"Hey Kakashi…"Man why does this feeling always come back to me? "What's up Iruka? Why are you looking so sad?"Wow, he always gets me with that voice of his. "Oh…nothing….I'm ok." I say as I look away. "Now come on Iruka, I know you better than anyone, I can tell there's something wrong….what's the matter?" "I'm so sorry Kakashi, I've just got that feeling….like my heart's gunna get broken again, like so many times before." I can see his expression drop as he realizes the reality of the pain I feel. "Ruka, how did you ever get the idea that could happen?" I look into his beautiful eyes for a split-second and see his worry. "I'm just afraid you'll…well you'll think this is too much." I look over at him, hoping to get a joking expression….I don't. "Are you serious Iruka? Why do you think that?" "I don't know, it just hit me kind of hard when you said your life seemed a little easier when you didn't have to worry about someone finding out about…about…u-us." Oh man, I promised myself I wouldn't cry. "No Iruka….you can't possibly think that I would ever let anything happen to you. Come here." This is what I want Kakashi, to stay right here in your arms…..forever. "I-I know, I'm just so used to people using me for their personal pleasure than dropping me like unwanted baggage after they find someone better. I don't want that to happen to us." A couple minutes went by of him holding me. "Iruka, I love you too much to EVER let go of you. If I ever hurt you…I don't think I could live with myself." I'm past the state of words, all I can do is stare into his pleading eyes. "I know you've been through horrible heartbreak and pain before….and so have I….but I will NEVER do that to you." He's really starting to seem convincing when he holds my face in his hands. "You know I love you with all my heart, mind, body, and soul. Trust me." As he reaches up to wipe a tear from my face, I grab his hand and he starts to cry as well. "I trust you Kakashi, I'm just used to it, it's become a thought that invades my mind when everything seems to be going g-g-good" I'm now being racked with sobs that I can't control. He pulls me back and stares at me. "Iruka, you've got to trust me. I will never hurt you, EVER….no matter what the circumstance. I'll guard you with my life, and I mean that literally. If any harm ever came to you and I could have done something about it…and I didn't, well I'd never be able to look at you the same." I've calmed down a bit but I'm still silently crying. "I trust you, I do, I do….I'm so sorry." At this, I bury my face in my hands and he reaches over and he just holds me in his arms, no words being said. "Kakashi, this is what I wish for everyday….just to hold and be held by you, and just let the rest of the world fall away. Not worrying about who finds out or what people say…just to be who we are as a whole. If I ever lost you, I don't know what I'd do. Maybe I could get admitted to a psych ward. Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind.
