RHONDAGENESIS II

Chapter 1: The Obligatory Recap

Dear Diary:

Today, for some bizarre reason, I feel compelled to sum up what's been going on in my life since then, and what my family and friends are up to.

Right now, I'm a senior at Dino Spumoni Memorial High. I'm fairly popular, I pull down respectable grades, I'm on the cheerleading squad... pretty much the picture of a normal life, right?

Kinda hard to believe that, six years ago, I saved the entire world from total destruction.

Let's back up here.

When I was born, a bunch of monks, with some help from aliens, put some sort of spell on me. At age 18 I would be transformed into a half-angelic, half-demonic being of incredible power in order to combat a great evil that was brewing. Unfortunately, evil got a head-start, so I wound up transforming at the tender age of ten years old. The good news? I had super-powers. LOADS of super-powers. Strength, invulnerability, flying, energy blasts, forcefields, telepathy, telekinesis, molecular restructuring, teleportation, the works.

The bad news? As part of the package, I also wound up with a complete body makeover. My skin turned purple, I grew fangs and claws, my ears got pointy, and I developed big feathery wings, a long tail with a poisonous stinger at the end, and a third eye in the middle of my forehead. It was a wonder I didn't go completely insane that first week. Luckily, I had the support of my family and a very accomplished team of genetic experts to help me cope. And when the monks finally contacted me and told me what had really happened to me, it all sort of clicked together. At that point, I stopped being a freak and started being a superhero.

Anyway, after loads of adventures, and after killing the President of the United States (it's okay, he was a monster at the time), I finally faced the Big Bad himself, the Dark One. And may I say, I totally kicked his ass. Of course, I nearly died myself, but the world was safe. And when I woke up again... I was back to being perfectly normal in every way. And life went on.

So now, here I am, almost 17, mere months away from graduation (okay, so it's nine months, but they're months, right?). I'm between boyfriends at the moment. I caught Sid totally cheating on me, and well, that was that.

So, what's going on? Well, my dad's pretty much doing what he always did. I'm not really sure what it is. Something about "dabbling in international finance". What does that mean, anyway? Well, it must be good, because nobody's sliced up my credit cards yet. My mom sold the gallery about three years back, when she got pregnant again. A few months later, she gave birth to my little sister Rhiannon. Rhia for short. She's absolutely adorable.

Moving on to friends, let's see...

Nadine Harris is still the best friend anyone could ever hope for. She's been there for me to help me through tough times, and I was there for her when she made the decision to come out. She took major flack for that, and our social standing tanked for a while, but eventually, people realized that she was still Nadine, not just "gay Nadine". Besides, who cares what some guy wrote in a book thousands of years ago?

Helga Pataki and Arnold Craig. They're practically inseparable, which is weird when you consider that they're still polar opposites, personality-wise. He's still the earnest do-gooder with his head in the clouds, she's still every bit as cynical and sarcastic as she ever was. And yet, somehow, they make it work.

Gerald Johanssen's the smooth operator, the playa, the fast-talker. He's gone out with just about every girl in school at some point. Including me, I must admit. And somehow, they keep coming back for more.

One girl who didn't was Phoebe Heyerdahl. She decided that she'd had enough of pining for someone who couldn't commit. Lately, she's been trying to shed her bookworm image, find something new... she's tried cheerleading, she's tried being a "bad girl", she's even been considering going Nadine's route and abandoning the opposite sex altogether. Most recently, she's been flirting with going Goth. Chew on that mental image for a while.

Harold Berman has finally put his bulk to good advantage, as the captain of DSMH's championship wrestling team. He's been single ever since Patty Smith went off to Yale, as the first woman ever to receive a football scholarship.

Stinky Petersen... you'd barely recognize him these days. He's gone totally preppie. He's class president, a straight-A student, and is on the fast track to valedictorian. Hey, who knew?

Sheena Kaczynski hasn't changed... she's still a total hippie, a vegan (and occasionally obnoxious about it), and always involved in some cause or another. She's still involved with Eugene Horowitz, who it turns out is NOT gay like everyone thought, just really into musical theatre. See? Stereotypes are dumb.

Sid's a pig. Screw him.

Curly Gammelthorpe moved to Dimmsdale in the middle of sixth grade. Nobody's heard from him in years. Which is just fine with me. I could definitely do without being stalked.

Finally, last and least, Lila Sawyer. Lila lost her ever-so-sweet persona years ago, and she's become the shallow, superficial Queen Bitch that... well, that I probably would've become if not for my fifth-grade adventures. And she's a total slut, too... she seems to take special joy in stealing other girls' boyfriends. As you probably guessed, that includes Sid.

So, that's where things stand right now. This concludes the annual State of the Rhonda Address. We now return you to your regularly scheduled diary.


Author's note: So, here we go again. Unlike the first series, this one doesn't have an overarcing storyline; it's more of an episodic series, though I will be at least trying to have some continuing subplots. I also have some nice surprises in store for later chapters, including a very special crossover that some of you out there might like.

So, as always, let's see some reviews, comments, criticism, suggestions, anything. We fanfic writers thrive on feedback.