Guys Like Us
By Danii


Darien was late for his appointment. It wasn't 'dear god he's gonna kill someone' late; lord knew he'd had enough of that recently. Just a couple minutes, nothing to sweat. At least not to him. He had a feeling that the Keeper wasn't going to be all that pleased with him, but then he remembered how she seemed to have softened up to him recently, and that made him feel a bit better. It wasn't as if he could have prevented it. Even if he could turn invisible, that didn't change the fact that he had to use the bathroom like everyone else.

When he got there, he was pleasantly surprised to find that the Keeper had not even noticed his tardiness. In fact, she didn't notice his entrance at all. She was too busy bustling about the office, moving papers, reading papers, tossing papers. The Keeper moved around the little lab quickly looking rather nervous. It took a few knocks on her desk for her to turn around and realize he was there.

"Oh, Darien!" She exclaimed in her familiar British accent as she anxiously pulled her hair behind her ear, "I'm sorry I didn't notice you coming in...I'm a bit busy, as you can see, not to mention worried."

"About what?" he asked politely. He was curious as to what could get the rock-solid Keeper into such a tizzy, and he knew that if he sounded to interested she wouldn't tell him.

"Oh, the transfer we're getting today, and the Official's news, and the failure, and-" She stopped, then looked at Darien for a moment, her eyes flashing in slight irritation, "several other things I'm not supposed to tell you about..."

He smiled his brightest smile, letting the old Fawkes charm flow, "Well, now that you mentioned them, you gotta explain."

"No," she answered with a neutral tone as she pulled him to the chair, "I really don't. I wasn't supposed to mention them at all, though I suspect that you will be involved sooner or later."

"Which one?" he asked, sitting down in the familiar black seat that always made him feel like he was at the dentist, "The transfer, the news, or the breakdown?"

"I will not be telling you, Darien," The Keeper told him evenly as she prepared the shot, "As I said, you know too much already..."

"Fine, fine" he said with a shrug, "you know me, always curious..."

"I'm not even going to tell you what happened to the cat." She replied with a slight smile as she injected him with his dose of counteragent. He just smiled back at her, and the Keeper got a little worried. That smile meant trouble.

The conversation didn't go any farther because just then, Hobbes walked in.

"Hey, Fawkes, you won't believe what I just heard!"

Darien got up from the chair and focused on his partner. Hobbes was really excited. "What?"

"Just heard that a major government project has just blown up in everyone's face."

"And this is relevant how?"

"Because we've been put on clean-up duty. Not to mention the fact that one of the finest agents down there is going to be teamed up with us! The Official's nephew! I can't believe it!"

The sometimes-invisible man sighed. He liked Hobbes well enough, but every now and then his partner could be so disappointing. He'd expected news like 'they just found a way to get the gland out' or something, and now Hobbes was telling him that they were getting yet another clown in the Agency circus who was the Official's nephew to boot. Great. Just great.

"Don't you know what this means?" Hobbes cried, nearly grabbing Darien by the shoulders, "This means that we're finally getting some recognition! We're gonna be distinguished as a major Agency of the United States government!"

"I have three words that describe my feelings about that-woop...dee...doo..."

The other Agent scowled, then pulled his partner into the hall. As he did, Darien said a quick good-bye to the Keeper, who had gone back to her work, completely forgetting him.

"Listen, Fawkes," Hobbes hissed, his dark eyes boring into Darien's, "This is some major stuff. It's important, and you have got to stop with this aloof crap. You're an agent, albeit not voluntarily, and that's what you're gonna be until they figure out how to get that thing out of your head. There's no way out of it. So why don't you stop being such a whiney little ass about it and TRY to enjoy your work?"

Darien seemed to consider this for a second, then looked about to accept it, but, "How about...no."

Hobbes just sighed and shook his head. If the hair on top of his head hadn't already disappeared, he would have pulled it out by now. His eyebrows would be gone by next Tuesday at this rate. What a partner...

"Anyway, the Official wants to see you...us..." the other Agent continued tiredly, "In his office, now..."

Neither Darien nor Bobby said a word as the two of them walked to the Official's office, nor did a word escape them as they waited in front of the familiar door. Fortunately, the door was opened before the silence became annoying.

