A/N: I'm so bad! I've already started another fic without having finished my other one, but I just had to type this up, it wouldn't let me be!!
Okay so this Fic is Ichi x Ruki, AU and OOC (at some parts... okay maybe at a lot of parts... _ ) And for those of you who didn't get the Title (I don't blame you if you didn't) it's a spoof on 007 (you know... "I'm Bond, James Bond"...?) right well that's what it is... ^_^'
Right, so apologies in advanced for late updates (I'll try to at least update once a month... I know it's a long time but I'm doing 2 jobs and taking 18 Chem credits in college and working on my other fic... ) :/
On another note, please review if you read (criticisms, flames, love, suggestions, comments, encouragement all welcome because they let me know what you think!)
Thanks a Bunches!! ^_^ Hope you like!!
Disclaimer (which applies to all chapters): 'Bleach' and all of its characters belong to Tite Kubo.
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Come on Rukia you can do this… just a little further… there! Kuchiki Rukia slid her lithe body out of the air vent and silently onto the floor. She turned to the master computer and began walking towards it. Her mission had to be executed flawlessly; her entire team on the ground was waiting for her signal, one mistake on her part and not only would the mission be blown but her teammates lives would be in danger.
"Okay Nanao I'm in, just tell me what to do" She whispered into her headpiece, she was grateful that Division 8 Lieutenant and computer expert extraordinaire was on the mission to lead her through the security firewalls and fail-safes.
"You need to plug in the small thumb drive I gave you into the monitor, from here I can access all the passwords, and do everything myself." responded Nanao's feminine voice over Rukia's headpiece.
"So I just need to sit a wait?"
"Yea, just keep watch on the security monitors while I do this."
"Alright then, piece of cake." Rukia made herself comfortable in the big metallic chair she was on; she looked intently at her surroundings and mentally went through her escape route. The room she found herself in was small, windowless and completely white. In the middle of the room was a metal desk that held the main computer and the metallic chair she was currently sitting in. Directly above her was the air vent through which she had come out of and directly in front of her, although a few feet away was the door through which she would leave if everything went according to planned.
"Shit." Nanao's cussing over the headpiece immediately snapped Rukia back to the mission at hand.
"What's up Nanao?"
"Dammit Rukia use the code names!… I can't get through to your computer, I got past the firewalls and passwords but there's something in the room impeding my access to that damned computer… you're going to have to listen carefully and get the information yourself…"
"Oh right 'use the code names' well mine is Shirayuki dammit, but thanks for giving me away, I appreciate it…" Rukia huffed in mock annoyance. "Just tell me what to do." Rukia brought her hands up to the keyboard and listened intently for Nanao's instructions.
"Alright, you're already logged in so in order to access the files you need to open the command prompt."
"…okay… got it."
"now type in 'Dir /s *.doc' and press enter, you should begin to see a list of all of the files on the computer, I already got us passed all the blockades so all you need to do is retrieve the information."
"Ok got it, which file am I looking for? There's like a million…"
'The file we want should be the biggest so look for the largest consumer of bytes…"
"The biggest file I see takes up 9 billion bytes and is titled 'taking over the world'… I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that's the one we're looking for…"
"Good you found it, all you have to do is copy the entire file to the inserted thumb drive."
"… Okay download is initializing. Now while we wait let me get the door open."
"I'm detecting a computerized lock on the door…apparently there are 3 steal cylinders connected to wire endings… you're going to have to burn through them carefully otherwise you'll set off the alarm, the computer and the mission will be blown to pieces and we'll all probably die…"
"…wow thanks for laying the pressure on thick!" Rukia spoke sarcastically into her headpiece, even though a smile played on her features. She might not admit it often but she found nothing more exhilarating than pulling a job, especially when the payoff was big.
"Okay, here goes nothing." Rukia left the files downloading and walked to the door, from her back pocket she produced a tiny black device about as big a silver dollar. She placed the device on the door and pushed a small red button, immediately a little light on the device started blinking with increasing speed. Okay I'm only gonna get one shot at this. Rukia continued to watch the blinking light intently as she produced a tiny oxygen-fed blowtorch from her side pant pocket. cargo pants are so convenient! She thought idly as she finished lighting the tiny torch. The small, black device on the door made a hissing sound, the light stopped blinking and Rukia immediately began melting the cylinders in the door through the crack. The small device had emitted a strong electromagnetic pulse, which had temporarily disabled the locks (as well as having shut off the communication between her and Nanao); giving Rukia only 30 seconds to melt them all off with the torch before they would recover and the alarm would ring. Rukia was on the last lock with only 10 seconds to go. Shit! Come on Rukia don't freak out, you're a Kuchiki, the epitome of calm. You can do this! Rukia kept her eyes on the small blowtorch melting through the locks but she spared a glance at her watch. 5 seconds. She looked back at the torch; she was almost through the last lock, in the background she heard the soft beep of the computer that had finished downloading the information. 2 seconds. Rukia breathed a sigh of relief as she had finally melted the last lock.
"Phew… you got it Kuchiki… I'm impressed" Nanao spoke over the headpiece; she too had been holding her breath. "You still have to be careful with opening the door, if the two melted sides come into contact, no matter how slight it is, the alarm will go off."
"Got it." Rukia walked back to the computer and retrieved the thumb drive. She pulled out another thumb drive from her pocket, this one was white, and plugged it in; she set the computer to download the 'information' on the drive. Once the 'information' was downloaded in 15 seconds, the thumb drive would blow and the computer and all of the information it held, would be destroyed. Rukia smiled. Phases 1, 2, 3 and 4 of the mission were complete; all she had to do now was jump in the getaway car. She walked to the door and placed her hands on the handle gently, this part was crucial. A stupid mistake now and I might as well buy my own one-way ticket to Kuchiki and Gotei exile. Rukia turned the handle slowly and began opening the door in the background she heard the muffled explosion of the computer. Rukia was almost home free when all of a sudden…
"KUCHIKI!!" The door slammed open, barely missing Rukia's face, and in bounded the very excited Lieutenant of the 13th Division. He sat himself down on the chair in front of the now blown apart computer and looked at Rukia with a dorkily innocent and happy face. Rukia's own face paled and then hardened as she sent him a murderous glare.
"Kaien-dono! With all due respect sir, but I'm gonna fuckin' KILL YOU! That's the second time, the SECOND TIME that I've failed this damned mission because of you!!"
"You've failed this mission twice Kuchiki?" asked Kaien with a look of mock shock on his face. "Tsk tsk tsk." he continued shaking his head in (also) mock disappointment.
"It's been because of YOU! Gahh!!" Rukia was about to start ripping out her hair in frustration while Kaien laughed out loud at the furious little woman in front of him.
"Don't worry Kuchiki, you passed this time" he smiled, "But enough of that, you've got bigger fish to fry. Apparently you've been chosen, along with a few other very talented people, cough including me cough cough, to carry out a very important mission." Kaien's eyes twinkled with mischievousness and Rukia was left speechless. This would be her first real mission as a seated officer. Kaien chuckled at his subordinates reaction. "Breathe Rukia, you wouldn't want to pass out before you go to the briefing in…" Kaien looked down at his watch and frowned. "…20 minutes ago… oops…"
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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! and I hope you'll review!! PLEASE!! (be gentle this is only my second fic)
~Blackcat ^_^
