We would like to apologize for the delay in posting. Several important factors have kept myself (Digitalis) from doing so. Please
enjoy our script. In addition, in response to those of you who are not liking where the storyline is going, keep in mind that like Joss, we have
the entire season outlined and scripted. There is a very good reason why the characters are doing what they're doing. Thank you
for your patience.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Summer Script Challenge

The Powers that Be Pro Temporae

Episode 6.14: For Those Who Would Gather

By J.A.I.T., SWS, JodithGrace

GILES (VO)

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

From Fish in the Sea:

Buffy and Spike discussing their feelings for one another with Anya and Xander. Xander looks suspiciously at Anya and Spike
talking.

From Rifting:

Dawn ripping the demon apart, Dawn telling off Buffy, then to Lydia shocked that Travers isn't weirded out by the Slayer fight.

From Surprise:

BUFFY and HULKING VAMP come crashing through the window at the side of the Bronze. Glass flies everywhere. They land on the stage, struggle briefly but BUFFY has the upper hand. She stakes him.

Cordelia pops up from behind a couch.

CORDELIA

Surprise!


OZ

That pretty much sums it up.

From Blood Ties:

Buffy opens Dawn's present. It's a picture of her and Dawn laughing and hugging each other on the beach, in a frame adorned with seashells. It hits Buffy hard.

DAWN

Jeez, don't get all Movie of the Week. I

was just too cheap to buy you a real present.


BUFFY

Thank you.

Buffy hugs her close.

and

DAWN

Is this blood?


JOYCE

Dawn!


From The Point Of No Return:

LYDIA

The new Slayer… It's Dawn…

CUT TO: Spike in agony as a bright light envelops him.

LYDIA

He's human - he's got

a soul now.




TEASER

EXT. - GILES HOUSE - day

Establishing shot.

INT. - GILES HOUSE - day

We see Buffy walking through the house with a bag of groceries...a schmuck baity feel to it. She's definitely stalking something.

ANGLE ON

Buffy's POV. She's following a phone cord. We can hear the sounds of someone in conversation, but it's too muffled to make out words. Buffy trails the phone cord to the closet. Just as she's about to rip the door open we hear:

GILES

I know what happened before, which is

why I want this one to be special...

ANGLE ON: Buffy's POV of Giles in classic teenager-trying-to-get-privacy pose.

ANGLE ON: Giles' POV of highly pissed off Buffy.

GILES

Oh, uh, Buffy...Buffy's here...Damn.

BUFFY

(Takes phone receiver away from GILES,

says into it)

Sorry, the surprise party is off.

CUT TO:

INT. - HOWARD'S HOUSE - day

We see a man hanging a banner. It's HOWARD. The place looks homey, with couches and wall hangings and carpeting and a fridge, but if we look real closely, we see it's a sewer tunnel offshoot. We see the banner says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSE! There are balloons, streamers, big
wrapped presents, and a superfluous amount of teddy bears for my taste.

ROSE (OS)

Daddy... I'm hungry.


HOWARD

(Almost falling off stepladder)

J-just a minute, honey!

ROSE comes in, she's about eight years old. She's carrying a teddy bear. Which she promptly bounces off her father's head.

ROSE

I'm hungry now!


HOWARD

Wouldn't you like to open your presents first?


ROSE

No. Food first!


HOWARD

I'll go get you something to eat right away, Honey

Bear! What would you like for your special

Birthday meal?


ROSE

(Morphing into game face)

I want Slayer blood!


HOWARD

B-but Honey Bear…


ROSE

That's why we came here, right?


HOWARD

Sure, honey….but it's just not that easy…


ROSE

(Throws herself on the floor and

starts screaming)

I want Slayer blood now! NOW NOW NOW

NOW NOW NOW NOW---

CREDITS

ACT ONE


INT. WILLY'S BAR - day (but not so as you'd know it)

Cut to Willy's bar. Howard is there, a bit nervous. He doesn't get out much. He's dressed in a trench coat, sunglasses, and a fedora. Tré Film Noir.

WILLY

What'll it be, pal?


HOWARD

Uh, white wine spritzer, please.


WILLY

Sure you don't want a Bloody Mary?


HOWARD

Um, no, I stay away from hard alcohol.


WILLY

Jeez, you're really new at this vampire

stuff, aren't you?


HOWARD

(Panicked)

Vampire?

(Realizing this is an asset here)

That's right...I'm a vampire, so you

better listen to me here...I

need some information, and you

know what'll happen if I don't get

what I need from you, right?


WILLY

(Rolling his eyes)

Please, I've got scarier cockroaches

than you in this place.


HOWARD

(Dejected)

Oh. I guess that this wasn't

such a good idea...I just heard

that you were the person to

come to for information about

what goes on in this town.


WILLY

(Importantly)

Well, you heard right about

that...but the kind of info I have

is very valuable, and very costly.

As in cash money...in advance.


HOWARD

(Resigned to paying for things)

How much is it?


WILLY

(Thinking quickly)

Oh...um...it's gonna cost you

two hundred, for starters...could

be more, depending on what you

want to know.


HOWARD hands over the cash. WILLY pockets it gleefully.


WILLY

Okay, so what do you want to know?


HOWARD

Where is the Slayer?


WILLY

Sorry, won't help you.


