFY
(Dangerously)
What did you say?
The others have been talking in the background 'til now, pretty much ignoring the bickering, but the change in BUFFY's tone brings them all to attention, and they all hear DAWN's repeated reply. HOWARD is getting more and more agitated, shifting his feet and checking his watch in the background.
DAWN
(Slowly, as if talking to a child)
I said, I don't understand why the council
allows you to live.
XANDER
Okay...I think that all Slayers should just
report to their neutral corners for time out
right now.
BUFFY
(Ignoring him, hurt and more than a little angry)
I can't believe you'd say that to me. Not only
because I'm your sister, but because it's not
true. I've been the Slayer since the most
excitement you got was watching Saturday
morning cartoons, little Miss Super Slayer,
and I'm the best there ever was.
SPIKE
(Under his breath)
She said modestly.
BUFFY catches the aside and flashes him a bore through your skull glare. Surreptitiously WILLOW, TARA and GILES begin removing anything that's breakable from the area and bringing it to another room.
GILES
Dawn. I think you had better go upstairs.
DAWN
(Shaking with anger)
You're not the best Slayer; you're a disgrace
to all Slayers. You bring shame to everything
it means to be a Slayer.
SPIKE
(Seeing that BUFFY is about to blow and not
wanting to admit that DAWN scared him at their
last meeting)
Buffy! I'm sure the Niblet didn't mean that
quite the way it sounded…she's been under
a lot of pressure lately, becomin' the new Slayer,
and all. She hasn't quite got it all figured out.
DAWN
I most certainly did mean it…
BUFFY
She most certainly did mean it, Spike! And
what do you know about being a Slayer,
anyway, since you're acting like the big
expert here.
ANYA
Buffy…there is no need to start yelling
at Spike. He was only trying to help.
XANDER
(to ANYA)
And who asked him to stick his nose
into it? Buffy has a right to defend herself.
ANYA
Oh, sure, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! It's always
Buffy!
XANDER
And what is that supposed to mean? Here you
are taking Spike's side…
BUFFY
(interrupting)
Excuse me…Since when does Spike get a side?
This argument is between Dawn and me.
Dawn seems to feel that she is suddenly my
judge and jury here.
DAWN
I am only stating some facts that should be
obvious to all of you. Buffy has never
understood the whole meaning of being
a slayer. She has let herself be distracted
by all of you irrelevant influences on her
life.
XANDER
Irrelevant? Us?
DAWN
Yes. Irrelevant. Thanks to all of you,
Buffy has let down the Council of
Watchers, time and time again.
SPIKE
That bunch of wankers? Lettin' 'em down?
Stringin' 'em up, is more what they deserve!
XANDER
That's right, Dawn. Look how they've
treated Buffy from day one. And Giles
too.
ANYA
They actually tried to close down the Magic
Box when they were here last year.
BUFFY
Dawn. My friends and family are the only
reason I am still alive. They are more
important to me than anything the Council
could possible say or do.
(softly)
YOU are more important...
BUFFY reaches out to her sister, who grabs her hand and pushes it away coldly.
DAWN
That's exactly my point. Your priorities
are all screwed up, and always have been.
BUFFY's face hardens at the rejection. She turns away.
SPIKE
That's enough, Dawn.
XANDER
Yeah, Dawn.
ANYA
Dawn, I think they are trying to
tell you to stop talking now.
BUFFY
(more frustrated than angry)
In other words, shut up, Dawn. You
don't have the faintest idea what
you are talking about.
DAWN
Oh, I'll shut up. Talking to you people is
pointless, anyway.
(Suddenly remembering HOWARD at the door)
And what do YOU want?
Of course, the door is still open, and HOWARD is there getting cranky himself for being ignored.
HOWARD
Give me the slayer or else!
DAWN
Oh, for crying out loud...
She reaches over, grabs his shirt, and makes to pull him into the room. But of course, he hasn't been invited, so his head slams into the invisible wall. She lets go; slams the door in his face, and he runs off.
BUFFY
Nice. Way to go, Dawn.
DAWN stalks off, into another room.
XANDER
Well, since there isn't going to be a
party...this is all rather pointless.
(To ANYA)
Unless you'd rather stay here and talk to Spike
some more.
ANYA
(Completely oblivious)
No. I have no need to talk to Spike at
this moment. But we should get home.
If we want a live band for our wedding,
we have to listen to some sample tapes.
I got 7 in the mail this week! So we
have some serious listening to do. Oh…
and we have to pick out the song for
our first dance. Come on, Xander.
XANDER
Ooh...a live band…does this mean we
get to do the chicken dance and the bunny
hop?
ANYA
B-bunny hop? What is that? It sounds…grisly!
XANDER
Well, it is actually. Though seeing Spike
do the chicken dance might be worth the
cost of a live band.
She and XANDER leave.
SPIKE
Buffy…would you like to go out for a walk?
Just you and me?
BUFFY
(Taking out her frustration on the first available object)
NO! Just leave me alone Spike! I've
had enough of you and your interference for one night!
SPIKE
Bloody Hell. If I can't put in one word
for Dawn without you bitin' my head off…
I'll be off then! Happy Birthday!
(He stalks out the door.)
BUFFY stands at the door sadly, watching him leave, looking at the package still in her hand. WILLOW comes up to her and puts her arm around her.
WILLOW
Are you okay?
BUFFY
See…Apparently, I don't even have to
have a party for there to be blood
letting. Just having a Birthday is
enough.
CUT TO:
INT. - HOWARD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
HOWARD is standing there helplessly wringing his hands, while ROSE yells at him.
ROSE
Daddy! You mean to tell me that there are
TWO slayers? And you didn't even bring
me ONE of them?!
HOWARD
Rosie, honey bear. The Slayers were in a
house and you know I can't get in without…
ROSE
You are so dumb! You are the
stupidest father I have ever had!
(Starts throwing things again)
Why didn't you make the slayers come
out?
HOWARD
I tried, but…
ROSE
You can't just ask them to come out! You
have to trick them!
HOWARD
Trick them? How?
ROSE
You have to take something they want. Like
one of their friends!
HOWARD
(As the light dawns)
You mean take one of their friends hostage
and the Slayers will come to the rescue?
ROSE
Duh! And then...WHAM! I can have a slayer
for lunch and for dinner!
HOWARD
Well, it could work.
(Suddenly trying to assert his parental authority)
But I don't know, Rosie, bear. You haven't
been the best-behaved little girl today.
Look at your toys all over the place.
ROSE
(With a sickeningly sweet smile)
Please, Daddy? I'll be good. I promise
to pick up all my toys. And you
would be the very best Daddy. I'd
love you forever and ever and ever.
ROSE moves in and gives HOWARD a kiss and a huge hug.
ANGLE ON: Closeup on HOWARD, he is genuinely moved by ROSE's declaration.
ANGLE ON: Closeup on ROSE as we see that this is all an act and that she's barely tolerating her father.
HOWARD
(Overcome)
Oh Rosie. What would I ever do without
you? I'll get you your slayers. I
promise. Wait. How would you like to
come with me? You could help catch
one of the slayer's friends.
ROSE
Oh…could I, Daddy?
HOWARD
Sure, honey. Maybe it's time to teach you
how to hunt with me. Maybe you won't be
so bored alone here all the time.
ROSE
Daddy? Could you get my pretty new
pink sweater? I think I left it my bedroom.
HOWARD
Sure honey. I'll be right back, and we
can go look for the slayer's friends.
He goes into another tunnel offshoot. As soon as he leaves, ROSE drags a body out from behind the sofa, where she had stashed it when she heard HOWARD arrive. She drags it easily down one of the sewer tunnels. She looks down at the body, which is that of a full-grown man, probably homeless.
ROSE
(to CORPSE)
He really is so stupid. I think it's about
time to start looking for a new Daddy. What
do you think?
ROSE pushes the body down into a pit, and hurries back to where she was standing before, looking innocent. HOWARD comes back with the sweater.
