First attempt at a Grayza drabble. I've been wanting to write for these two for a long time now, but everything just comes out rubbish. Trying something out this time.

Cross posted on my tumblr.


She knows. She knows in the deepest parts of her soul that she cares for him. She knows in the way her breath hitches every time he comes back hurt, she knows when his black hair is the first thing her eyes looks for in the guild. She knows when somehow his presence near or far relaxes, her, calms her, but at the very same time makes her feel alive.

She acts. She acts like it is nothing, that he is just another one of her guild mates, her nakama. She treats him, everyone really, the same way. She is strict but kind, fierce but calm, loyal but oh so very weak in front of him. She tries to act the same way around everyone else, or be who she is whenever she is around him, but…

She knows that she thinks of him different. He is still her nakama and she will protect him like she would everyone that she holds dear, but it is different. She wants to keep him safe, to make sure nothing hurts him, but at the same time, she wants him to be him. And he is someone who is like her – someone who will fight, fight for himself and for their guild, their cause. She respects him, his strength and his character, and she knows this feeling, at least, is mutual.

In the deepest, most intimate well within her heart, she knows she loves him. She loves him. She loves the way he's both calm and chilling, like the magic he wields. She loves how he has defended her countless time, she loves how he is not afraid of her, afraid of the person she masks herself to be. She loves him for caring about her, for being the first to see through her and not recoil in disgust. She loves that he has never once pitied her when she walked into the guild in tattered clothes, but can only admire her for the strength she has years later.

She loves him, because he is the first person to love her.

But she is a fool. She is a fool for thinking they can ever be together. She is a fool, because she had once thought her past could never let her imagine a life with him, and when she did, it is another who has him, whom he cares for. She is a fool, because now, after everything has happened, she has lost the right to reveal her true self, the self she has denied for so long, the self that can love, truly love. She cannot be that self, her self, because it is that which loves him more than anything, beyond kisses and dates and rings and family and intimacy and –

She never really does know what he truly thinks of her, if he had ever once felt for her what she does him. She is not sure she wants to know, because if he ever did, it is gone now. Gone, and replaced by something else, something that is not for her, but for her. And if she actually had his love and lost it in the whirlwind of fights, feelings and emotions they have gone through together, she might just close herself off again, crawl back into the armor he had unchained her from, refuses to be someone he will see as a stranger more than a friend.

She loves him still, and even if he does not love her, she owes him that much.


I'd love to recieve critic from fellow Grayza shippers! :D But still, thanks for reading!