HOWARD

But I gave you money!




WILLY

Yeah, and she'll give me trouble,

which I do not need. You know this

job does not come with major

medical, which I will need if I start

messing with the Slayer. This I will

not do. But you did pay for something

so I'm gonna give you some advice.

Stay away from the Slayer.


WILLY makes a dismissive gesture. HOWARD grabs him by the lapels.


HOWARD

(Angry and desperate)

You don't understand! I have

to find her. You don't know

what I'm up against!

The THIRD DEMON FROM THE LEFT is WILLY's bouncer (tee hee!); it chucks HOWARD down the access tunnel.

TDFTLAWB

Don't come around here again.

INT. SEWER TUNNELS - day.

HOWARD brushes himself off, squaring his hat.

HOWARD

You people obviously have no

idea how hard it is to...

INT. GILES HOUSE - KITCHEN - day

GILES

...do something special. After all, it is your

twenty-first birthday, Buffy...traditionally

this is a rite of passage into adulthood, for a

Slayer it's doubly significant.

Giles is sitting at the table with Buffy pacing back and forth behind him. He looks like a disobedient teenager explaining something to his angry parent. And Buffy does look pissed off. She's unpacking groceries as she paces.

BUFFY

Hello! Does anyone remember last year?

Buffy's birthdays all begin with

hats and merriment and happy

la-las and end with bloodbaths.


GILES

Yes, well, what happened last year with

Dawn was unfortunate, but there's

certainly no danger that it would

be repeated this year, and-


BUFFY

(Cutting him off)

No and no! I am not having a birthday party

this year!

Dawn walks in as she says this and adds her two cents.

DAWN

Finally, you're understanding what it means to be

a Slayer.


BUFFY

(Shooting look o' death)

No, I'm going to stay in tonight with my head under

a blanket to avoid disaster. But this is a conversation we

will finish later.

(To Giles)

No party.


GILES

But--


BUFFY

No. Party. Noparty. Nopers on the party. No hats,

no candles, no cake...

(Phone rings, Buffy picks it up)

No party tonight!

(She slams it down)


GILES

This is really a day to celebrate...


BUFFY

If we all survive till tomorrow, then we'll celebrate.

Not before then.

INT. SEWER TUNNELS - night.

HOWARD is pacing back and forth, muttering to himself

HOWARD

(Practicing)

Rose, honey, the thing is, Daddy tried, honey bear,

but...no no no, she'll be screaming for days, I

have to get her what she wants, I just have to-


VOICE

(o.s.)

Psssst. Hey, you.

ANGLE ON: HOWARD's POV: we see a rather scrawny and weasely looking SNITCH VAMPIRE, obviously having come down the same way HOWARD had been unceremoniously dumped from. He's looking nervous but eager.

HOWARD

What do you want?


SNITCH VAMP

I heard what you asked Willy.

Man, I know where the Slayer

lives, and I'm willing to share that

piece of info, for the same price

Willy got.

HOWARD immediately reaches into his pocket in relief, then eyes narrow in suspicion.

HOWARD

How do I know you're on the up and

up? I'm not handing over the money

till I get the address.

SNITCH VAMP doesn't like this, but holds out a slip of paper. HOWARD snatches it eagerly and reads it.

SNITCH VAMP

This is where's she's living these days. I

swear!

HOWARD reaches into his coat like he's going for his wallet. We are watching SNITCH VAMP over HOWARD'S shoulder and can't really see what he's dong.

SNITCH VAMP

There, you see? I held up my part

of the bargain...though I don't know

why you'd want to actually go up against

the Slayer, but hey, it's your second

funeral-oof!

SNITCH VAMP explodes into dust, and we see that HOWARD has staked him. He looks back at the paper eagerly and begins talking as if the vamp was still there.

HOWARD

Funeral? Oh no, it's not my

funeral, my friend...

(Switching to game face but not looking happy)

It's my party.

BLACK OUT

ACT TWO

GILES' Living room. GILES comes in bearing a large bowl of chips, for the impending crowd. DAWN comes in and flops down in an armchair. BUFFY remains in the Kitchen. The doorbell rings. GILES answers it, large bowl of chips still in hand. It is ANYA and XANDER.

GILES

Oh good. You're here. I'm afraid I've

got some bad news on the party front.


XANDER

Let me guess. Buffy found out our

big surprise.

XANDER helps himself to chips from the bowl.

ANYA

(also helping herself to some chips)

What? And we were so sneaky too...

in a good way.


XANDER (To ANYA)

Oh yeah...and what do you know about

being sneaky…the not so good way?


ANYA

(Innocently)

What do you mean? I thought that it

was okay to be sneaky if it was

for a good cause...like jumping

out at somebody and shouting

"surprise!"


GILES

Excuse me…It's not just that Buffy found out...


Before he can explain, the doorbell rings again, and it is WILLOW and TARA. They come in and help themselves to chips.


XANDER

Hey Will, Tara. Bad news. Buffy found

out the big secret.


ANYA

In spite of all of our stealthiness.


XANDER looks at her suspiciously.


GILES

No, that's not it exactly.


WILLOW

Who told? Spike? Was it Spike?

He is such a blabbermouth.


GILES

No. I'm afraid…


The doorbell rings again. In comes SPIKE with a six pack of beer.