HOWARD
Ready, honey?
ROSE (With a big smile)
Yes, Daddy.
They leave.
FADE TO BLACK
ACT FOUR
EXT. - GILES HOUSE - NIGHT
ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE watching GILES' house from behind a nearby bush, waiting for somebody to emerge.
ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE's POV - WILLOW and TARA exit the house together.
HOWARD
Drat! There are two of them!
ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE watching from their hiding place.
ROSE
So what!
HOWARD
That might be kind of difficult, honey bear.
ROSE
(threateningly)
Daddy!
WILLOW and TARA pass their hiding place, and after a beat ROSE falls in behind them. HOWARD reluctantly follows, hurrying to catch up with her.
HOWARD
Okay. Okay. I guess I could, uh,…let's see…
ROSE
Let me do it Daddy. They're ladies. Ladies like me.
ANGLE ON: WILLOW and TARA, who are walking arm in arm, discussing the BUFFY/DAWN problem.
WILLOW
I honestly don't know what to think. Dawn
has changed so much since she became the
Slayer.
TARA
She just isn't the same sweet girl we knew.
WILLOW
I can't believe that she talked to Buffy that
way, after all Buffy has done for her.
TARA
Buffy sacrificed her life to save Dawn.
WILLOW
Exactly! And it was really bad, and Dawn
was so sad. But now, Dawn suddenly acts
like it's all in a day's work for a Slayer.
TARA
Poor Buffy. What a birthday! And then Spike
left too.
WILLOW
Yeah…what was that all about?
TARA
I don't know, but it doesn't look good for those two.
WILLOW
No. He's got a lot to deal with right now,
becoming human and all.
TARA
Maybe it's not the best time to jump into
a relationship.
WILLOW
And I think we're just beginning to see the
real Spike, under the Big Bad.
TARA
You think so?
Suddenly ROSE appears in front of them crying piteously.
WILLOW
Look, Tara. A little girl. Alone at night.
TARA
In Sunnydale of all places!
(She squats down in front of ROSE)
Hi Honey. Why are you crying?
ROSE
(crying)
M-my Daddy got taken away by a big
scary m-man!
WILLOW
(also squatting)
Oh Sweetie. What did he look like?
ROSE
Boogie Man. He had y-yellow eyes and
big teeth!
WILLOW and TARA exchange a glance. Vampire.
TARA
Where is your Mom? We'd better find her.
ROSE (blubbering)
I -I don't have a Mom.
WILLOW (to TARA)
What should we do? Should we bring
her to the police? Or back to Giles'?
We should tell Buffy about this.
TARA
Can you walk honey? It's only a few
blocks away.
ROSE starts crying really loud.
TARA
Uh, maybe I can carry you.
ROSE stops crying and smiles sadly at TARA. TARA bends down and ROSE flings her arms around TARA'S neck. TARA tries to lift her, though she isn't a small 8-year-old. Suddenly, ROSE goes flying across the sidewalk and lands on a nearby lawn. WILLOW looks at TARA, shocked.
TARA (equally shocked)
She bit me!
They look at ROSE who is calmly getting up in full vamp face.
WILLOW
She's a vampire? Holy cow!
At this moment HOWARD comes out of the bushes behind TARA and grabs her awkwardly. She pushes him off easily, but he comes at her again. ROSE comes at WILLOW. WILLOW and TARA look at each other.
WILLOW and TARA
(in unison)
Freeze!
HOWARD and ROSE freeze in mid-attack position.
WILLOW
(looks at them)
What…are you two in cahoots?
ROSE
(defiantly)
He's my Daddy!
(To HOWARD)
Get them, daddy! You promised!
HOWARD
Rosie, honey bear…Daddy can't exactly move
right now!
ROSE
(in a tone that could peel paint)
DADDY!
(She turns to WILLOW and TARA, all sugar and honey)
Please let me go. Please? My Daddy makes
me hurt people. I'm just a little girl.
(Tears start to come)
I just want to go home. Please, Please,
PLEASE, PLEASE!
WILLOW
(to TARA)
What should we do? Look at her. She's
only seven or eight years old.
ROSE
(sobbing)
It-its' my B-birthday today. I'm eight
years old.
TARA
(whispering to WILLOW)
And it's her birthday too. We'd better get
Buffy. Y-you stay here, Willow. You're
stronger and can keep the spell up alone
better than I can.
WILLOW
(whispering back to TARA)
Okay, but hurry. I don't know how
long I can keep this up.
(She looks at ROSE and HOWARD)
So…have you two been vampires long?
TARA runs off back to GILES' house.
HOWARD
Listen, Miss. We won't do any harm.
If you could just let us go. We'll leave
this town. We haven't been here that
long, anyway. Just passing through,
really. My little girl needs me.
WILLOW
I'm sorry. You did try to attack us,
you know. I have to wait for Buffy.
ROSE
(starting to get angry)
You let me go this minute!
WILLOW
Look, honey, I'm really sorry about this.
ROSE
(screaming)
You let me go NOW! NOW, NOW,
NOW, NOW, NOW!
WILLOW
(sighs, nods her head at ROSE)
Silence.
ROSE is instantly silenced. Both WILLOW and HOWARD give a sigh of relief.
HOWARD
Could you teach me to do that?
WILLOW
Does she scream like that often?
HOWARD
All the time.
WILLOW
(Shrugs sympathetically)
Kids. What can you do?
BUFFY and DAWN come running back with TARA.
BUFFY
What have we got here?
(Looks at HOWARD)
Hey…it's the door to door vamp man!
Looks like you got your foot caught
in the door. And who's this?
(sickened)
You turned a little kid?
WILLOW
His daughter.
BUFFY
(To ROSE)
What's your name?
ROSE
Mmmmppphhh!
HOWARD
Rose. And I'm Howard. Pleased
to meet you.
WILLOW
(to BUFFY)
She was disturbing the neighborhood. She's a bit…demanding. And she screams. A lot.
BUFFY
Shades of Veruca.
WILLOW looks at her with a surprised and pained expression.
BUFFY
(apologetically, off WILLOW'S look)
I meant Willy Wonka Veruca,
Not Wolfy...never mind...
DAWN
(to HOWARD)
Is she really your daughter?
HOWARD
(Outraged)
Of course she is…what kind of a
pervert do you think I am?
DAWN whips out a stake and holds it to HOWARD'S chest.
DAWN
(coldly)
Are you absolutely sure about that?
HOWARD
Well, no, uh, since you put it like
that…actually, she's my….sire.
BUFFY
(shocked)
What? How is that possible…she's too
young to sire anybody!
HOWARD
Look, Miss...uh, Slayer. It's kind of a
long story..
BUFFY
It's Buffy. Well, I'm not going
anywhere, and you two certainly aren't.
HOWARD
Rosie's parents were killed by vampires two
days before her eighth birthday. I don't
know why they turned Rosie instead of
killing her. One of the vamps was
a woman …maybe she wanted
a child of her own. Anyway, Rose
lived with her for a while. I'm uh,
not really sure what happened, but
Rosie was on her own for a while,
and then she found me. I-I was
at the airport on a business trip. I
thought she was lost…she looked
so small and alone.
WILLOW
Wait. That doesn't make any sense.
You said she was turned two days
before her eighth birthday. Her
birthday is today. How could all
that have happened in two days?
HOWARD
Miss, Rosie has been celebrating
her eighth birthday since 1967.
Everybody looks at ROSE, who makes a face.
WILLOW
Rosie, if I let you talk will
you stop with the screaming?
(Realizes that ROSE can't answer)
Hmmm, well, you can't really answer, can
you, or even nod, for that matter. So
we'll just have to give it a try. Silence be
done.
ROSE glares at WILLOW, but doesn't scream.
BUFFY
Is this true, Rose?
ROSE
No! He's a big fat liar! He made me a
vampire! He makes me do bad things. I'm
just a little girl.
