Home Movies
Slumber Party
Part I: The Difference Between Girls and Boys
Paula: (on the phone) Of course Jason can stay over, I thought he lived here anyway.... Yeah, they're always in the basement. ....I don't know what they do.... Have wild crazy lovemaking session, ah ha! ....no, I was just kidding.... They make movies.... What do you mean you don't believe me?! (disgruntled sigh) Just... yes, Jason can stay while you're gone Friday night to your sister's. Okay, I can handle it... No, I think $50 should actually cover the price of the pizza... yeah, thanks. Okay. Buh-bye. (hangs up)
Brendan: What was that all about, Mom?
Paula: Jason's staying over Friday night. That's okay, right?
Brendan: Yeah, it's fine. Gives us a chance to work on a movie we started...
Josie: (gurgles happily from her baby chair)
Brendan: No! How many times do I have to tell you, you're not old enough to be in the movie and we don't need a baby in this one!
Josie: (breaks out crying)
Paula: Brendan, quit torturing your sister.
Brendan: But Mom, she started it!
Paula: She's not even a year old, how can she start it?!
Brendan: Fine...
Josie: (farts in Brendan's general direction) Teehee!
Brendan: See!! She knows exactly what she's doing.
Paula: (picks up a dirty magazine) That's nice, now change your sister's diaper.
**Dun dun, dun dun, dun dun**
Melissa: Hey, Brendan, can I talk to you a minute?
Brendan: Sure.
Melissa: My dad's got a job interview Saturday morning in a town about three hours away, so he's going up there Friday night, and I was wondering if I might be able to stay at your house.
Brendan: Why not, Jason's already staying. We can work on our latest movie.
Jason: Yeah, we can work on our movie.
Brendan: (blinks at him) Where did you come from?
Jason: Blame my mom and dad. (sniggers)
Melissa: (to Brendan) Well, make sure it's okay with your mom because my dad doesn't think it's a good idea for me to be spending the night with boys, but if she says it's okay maybe he'll feel better about it.
**dun dun, dun dun, dun dun***
Brendan: (at soccer practice with Coach McGuirk) I talked to my mom about having Melissa stay over with me and Jason Friday night and she said she'd have to think about it. I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, sure Melissa's a girl, but she's always around...
McGuirk: Brendan, your mom is a very wise woman. It takes a lot of intelligence to see the difference between girls and boys and understand that there are some things that shouldn't be screwed with. You know what I'm talking about, right?
Brendan: Yes, Coach, I think I know--
McGuirk: What am I talking about then, Brendan?
Brendan: (blank stare) Well... girls have a.... and boys have a.....
McGuirk: Yes, exactly. Girls have like long hair and stuff, and they wear lots of pink and purple and all those colors manly men like you and I would never be caught dead in....
Brendan: (in his own little world) Boys... Girls.... Eh heh....
McGuirk: ....I mean, there are some guys who wear those colors, but they are probably guys who were tortured by their parents at a young age, parents who wished they had a girl, like my parents.
Brendan: PENIS!
McGuirk: Yeah, I had to wear those little frilly bonnet things, scarred me for life. I'll tell you a secret Brendan... I still wear them at night when I go to sleep....
(both stop talking and stare blankly at the soccer field for a moment)
McGuirk: You know what else is different about boys and girls?
Brendan: What, Coach?
McGuirk: (shouting to some kid on the field) Girls can't kick a damn soccer ball!! Is that what you want to be, Jamie?! A GIRL?!?!?!
Jamie: (has really short hair and a deep voice) But Coach... I am a girl....
McGuirk: Well, if you're a girl, then why don't you wear a dress?
Jamie: Because... we have to dress in gym clothes for practice....
McGuirk: Wear a dress, Jamie. NOW!
Jamie: (shuffles off the field)
**dun dun, dun dun, dun dun**
((I couldn't remember if Brendan is spelled Brendon or Brendan, so I guess Brendan. Yes, there's more to come, and I'm really miffed that there's not a section for Home Movies because it's SO FUNNY! This fic should not be considered an example of how funny it is, it's my first HM, so just go with it. There is a plot and more is to come.
If you would like to be notified when I update this fic or any of my other fics, please email me at kira@misery.net with your email address, or leave it in the review and specify that you would like to join my NotifyList. Please please join!))