WILLOW

Spike! Did you tell Buffy about the party?


SPIKE joins the crowd gathered around GILES eating chips out of his bowl.


SPIKE

Me? No. Bloody hell...she found

out? Can't you lot be trusted with

the simplest secret?

(Reaching into the chip bowl)

Are these salt and vinegar?


GILES

WILL EVERYBODY STOP EATING

BLOODY CHIPS FOR ONE BLOODY

MINUTE? Does nobody feed you

people?


They all drop chips and back away) It doesn't matter how Buffy found out about the party. The fact is she doesn't want it!


XANDER

What...no birthday bash for the Buffster?


WILLOW

Did she say why?


BUFFY comes in with a bowl of dip for the now rather extinct chips. Everybody looks shocked to see her there. During the next exchange, people find seats; SPIKE puts the beer on the table, and takes one, GILES takes the dip from BUFFY, and puts the chip bowl on the table with the dip next to it, where nobody touches it.


BUFFY

So...do all of you have amnesia, or what?

Hi Spike! Hi everybody.


WILLOW

You're here. You're not supposed to be here.


SPIKE

Hello, Buffy.


ANYA

This was supposed to be a secret

meeting. A stealthy secret

meeting. With chips. Except

that Giles won't let us have any.

(To GILES)

Why isn't she gone, Giles?


GILES

(Chagrined)

I sent her to the supermarket.

With a very long list.


BUFFY

It just so happens that I shop at

super slayer speed…especially

when I know that something's up.


TARA

Buffy, why don't you want a Birthday

party?

(She smiles at WILLOW)

They can be really fun.


SPIKE

(Disappointed)

First one I would've been invited to.


BUFFY

(Smiles at SPIKE)

Tara and Spike are the only ones here

who have any excuse for not

remembering my birthday disasters

of the past. And even Tara was

there for last year's bloodletting.


DAWN

(from the depths of her easy chair)

I was just a child then. I had

no idea of my true destiny.


GILES

(Trying to head off another BUFFY/DAWN confrontation)

You know, Buffy. Not all of your parties

have been disasters. Remember the surprise

gathering we had for your 19th Birthday?

At your dormitory?


BUFFY (Thinks)

Why yes, Giles. You're right…there

wasn't any actual blood spilled at

that party. Though I do believe

several partygoers expired of boredom,

you being chief among them.


GILES

M-me? Yes, well, it wasn't exactly

my crowd.

(Remembering back)

S-say, wasn't that the occasion when

you first introduced me to Riley?


BUFFY

I rest my case! No party.


XANDER

(Singing like the Beastie Boys)

She's gonna fight! For the right! Not

to paaarrrtay!

SPIKE, restless, gets up and starts looking around GILES' house.

GILES

Spike, what on earth are you doing?


XANDER

Casing the joint?


SPIKE

(At dining table)

I remember this place. Pleasant Thanksgiving

dinner, all tied up, being shot at by Red

Indians. Buffy made a bear.


BUFFY

No I didn't. I made a turkey!


XANDER

(Grimacing)

Please don't remind me of that

horrible Thanksgiving.


ANYA

Oh…but you were so cute and sickly.


WILLOW

Not one of our better Holiday efforts, if I

recall.


BUFFY

Well, if you prefer, this year I could make

a ham.


SPIKE walks over to the bathroom door.

SPIKE

Spent a few days tied up in that bathtub

when I first got my chip.

(To GILES)

Still got that Librarian mug with the

heart on it?


GILES

Spike…if all of this nostalgia is an attempt

to wangle an invitation to move back in

here, I am unmoved.


SPIKE

Well, you see, my crypt is proving

bloody uncomfortable these days. And

as I'm a bit low on funds, I thought

you might consider takin' me in. I'll

take a sofa, anything.


BUFFY

We could do that, couldn't we, Giles?

(To SPIKE)

Would you like me to show you the upstairs?


SPIKE

Sure.


GILES

Please. By all means. Make yourself

at home. Have you got any other

friends you'd like to move in as well?


SPIKE

(slaps GILES on the shoulder)

Thanks, Rupe!




BUFFY and SPIKE go upstairs.



GILES

(Yelling up to them)

That wasn't a yes! That was sarcasm!

Cut to upstairs in GILES' house. Hallway.

BUFFY

Actually, I was just trying to get you

alone for a moment.


SPIKE

Figured. Though it was so subtle you

probably fooled everyone else.


BUFFY

Well, let them think what they want.

She puts her arms around SPIKE. They kiss. SPIKE pulls away first.


SPIKE

Actually, this is as good a time as any

to give you your Birthday present, since

you're not havin' a party.


SPIKE takes a small box out of his pocket and hands it to BUFFY.

SPIKE

Don't open it now.

BUFFY

Thank you. You didn't steal this did, you?


SPIKE

(Insulted)

What...and have you throw me in jail?

What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?

BUFFY

I don't know, Spike. Are you my

boyfriend? Except for going out a

couple of times, I've barely seen

you. I saw more of you when we

were mortal enemies.


SPIKE

(Grins)

Yeah…that was fun wasn't it?

(Awkward)

Well, I've had a lot on my mind. A lot

to think about. Now that I'm suddenly

human and all.