"Fawkes, Hobbes, we have got some major work to do." The Official said with a strange glint in his eye. He looked so excited, like a fox that just found out that he gets to be night watchman at the hen house. "Hobbes, you know anything about a group called The Initiative?"

Hobbes whistled low and long. This was some pretty deep crap. Even he, snoop extraordinaire had heard very little about it. Very top secret. In fact, "All I know is that it's in California. Some little nowhere town..."

"Sunnydale" the Official supplied with a smile, "Sunnydale, California. The town with the single highest missing persons ratio in the world."

"So what, people want to get out of this little berg?" Darien asked, all sarcasm, "This is what we're going to work on? A bunch of insane West-coasters who happen to hate this town?"

"May I also state that this town has one of the highest murder ratios in the world as well?" the Official continued coldly, "The only town higher is in the middle of a war zone."

"And?"

"And the Initiative was sent down there to check it out. But, apparently, things started going wrong. One of their experiments-"

"If you tell me it escaped," Darien said with disgust deep in his tone, "I'm just going to vomit."

"Fine" the man behind the desk said briskly, "I won't tell you, but it's true. They also lost their top scientist, a one-"

"Maggie Walsh." Said a familiar voice from the door. All three men turned to see the Keeper standing just inside the room, a rather upset expression on her face.

"She was one of the finest in her field," she continued, her eyes letting slip only a small hint of emotion, "I studied under her for a time. Truly genius."

There was silence for a while, and then the Official said, "Anyway, the experiment went nuts and destroyed the base. Men were lost, and the research done completely vanished. Now, only the real tops were in on this. I mean, the highest powers set this up, sot they had funding we can only dream about. So how did it fail so badly? I'd like to know is why it happened."

Again the room went quiet, until Darien asked, "What I'd like to know is why you care?"

The Official grumbled beneath his breath; something about nosy agents, then replied, "One of my best men, an experiment like yourself, Fawkes, has been there for quite some time, and some of the things he's reported are too bizarre for me to expect you to believe. But when he told me about this, I knew that this had to be acted on. My agent has reason to believe that someone other than Maggie Walsh tampered with the experiment that started this mess, causing it to go insane. Now I need to you two to head down there and help my man find out who did it and why..."

"But it's done, over, finished!" Fawkes cried, "And if he's such a good agent, how come he can't do it himself?"

"It isn't over. The perpetrator is still out there, and he can cause more damage. That town is a very delicate situation, which I will let him explain in detail. As for my man, he has been undercover for over 5 years..." the Official explained, "If he blows it now, there will be a lot of trouble because the Initiative was just at the tip of the ice-berg. I need his info. I know things the bigwigs would pay millions to know, and many did. At least 6 million dollars of that gland in your head came from his information. Besides, one of the things that keep that town running is me. Me making sure to take care of property damage. Me keeping those damn lawyers out of that town. Me planning out the new high school..."

"What happened to the old one?" Hobbes asked.

"Blown up."

"Rough gig."

"The roughest." The Official told them, his voice even more grave than they'd heard before, "Now you two will be boarding a plan, along with my man, to Sunnydale first thing in the morning. And lucky for you, I don't ever send relatives in coach, so you'll be getting first class all the way."

"Relative?" Darien asked, looking entirely disgruntled, "you mean this guy, one of your 'best' agents, is this nephew I've been hearing about? GREAT! Probably some stuck up, naive little butt-kisser who doesn't know a damn thing..."

"No." said a voice from behind the Official's desk, but more accurately the Official's chair which had been turned away from the rest of the room the entire time, "Not really, Agent Fawkes."

The chair swiveled around to reveal its occupant. Tall, muscular, and handsome, with a a slight grin on his face, the young man had the same air as the Official did as he sat in the chair, that slightly smug, self-satisfied sort of look. His dark, well-groomed hair shone in the office lamp, and his deep chocolate eyes seemed to bore into Darien's soul with an intensity that is rare in one as young as he was. And he was young. To the two agents, he looked like he could barely drive.

"This" the Official said with a prideful grin, "Is my nephew Alexander, Special Agent Alexander Harris. Xander, meet Darien Fawkes and Bobby Hobbes..."

The young man got up from the desk and walked around it till he could shake with the agents. First he went to Darien.

"Hello," he said in a pleasant tone, "Nice to finally meet you. I've heard such wonderful things about you...and your special little ability. Sounds fascinating..."