HOWARD
(Hurt)
Rosie, honey bear. How can you
say those things about me? Haven't I
always given you everything you ever
wanted?
ROSE
You didn't give me what I wanted for
my birthday. And you're a mean
daddy.
(She starts to cry again)
DAWN (To WILLOW)
Let her go.
BUFFY
You believe her?
DAWN (More forcefully)
Let her go.
BUFFY nods at WILLOW. WILLOW waves her hand at ROSE, who collapses in a heap. She springs right up however. She looks up at DAWN gratefully, with wide innocent eyes.
ROSE
Are you a real Slayer?
DAWN
Yes, I am. My name is Dawn.
With surprising agility, ROSE leaps at DAWN'S throat, knocking her down. They roll on the ground in mortal combat. {I keep picturing the fight between Austin Powers and Mini-Me}Before BUFFY can assist, DAWN stakes ROSE, who explodes into dust. HOWARD cries out in anguish.
WILLOW frees him from his spell, and he rushes over to the small pile of dust, which even now is blowing away in the breeze.
BUFFY
Dawn…why did you want Willow to free
her?
DAWN
Because I knew she would attack me.
She was lying about being a child. I
could sense how old she was…couldn't
YOU? She's probably had dozens of
"Daddies" and "Mommies" over the years,
and killed them when she got tired of them.
BUFFY
(sadly)
You're probably right. I had a bad
feeling about her. But look at Howard,
Dawn.
HOWARD is weeping silently. WILLOW, TARA and BUFFY gather around him.
BUFFY
I'm sorry, Howard.
HOWARD
I don't blame you folks. You were just
doing your job. Fact is, she was a horrible
child, and everything you said about
her is true. She would have staked me
sooner or later…but I loved her anyway.
Does that make any sense?
BUFFY
(pointed look at DAWN)
Surprisingly, yes.
(back to HOWARD)
I guess nobody likes to be alone. But what
about you? What are we going to do with
you?
HOWARD
Stake me. Please.
BUFFY
What?
HOWARD
Stake me. Fact is, I'm a lousy vampire.
I hate killing. If it wasn't for making sure
that Rosie got fed, I wouldn't do it at
all. And I suspect she was hunting on
her own, because I was so bad
at bringing home the bacon. And
now I have no reason to exist. As
awful as Rosie was...she was all I had.
BUFFY
Howard…I'm sorry but I can't stake you.
I-I can't. I mean, you could buy blood from
Willy's or the butcher shop. You don't have
to kill. I know a couple of vampires who
have done that for years. But I just can't
kill you in cold blood. I'm sorry.
ANGLE ON: BUFFY'S POV of a relieved HOWARD as he explodes into dust. Behind where he stood is DAWN, a self-satisfied smirk on her face.
DAWN
Cold blood, hot blood. No problem for a
real Slayer. Bye, Sis.
DAWN turns and walks away. BUFFY, WILLOW and TARA look at each other sadly.
BUFFY
(Bitterly)
Dawn, the uber-slayer strikes again.
WILLOW
Poor guy. All he wanted to do was care for that
little girl.
TARA
I felt sorry for her too. Her whole childhood was
warped.
BUFFY
And I thought my Birthdays were bad.
Come back to Giles' with me? I don't
want to be alone tonight.
TARA and WILLOW nod, and they turn to walk away.
CUT TO:
EXT. - GILES' HOUSE - night
Establishing shot.
INT. - GILES Living Room - night
BUFFY, TARA and WILLOW are sitting with GILES eating chips, when the doorbell rings. BUFFY stands up to open it, and we notice that she is wearing a pretty cameo pin on her blouse. XANDER and ANYA come in. ANYA is holding a bakery box.
XANDER
We decided that even if there wasn't a
party tonight, that we still wanted to
spend the evening with you, Buffy. Plus
if I had to listen to one more rendition of
"Shout"…I was going to shoot somebody.
ANYA
We brought you one of our sample wedding
cakes. I took the little bride and groom off it.
BUFFY
Thanks guys. I'm actually feeling a little
better about the whole birthday thing. I've
decided that there are worse ways to spend
a birthday than hanging with your friends.
The doorbell rings again. BUFFY opens it and it is SPIKE.
BUFFY SPIKE
SPIKE! I'm so glad you're back! Buffy, listen…I had to come back…
SPIKE
You first.
BUFFY
Oh, Spike. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I
shouldn't have taken my Dawn problems
out on you. If you hadn't come I would
have gone looking for you. This cameo is
just beautiful. Thank you.
SPIKE
My mum had one like it. Afraid it's not
a really good one...I didn't have
much money. But I want you to
know I didn't nick it or anything.
I have the receipt.
BUFFY
I don't need to see the receipt, Spike.
(He kisses her on the forehead)
Come in. We're about to watch a
truly bad movie. What did you get,
Willow?
WILLOW
Aliens Part 3.
XANDER
The one where they try to pass off
a Sigourney Weaver clone as the real
thing? Jeez…who writes this drivel?
SPIKE
(Looking around)
Where's Dawn?
BUFFY
She's decided to make like Greta Garbo
tonight.
XANDER (Doing a bad imitation)
She vants to be alone….
WILLOW
We're not really missing her. This party can be
pooped just as well by us.
XANDER
That's right...we are party poopers extraordinaire!
They all come in and sit down. The couples are together. BUFFY and SPIKE sit together also. SPIKE puts his arm around
BUFFY and she snuggles against him grateful not to be alone on her Birthday. GILES goes out and comes back with a bottle of champagne. TARA gets up and gets glasses and hands them around. GILES pops the cork.
GILES
To Buffy. Our favorite girl on her 21st
birthday. Many, many more!
As GILES is pouring the champagne, and everybody is raising their glasses for a toast, the camera scans up the stairs to show
DAWN sitting at the top of the stairs, watching and listening darkly in the shadows. Dun dun DUN!
TITLE CARD: TO BE CONTINUED
enjoy our script. In addition, in response to those of you who are not liking where the storyline is going, keep in mind that like Joss, we have
the entire season outlined and scripted. There is a very good reason why the characters are doing what they're doing. Thank you
for your patience.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Summer Script Challenge
The Powers that Be Pro Temporae
Episode 6.14: For Those Who Would Gather
By J.A.I.T., SWS, JodithGrace
GILES (VO)
Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
From Fish in the Sea:
Buffy and Spike discussing their feelings for one another with Anya and Xander. Xander looks suspiciously at Anya and Spike
talking.
From Rifting:
Dawn ripping the demon apart, Dawn telling off Buffy, then to Lydia shocked that Travers isn't weirded out by the Slayer fight.
From Surprise:
BUFFY and HULKING VAMP come crashing through the window at the side of the Bronze. Glass flies everywhere. They land on the stage, struggle briefly but BUFFY has the upper hand. She stakes him.
Cordelia pops up from behind a couch.
CORDELIA
Surprise!
OZ
That pretty much sums it up.
From Blood Ties:
Buffy opens Dawn's present. It's a picture of her and Dawn laughing and hugging each other on the beach, in a frame adorned with seashells. It hits Buffy hard.
DAWN
Jeez, don't get all Movie of the Week. I
was just too cheap to buy you a real present.
BUFFY
Thank you.
Buffy hugs her close.
and
DAWN
Is this blood?
JOYCE
Dawn!
From The Point Of No Return:
LYDIA
The new Slayer… It's Dawn…
CUT TO: Spike in agony as a bright light envelops him.
LYDIA
He's human - he's got
a soul now.
TEASER
EXT. - GILES HOUSE - day
Establishing shot.
INT. - GILES HOUSE - day
We see Buffy walking through the house with a bag of groceries...a schmuck baity feel to it. She's definitely stalking something.
ANGLE ON
Buffy's POV. She's following a phone cord. We can hear the sounds of someone in conversation, but it's too muffled to make out words. Buffy trails the phone cord to the closet. Just as she's about to rip the door open we hear:
GILES
I know what happened before, which is
why I want this one to be special...