BUFFY

I know. I'm not blaming you. I was

just wondering where things stood with

us…if there even was an us. You know?


SPIKE

Yeah. Been wonderin' the same thing.

Fact is…well, nevermind.


BUFFY

What?


SPIKE

Well, it's your birthday and all…not the

best time for all this.


BUFFY

All what? You have to tell me now, Spike,

Birthday or no birthday.


SPIKE

Well, it's not you. Nothin' personal, you

understand?


BUFFY

Uh oh…Why do I get the feeling that I know

where this is going?


SPIKE

It's me. I think maybe I was a bit hasty

asking you out and all. Right now just isn't

the time for me to be thinkin' about

all that. I mean you've been great

helpin' me adjust, and with the guilt

and everything. But my unlife has suddenly

become a…life! And…


BUFFY

And what you really need right now is

a friend?


SPIKE (relieved)

Well…yeah!


BUFFY

Funny…I've never been on the receiving

end of one of these conversations.

It's not quite as much fun as I imagined.


SPIKE

Well, oddly enough, I've never been on this

end. It's not much fun from here either.


BUFFY

It was the movie, wasn't it? I failed the

foreign film test. I suspected it at the time.


SPIKE

It wasn't that. Exactly. But face it, Buffy…

aside from slaying…what do we really

have in common? We don't like the same

movies, or TV shows…


BUFFY

What…that idiot show Passions?


SPIKE

See…you just don't get it. Or music.


BUFFY

Well, excuse me, Mr. Stuck in the 80s! Or

was it the 70's?


SPIKE

But we could probably get around all that stuff,

if I wasn't so bloody tied up with all these

confounded humanity issues. Like findin' a place

to live and a job, and…


BUFFY

Giles will take you in. I'll talk him into it.


SPIKE

(Sighs)

Yeah…a sodding sofa.


BUFFY

(gesturing towards her room, coyly)

Well, you could have had a bed…or at least

half of one.


SPIKE

(Regretfully)

Buffy…don't make this harder than it is.

You know I want you. It's just with Anya

busy makin' plans to marry us off, and

all, I just can't do it right now. Okay, love?


BUFFY (Sighs)

Sure Spike. Friends it is. I guess we'd

better go downstairs. Everybody's probably

wondering what we're up to.


SPIKE

And jumpin' to all the wrong conclusions,

no doubt.


BUFFY

(Looks at package, sadly)

Should I give this back?


SPIKE

No! I want you to have it.


BUFFY

Thank you.


BUFFY and SPIKE head downstairs.


Cut to GILES' living room.

XANDER

So, Spike…does Giles' house meet with

your approval?


SPIKE

Well, it's okay. But I figure I'll check out

yours next.


XANDER

(To Giles)

Please Giles, can Spike stay with you?


GILES

Does it even matter what I say at this point?


At this, the camera pans out of the house and we see the discussion continuing through the window from the viewpoint of HOWARD, who is doing a Peeping Tom at the window. He finally works up his nerve and goes around to the front door, rings the bell, and waits with game face on.

The porch light comes on, and BUFFY opens the door.



HOWARD

I've come for the Slayer.


BUFFY

(Total confusion)

Which one?


BLACK OUT


ACT THREE

HOWARD and BUFFY are having a momentary stare off. HOWARD appears about to explode in frustration.


HOWARD

(Confused)

Which one? I don't care which

one…I just want the Slayer.


BUFFY

(Sizing him up as no real trouble)

You really don't have a preference?


HOWARD

No. Can we just get this over with?

I've got to get a move on here.


BUFFY

(Smiling)

I'm sorry. I really shouldn't hold

up your death wish. Forgive me for

being so rude.

(Yelling behind her)

Dawn! Someone's here for you!

DAWN

(Yelling back on her way to the door)

Who is it and why didn't you invite…

(Staring at HOWARD, nonplussed)

That's a vampire.


BUFFY

(Agreeably)

Yes, it is. He asked for the Slayer.

(Gestures towards HOWARD with a big game

show flourish)

Go. Slay.

She begins to walk away, but DAWN grabs her arm and stops her.

DAWN

You can't just walk away. You have

A sacred duty!


BUFFY

No, YOU have a sacred duty. I have

party unplanning to do.


DAWN

You understand nothing about what it means

to be the Slayer. I don't understand why the

Council allows you to live.




BUFFY

(Dangerously)

What did you say?

The others have been talking in the background 'til now, pretty much ignoring the bickering, but the change in BUFFY's tone brings them all to attention, and they all hear DAWN's repeated reply. HOWARD is getting more and more agitated, shifting his feet and checking his watch in the background.

DAWN

(Slowly, as if talking to a child)

I said, I don't understand why the council

allows you to live.


XANDER

Okay...I think that all Slayers should just

report to their neutral corners for time out

right now.


BUFFY

(Ignoring him, hurt and more than a little angry)

I can't believe you'd say that to me. Not only

because I'm your sister, but because it's not

true. I've been the Slayer since the most

excitement you got was watching Saturday

morning cartoons, little Miss Super Slayer,

and I'm the best there ever was.


SPIKE

(Under his breath)

She said modestly.

BUFFY catches the aside and flashes him a bore through your skull glare. Surreptitiously WILLOW, TARA and GILES begin removing anything that's breakable from the area and bringing it to another room.