"Nice to meet you too, kid..." Fawkes said with a slight edge to his voice. For a youngster, he was awful confident.

The kid must have picked up on Darien's tone, because he gave a second look to the Agent, this time directly in the eyes. That look scared Darien. It was the sort of look that told you the measure of a man, and this look told him that the kid was much more lethal than he looked. He was the kind that would jump off a cliff right after you to get you if he felt it was the right thing to do. He wouldn't let that friendly exterior trick him again. But before he could look any deeper, the young man pulled away and went over to Bobby.

"VERY pleased to meet you, Agent Hobbes," he said in a more respectful, but still jovial, tone, "You know, I've read your missions from several agencies, and I must say, your work is astounding. I find it an honor to meet you, and I hope we'll get this job done well together..."

Hobbes was eating up the boy's praise like it was the last donut he'd have for years, and the smile on his face was as wide as the Grand Canyon. He loved this.

"See, Fawkes," his partner crowed, "I am worth so much more than your transparent behind..."

The Official looked at Agent Hobbes meaningfully before Hobbes said, "But since we're going to get first class, I'll save my talk concerning a pay raise for later on."

"Good." The boss said. Then he turned towards the Keeper. "You will be going with them, and you're going to be taking care of both Darien and Xander..."

There was a rather miffed grunt.

"And Hobbes."

"All right." the Keeper said evenly, "I will have to start getting packed immediately. The counteragent stores nor travels well and there is a lot to prepare."

"Fine." the Official said, "Dismissed."

The three agents and the doctor left the office quietly, then Xander pulled them both around and asked in a friendly, happy voice, "Wanna go to lunch? I'll buy..."

This was just great. The psychotic nephew of the Official with who-knew-what experimental complications, who was not only of a higher rank, but was a perky person. Not to mention the fact that he got a much better paycheck (Darien looked as his wallet as he pulled out the money to pay for lunch). Great. Just great...


"I hate flying on the plane..." Darien complained as he got into his seat. As the Official had promised, it was in first class. "My legs always get cramped. They don't give you enough room..."

"I hear you, buddy..." Xander agreed as he sat himself next to the occasionally invisible man, "Tall guys like us always get scrunched, no matter what section we're in, you know?"

Darien was about to concur, but he was interrupted by a snort from Hobbes, who was right behind them.

"Please." The other Agent told them, reclining his seat with a sigh, "This is perfect!"

Fawkes and the young man shared a look, and then Xander muttered, "So says the short man..." under his breath, talking just loud enough for Darien to hear.

The reluctant agent stifled a laugh, and then settled into his seat. Truth be told, he was getting to like the kid. He was smart, funny, polite, rather nice, and sympathetic about Darien's problems with the Agency. It was nice to find someone who understood that he was having a rough time with it, especially since this kid was the Official's nephew. They'd talked for a while the night before while packing, and the young agent seemed to know how Darien felt about being an experiment. Xander also seemed fascinated by Darien's powers.

"So," he'd asked, "you can turn invisible?"

"Yeah" Fawkes answered, trying to sound nonchalant, "But only for a little while, and then I have to get my counteragent or I go insane and try to either rape or kill the next person I see. Kinda nasty..."

"Sounds like an acquaintance of mine..." Xander had said with a small sad grin, "Except he gets that way when he gets a happy."

"A hap- you mean he can't have sex or he flips?" He'd exclaimed, turning around to face the young agent.

"Not with the woman he loves...or loved. Besides, there was a whole 'she-sent-him-hell' thing, and the flame kinda dimmed after that..."

"This chick sent him to the slammer?" Darien asked, feeling bad for whoever it was.

"Nah, she really sent him to Hell, as in the big burny place in the ground beneath our library..." Xander told him. Then his expression had gotten a little cold, "and Buffy is not a chick."

Fawkes had been curious as to who Buffy was, how she had sent someone to Hell, and what she meant to Xander. He would have asked, but the look on the younger agent's face was hard, and told him that the conversation was over. Now, as he sat on the plane waiting for take-off, another question rose in his mind.

"So what sort hold does the Agency have on you?" Darien asked, " I mean, didn't the Official say something about you being an experiment or something?"