ANGLE ON: Buffy's POV of Giles in classic teenager-trying-to-get-privacy pose.
ANGLE ON: Giles' POV of highly pissed off Buffy.
GILES
Oh, uh, Buffy...Buffy's here...Damn.
BUFFY
(Takes phone receiver away from GILES,
says into it)
Sorry, the surprise party is off.
CUT TO:
INT. - HOWARD'S HOUSE - day
We see a man hanging a banner. It's HOWARD. The place looks homey, with couches and wall hangings and carpeting and a fridge, but if we look real closely, we see it's a sewer tunnel offshoot. We see the banner says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSE! There are balloons, streamers, big
wrapped presents, and a superfluous amount of teddy bears for my taste.
ROSE (OS)
Daddy... I'm hungry.
HOWARD
(Almost falling off stepladder)
J-just a minute, honey!
ROSE comes in, she's about eight years old. She's carrying a teddy bear. Which she promptly bounces off her father's head.
ROSE
I'm hungry now!
HOWARD
Wouldn't you like to open your presents first?
ROSE
No. Food first!
HOWARD
I'll go get you something to eat right away, Honey
Bear! What would you like for your special
Birthday meal?
ROSE
(Morphing into game face)
I want Slayer blood!
HOWARD
B-but Honey Bear…
ROSE
That's why we came here, right?
HOWARD
Sure, honey….but it's just not that easy…
ROSE
(Throws herself on the floor and
starts screaming)
I want Slayer blood now! NOW NOW NOW
NOW NOW NOW NOW---
CREDITS
ACT ONE
INT. WILLY'S BAR - day (but not so as you'd know it)
Cut to Willy's bar. Howard is there, a bit nervous. He doesn't get out much. He's dressed in a trench coat, sunglasses, and a fedora. Tré Film Noir.
WILLY
What'll it be, pal?
HOWARD
Uh, white wine spritzer, please.
WILLY
Sure you don't want a Bloody Mary?
HOWARD
Um, no, I stay away from hard alcohol.
WILLY
Jeez, you're really new at this vampire
stuff, aren't you?
HOWARD
(Panicked)
Vampire?
(Realizing this is an asset here)
That's right...I'm a vampire, so you
better listen to me here...I
need some information, and you
know what'll happen if I don't get
what I need from you, right?
WILLY
(Rolling his eyes)
Please, I've got scarier cockroaches
than you in this place.
HOWARD
(Dejected)
Oh. I guess that this wasn't
such a good idea...I just heard
that you were the person to
come to for information about
what goes on in this town.
WILLY
(Importantly)
Well, you heard right about
that...but the kind of info I have
is very valuable, and very costly.
As in cash money...in advance.
HOWARD
(Resigned to paying for things)
How much is it?
WILLY
(Thinking quickly)
Oh...um...it's gonna cost you
two hundred, for starters...could
be more, depending on what you
want to know.
HOWARD hands over the cash. WILLY pockets it gleefully.
WILLY
Okay, so what do you want to know?
HOWARD
Where is the Slayer?
WILLY
Sorry, won't help you.
HOWARD
But I gave you money!
WILLY
Yeah, and she'll give me trouble,
which I do not need. You know this
job does not come with major
medical, which I will need if I start
messing with the Slayer. This I will
not do. But you did pay for something
so I'm gonna give you some advice.
Stay away from the Slayer.
WILLY makes a dismissive gesture. HOWARD grabs him by the lapels.
HOWARD
(Angry and desperate)
You don't understand! I have
to find her. You don't know
what I'm up against!
The THIRD DEMON FROM THE LEFT is WILLY's bouncer (tee hee!); it chucks HOWARD down the access tunnel.
TDFTLAWB
Don't come around here again.
INT. SEWER TUNNELS - day.
HOWARD brushes himself off, squaring his hat.
HOWARD
You people obviously have no
idea how hard it is to...
INT. GILES HOUSE - KITCHEN - day
GILES
...do something special. After all, it is your
twenty-first birthday, Buffy...traditionally
this is a rite of passage into adulthood, for a
Slayer it's doubly significant.
Giles is sitting at the table with Buffy pacing back and forth behind him. He looks like a disobedient teenager explaining something to his angry parent. And Buffy does look pissed off. She's unpacking groceries as she paces.
BUFFY
Hello! Does anyone remember last year?
Buffy's birthdays all begin with
hats and merriment and happy
la-las and end with bloodbaths.
GILES
Yes, well, what happened last year with
Dawn was unfortunate, but there's
certainly no danger that it would
be repeated this year, and-
BUFFY
(Cutting him off)
No and no! I am not having a birthday party
this year!
Dawn walks in as she says this and adds her two cents.
DAWN
Finally, you're understanding what it means to be
a Slayer.
BUFFY
(Shooting look o' death)
No, I'm going to stay in tonight with my head under
a blanket to avoid disaster. But this is a conversation we
will finish later.
(To Giles)
No party.
GILES
But--
BUFFY
No. Party. Noparty. Nopers on the party. No hats,
no candles, no cake...
(Phone rings, Buffy picks it up)
No party tonight!
(She slams it down)
GILES
This is really a day to celebrate...
BUFFY
If we all survive till tomorrow, then we'll celebrate.
Not before then.
INT. SEWER TUNNELS - night.
HOWARD is pacing back and forth, muttering to himself
HOWARD
(Practicing)
Rose, honey, the thing is, Daddy tried, honey bear,
but...no no no, she'll be screaming for days, I
have to get her what she wants, I just have to-
VOICE
(o.s.)
Psssst. Hey, you.
ANGLE ON: HOWARD's POV: we see a rather scrawny and weasely looking SNITCH VAMPIRE, obviously having come down the same way HOWARD had been unceremoniously dumped from. He's looking nervous but eager.
HOWARD
What do you want?
SNITCH VAMP
I heard what you asked Willy.
Man, I know where the Slayer
lives, and I'm willing to share that
piece of info, for the same price
Willy got.
HOWARD immediately reaches into his pocket in relief, then eyes narrow in suspicion.
HOWARD
How do I know you're on the up and
up? I'm not handing over the money
till I get the address.
SNITCH VAMP doesn't like this, but holds out a slip of paper. HOWARD snatches it eagerly and reads it.
SNITCH VAMP
This is where's she's living these days. I
swear!
HOWARD reaches into his coat like he's going for his wallet. We are watching SNITCH VAMP over HOWARD'S shoulder and can't really see what he's dong.
SNITCH VAMP
There, you see? I held up my part
of the bargain...though I don't know
why you'd want to actually go up against
the Slayer, but hey, it's your second
funeral-oof!
SNITCH VAMP explodes into dust, and we see that HOWARD has staked him. He looks back at the paper eagerly and begins talking as if the vamp was still there.
HOWARD
Funeral? Oh no, it's not my
funeral, my friend...
(Switching to game face but not looking happy)
It's my party.
BLACK OUT
ACT TWO
GILES' Living room. GILES comes in bearing a large bowl of chips, for the impending crowd. DAWN comes in and flops down in an armchair. BUFFY remains in the Kitchen. The doorbell rings. GILES answers it, large bowl of chips still in hand. It is ANYA and XANDER.
GILES
Oh good. You're here. I'm afraid I've
got some bad news on the party front.
XANDER
Let me guess. Buffy found out our
big surprise.
XANDER helps himself to chips from the bowl.
ANYA
(also helping herself to some chips)
What? And we were so sneaky too...
in a good way.
XANDER (To ANYA)
Oh yeah...and what do you know about
being sneaky…the not so good way?
ANYA
(Innocently)
What do you mean? I thought that it
was okay to be sneaky if it was
for a good cause...like jumping
out at somebody and shouting
"surprise!"
GILES
Excuse me…It's not just that Buffy found out...
