A/N: Surprise, Roleplayer48! I'm posting your rewrite for everyone to enjoy! And I'm adding a bit from your review so that no one gets the wrong idea.
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, ponies, meerkats, warthogs, foxes, bears, vixens, badgers, chickens, wolves, vultures, lions, snakes, rhinos, hippos and elephants, i present to you: Disney's Robin Hood (with the romance between Robin and Marian completely changed to pure friendship along with other random minor changes to the original film). Or just Disney's Robin Hood: Non-Romantic/Kid Friendlier Rewrite for short. Yes, this is a project that may be even bigger than our previous ones considering it's the full length Robin Hood movie I'm changing in certain places. Let's get down to it! Just so you know, Dede42 and I, RolePlayer48, don't own anything from Disney's Robin Hood. Although if we did own it along with many others, that would be totally awesome! Enjoy! Try not to post any overly critical/harsh reviews on this though. Dede42 and I are a little sensitive.
Disney's Robin Hood: Non-Romantic/Kid Friendlier Rewrite.
(Chapter 1: The Adventure Rebegins/Oo De Lally)
*So, just like the original film, we start off with a green book titled ''Robin Hood'' in gold cursive writing. Nothing new here. The book opens with more boring cursive writing just like the original film only this time it says ''Why are you even reading this book? It's just a boring humanised Robin Hood book according to the pictures. The only interesting thing at all in this book is a rooster with a guitar on the next page. Why don't you look at that instead of reading this?'' instead of what the book says in the film. So we cut to the next page where we find, what a surprise, a rooster with a gutair standing on the very top of the page posing in one spot like a statue just waiting to be noticed.*
Alan A Dale: (notices whoever turned the page to where he's now standing) Hmm? Oh very good. Visitors. How nice. (Does a double take in surprise) Visitors?! Oh finally! It's about time someone found me in here, ya know! I've been waiting in here for ages just waiting to tell people who read this book not to read it because...(calms down)...ahem...well, because there have been many legends, tall tales, books, school plays, films and fanfiction (now we have technology) about the legendary fairytale character known as Robin Hood. All different too. But you see, the reason why as I said a few seconds ago that you shouldn't read this book is because that we folks of the animal kingdom have our OWN version which is much more exciting, funny and enjoyable than any other version of Robin Hood you may or may not have heard of. (Begins to play the opening song called ''Whistle Stop'' on his gutair) Mmm-hmm. It's the story of what REALLY happened in Sherwood Forest.
*And off goes Alan A Dale (a rooster: voiced by Roger Miller) walking across the book's many blank pages whistling his song for the opening credits just like the film. Because this is a rewritten verison of the film via fanfic though, the opening credits shall be shortened and will only show who this films introduces instead.*
Prince John
A Lion
Voiced by: Peter Ustinov
Sir Hiss
A Snake
Voiced by: Terry Thomas
Robin Hood
A Fox
Voiced by: Brian Bedford (who died of cancer January 2016)
Maid Marian
A Much Wackier and Kid Friendlier/Non-Romantic Vixen
Voiced by: Monica Evans (the only voice actor of this film who apparently is STILL alive according to the internet unlike the rest of the cast who died of old age or something some years after the film and Brian who died 2016)
Little John
A Bear (Baloo's Cousin)
Voiced by: Phil Harris (who oddly enough also voiced Baloo and Thomas O'Malley)
Friar Tuck
A Badger
Voiced by: Andy Devine
Lady Kluck
A Chicken
Voiced by: Carole Shelly
The Sheriff of Nottingham
A Big Bad Wolf (no, not THAT big bad wolf)
Voiced by: Pat Buttram (Good voice actor but not a kid friendly person in reality according to his George Carlin styled stand ups. Especially if you've watched a video on Youtube titled ''Sheriff's Offensive Joke'' with footage from Robin Hood and audio from one of Pat Buttram's stand ups! Trust me, you'll hate it! I did!)
Nutsy
A Vulture (a very dumb one)
Voiced by: Ken Curtis
Trigger
Another Vulture (cleverer than Nutsy)
Voiced by: George Lindsey
*And the opening credits just end there to save time. By the way, isn't it weird how the opening credits in the film don't introduce any of the OTHER characters in this film and show who's voicing them? Weird, huh? Anyway, Alan A Dale is just finishing his song and sits down on a letter ''O'' in some chapter of the book.*
Alan A Dale: Like my song? It's a pretty catchy one, isn't it? I'm thinking maybe some day in the distant long time now future, I should turn my little song into some dance remix or something. Maybe even add lyrics to it.
(Foreshadowing to the Hamster Dance song a few years later which, incidentally, uses a sped up sample from Alan A Dale's Whistle Song from this movie. Maybe Dede42's heard of it. Dede42: Oh, I'm familiar with the Hamster Dance Song, and believe me, I heard it way too often and it ranks up there with the Small World song and the Chicken Dance song. Shudders.)
Alan A Dale: By the way, for those of you who don't know who I am, allow me to introduce myself. The name's Alan. Alan A Dale. One of Robin Hood's Merry Men. Not only that, but as you can tell by my guitar, I'm also a minstrel. That's an early day folk singer. And my job here is to- (cringes as one of his guitar strings break from hitting a flat note) -to tell it like it is...or was...or whatever! Let's just get on with it.
*So we cut to the forest where two figures walking down the road (Robin Hood and Little John) are taking a nice stroll while Alan A Dale sings about what they do.*
[Alan A Dale]
Robin Hood and Little John
Walking through the forest.
Laughin' back and forth
At what the other one has to say.
*As Robin and John chat, telling jokes inbetween, they stop at a log bridge.*
Little John: Hey Rob, how's about we go for a nice dip in that little river right here?