Xander sighed, and then looked at man sitting next to him. It wasn't really any of the other Agent's business, but he'd gotten to like the frequently invisible man.

"Well, the Agency has no hold over me other than the fact that I love my work. I know you think it sucks right now, but once you get into it, you realize it's a real rush..."

It looked as if Fawkes was going to argue, but the honesty in the young man's tone kept him from denying it. Maybe, he thought, I will get to enjoy it. That'd be the day.

"But what about you being an experiment? I would think that the Official would keep his own family out of that sort of stuff..." Fawkes persisted, curious as to what his fellow Agent had up his baggy sleeve, not to mention the knowledge of just what his boss was willing to do.

Xander chuckled beneath his breath, then lay back in the plane seat as far as was physically possible. "Please. Uncle Charlie was bitching about it all the way to the lab as I heard it...it was my parents that pushed it. They wanted to see my gifts realized to their potential, and all this other crap..."

Darien was completely confused. What was the kid talking about? "Huh?"

"I was part of a study concerning psychic ability when I was just a baby. The project, done due to some similar study by the Russians back then, was to make special spies that could pick the thoughts out of people's minds, among other abilities. They took children with pre-existing skill and injected them with who-knows-what in order to amplify the effect. I had skills, such as telekinesis, psychometry, and some others, but I was unable to do the one thing they were looking for: take information from a mind. Don't know why, I just can't. So I was considered a failure, the only one in the study. I'm glad though..."

"Why would you be glad?" Hobbes interrupted. He'd been listening in to the conversation from the back. Xander was pleased. At least he wouldn't have to explain this twice.

"Because the serum they gave amplified the powers too much. The other children who COULD read thoughts were unable to shut out the mental voices. They all went crazy, and eventually they had to be either locked away, or even killed due to their violent insanity. Same thing almost happened to a friend of mine for a different reason, but I digress...As for me, little ole' failure Harris wasn't wanted by anyone in the government. I was sane, but I couldn't do what they wanted. Some other stuff, but not what they had been testing for. I was a reminder of the mess up more than anything else. Yet my Uncle obviously saw my potential and wanted me heading in the right direction. Otherwise, I have could become even more dangerous than those kids, especially considering where I live."

"So?"

"So he trained me. Secretly, of course. The only people who knew were my parents and him. He'd send over training literature from all over, special teachers...guys who owed him something. And I trained to be an agent for a good amount of my childhood, which took longer since I was busy with school work and other stuff, not to mention the fact that I was seven..."

"Seven?" Darien exclaimed, "He made a seven year old kid know that stuff?"

Xander looked the other Agent in the eye, "Trust me, what Uncle C trained me on was nothing compared to what those guys in the study did. They gave me objects to touch...horrible stuff. Killer's knives, bullets from...All in surround sound, perfect picture, smell, taste...that was horrible. I was so very little, but I can...All Uncle Charlie showed me was how to use all my skills and be a better agent."

"And despite the fact that you were completely forced into all of this," Darien asked, genuine curiosity in his tone as he asked the young man his question slowly, "you like it?"

"Yeah, Saranwrap Kid, I love it. You should try working sometime, really trying...maybe you'd like it too..." Xander answered his voice passionate but gentle, "I mean, do you have any idea what kind of a place I live in? If Uncle Charlie...if I hadn't..."

"How are we supposed to know what kind of a place you live in," Hobbes inquired, obviously curious as to what situation he was in their new assignment, "if you haven't told us? We're not all regional experts..."

Xander snorted at the older agent, then realized that he was right. He did have to brief them on what they were going into. So with a small tap, he pulled the Keeper out of her world of paper and started to explain the strange town that he called home.

"Sunnydale, California is built upon what is called a Hellmouth, which is quite literally a gateway to the eternal torment we humans call Hell. Now-"

"Wait." Hobbes said, holding his hand up between the seats to ask for a moment of silence, "What the hell kinda occult mumbo-jumbo bullshit are you trying to cram down my throat? A mouth of Hell?"

"Yes," the young Agent replied, quite anger seething in his voice. His tray table seemed to jump for a moment, but he ignored it. "I've lived on this thing all my life, so don't give me any cynical crap. I've dealt with it, okay? I've fought the demons, and the vampires, and the ghosts, and ghouls and all that other muck that the damn thing either spews out or sucks in, so don't call it bull or I will ram your damn tie down your little throat, got it?"