Before he can explain, the doorbell rings again, and it is WILLOW and TARA. They come in and help themselves to chips.
XANDER
Hey Will, Tara. Bad news. Buffy found
out the big secret.
ANYA
In spite of all of our stealthiness.
XANDER looks at her suspiciously.
GILES
No, that's not it exactly.
WILLOW
Who told? Spike? Was it Spike?
He is such a blabbermouth.
GILES
No. I'm afraid…
The doorbell rings again. In comes SPIKE with a six pack of beer.
WILLOW
Spike! Did you tell Buffy about the party?
SPIKE joins the crowd gathered around GILES eating chips out of his bowl.
SPIKE
Me? No. Bloody hell...she found
out? Can't you lot be trusted with
the simplest secret?
(Reaching into the chip bowl)
Are these salt and vinegar?
GILES
WILL EVERYBODY STOP EATING
BLOODY CHIPS FOR ONE BLOODY
MINUTE? Does nobody feed you
people?
They all drop chips and back away) It doesn't matter how Buffy found out about the party. The fact is she doesn't want it!
XANDER
What...no birthday bash for the Buffster?
WILLOW
Did she say why?
BUFFY comes in with a bowl of dip for the now rather extinct chips. Everybody looks shocked to see her there. During the next exchange, people find seats; SPIKE puts the beer on the table, and takes one, GILES takes the dip from BUFFY, and puts the chip bowl on the table with the dip next to it, where nobody touches it.
BUFFY
So...do all of you have amnesia, or what?
Hi Spike! Hi everybody.
WILLOW
You're here. You're not supposed to be here.
SPIKE
Hello, Buffy.
ANYA
This was supposed to be a secret
meeting. A stealthy secret
meeting. With chips. Except
that Giles won't let us have any.
(To GILES)
Why isn't she gone, Giles?
GILES
(Chagrined)
I sent her to the supermarket.
With a very long list.
BUFFY
It just so happens that I shop at
super slayer speed…especially
when I know that something's up.
TARA
Buffy, why don't you want a Birthday
party?
(She smiles at WILLOW)
They can be really fun.
SPIKE
(Disappointed)
First one I would've been invited to.
BUFFY
(Smiles at SPIKE)
Tara and Spike are the only ones here
who have any excuse for not
remembering my birthday disasters
of the past. And even Tara was
there for last year's bloodletting.
DAWN
(from the depths of her easy chair)
I was just a child then. I had
no idea of my true destiny.
GILES
(Trying to head off another BUFFY/DAWN confrontation)
You know, Buffy. Not all of your parties
have been disasters. Remember the surprise
gathering we had for your 19th Birthday?
At your dormitory?
BUFFY (Thinks)
Why yes, Giles. You're right…there
wasn't any actual blood spilled at
that party. Though I do believe
several partygoers expired of boredom,
you being chief among them.
GILES
M-me? Yes, well, it wasn't exactly
my crowd.
(Remembering back)
S-say, wasn't that the occasion when
you first introduced me to Riley?
BUFFY
I rest my case! No party.
XANDER
(Singing like the Beastie Boys)
She's gonna fight! For the right! Not
to paaarrrtay!
SPIKE, restless, gets up and starts looking around GILES' house.
GILES
Spike, what on earth are you doing?
XANDER
Casing the joint?
SPIKE
(At dining table)
I remember this place. Pleasant Thanksgiving
dinner, all tied up, being shot at by Red
Indians. Buffy made a bear.
BUFFY
No I didn't. I made a turkey!
XANDER
(Grimacing)
Please don't remind me of that
horrible Thanksgiving.
ANYA
Oh…but you were so cute and sickly.
WILLOW
Not one of our better Holiday efforts, if I
recall.
BUFFY
Well, if you prefer, this year I could make
a ham.
SPIKE walks over to the bathroom door.
SPIKE
Spent a few days tied up in that bathtub
when I first got my chip.
(To GILES)
Still got that Librarian mug with the
heart on it?
GILES
Spike…if all of this nostalgia is an attempt
to wangle an invitation to move back in
here, I am unmoved.
SPIKE
Well, you see, my crypt is proving
bloody uncomfortable these days. And
as I'm a bit low on funds, I thought
you might consider takin' me in. I'll
take a sofa, anything.
BUFFY
We could do that, couldn't we, Giles?
(To SPIKE)
Would you like me to show you the upstairs?
SPIKE
Sure.
GILES
Please. By all means. Make yourself
at home. Have you got any other
friends you'd like to move in as well?
SPIKE
(slaps GILES on the shoulder)
Thanks, Rupe!
BUFFY and SPIKE go upstairs.
GILES
(Yelling up to them)
That wasn't a yes! That was sarcasm!
Cut to upstairs in GILES' house. Hallway.
BUFFY
Actually, I was just trying to get you
alone for a moment.
SPIKE
Figured. Though it was so subtle you
probably fooled everyone else.
BUFFY
Well, let them think what they want.
She puts her arms around SPIKE. They kiss. SPIKE pulls away first.
SPIKE
Actually, this is as good a time as any
to give you your Birthday present, since
you're not havin' a party.
SPIKE takes a small box out of his pocket and hands it to BUFFY.
SPIKE
Don't open it now.
BUFFY
Thank you. You didn't steal this did, you?
SPIKE
(Insulted)
What...and have you throw me in jail?
What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
BUFFY
I don't know, Spike. Are you my
boyfriend? Except for going out a
couple of times, I've barely seen
you. I saw more of you when we
were mortal enemies.
SPIKE
(Grins)
Yeah…that was fun wasn't it?
(Awkward)
Well, I've had a lot on my mind. A lot
to think about. Now that I'm suddenly
human and all.
BUFFY
I know. I'm not blaming you. I was
just wondering where things stood with
us…if there even was an us. You know?
SPIKE
Yeah. Been wonderin' the same thing.
Fact is…well, nevermind.
BUFFY
What?
SPIKE
Well, it's your birthday and all…not the
best time for all this.
BUFFY
All what? You have to tell me now, Spike,
Birthday or no birthday.
SPIKE
Well, it's not you. Nothin' personal, you
understand?
BUFFY
Uh oh…Why do I get the feeling that I know
where this is going?
SPIKE
It's me. I think maybe I was a bit hasty
asking you out and all. Right now just isn't
the time for me to be thinkin' about
all that. I mean you've been great
helpin' me adjust, and with the guilt
and everything. But my unlife has suddenly
become a…life! And…
BUFFY
And what you really need right now is
a friend?
SPIKE (relieved)
Well…yeah!
BUFFY
Funny…I've never been on the receiving
end of one of these conversations.
It's not quite as much fun as I imagined.
SPIKE
Well, oddly enough, I've never been on this
end. It's not much fun from here either.
BUFFY
It was the movie, wasn't it? I failed the
foreign film test. I suspected it at the time.
SPIKE
It wasn't that. Exactly. But face it, Buffy…
aside from slaying…what do we really
have in common? We don't like the same
movies, or TV shows…
BUFFY
What…that idiot show Passions?
SPIKE
See…you just don't get it. Or music.
BUFFY
Well, excuse me, Mr. Stuck in the 80s! Or
was it the 70's?
SPIKE
But we could probably get around all that stuff,
if I wasn't so bloody tied up with all these
confounded humanity issues. Like findin' a place
to live and a job, and…
BUFFY
Giles will take you in. I'll talk him into it.
SPIKE
(Sighs)
Yeah…a sodding sofa.
BUFFY
(gesturing towards her room, coyly)
Well, you could have had a bed…or at least
half of one.
SPIKE
(Regretfully)
Buffy…don't make this harder than it is.
You know I want you. It's just with Anya
busy makin' plans to marry us off, and
all, I just can't do it right now. Okay, love?
BUFFY (Sighs)
Sure Spike. Friends it is. I guess we'd
better go downstairs. Everybody's probably
wondering what we're up to.
SPIKE
And jumpin' to all the wrong conclusions,
no doubt.