GILES

Dawn. I think you had better go upstairs.


DAWN

(Shaking with anger)

You're not the best Slayer; you're a disgrace

to all Slayers. You bring shame to everything

it means to be a Slayer.

SPIKE

(Seeing that BUFFY is about to blow and not

wanting to admit that DAWN scared him at their

last meeting)

Buffy! I'm sure the Niblet didn't mean that

quite the way it sounded…she's been under

a lot of pressure lately, becomin' the new Slayer,

and all. She hasn't quite got it all figured out.



DAWN

I most certainly did mean it…


BUFFY

She most certainly did mean it, Spike! And

what do you know about being a Slayer,

anyway, since you're acting like the big

expert here.


ANYA

Buffy…there is no need to start yelling

at Spike. He was only trying to help.


XANDER

(to ANYA)

And who asked him to stick his nose

into it? Buffy has a right to defend herself.


ANYA

Oh, sure, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! It's always

Buffy!

XANDER

And what is that supposed to mean? Here you

are taking Spike's side…


BUFFY

(interrupting)

Excuse me…Since when does Spike get a side?

This argument is between Dawn and me.

Dawn seems to feel that she is suddenly my

judge and jury here.


DAWN

I am only stating some facts that should be

obvious to all of you. Buffy has never

understood the whole meaning of being

a slayer. She has let herself be distracted

by all of you irrelevant influences on her

life.

XANDER

Irrelevant? Us?


DAWN

Yes. Irrelevant. Thanks to all of you,

Buffy has let down the Council of

Watchers, time and time again.


SPIKE

That bunch of wankers? Lettin' 'em down?

Stringin' 'em up, is more what they deserve!


XANDER

That's right, Dawn. Look how they've

treated Buffy from day one. And Giles

too.


ANYA

They actually tried to close down the Magic

Box when they were here last year.


BUFFY

Dawn. My friends and family are the only

reason I am still alive. They are more

important to me than anything the Council

could possible say or do.

(softly)

YOU are more important...

BUFFY reaches out to her sister, who grabs her hand and pushes it away coldly.


DAWN

That's exactly my point. Your priorities

are all screwed up, and always have been.


BUFFY's face hardens at the rejection. She turns away.


SPIKE

That's enough, Dawn.




XANDER

Yeah, Dawn.




ANYA

Dawn, I think they are trying to

tell you to stop talking now.

BUFFY

(more frustrated than angry)

In other words, shut up, Dawn. You

don't have the faintest idea what

you are talking about.


DAWN

Oh, I'll shut up. Talking to you people is

pointless, anyway.

(Suddenly remembering HOWARD at the door)

And what do YOU want?

Of course, the door is still open, and HOWARD is there getting cranky himself for being ignored.

HOWARD

Give me the slayer or else!


DAWN

Oh, for crying out loud...

She reaches over, grabs his shirt, and makes to pull him into the room. But of course, he hasn't been invited, so his head slams into the invisible wall. She lets go; slams the door in his face, and he runs off.

BUFFY

Nice. Way to go, Dawn.

DAWN stalks off, into another room.

XANDER

Well, since there isn't going to be a

party...this is all rather pointless.

(To ANYA)

Unless you'd rather stay here and talk to Spike

some more.




ANYA

(Completely oblivious)

No. I have no need to talk to Spike at

this moment. But we should get home.

If we want a live band for our wedding,

we have to listen to some sample tapes.

I got 7 in the mail this week! So we

have some serious listening to do. Oh…

and we have to pick out the song for

our first dance. Come on, Xander.


XANDER

Ooh...a live band…does this mean we

get to do the chicken dance and the bunny

hop?


ANYA

B-bunny hop? What is that? It sounds…grisly!




XANDER

Well, it is actually. Though seeing Spike

do the chicken dance might be worth the

cost of a live band.


She and XANDER leave.

SPIKE

Buffy…would you like to go out for a walk?

Just you and me?


BUFFY

(Taking out her frustration on the first available object)

NO! Just leave me alone Spike! I've

had enough of you and your interference for one night!


SPIKE

Bloody Hell. If I can't put in one word

for Dawn without you bitin' my head off…

I'll be off then! Happy Birthday!

(He stalks out the door.)


BUFFY stands at the door sadly, watching him leave, looking at the package still in her hand. WILLOW comes up to her and puts her arm around her.


WILLOW

Are you okay?


BUFFY

See…Apparently, I don't even have to

have a party for there to be blood

letting. Just having a Birthday is

enough.


CUT TO:

INT. - HOWARD'S HOUSE - NIGHT

HOWARD is standing there helplessly wringing his hands, while ROSE yells at him.

ROSE

Daddy! You mean to tell me that there are

TWO slayers? And you didn't even bring

me ONE of them?!


HOWARD

Rosie, honey bear. The Slayers were in a

house and you know I can't get in without…


ROSE

You are so dumb! You are the

stupidest father I have ever had!

(Starts throwing things again)

Why didn't you make the slayers come

out?


HOWARD

I tried, but…


ROSE

You can't just ask them to come out! You

have to trick them!


HOWARD

Trick them? How?


ROSE

You have to take something they want. Like

one of their friends!