Robin Hood: (bows) After you, Johnny Boy.
Little John: (bows too) Oh please. I insist. After you.
Robin Hood: Okay then. If you insist.
Little John: Man, this is gonna be swell.
[Alan A Dale]
Reminiscing this and that
And havin' such a good time.
Oo De Lally, Oo De Lally.
Golly, what a day.
*The two try to cross the bridge and then jump into the river for a swim...well, Robin Hood did anyway as Little John is still on the bridge losing his balance until he falls in! Clumsy thing! We cut to them both now in the river having a lovely time and relaxing in the water unaware they're being spied on by a wolf in sheriff's clothing along with an army of wolf archers. I think we all know who this is.*
[Alan A Dale]
Never ever thinkin' there was danger in the water.
They were drinking, they just guzzled it down.
Never dreaming that a scheming Sheriff and his posse
Was a-watchin' them and gatherin' around.
Sheriff: Aha!
Robin Hood: (finally notices the Sheriff and his Guards surrounding them) Uh oh.
Sheriff: So, Robin Hood! And...uh...ermm...
Little John: Little John.
Sheriff: Whatever! We've caught you both at last! Guards! Ready? Aim!
Robin Hood: (raises his hands in mock surrender as Little John does the same) No wait! Please, don't shoot!
Little John: Yeah! We surrender!
Sheriff: FIRE!
*The Wolf Archers fire the bows and arrows as Robin Hood and Little John duck into the water.*
Sheriff: Hey, wait a minute! Where'd they go?
Robin Hood: (now standing on the other side of the log bridge with Little John) Over here, suckers!
Sheriff: (completely dumbfounded) What the? But i did...you were...my men...and the water...and...
Robin Hood: Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm a merry man!
Little John: What about me? Aren't I a merry man too?
Robin Hood: Yes you are but the word ''men'' doesn't really rhyme with man though.
Little John: Ah.
Sheriff: (really agitated at this point) G-g-g-GET THEM!
Robin Hood: Make a run for it!
Little John: Where?
Robin Hood: Where else? Our hideout, stupid! Come on! (They both start running away with the Sheriff and the Wolf Archers not far behind)
[Alan A Dale]
Robin Hood and Little John
Runnin' through the forest.
Jumpin' fences, dodgin' trees
And tryin' to get away.
*Just before they reach they're hiding tree, Robin quickly jumps onto Little John's shoulders, grabs the tree branch and swings them both into the tree. The pack arrive a few seconds later wondering where they went, unaware that the wanted thieves were above them, quietly watching them on the tree branches without giving away where they were.*
[Alan A Dale]
Contemplatin' nothing
But escape and finally makin' it.
Oo De Lally, Oo De Lally.
Golly, what a day.
*The two friends sigh in relief as the guards run off in hopes of catching they're prey. The heroes have escaped trouble...for now.*
Robin Hood: Phew! That was a close call.
Little John: (pulls an arrow out of his shirt) I'll say. It's lucky we managed to escape in one safe peace. Though I should probably tell ya, Rob. You're takin' way too many chances.
Robin Hood: (scoffs) Chances. You must be joking. That was just a bit of a lark, Little John.
Little John: Yeah? Why don't you look at your hat then?
Robin Hood: Why? What's wrong with my-SWEET MOTHER OF KING RICHARD! There's an arrow stuck to my hat!
Little John: Yep. That sure doesn't look like a candle on a birthday cake to me.
Robin Hood: I should say so. (Takes off his hat and removes the arrow. Then puts the hat back on his head) This one almost had my name on it, didn't it? They're getting better, you know. You've got to admit it. They ARE getting better.
Little John: (snaps the arrow in his hand in half) Yep. And the more they learn, the more difficult it would be for us to outsmart them.
Robin Hood: (swings his fists a bit) Ha! Let them try! I could show those bullies a thing or two and then we'll see who gets the last laugh around here!
Little John: Heh. Try tellin' that to the Sheriff the next time, when they'll probably have a rope around our necks. (Holds onto his throat, making a gagging sound as an example of they're possible fate) It'll be awfully difficult to laugh hangin' there, Rob.
Robin Hood: Oh puh-lease! For all we know, that Sheriff and his henchmen couldn't lift you off the ground what with your weight and all.
Little John: Now just a minute! That's going too far! I ain't fat! I'm just big boned!
Robin Hood: (sarcastically) Of course you are. En Garde! (Throws his arrow at Little John who ducks his head while the arrow gets his hat)
Little John: Hey! Watch out Rob! That's the only hat I've got! I can't afford to buy another one!
Robin Hood: May I remind you, Johnny Boy, that NONE of us can afford to buy ANYTHING?
Little John: Oh yeah.
Robin Hood: (lays back down on the branch he was sitting on) Look. Just stop acting like a scaredy cat and relax, okay? You worry way too much, old boy.
Little John: Hey Robin, I've been thinkin' for quite some time now and I'd never thought I'd feel the nerve to bring it up until just now, but are we the good guys or the bad guys around here? Y'know, I mean, uh, our robbin' the rich to feed the poor.
Robin Hood: Rob?! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such a horrible thing to say there, Johnny. We NEVER rob. We just... sort of borrow a bit from those who can afford it.
Little John: Borrow? Heh. If you say so. (Chuckles to himself) Boy, are we in debt?
*Suddenly, a sound of trumpets get they're attention. Especially Robin's, as he perks up and climbs up higher to the top of the tree to look for the source of the noise.*
Robin Hood: O-ho! (Rubs his hands together in excitement) That sounds like another collection day for the poor, eh Johnny Boy?
Little John: Yeah. Sweet charity.
A/N: And as you share more, Roleplayer48, I'll post it. Later! ;) R&R everyone!