BUFFY
(Looks at package, sadly)
Should I give this back?
SPIKE
No! I want you to have it.
BUFFY
Thank you.
BUFFY and SPIKE head downstairs.
Cut to GILES' living room.
XANDER
So, Spike…does Giles' house meet with
your approval?
SPIKE
Well, it's okay. But I figure I'll check out
yours next.
XANDER
(To Giles)
Please Giles, can Spike stay with you?
GILES
Does it even matter what I say at this point?
At this, the camera pans out of the house and we see the discussion continuing through the window from the viewpoint of HOWARD, who is doing a Peeping Tom at the window. He finally works up his nerve and goes around to the front door, rings the bell, and waits with game face on.
The porch light comes on, and BUFFY opens the door.
HOWARD
I've come for the Slayer.
BUFFY
(Total confusion)
Which one?
BLACK OUT
ACT THREE
HOWARD and BUFFY are having a momentary stare off. HOWARD appears about to explode in frustration.
HOWARD
(Confused)
Which one? I don't care which
one…I just want the Slayer.
BUFFY
(Sizing him up as no real trouble)
You really don't have a preference?
HOWARD
No. Can we just get this over with?
I've got to get a move on here.
BUFFY
(Smiling)
I'm sorry. I really shouldn't hold
up your death wish. Forgive me for
being so rude.
(Yelling behind her)
Dawn! Someone's here for you!
DAWN
(Yelling back on her way to the door)
Who is it and why didn't you invite…
(Staring at HOWARD, nonplussed)
That's a vampire.
BUFFY
(Agreeably)
Yes, it is. He asked for the Slayer.
(Gestures towards HOWARD with a big game
show flourish)
Go. Slay.
She begins to walk away, but DAWN grabs her arm and stops her.
DAWN
You can't just walk away. You have
A sacred duty!
BUFFY
No, YOU have a sacred duty. I have
party unplanning to do.
DAWN
You understand nothing about what it means
to be the Slayer. I don't understand why the
Council allows you to live.
BUFFY
(Dangerously)
What did you say?
The others have been talking in the background 'til now, pretty much ignoring the bickering, but the change in BUFFY's tone brings them all to attention, and they all hear DAWN's repeated reply. HOWARD is getting more and more agitated, shifting his feet and checking his watch in the background.
DAWN
(Slowly, as if talking to a child)
I said, I don't understand why the council
allows you to live.
XANDER
Okay...I think that all Slayers should just
report to their neutral corners for time out
right now.
BUFFY
(Ignoring him, hurt and more than a little angry)
I can't believe you'd say that to me. Not only
because I'm your sister, but because it's not
true. I've been the Slayer since the most
excitement you got was watching Saturday
morning cartoons, little Miss Super Slayer,
and I'm the best there ever was.
SPIKE
(Under his breath)
She said modestly.
BUFFY catches the aside and flashes him a bore through your skull glare. Surreptitiously WILLOW, TARA and GILES begin removing anything that's breakable from the area and bringing it to another room.
GILES
Dawn. I think you had better go upstairs.
DAWN
(Shaking with anger)
You're not the best Slayer; you're a disgrace
to all Slayers. You bring shame to everything
it means to be a Slayer.
SPIKE
(Seeing that BUFFY is about to blow and not
wanting to admit that DAWN scared him at their
last meeting)
Buffy! I'm sure the Niblet didn't mean that
quite the way it sounded…she's been under
a lot of pressure lately, becomin' the new Slayer,
and all. She hasn't quite got it all figured out.
DAWN
I most certainly did mean it…
BUFFY
She most certainly did mean it, Spike! And
what do you know about being a Slayer,
anyway, since you're acting like the big
expert here.
ANYA
Buffy…there is no need to start yelling
at Spike. He was only trying to help.
XANDER
(to ANYA)
And who asked him to stick his nose
into it? Buffy has a right to defend herself.
ANYA
Oh, sure, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! It's always
Buffy!
XANDER
And what is that supposed to mean? Here you
are taking Spike's side…
BUFFY
(interrupting)
Excuse me…Since when does Spike get a side?
This argument is between Dawn and me.
Dawn seems to feel that she is suddenly my
judge and jury here.
DAWN
I am only stating some facts that should be
obvious to all of you. Buffy has never
understood the whole meaning of being
a slayer. She has let herself be distracted
by all of you irrelevant influences on her
life.
XANDER
Irrelevant? Us?
DAWN
Yes. Irrelevant. Thanks to all of you,
Buffy has let down the Council of
Watchers, time and time again.
SPIKE
That bunch of wankers? Lettin' 'em down?
Stringin' 'em up, is more what they deserve!
XANDER
That's right, Dawn. Look how they've
treated Buffy from day one. And Giles
too.
ANYA
They actually tried to close down the Magic
Box when they were here last year.
BUFFY
Dawn. My friends and family are the only
reason I am still alive. They are more
important to me than anything the Council
could possible say or do.
(softly)
YOU are more important...
BUFFY reaches out to her sister, who grabs her hand and pushes it away coldly.
DAWN
That's exactly my point. Your priorities
are all screwed up, and always have been.
BUFFY's face hardens at the rejection. She turns away.
SPIKE
That's enough, Dawn.
XANDER
Yeah, Dawn.
ANYA
Dawn, I think they are trying to
tell you to stop talking now.
BUFFY
(more frustrated than angry)
In other words, shut up, Dawn. You
don't have the faintest idea what
you are talking about.
DAWN
Oh, I'll shut up. Talking to you people is
pointless, anyway.
(Suddenly remembering HOWARD at the door)
And what do YOU want?
Of course, the door is still open, and HOWARD is there getting cranky himself for being ignored.
HOWARD
Give me the slayer or else!
DAWN
Oh, for crying out loud...
She reaches over, grabs his shirt, and makes to pull him into the room. But of course, he hasn't been invited, so his head slams into the invisible wall. She lets go; slams the door in his face, and he runs off.
BUFFY
Nice. Way to go, Dawn.
DAWN stalks off, into another room.
XANDER
Well, since there isn't going to be a
party...this is all rather pointless.
(To ANYA)
Unless you'd rather stay here and talk to Spike
some more.
ANYA
(Completely oblivious)
No. I have no need to talk to Spike at
this moment. But we should get home.
If we want a live band for our wedding,
we have to listen to some sample tapes.
I got 7 in the mail this week! So we
have some serious listening to do. Oh…
and we have to pick out the song for
our first dance. Come on, Xander.
XANDER
Ooh...a live band…does this mean we
get to do the chicken dance and the bunny
hop?
ANYA
B-bunny hop? What is that? It sounds…grisly!
XANDER
Well, it is actually. Though seeing Spike
do the chicken dance might be worth the
cost of a live band.
She and XANDER leave.
SPIKE
Buffy…would you like to go out for a walk?
Just you and me?
BUFFY
(Taking out her frustration on the first available object)
NO! Just leave me alone Spike! I've
had enough of you and your interference for one night!
SPIKE
Bloody Hell. If I can't put in one word
for Dawn without you bitin' my head off…
I'll be off then! Happy Birthday!
(He stalks out the door.)
BUFFY stands at the door sadly, watching him leave, looking at the package still in her hand. WILLOW comes up to her and puts her arm around her.
WILLOW
Are you okay?
BUFFY
See…Apparently, I don't even have to
have a party for there to be blood
letting. Just having a Birthday is
enough.
CUT TO:
INT. - HOWARD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
HOWARD is standing there helplessly wringing his hands, while ROSE yells at him.
ROSE
Daddy! You mean to tell me that there are
TWO slayers? And you didn't even bring
me ONE of them?!
HOWARD
Rosie, honey bear. The Slayers were in a
house and you know I can't get in without…
ROSE
You are so dumb! You are the
stupidest father I have ever had!
(Starts throwing things again)
Why didn't you make the slayers come
out?
