Chapter 1 - Playing with Fire

Mario stomped the last Goomba between him and Bowser into oblivion. Now there was nothing stopping him from winning another climatic showdown, rescuing Princess Peach, and her taking his rescue for granted… again.

Mario sighed as he climbed the steps to Bowser's throne room. "Why do I keep doing this?" he thought to himself. "I never get anything out of it. It's like I just can't resist fighting Bowser."

He entered the throne room and braced himself for a fight. But something was different—Bowser just sat on his throne, clearly not in the fighting mood.

"It's about time you got here, Mario!" said Bowser testily. "Do you have any idea how long you've kept me waiting?"

"Where's the princess, Bowser?" Mario tried to sound intimidating, but his heart wasn't in it.

"Oh, who cares? You're the one I wanted to see, Mario. I really wanted to see you." Bowser stood up, showing off his chiselled build.

"What do you mean?" Mario felt his heart start to race faster than a race car.

"Oh Mario," said Bowser. "I may have kidnapped the princess, but you've kidnapped my heart!"

"Mama mia!" Mario stared at Bowser in disbelief. He was repulsed, and yet he couldn't stop looking at the Koopa King's muscular figure, phallic spikes and huge, throbbing tail.

"Yes, it's true!" shouted Bowser. "I've loved you ever since you first dropped me into a pit of lava—how could I resist a man with your mighty strength?"

"But that was years ago! Why are you only telling me now?" shouted Mario.

"I was afraid, Mario. Afraid of rejection, afraid of what the Mushroom Kingdom would say, afraid I was lying to myself. But now that I see you standing there, all hot and sweaty… I'm not afraid anymore!"

"You're… you're crazy!" shouted Mario. But a voice inside him whispered, "Maybe he's not."

"Don't deny our love, Mario," said Bowser as he stomped towards Mario. "The passion between us is hotter than the hottest fire flower!"

"But you're a giant reptile, and I'm just a plumber!" Mario's knees were growing weak. He felt like he had eaten a poison mushroom.

"I love a man in uniform," hissed Bowser. He was now right in front of Mario, his hot breath singeing the plumber's hair.

"But the princess, I… I… I love her!" Even as Mario said the words he knew they were a lie.

"Your mouth says so, but your moustache says otherwise," whispered Bowser as he swept Mario up in his strong yet gentle arms. "Come—let me take you to my dungeon so you can plumb my pipe."

Mario looked into Bowser's eyes and all resistance faded. "I bet your pipe is a warp zone… to romance."