Malec Alphabet:
A is for Adage
(a proverb or an old saying)
Rating:K
Word count: 1,676 (sorry for the length)
"Why?" Alec could hear the desperation in his own voice but did nothing to stop it from pouring out. He shut his eyes tight why do in an attempt to stop the tears dropping on his cheeks. "Magnus, you choose me?" He was so nervous of what Magnus would say that he couldn't hold even a second's worth of eye contact. With nowhere else to look, Alec stared down at his legs, which were shaking violently from the nerves coursing through his body. "You are a powerful warlock, the most powerful one I have ever met. You could have anyone you choose- why? Why do you choose me? A shadowhunter, whose people belittle you and your people every day, who call you to a war that isn't your battle to fight, but later pass you in the streets as if you were nothing more than a mundane. And as for me, I'm not even out to my family yet, I have no experience with any romantic or physical relationships let alone with another man. And there's the inevitable fact that I'm going to die someday. I have 50 years at the most-"
At this, Magnus cut him off. He couldn't stand to see Alec hurting like this. "It's not about how much time we have together." Magnus reached his hand across the couch to grab one of Alec's hands. "The point of it is, is how we spend the time that is given to us, and I have every intention of spending every second of that time with you." He squeezed Alec's hand in reassurance.
"That doesn't answer my question Magnus." His response came out more bitter than he had intended. "I want to know why you want a relationship with me. so please tell me, Why?"
Magnus shifted in his seat. "Well alexander, can I ask you why you would like to know? I know it's hard for you to talk about your feelings. Your parents made it impossible for you to come to them with any feelings you had. But Alexander, I hope you know you can tell me anything. I know we haven't been dating for very long but if our relationship is going to go anywhere, you have to be able to trust me and be able to come to me with whatever is on your heart. I won't belittle you for having doubts and worries."
Alec took in a deep breath, making Magnus even more nervous than he already was. He couldn't tell if it was a sigh of anger or compliance. As if Alec could sense the worry coursing through Magnus, he squeezed his boyfriend's hand.
"I know, and I do trust you. I- I just don't understand. I am nothing. There are hundreds of people just like me. People who know how to be in a physical relationship, people who are comfortable with their bodies and who they are, people who can treat you better than I can even begin to comprehend. You deserve so much better than what I can ever give you." Alec took in a deep breath trying to steady his voice. "I like you, I really really do, but Magnus, all I want is for you to be happy. As much as it pains me to say it, I'm not the person who will fulfill that for you."
Magnus saw a tear leave Alec's face. Seeing Alec hurt like this made Magnus want to crawl across the couch, hold him in his arms, and make all his pain go away. Alec was raised his whole life being told that he was never good enough. His parents, telling him for 18 years that he wasn't strong enough, fast enough, or intelligent enough. The clave telling him that his sexuality wasn't valid and that it wasn't "normal" for him to feel the way he does. Constantly living in the shadows of his parabatai and brother, Jace. Magnus put a hand on Alec's face and rubbed the side of his cheek.
"Alexander. I know you have been raised to think that you aren't good enough. But Alexander, you are more than good enough, and you have proved it over and over again. It is not your fault that your family and the clave fail to see how wonderful and amazing you truly are. As for making me happy, I haven't been this happy in hundreds of years and I have never been happy in this kind of way. Our relationship isn't a checklist of things you need to check off to make me happy. And I don't need you to be out to your family." He took Alec's hands back into his. Needing to feel the touch of his boyfriend. "I don't care that you are a shadowhunter, I know you don't treat warlocks and other downworlders like the majority of the clave do, and that is one thing I so appreciate about you." Magnus put their intertwined hands up to his mouth and softly kissed them. "And as for why I chose you, that's simple, I love you Alexander." Magnus could see Alec's muscles tense when he said those words, and Magnus immediately wished that he hadn't told Alexander.
"I know we haven't been dating for very long, and I know what I just said probably scares you, but that is the answer to your question and I thought you should know. I totally understand if you-".
The next thing Magnus knew he was wrapped in Alec's embrace with Alec's lips firmly pressed into his. He could feel Alexanders cold, tear soaked cheeks rub into his. It took Magnus a second to process what was happening. When he realized, he returned the kiss wrapping his arms around Alec's neck. Magnus lost all sense of reality and when Alec broke their bond, had no idea of how much time had passed.
"You love me?" He asked leaning back to look at Magnus. Looking at Magnus in the eyes for the first time since they sat down to talk, his face and his eyes were stained with a steady stream of tears. Alec had asked the question as if he never would have expected to hear those words come out of Magnus' mouth. Magnus could see the mix of emotions written in his eyes. A look of yearning, confusion, restraint, happiness, and a little bit of doubt.
Magnus leaned forward touching his forehead to Alec's. "I do. I love you and I am in love with you. Alexander, you have changed something in me. You have unlocked feelings that I never thought I would feel again. Every day I spend with you, you make me a better person. And I love you for it."
Alec looked back down at his shaking legs "I-I love you too Magnus." Magnus knew that it took a lot out of him to say those words whether he meant them yet or not.
Magnus looked at him with understanding and loving eyes. "You don't have to tell me that you love me just because I told you that I did, I understand if you don't yet, or if you're not ready to say it out loud. our relationship isn't to make you feel pressured or uncomfortable at all, and if we need to take a slower pace, that is exactly what we will do."
Alec smiled a small innocent smile that made magus' heart skip a beat… or two. "I meant what I said Magnus, I love you, and I'm in love with you. You saved my life, and I will be forever grateful to you Magnus Bane."
Magnus didn't even know what to say. He didn't even realize what he was doing for Alec. He was doing, what he thought were just small things for Alec but he had no idea it was affecting Alec this much.
Magnus decided that words couldn't even begin to express the feelings he had towards Alec. Instead, he grabbed the back of Alec's head, and pulled his boyfriends mouth to his own. At this Alec climbed into Magnus' lap, wrapping his legs around his waist and returning his boyfriends kiss.
"Alec!" Magnus yelled giggling at this new side of his boyfriend he had never seen before. "It's two in the morning and we have a meeting at the institute in four hours. As much as I have enjoyed these last couple of hours, I would actually like to get a little bit of beauty sleep tonight." Alec had his face burrowed in Magnus' neck. His legs still wrapped around his boyfriend's waist.
Alec groaned. Moving slightly but still unwilling to move from where he sat. "Goodnight babe," he said whispering into Magnus' neck. The soft warmth of Alec's breath made his skin tingle.
Alec reluctantly got off his boyfriend and slid to the other end of the couch, wrapping himself with the blanket hanging over the armrest. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Alec." Magnus looked at his boyfriend and laughed. "You can come to bed with me. I mean if you're not comfortable with that yet, you can sleep on the couch, but I have plenty of extra space in my bed for you, and if you do choose to come with me we won't do anything, just sleep."
Before Magnus finished what he was saying. Alec was standing up and taking Magnus by the hand and was leading them both to the bedroom.
Notes:
Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading my first ever Fanfiction! It really does mean a lot to me. If you have any corrections, thoughts, or ideas you would like me to take into consideration to change or add, write a comment, and please write a review! I know this story wasn't great, but like all things practice makes progress!
I'm sure you have all heard this before but all the characters in this story are property of Cassandra Clare.