HOWARD
I tried, but…
ROSE
You can't just ask them to come out! You
have to trick them!
HOWARD
Trick them? How?
ROSE
You have to take something they want. Like
one of their friends!
HOWARD
(As the light dawns)
You mean take one of their friends hostage
and the Slayers will come to the rescue?
ROSE
Duh! And then...WHAM! I can have a slayer
for lunch and for dinner!
HOWARD
Well, it could work.
(Suddenly trying to assert his parental authority)
But I don't know, Rosie, bear. You haven't
been the best-behaved little girl today.
Look at your toys all over the place.
ROSE
(With a sickeningly sweet smile)
Please, Daddy? I'll be good. I promise
to pick up all my toys. And you
would be the very best Daddy. I'd
love you forever and ever and ever.
ROSE moves in and gives HOWARD a kiss and a huge hug.
ANGLE ON: Closeup on HOWARD, he is genuinely moved by ROSE's declaration.
ANGLE ON: Closeup on ROSE as we see that this is all an act and that she's barely tolerating her father.
HOWARD
(Overcome)
Oh Rosie. What would I ever do without
you? I'll get you your slayers. I
promise. Wait. How would you like to
come with me? You could help catch
one of the slayer's friends.
ROSE
Oh…could I, Daddy?
HOWARD
Sure, honey. Maybe it's time to teach you
how to hunt with me. Maybe you won't be
so bored alone here all the time.
ROSE
Daddy? Could you get my pretty new
pink sweater? I think I left it my bedroom.
HOWARD
Sure honey. I'll be right back, and we
can go look for the slayer's friends.
He goes into another tunnel offshoot. As soon as he leaves, ROSE drags a body out from behind the sofa, where she had stashed it when she heard HOWARD arrive. She drags it easily down one of the sewer tunnels. She looks down at the body, which is that of a full-grown man, probably homeless.
ROSE
(to CORPSE)
He really is so stupid. I think it's about
time to start looking for a new Daddy. What
do you think?
ROSE pushes the body down into a pit, and hurries back to where she was standing before, looking innocent. HOWARD comes back with the sweater.
HOWARD
Ready, honey?
ROSE (With a big smile)
Yes, Daddy.
They leave.
FADE TO BLACK
ACT FOUR
EXT. - GILES HOUSE - NIGHT
ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE watching GILES' house from behind a nearby bush, waiting for somebody to emerge.
ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE's POV - WILLOW and TARA exit the house together.
HOWARD
Drat! There are two of them!
ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE watching from their hiding place.
ROSE
So what!
HOWARD
That might be kind of difficult, honey bear.
ROSE
(threateningly)
Daddy!
WILLOW and TARA pass their hiding place, and after a beat ROSE falls in behind them. HOWARD reluctantly follows, hurrying to catch up with her.
HOWARD
Okay. Okay. I guess I could, uh,…let's see…
ROSE
Let me do it Daddy. They're ladies. Ladies like me.
ANGLE ON: WILLOW and TARA, who are walking arm in arm, discussing the BUFFY/DAWN problem.
WILLOW
I honestly don't know what to think. Dawn
has changed so much since she became the
Slayer.
TARA
She just isn't the same sweet girl we knew.
WILLOW
I can't believe that she talked to Buffy that
way, after all Buffy has done for her.
TARA
Buffy sacrificed her life to save Dawn.
WILLOW
Exactly! And it was really bad, and Dawn
was so sad. But now, Dawn suddenly acts
like it's all in a day's work for a Slayer.
TARA
Poor Buffy. What a birthday! And then Spike
left too.
WILLOW
Yeah…what was that all about?
TARA
I don't know, but it doesn't look good for those two.
WILLOW
No. He's got a lot to deal with right now,
becoming human and all.
TARA
Maybe it's not the best time to jump into
a relationship.
WILLOW
And I think we're just beginning to see the
real Spike, under the Big Bad.
TARA
You think so?
Suddenly ROSE appears in front of them crying piteously.
WILLOW
Look, Tara. A little girl. Alone at night.
TARA
In Sunnydale of all places!
(She squats down in front of ROSE)
Hi Honey. Why are you crying?
ROSE
(crying)
M-my Daddy got taken away by a big
scary m-man!
WILLOW
(also squatting)
Oh Sweetie. What did he look like?
ROSE
Boogie Man. He had y-yellow eyes and
big teeth!
WILLOW and TARA exchange a glance. Vampire.
TARA
Where is your Mom? We'd better find her.
ROSE (blubbering)
I -I don't have a Mom.
WILLOW (to TARA)
What should we do? Should we bring
her to the police? Or back to Giles'?
We should tell Buffy about this.
TARA
Can you walk honey? It's only a few
blocks away.
ROSE starts crying really loud.
TARA
Uh, maybe I can carry you.
ROSE stops crying and smiles sadly at TARA. TARA bends down and ROSE flings her arms around TARA'S neck. TARA tries to lift her, though she isn't a small 8-year-old. Suddenly, ROSE goes flying across the sidewalk and lands on a nearby lawn. WILLOW looks at TARA, shocked.
TARA (equally shocked)
She bit me!
They look at ROSE who is calmly getting up in full vamp face.
WILLOW
She's a vampire? Holy cow!
At this moment HOWARD comes out of the bushes behind TARA and grabs her awkwardly. She pushes him off easily, but he comes at her again. ROSE comes at WILLOW. WILLOW and TARA look at each other.
WILLOW and TARA
(in unison)
Freeze!
HOWARD and ROSE freeze in mid-attack position.
WILLOW
(looks at them)
What…are you two in cahoots?
ROSE
(defiantly)
He's my Daddy!
(To HOWARD)
Get them, daddy! You promised!
HOWARD
Rosie, honey bear…Daddy can't exactly move
right now!
ROSE
(in a tone that could peel paint)
DADDY!
(She turns to WILLOW and TARA, all sugar and honey)
Please let me go. Please? My Daddy makes
me hurt people. I'm just a little girl.
(Tears start to come)
I just want to go home. Please, Please,
PLEASE, PLEASE!
WILLOW
(to TARA)
What should we do? Look at her. She's
only seven or eight years old.
ROSE
(sobbing)
It-its' my B-birthday today. I'm eight
years old.
TARA
(whispering to WILLOW)
And it's her birthday too. We'd better get
Buffy. Y-you stay here, Willow. You're
stronger and can keep the spell up alone
better than I can.
WILLOW
(whispering back to TARA)
Okay, but hurry. I don't know how
long I can keep this up.
(She looks at ROSE and HOWARD)
So…have you two been vampires long?
TARA runs off back to GILES' house.
HOWARD
Listen, Miss. We won't do any harm.
If you could just let us go. We'll leave
this town. We haven't been here that
long, anyway. Just passing through,
really. My little girl needs me.
WILLOW
I'm sorry. You did try to attack us,
you know. I have to wait for Buffy.
ROSE
(starting to get angry)
You let me go this minute!
WILLOW
Look, honey, I'm really sorry about this.
ROSE
(screaming)
You let me go NOW! NOW, NOW,
NOW, NOW, NOW!
WILLOW
(sighs, nods her head at ROSE)
Silence.
ROSE is instantly silenced. Both WILLOW and HOWARD give a sigh of relief.
HOWARD
Could you teach me to do that?
WILLOW
Does she scream like that often?
HOWARD
All the time.
WILLOW
(Shrugs sympathetically)
Kids. What can you do?
BUFFY and DAWN come running back with TARA.
BUFFY
What have we got here?
(Looks at HOWARD)
Hey…it's the door to door vamp man!
Looks like you got your foot caught
in the door. And who's this?
(sickened)
You turned a little kid?
WILLOW
His daughter.
BUFFY
(To ROSE)
What's your name?
ROSE
Mmmmppphhh!
HOWARD
Rose. And I'm Howard. Pleased
to meet you.
WILLOW
(to BUFFY)
She was disturbing the neighborhood. She's a bit…demanding. And she screams. A lot.
