A/N: Character death, sorry folks.
Spoilers: for episode 4x17 Identity and Change.
Disclaimer: I own a lot of darkness, so you can try shining a light at me but you won't find the rights to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. anywhere.
He woke up to a reality he didn't want to be in.
There were four of them in the submarine, when the rescue team came. And then there were Radcliffe. His lifeless body was still strapped into the wires that had connected him to the Framework. Blood that had long since dried up was pooled beneath his feet, yet the metallic smell still lingered in the air. It made Fitz sick because he knew what was waiting for him when he got back to the zephyr.
How would he ever be able to live with himself after this? After what he'd done. This was all his fault. And there was nothing he could do now. He wanted to delay it. Reality. How could he face them? If the virtual world hadn't been so upside down he might have considered going back in there, crawling into the ones and zeroes and starting anew, leaving his material body behind like Radcliffe, but in a less violent way of course.
But obviously that wasn't an option. He had to show some dignity and some spine. Or had he misplaced and forgotten his courage somewhere in there?
On wobbly legs he got on board, as the last of the four of them, none of which were really too steady on their feet just yet, that's what happens when you only use your mind to walk a thousand miles. There were tears and hugs. No blame and no one were yelling.
Daisy let him to her. They had removed the wires so she looked like she was just sleeping. He knew better. It might not have been a bloodbath like Radcliffe's – not here at least, here she just looked like she had passed away in her sleep. Though he'd heard whispers of how awful it had been to watch, violent convulsions and then nothing. But he'd seen it happen on the other side, the air had tasted of iron and he had been there as she exhaled her last breath.
None of this would have happened if it wasn't for him. He now lived in a reality where Simmons didn't exist, and he couldn't save her. Not this time. He had been the cause, the evil. He was the one that needed to be defeated.
The worst part of it was her eyes. She had looked at him with such despair, such disappointment at the man that he was, the man that he had become. The last thing she saw, the last time she would ever see him he hadn't been the man that she loved. He had been an abomination. And she would never know that they all made it out, that he came back to her. Scarred but more like the person she knew than the one she last saw.
Ironically enough her death had been his trigger. Losing her had woken him up. Like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. But the world he had woken up to wasn't better or beautiful, it was in ruins.
He was at fault, and he had no longer anyone to tell him otherwise. Not that he deserved it anymore anyway. All that was good, all hope and all light had gone away. He was left with an empty husk. She wasn't here anymore, and it hurt just to look at her even from across the room. He couldn't make himself go near her, couldn't take those few steps forward. He was no longer worthy of being in her presence, of touching her skin, feeling the real her beneath his fingers. Even from afar he could see bruises that she hadn't had when they had last been together. She had soldiered through though, had risked everything to get him back.
And he had failed her by giving in. She had always been the strong one, refusing to give up. Ultimately taken a bullet for him, even though he didn't believe in her. She had given up her precious life for his miserable one. He could never repay her that. His debt would forever be too deep and he didn't know where he should go from here. His moral compass had been broken, mending it would take time. Doing it alone, without support, felt impossible. But he couldn't quit now, that would be to dishonor her memory. She was his guiding light, and he had always followed her willingly, storms had come and gone, but in the end he had been the one to blow out her candle. And now this world was as dark as the one led by Hydra.
A/N: Ahhhh I'm so sorry. Lets hope they get out without more casualties, and soon. Framework Fitz is so scary, I want the real Fitz back.
Focusing on some good, now we have both of their middle names. Yay for Anne and James.
