Voices

Series: How I met your mother

Pairing: Barney/Robin

Sooo...this is my very first english fanfic, so I'd like if you could inform me 'bout mistakes.


At first, it is nothing more than a whisper. Just a little quiet voice that tells you it is simply w r o n g. You shouldn't do this. It is bad for you and maybe even worse for him. He isn't the guy for something like this – and you aren't the girl. The prince on the white horse will never come, but you should at least think about your relationship. It didn't work out very well, did it? Go home. You really shouldn't be here, not now, never.

She knows about all of this. Of course she does. After all, it is still her voice. It sounds kinda reproachful, sad and much more she can't define. But it is also very tiny, disappering. She can ignore it. She doesn't listen to it often. Most of the time she doesn't think about that at all, it hurts too much. Like a fresh wound – no, not like. That's exactly what it is.

That's the reason why she's here right now. She wants to ignore it, she really, really wants to – but she can't. Not always. There are many sleepless nights, many tears. Many voices. So she got up and told herself she has to do this, no matter how much it might hurt. Yes or no – but she needs it, she needs to try. It is something inside her, telling her so – another voice. This one is hopeful. She needs to trust in it. And that's why she's here, standing right in front of his door. He doesn't know she's here. Hell, she didn't even know herself where she was going until she was here.

Maybe...maybe he won't even know. 'cause she's all insecure of herself, just standing here with her mind completly blank. She isn't able to simply head the few steps over there and knock on his door. What is it? What is she afraid of? Oh, there are many reasons. Now the little voice has more confidence. It's louder, somhehow... sadistic? And, most important, it is feeding her doubts, her fears. He could have another girl with him, right? It wouldn't be something special, if you think about it. It's just a normal thing for him to do. Why wouldn't he? It isn't like you were special. Like you meant anything to him... something beside friendship, that's it. In the end, you were like any other woman to him. You know this. Oh, of course... he d i d tell you he loved you. Well – it got you into bed, didn't it?

She needs to get a hold on herself. Otherwise she'll be end up screaming at the voice inside her head to shut up. That's not true. She knows it isn't, she simply knows. Despite all his attitudes, he isn't the man who tells a woman something like that just in order to get her into bed. Never ever. Hell, she even thought he wouldn't say it if he really meant it, but he did and that is important. That needs to has a deeper meaning, otherwise her heart ached everytime she thought of him without a reason. It wouldn't be real anymore, just a nightmare that disguised itself as a beautyful dream.

And still she's standing here, in front of his door, not daring to face the things that might lay behind.

Suddendly, she hears something. Something she feared. There are voices behind it, behind that innocent little door. She can hear him, somehow low, almost whispering so she can't understand what he's saying. And then, not long after it, she can hear a female. The same second she's turning away, running out of the building, whimpering.

/\/\

He is sure he heard something. That's strange, because it is late and his neightbours aren't even in New York. There shouldn't be anyone. And there is nobody as he can see after opening the door. Well... he was sure, but maybe it was just his imagination. His nerves weren't in best condition the last days. So he shrugs and goes back into the kitchen, rising his glass towards the TV.

"Should be here, Scherbatsky", Barney said with a small smile.