BUFFY
Shades of Veruca.
WILLOW looks at her with a surprised and pained expression.
BUFFY
(apologetically, off WILLOW'S look)
I meant Willy Wonka Veruca,
Not Wolfy...never mind...
DAWN
(to HOWARD)
Is she really your daughter?
HOWARD
(Outraged)
Of course she is…what kind of a
pervert do you think I am?
DAWN whips out a stake and holds it to HOWARD'S chest.
DAWN
(coldly)
Are you absolutely sure about that?
HOWARD
Well, no, uh, since you put it like
that…actually, she's my….sire.
BUFFY
(shocked)
What? How is that possible…she's too
young to sire anybody!
HOWARD
Look, Miss...uh, Slayer. It's kind of a
long story..
BUFFY
It's Buffy. Well, I'm not going
anywhere, and you two certainly aren't.
HOWARD
Rosie's parents were killed by vampires two
days before her eighth birthday. I don't
know why they turned Rosie instead of
killing her. One of the vamps was
a woman …maybe she wanted
a child of her own. Anyway, Rose
lived with her for a while. I'm uh,
not really sure what happened, but
Rosie was on her own for a while,
and then she found me. I-I was
at the airport on a business trip. I
thought she was lost…she looked
so small and alone.
WILLOW
Wait. That doesn't make any sense.
You said she was turned two days
before her eighth birthday. Her
birthday is today. How could all
that have happened in two days?
HOWARD
Miss, Rosie has been celebrating
her eighth birthday since 1967.
Everybody looks at ROSE, who makes a face.
WILLOW
Rosie, if I let you talk will
you stop with the screaming?
(Realizes that ROSE can't answer)
Hmmm, well, you can't really answer, can
you, or even nod, for that matter. So
we'll just have to give it a try. Silence be
done.
ROSE glares at WILLOW, but doesn't scream.
BUFFY
Is this true, Rose?
ROSE
No! He's a big fat liar! He made me a
vampire! He makes me do bad things. I'm
just a little girl.
HOWARD
(Hurt)
Rosie, honey bear. How can you
say those things about me? Haven't I
always given you everything you ever
wanted?
ROSE
You didn't give me what I wanted for
my birthday. And you're a mean
daddy.
(She starts to cry again)
DAWN (To WILLOW)
Let her go.
BUFFY
You believe her?
DAWN (More forcefully)
Let her go.
BUFFY nods at WILLOW. WILLOW waves her hand at ROSE, who collapses in a heap. She springs right up however. She looks up at DAWN gratefully, with wide innocent eyes.
ROSE
Are you a real Slayer?
DAWN
Yes, I am. My name is Dawn.
With surprising agility, ROSE leaps at DAWN'S throat, knocking her down. They roll on the ground in mortal combat. {I keep picturing the fight between Austin Powers and Mini-Me}Before BUFFY can assist, DAWN stakes ROSE, who explodes into dust. HOWARD cries out in anguish.
WILLOW frees him from his spell, and he rushes over to the small pile of dust, which even now is blowing away in the breeze.
BUFFY
Dawn…why did you want Willow to free
her?
DAWN
Because I knew she would attack me.
She was lying about being a child. I
could sense how old she was…couldn't
YOU? She's probably had dozens of
"Daddies" and "Mommies" over the years,
and killed them when she got tired of them.
BUFFY
(sadly)
You're probably right. I had a bad
feeling about her. But look at Howard,
Dawn.
HOWARD is weeping silently. WILLOW, TARA and BUFFY gather around him.
BUFFY
I'm sorry, Howard.
HOWARD
I don't blame you folks. You were just
doing your job. Fact is, she was a horrible
child, and everything you said about
her is true. She would have staked me
sooner or later…but I loved her anyway.
Does that make any sense?
BUFFY
(pointed look at DAWN)
Surprisingly, yes.
(back to HOWARD)
I guess nobody likes to be alone. But what
about you? What are we going to do with
you?
HOWARD
Stake me. Please.
BUFFY
What?
HOWARD
Stake me. Fact is, I'm a lousy vampire.
I hate killing. If it wasn't for making sure
that Rosie got fed, I wouldn't do it at
all. And I suspect she was hunting on
her own, because I was so bad
at bringing home the bacon. And
now I have no reason to exist. As
awful as Rosie was...she was all I had.
BUFFY
Howard…I'm sorry but I can't stake you.
I-I can't. I mean, you could buy blood from
Willy's or the butcher shop. You don't have
to kill. I know a couple of vampires who
have done that for years. But I just can't
kill you in cold blood. I'm sorry.
ANGLE ON: BUFFY'S POV of a relieved HOWARD as he explodes into dust. Behind where he stood is DAWN, a self-satisfied smirk on her face.
DAWN
Cold blood, hot blood. No problem for a
real Slayer. Bye, Sis.
DAWN turns and walks away. BUFFY, WILLOW and TARA look at each other sadly.
BUFFY
(Bitterly)
Dawn, the uber-slayer strikes again.
WILLOW
Poor guy. All he wanted to do was care for that
little girl.
TARA
I felt sorry for her too. Her whole childhood was
warped.
BUFFY
And I thought my Birthdays were bad.
Come back to Giles' with me? I don't
want to be alone tonight.
TARA and WILLOW nod, and they turn to walk away.
CUT TO:
EXT. - GILES' HOUSE - night
Establishing shot.
INT. - GILES Living Room - night
BUFFY, TARA and WILLOW are sitting with GILES eating chips, when the doorbell rings. BUFFY stands up to open it, and we notice that she is wearing a pretty cameo pin on her blouse. XANDER and ANYA come in. ANYA is holding a bakery box.
XANDER
We decided that even if there wasn't a
party tonight, that we still wanted to
spend the evening with you, Buffy. Plus
if I had to listen to one more rendition of
"Shout"…I was going to shoot somebody.
ANYA
We brought you one of our sample wedding
cakes. I took the little bride and groom off it.
BUFFY
Thanks guys. I'm actually feeling a little
better about the whole birthday thing. I've
decided that there are worse ways to spend
a birthday than hanging with your friends.
The doorbell rings again. BUFFY opens it and it is SPIKE.
BUFFY SPIKE
SPIKE! I'm so glad you're back! Buffy, listen…I had to come back…
SPIKE
You first.
BUFFY
Oh, Spike. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I
shouldn't have taken my Dawn problems
out on you. If you hadn't come I would
have gone looking for you. This cameo is
just beautiful. Thank you.
SPIKE
My mum had one like it. Afraid it's not
a really good one...I didn't have
much money. But I want you to
know I didn't nick it or anything.
I have the receipt.
BUFFY
I don't need to see the receipt, Spike.
(He kisses her on the forehead)
Come in. We're about to watch a
truly bad movie. What did you get,
Willow?
WILLOW
Aliens Part 3.
XANDER
The one where they try to pass off
a Sigourney Weaver clone as the real
thing? Jeez…who writes this drivel?
SPIKE
(Looking around)
Where's Dawn?
BUFFY
She's decided to make like Greta Garbo
tonight.
XANDER (Doing a bad imitation)
She vants to be alone….
WILLOW
We're not really missing her. This party can be
pooped just as well by us.
XANDER
That's right...we are party poopers extraordinaire!
They all come in and sit down. The couples are together. BUFFY and SPIKE sit together also. SPIKE puts his arm around
BUFFY and she snuggles against him grateful not to be alone on her Birthday. GILES goes out and comes back with a bottle of champagne. TARA gets up and gets glasses and hands them around. GILES pops the cork.
GILES
To Buffy. Our favorite girl on her 21st
birthday. Many, many more!
As GILES is pouring the champagne, and everybody is raising their glasses for a toast, the camera scans up the stairs to show
DAWN sitting at the top of the stairs, watching and listening darkly in the shadows. Dun dun DUN!
TITLE CARD: TO BE CONTINUED
