DISCLAIMER:
Don't own, not gonna, wish I did. No money, not gonna be, wish there was…
He had it all…kind of. He had a great job that satisfied him even if it did completely run his life. He had a wonderful family who were able to occasionally come up with good enough excuses to run away from work for a while. He had good friends that had helped him to end not one but two wars so that the normal person could live as peaceful a life as life can get. But as Quatre continued to work at the job he loved, running the multi-billion dollar company his father had built, and continued to be one of the most influential voices of the Pacifist Political Party supporting continued peace and the banning of arms he became painfully aware of something missing.
At first it was nothing more than a vague sense. Like the feeling that he had misplaced something or left something on at home. Quatre would become aware of it at the oddest moments such as when he was reading the newest proposal of arm's disbandment or watching the headlines in the morning of the world news. Just like a scratch he could not reach, Quatre would ignore it and go about his day. When the feeling became stronger, more insistent, Quatre would shake his head to dispel it. He was too busy to examine what it meant or what it could be. Then, six months ago at a Political ball where the height of the political world gathered to socialize the feeling hit Quatre right square in the eyes. His mouth had literally dropped open. What he had been missing had been there all along, he just had not seen it. Now it was sitting across from him at the small café that had become their usual meeting spot when she was visiting and had a free morning. Quatre himself always made sure his mornings were clear when she visited.
'Beautiful…' Quatre thought to himself for likely the thousandth time as he sat across from Relena. He admired her carefree laugh at the birds outside the window of the café. He delighted in their talk of unimportant, normal, everyday things while waiting for their usual orders. But he most enjoyed being able to sit with her without the pressure of their hectic lives intruding.
She was wearing a blue sweater over a cream colored skirt that just reached her mid thighs. Her honey-blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. With the promise of a day completely to herself Relena's eyes sparkled. A small tendril of hair had pulled loose and hung rebelliously to the side of her face calling Quatre's attention to the graceful line of her neck, begging him to reach out and put it back. He smiled sadly to himself as he wondered what her hair would feel like in his fingers, her skin against his knuckles as he brushed the strand back. 'If only I could…'
"Quatre, are you even listening? You've seemed distracted all morning. Our waitress is new and she's been flirting with you this whole time." Relena shook her head at him and laughed quietly. "It's easy to forget you were once the pilot of a feared gundam with as much attention you pay to your surroundings and as gentle a heart as you've got."
"Oh?" Quatre gave her a puzzled look and craned his neck to catch sight of the young brunette that was serving them today. 'You only think that because of him.' He knew Relena had been trying to catch his attention and was just jesting with him, but he wanted to hear her really laugh and acting a bit of a fool was sure to do it. Quatre smiled when he heard that he had been right.
"Well our hour's almost up. It's too bad you couldn't have gotten the whole day away like I did, though that was a miracle in itself. It's really good stress relief and I've been under a lot of pressure with the new arms proposal."
Quatre took a sip of tea and grimaced slightly. It had gone cold. "The one that is supposed to stimulate the economy on L1 and L2? I've heard about it. I seem to remember a conference being scheduled for it the week after next…?"
Relena waved her hand distractedly as she looked in her purse. No doubt looking for her credit card or some such to pay for her portion of the bill. "That's the one. I'm still in the middle of working up a counter debate and alternative strategy to get the job market going but I've been so burnt out for the last few days. I'm glad we were still able to make our outing though. I wasn't even sure I'd still be here on the colony."
'Outing…it's always an outing. Never a date. Relena won't you ever….' Quatre's thoughts were cut off abruptly as he was forced to scoop up the bill before Relena had a chance to grab it. It was the one point of argument for every morning they were able to meet.
"I'll get it."
"Quatre, you always get it. In the last two years I've never once gotten it. I am capable…"
He reached his arm out and dared just the slightest touch of her hand to forestall further argument. Her skin felt cool to the touch but Quatre was raging inside. At the moment they had connected he had felt a spark sizzle up his arm and into his heart, and lower. Pulling his hand away quickly he gave Relena a dazzling smile.
"What kind of gentleman would I be if you picked up the check? It's not that I think you're dependent or need to be coddled. I know you don't. But I am a man of honor and a gentleman besides."
He knew she would give in. She always did, so when Relena gracefully acknowledged defeat Quatre humbly paid their bill. He smiled and waved at those who called out greetings as he escorted Relena towards the front of the café but his mind was occupied. Automatically holding the door for a stream of customers entering, Quatre could not help but feel the pain nearing. 'She'll ask, as she always does and I'll have to see the hurt in her eyes as I always do. Please Relena, please don't ask this time. Let it go…' Finally the last in-rushing customer passed through allowing Quatre to join Relena out on the sidewalk.
His limousine was already waiting with the door open for him to enter. If he was quick, which being a former gundam pilot and having undergone the rigorous training that accompanies such a thing he was, then he could get in the car and be pulling away before Relena even thought to ask him the dreaded question. He could have always pleaded the fact that now he was running late as an excuse, but no. It was there, in her eyes, the pain, the hurt and the ruthless trampling of her pride as she hoped against hope that this time his answer would be different. 'What I wouldn't give to be able to soothe away your pain Relena. What I wouldn't do to be able to give you even an ounce of comfort. Allah help me.' Quatre braced himself.
"Any word?"
The pain was instant and constant. Quatre held back a sigh as he shook his head. Seeing her own instant pain, the spark of hope again crushed, he had to hold himself back from grabbing his chest. He waited as she gave him a small smile, the one that said she was hurting but did not want him to know it, and walked away towards her free day. Quatre slid into the back of his ride and plastered the semblance of a smile on his face. The farthest reaches of his soul ached for her misery and for his own. If it meant that at least one of them would not have to hurt anymore Quatre would gladly shred his heart against the shattered glass of Relena's love for Heero. Unfortunately, Heero had always been the best of them, the perfect soldier, and had not wanted to be found for two years now.
Quatre Raberba Winner was the forgotten pilot. The one nobody looked to for strength, or for love. A woman, a friend, looked to him for hope of a love lost to her, for a pleasant morning, but not to fill the missing something of his life. His missing something, that one thing that could make his life and his happiness complete, had no idea he loved her and probably never would. For once, Quatre did not count his loyalty to his friend as a good thing.
A/N: Allright...not a horrible start I think. It's been years since I wrote this and had the data corrupted and therefore lost. I can't remember it exactly but hopefully that won't matter. Ok. Next chapter in a few days. And before anyone asks, yes I'm aware the pairing for this story is 1xR not 4xR. Have patience. Quatre is meant to be the main character.