HOWARD

(As the light dawns)

You mean take one of their friends hostage

and the Slayers will come to the rescue?


ROSE

Duh! And then...WHAM! I can have a slayer

for lunch and for dinner!


HOWARD

Well, it could work.

(Suddenly trying to assert his parental authority)

But I don't know, Rosie, bear. You haven't

been the best-behaved little girl today.

Look at your toys all over the place.


ROSE

(With a sickeningly sweet smile)

Please, Daddy? I'll be good. I promise

to pick up all my toys. And you

would be the very best Daddy. I'd

love you forever and ever and ever.


ROSE moves in and gives HOWARD a kiss and a huge hug.

ANGLE ON: Closeup on HOWARD, he is genuinely moved by ROSE's declaration.

ANGLE ON: Closeup on ROSE as we see that this is all an act and that she's barely tolerating her father.


HOWARD

(Overcome)

Oh Rosie. What would I ever do without

you? I'll get you your slayers. I

promise. Wait. How would you like to

come with me? You could help catch

one of the slayer's friends.


ROSE

Oh…could I, Daddy?


HOWARD

Sure, honey. Maybe it's time to teach you

how to hunt with me. Maybe you won't be

so bored alone here all the time.


ROSE

Daddy? Could you get my pretty new

pink sweater? I think I left it my bedroom.


HOWARD

Sure honey. I'll be right back, and we

can go look for the slayer's friends.


He goes into another tunnel offshoot. As soon as he leaves, ROSE drags a body out from behind the sofa, where she had stashed it when she heard HOWARD arrive. She drags it easily down one of the sewer tunnels. She looks down at the body, which is that of a full-grown man, probably homeless.

ROSE

(to CORPSE)

He really is so stupid. I think it's about

time to start looking for a new Daddy. What

do you think?


ROSE pushes the body down into a pit, and hurries back to where she was standing before, looking innocent. HOWARD comes back with the sweater.



HOWARD

Ready, honey?


ROSE (With a big smile)

Yes, Daddy.


They leave.


FADE TO BLACK



ACT FOUR


EXT. - GILES HOUSE - NIGHT

ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE watching GILES' house from behind a nearby bush, waiting for somebody to emerge.

ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE's POV - WILLOW and TARA exit the house together.

HOWARD

Drat! There are two of them!

ANGLE ON: HOWARD and ROSE watching from their hiding place.


ROSE

So what!


HOWARD

That might be kind of difficult, honey bear.


ROSE

(threateningly)

Daddy!


WILLOW and TARA pass their hiding place, and after a beat ROSE falls in behind them. HOWARD reluctantly follows, hurrying to catch up with her.


HOWARD

Okay. Okay. I guess I could, uh,…let's see…


ROSE

Let me do it Daddy. They're ladies. Ladies like me.


ANGLE ON: WILLOW and TARA, who are walking arm in arm, discussing the BUFFY/DAWN problem.



WILLOW

I honestly don't know what to think. Dawn

has changed so much since she became the

Slayer.




TARA

She just isn't the same sweet girl we knew.


WILLOW

I can't believe that she talked to Buffy that

way, after all Buffy has done for her.


TARA

Buffy sacrificed her life to save Dawn.


WILLOW

Exactly! And it was really bad, and Dawn

was so sad. But now, Dawn suddenly acts

like it's all in a day's work for a Slayer.


TARA

Poor Buffy. What a birthday! And then Spike

left too.


WILLOW

Yeah…what was that all about?


TARA

I don't know, but it doesn't look good for those two.


WILLOW

No. He's got a lot to deal with right now,

becoming human and all.


TARA

Maybe it's not the best time to jump into

a relationship.


WILLOW

And I think we're just beginning to see the

real Spike, under the Big Bad.


TARA

You think so?


Suddenly ROSE appears in front of them crying piteously.

WILLOW

Look, Tara. A little girl. Alone at night.


TARA

In Sunnydale of all places!

(She squats down in front of ROSE)

Hi Honey. Why are you crying?


ROSE

(crying)

M-my Daddy got taken away by a big

scary m-man!


WILLOW

(also squatting)

Oh Sweetie. What did he look like?


ROSE

Boogie Man. He had y-yellow eyes and

big teeth!

WILLOW and TARA exchange a glance. Vampire.

TARA

Where is your Mom? We'd better find her.


ROSE (blubbering)

I -I don't have a Mom.


WILLOW (to TARA)

What should we do? Should we bring

her to the police? Or back to Giles'?

We should tell Buffy about this.


TARA

Can you walk honey? It's only a few

blocks away.


ROSE starts crying really loud.


TARA

Uh, maybe I can carry you.


ROSE stops crying and smiles sadly at TARA. TARA bends down and ROSE flings her arms around TARA'S neck. TARA tries to lift her, though she isn't a small 8-year-old. Suddenly, ROSE goes flying across the sidewalk and lands on a nearby lawn. WILLOW looks at TARA, shocked.


TARA (equally shocked)

She bit me!


They look at ROSE who is calmly getting up in full vamp face.


WILLOW

She's a vampire? Holy cow!


At this moment HOWARD comes out of the bushes behind TARA and grabs her awkwardly. She pushes him off easily, but he comes at her again. ROSE comes at WILLOW. WILLOW and TARA look at each other.



WILLOW and TARA

(in unison)

Freeze!