Bobby's eyes opened in something that was equal parts fear and surprise, then sat back in his seat. He shared a look with the Keeper, who appeared a little unsure but willing to listen. Darien just sat and paid attention, watching the kid's body language to see how truthful he was being.

"Anyway," he continued, the anger in his voice fading to annoyance, "As I said, the Hellmouth attracts and lets out all sorts of nasty things, especially vampires..."

"Vampires..." Fawkes repeated, just to help his mind absorb this. It was kind of hard to believe, but, a little voice reminded him, so was a man who could make himself invisible.

"Yes, vamps of all shapes and plans for world domination. Luckily, in our little Hellmouthy hamlet, we also have a little gal called the Slayer by the name of Buffy, whose job it is to kick the aforementioned creature's asses time and time again, saving the world from many horrible hellish fates with the help of her trusty Slayerettes."

"Gal?" That was Hobbes.

"I think it's rather appropriate that a woman be responsible for saving the world," the Keeper spoke up at last, "I like the idea..."

Xander smiled at the blonde Brit. He had a feeling that the gang would like her, especially Giles. He was sure that the Watcher would be relieved to have another person from the same country there with him. All he'd had recently were visits from the insane side of the Watcher's council and Wesley, neither being the finest at conversations. She would perfectly fit the whole role he had set up for her. As for Darien and Hobbes, he didn't know what he was going to do...

Well, he thought as Darien and the others discussed something or other, I'm going to have to rework the whole thing. Xander was a little mad at his uncle about that. The Official, while telling him about the Keeper accompanying him during the investigation in order to help him with his little "problem", had neglected to say anything about two other agents coming. It had taken a lot of effort to sound calm and cool in the office, especially since he'd found out about his new partners at the same time they had. And he hadn't figured them into his cover story. But it only took a minute to formulate something.

"All right," Xander said, interrupting them from their discussion, "Now for what you guys will be pretending to be: some family members of mine who have just taken an apartment in Sunnydale for a while..."

"Where are we gonna get the money for that?" Hobbes asked, his face screwed up in cynical expression. Xander didn't blame him for being a bit skeptical. The Agency's lack of funds was one of its best-known feature.

The young Agent grimaced. "Just let me worry about it..." And worry he would. He'd have to delve into his stash, the special little account he'd been working on for years. He didn't even want to think of all the freelance work he'd done to raise it all. Uncle C WOULD reimburse him at least 25% or he would...do something damned troublesome. He was just happy that the death rate kept Sunnydale real estate cheap.

"Now, you, Darien, will be my cousin...feel free to make up the rest of your life as you see fit," Xander said, his mind a bit occupied with financial concerns, "Hobbes, you're my uncle. Try to act mildly drunk and they'll believe anything you say..."

Hobbes gave him an odd look, then nodded. He could do undercover. He was great at undercover.

"And Claire, you are my Aunt."

At the look of surprise and near horror that crossed her features, Xander assured her, "Who is not married to Uncle Bobby..."

The Keeper looked relieved, and then tried to cover it as Bobby Hobbes stared at her angrily. Darien and Xander both just smiled. Xander had a feeling that the little scene would be referred to in the future, probably during a spat. But Xander did have to move on, and so he put a stern expression on his face and continued.

"As to the mission." The young Agent said, "We are here to discover exactly who was in the Initiative that shouldn't have been, how Adam was tampered with, and what exactly was done to his programming."

"And that shouldn't be too hard..." Darien put in sarcastically.

The Sunnydale native shot him a look, then went on.

"Now, not only do we have to do this, but we have to do this so that: one, no one discovers that I'm an Agent; and two, survive. During your time here, you will carry at least one stake, one cross of moderate size, and one bottle of holy water. And that is an order..."

Bobby, Darien, and Claire shared a look. It couldn't be good that survival was actually mentioned as a mission statement. And if the kid was really serious enough about the vampires and demons to insist on such supplies to be carried on their persons 24/7 it had to be important. The little voices within them that had balked at hearing of vampires being a reality were beginning to slowly become mute.