HOWARD and ROSE freeze in mid-attack position.




WILLOW

(looks at them)

What…are you two in cahoots?


ROSE

(defiantly)

He's my Daddy!

(To HOWARD)

Get them, daddy! You promised!


HOWARD

Rosie, honey bear…Daddy can't exactly move

right now!


ROSE

(in a tone that could peel paint)

DADDY!

(She turns to WILLOW and TARA, all sugar and honey)

Please let me go. Please? My Daddy makes

me hurt people. I'm just a little girl.

(Tears start to come)

I just want to go home. Please, Please,

PLEASE, PLEASE!


WILLOW

(to TARA)

What should we do? Look at her. She's

only seven or eight years old.


ROSE

(sobbing)

It-its' my B-birthday today. I'm eight

years old.


TARA

(whispering to WILLOW)

And it's her birthday too. We'd better get

Buffy. Y-you stay here, Willow. You're

stronger and can keep the spell up alone

better than I can.


WILLOW

(whispering back to TARA)

Okay, but hurry. I don't know how

long I can keep this up.

(She looks at ROSE and HOWARD)

So…have you two been vampires long?


TARA runs off back to GILES' house.

HOWARD

Listen, Miss. We won't do any harm.

If you could just let us go. We'll leave

this town. We haven't been here that

long, anyway. Just passing through,

really. My little girl needs me.


WILLOW

I'm sorry. You did try to attack us,

you know. I have to wait for Buffy.


ROSE

(starting to get angry)

You let me go this minute!


WILLOW

Look, honey, I'm really sorry about this.


ROSE

(screaming)

You let me go NOW! NOW, NOW,

NOW, NOW, NOW!


WILLOW

(sighs, nods her head at ROSE)

Silence.


ROSE is instantly silenced. Both WILLOW and HOWARD give a sigh of relief.



HOWARD

Could you teach me to do that?




WILLOW

Does she scream like that often?


HOWARD

All the time.


WILLOW

(Shrugs sympathetically)

Kids. What can you do?


BUFFY and DAWN come running back with TARA.

BUFFY

What have we got here?

(Looks at HOWARD)

Hey…it's the door to door vamp man!

Looks like you got your foot caught

in the door. And who's this?

(sickened)

You turned a little kid?


WILLOW

His daughter.


BUFFY

(To ROSE)

What's your name?


ROSE

Mmmmppphhh!


HOWARD

Rose. And I'm Howard. Pleased

to meet you.


WILLOW

(to BUFFY)

She was disturbing the neighborhood. She's a bit…demanding. And she screams. A lot.


BUFFY

Shades of Veruca.

WILLOW looks at her with a surprised and pained expression.

BUFFY

(apologetically, off WILLOW'S look)

I meant Willy Wonka Veruca,

Not Wolfy...never mind...


DAWN

(to HOWARD)

Is she really your daughter?




HOWARD

(Outraged)

Of course she is…what kind of a

pervert do you think I am?


DAWN whips out a stake and holds it to HOWARD'S chest.

DAWN

(coldly)

Are you absolutely sure about that?


HOWARD

Well, no, uh, since you put it like

that…actually, she's my….sire.


BUFFY

(shocked)

What? How is that possible…she's too

young to sire anybody!


HOWARD

Look, Miss...uh, Slayer. It's kind of a

long story..


BUFFY

It's Buffy. Well, I'm not going

anywhere, and you two certainly aren't.


HOWARD

Rosie's parents were killed by vampires two

days before her eighth birthday. I don't

know why they turned Rosie instead of

killing her. One of the vamps was

a woman …maybe she wanted

a child of her own. Anyway, Rose

lived with her for a while. I'm uh,

not really sure what happened, but

Rosie was on her own for a while,

and then she found me. I-I was

at the airport on a business trip. I

thought she was lost…she looked

so small and alone.


WILLOW

Wait. That doesn't make any sense.

You said she was turned two days

before her eighth birthday. Her

birthday is today. How could all

that have happened in two days?


HOWARD

Miss, Rosie has been celebrating

her eighth birthday since 1967.

Everybody looks at ROSE, who makes a face.

WILLOW

Rosie, if I let you talk will

you stop with the screaming?

(Realizes that ROSE can't answer)

Hmmm, well, you can't really answer, can

you, or even nod, for that matter. So

we'll just have to give it a try. Silence be

done.


ROSE glares at WILLOW, but doesn't scream.

BUFFY

Is this true, Rose?


ROSE

No! He's a big fat liar! He made me a

vampire! He makes me do bad things. I'm

just a little girl.


HOWARD

(Hurt)

Rosie, honey bear. How can you

say those things about me? Haven't I

always given you everything you ever

wanted?


ROSE

You didn't give me what I wanted for

my birthday. And you're a mean

daddy.

(She starts to cry again)


DAWN (To WILLOW)

Let her go.


BUFFY

You believe her?


DAWN (More forcefully)

Let her go.


BUFFY nods at WILLOW. WILLOW waves her hand at ROSE, who collapses in a heap. She springs right up however. She looks up at DAWN gratefully, with wide innocent eyes.


ROSE

Are you a real Slayer?


DAWN

Yes, I am. My name is Dawn.