"Now let me introduce you to my friends..." Xander said, pulling out several files from his carryon bag. He handed one to Darien, one to Hobbes, and one to Claire, leaving a few in his hands. "Darien, the one you hold is on one Miss Buffy Summers, who is the Slayer I mentioned before. Her entire file is there, though I suggest you simply read the summary I wrote on the first page. It states all the really important things. Same thing with you two. Bobby, you have the file on Miss Willow Rosenberg, a witch who happens to have been my best friend since childhood. The third file, which you hold, Claire, is on Mr. Rupert Giles, who is Buffy's Watcher and former librarian of Sunnydale High School. They are my best friends, not to mention some of the greatest heroes this world has ever seen, and if any of you do anything to hurt them for any reason, I will make sure several bad, painful things happen to you in ways you probably can't even comprehend. Understand?"

The two Agents and the Keeper nodded silently, comprehending the cold glare in the young man's eyes more than the words themselves. But as they began to read their files, Darien's head popped up from between the folder and he asked Xander good-naturedly, "So all this is real?"

Xander grimaced, then smiled. He really had to be a little more tolerant of the disbelief of his partners. It was perfectly normal. He was expecting them to believe some crazy stuff in a short period of time with only his word to back it up. So it really wasn't all that wild that they were having a hard time of it, even if one of them had the ability to turn invisible.

"Yeah, it's all true..." Xander replied, putting his head back onto the plane headrest, "I could tell you a few stories that are a little more interesting than that file if you need a little proof..."

The sometimes-invisible Agent smiled back at him, then followed Xander as he sat back, "Yeah, I think that would help...I mean, vampires? Werewolves? Witchcraft?"

"Yup"

There was silence for a moment, and then Xander asked, "So what would you like to hear about? My hyena possession? The 6-inch tall fear demon? Buffy's robot wannabe step-dad? My romantic experiences with a giant praying mantis? The several times my friends and I saved the world?"

Fawkes' eyebrows shot up in surprise, then he let out a laugh. "Your choice...I wouldn't even know where to begin..."

"Then how about a little tale involving me, a substitute teacher, and her true form as a giant bug-lady..."

**

The four of them landed a few hours later, each of them in a worse mood then when they'd lifted off. It wasn't the ride. The trip had been smooth and the landing perfect. It wasn't the company. In fact, over the plane ride, the little group had gotten far more comfortable and friendly with each other. Nor was it the weather. As they stepped off of the plane, they were swept into a cool Sunnydale night. It was the destination.

Hobbes was skeptical about the whole thing, but that didn't keep him from being afraid. He was a paranoid S.O.B, and the kid's assurances of that being a good thing in the town of Sunnydale did nothing to ease his fears.

Darien was a little worried. From the many stories that Xander had told (with much aplomb, flair and humor) he had a better idea than the others as to what they were going to be facing in this little town, and it made him thank God above that he had that gland. It was kind of comforting to know that he could turn invisible. And he knew he'd be doing it quite a bit in Sunnydale.

Claire was a little scared, but mostly intrigued. She was completely amazed at the variety of demons the files had contained. She'd read each one carefully, and the sheer number and variety had astounded her. Not that she was any Dr. Walsh. She had no interest in that respect; she was just interested in the medical properties the demons might posses. But she was also interested in her newest Agent. The Official hadn't told her much about his problem, but it seemed intriguing. His powers were interesting, and the recent changes in them deeply fascinating. She couldn't wait to work on him. But the thing that most attracted her was the file on Rupert Giles. He seemed like an extraordinary man, and she couldn't wait to talk to him and discuss demonology, among other things. She also found the picture attached to the file to have been rather handsome...

Xander wasn't too happy to see his hometown, and all the horrible crap that came with it. In fact, the only reason his baggage hadn't flown out of his way was the thought of seeing her again...Buffy. His mind pulled up the memory of the smell of her hair, and the color of her eyes. The wonderful feel of her skin touching his. The swell of her-But he brushed the thoughts from his mind and focused on what he had to.

There was no one to pick them up at the airport, which wasn't surprising since none of the Scooby gang was aware he had ever left. It was something he was used to. Leaving and coming back without his "friends" even noticing he'd been gone. It was helpful for his work not having to make up stories for his departures, but it hurt him every time he arrived back at home without a person knowing he was gone. But again, he had no time to dwell on this old complaint. He had to get them home. Or at least, a hotel that didn't have more roaches than occupants...