With surprising agility, ROSE leaps at DAWN'S throat, knocking her down. They roll on the ground in mortal combat. {I keep picturing the fight between Austin Powers and Mini-Me}Before BUFFY can assist, DAWN stakes ROSE, who explodes into dust. HOWARD cries out in anguish.
WILLOW frees him from his spell, and he rushes over to the small pile of dust, which even now is blowing away in the breeze.

BUFFY

Dawn…why did you want Willow to free

her?


DAWN

Because I knew she would attack me.

She was lying about being a child. I

could sense how old she was…couldn't

YOU? She's probably had dozens of

"Daddies" and "Mommies" over the years,

and killed them when she got tired of them.


BUFFY

(sadly)

You're probably right. I had a bad

feeling about her. But look at Howard,

Dawn.


HOWARD is weeping silently. WILLOW, TARA and BUFFY gather around him.



BUFFY

I'm sorry, Howard.


HOWARD

I don't blame you folks. You were just

doing your job. Fact is, she was a horrible

child, and everything you said about

her is true. She would have staked me

sooner or later…but I loved her anyway.

Does that make any sense?

BUFFY

(pointed look at DAWN)

Surprisingly, yes.

(back to HOWARD)

I guess nobody likes to be alone. But what

about you? What are we going to do with

you?


HOWARD

Stake me. Please.

BUFFY

What?


HOWARD

Stake me. Fact is, I'm a lousy vampire.

I hate killing. If it wasn't for making sure

that Rosie got fed, I wouldn't do it at

all. And I suspect she was hunting on

her own, because I was so bad

at bringing home the bacon. And

now I have no reason to exist. As

awful as Rosie was...she was all I had.


BUFFY

Howard…I'm sorry but I can't stake you.

I-I can't. I mean, you could buy blood from

Willy's or the butcher shop. You don't have

to kill. I know a couple of vampires who

have done that for years. But I just can't

kill you in cold blood. I'm sorry.


ANGLE ON: BUFFY'S POV of a relieved HOWARD as he explodes into dust. Behind where he stood is DAWN, a self-satisfied smirk on her face.


DAWN

Cold blood, hot blood. No problem for a

real Slayer. Bye, Sis.


DAWN turns and walks away. BUFFY, WILLOW and TARA look at each other sadly.

BUFFY

(Bitterly)

Dawn, the uber-slayer strikes again.


WILLOW

Poor guy. All he wanted to do was care for that

little girl.


TARA

I felt sorry for her too. Her whole childhood was

warped.


BUFFY

And I thought my Birthdays were bad.

Come back to Giles' with me? I don't

want to be alone tonight.


TARA and WILLOW nod, and they turn to walk away.

CUT TO:


EXT. - GILES' HOUSE - night

Establishing shot.

INT. - GILES Living Room - night


BUFFY, TARA and WILLOW are sitting with GILES eating chips, when the doorbell rings. BUFFY stands up to open it, and we notice that she is wearing a pretty cameo pin on her blouse. XANDER and ANYA come in. ANYA is holding a bakery box.

XANDER

We decided that even if there wasn't a

party tonight, that we still wanted to

spend the evening with you, Buffy. Plus

if I had to listen to one more rendition of

"Shout"…I was going to shoot somebody.


ANYA

We brought you one of our sample wedding

cakes. I took the little bride and groom off it.


BUFFY

Thanks guys. I'm actually feeling a little

better about the whole birthday thing. I've

decided that there are worse ways to spend

a birthday than hanging with your friends.


The doorbell rings again. BUFFY opens it and it is SPIKE.

BUFFY SPIKE

SPIKE! I'm so glad you're back! Buffy, listen…I had to come back…


SPIKE

You first.


BUFFY

Oh, Spike. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I

shouldn't have taken my Dawn problems

out on you. If you hadn't come I would

have gone looking for you. This cameo is

just beautiful. Thank you.


SPIKE

My mum had one like it. Afraid it's not

a really good one...I didn't have

much money. But I want you to

know I didn't nick it or anything.

I have the receipt.




BUFFY

I don't need to see the receipt, Spike.

(He kisses her on the forehead)

Come in. We're about to watch a

truly bad movie. What did you get,

Willow?


WILLOW

Aliens Part 3.


XANDER

The one where they try to pass off

a Sigourney Weaver clone as the real

thing? Jeez…who writes this drivel?


SPIKE

(Looking around)

Where's Dawn?


BUFFY

She's decided to make like Greta Garbo

tonight.


XANDER (Doing a bad imitation)

She vants to be alone….


WILLOW

We're not really missing her. This party can be

pooped just as well by us.


XANDER

That's right...we are party poopers extraordinaire!


They all come in and sit down. The couples are together. BUFFY and SPIKE sit together also. SPIKE puts his arm around
BUFFY and she snuggles against him grateful not to be alone on her Birthday. GILES goes out and comes back with a bottle of champagne. TARA gets up and gets glasses and hands them around. GILES pops the cork.


GILES

To Buffy. Our favorite girl on her 21st

birthday. Many, many more!


As GILES is pouring the champagne, and everybody is raising their glasses for a toast, the camera scans up the stairs to show
DAWN sitting at the top of the stairs, watching and listening darkly in the shadows. Dun dun DUN!




TITLE CARD: TO BE CONTINUED