Author's Note: Just a head's up, but this story will have spelling, grammar, and overall a lot of errors in some places. This was done INTENTIONALLY to aid the illusion of young teenagers writing/texting, so please refrain from pointing them out.

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September

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From a discarded September issue of the Peach Creek Jr. High Tattler that was left near a trash can in the hallway.

"Welcome Back!

Article by: Eddward "Double-D" Milton

'Hello again fellow students new and old, and welcome to another glorious year at Peach Creek Jr. High! It brings me joy to see all the familiar and new faces around the school, but I must remind everyone that even though summer vacation is over, you all must not give in to the Autumn Blues as it were. I, along with many of our kind and respectful teachers of this fine academic establishment wish to see the smiles of students in the pursuit of knowledge. With that, I hope you all enjoy your time here as much as I do, and look forward to another great year!'"

Along with the article was a black and white photograph of Edd smiling, which was doodled on, giving his smile a few black teeth, an eyepatch, an arrow through his head, and the words "Fuck you!" written above his head.

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The following is from a chatroom from the online game Zombie Splatter III.

ButterNGravy: edy git da chainsaw

Cashman: got it watch 4 da reds

ButterNGravy: btw have u talked to dd?

Cashman: u no i dont anymore

ButterNGravy: y? hes our friend!

Cashman: no he's YOUR friend he's nothing 2 me

ButterNGravy: o...=(

Cashman: wut

ButterNGravy: nothin jus cant believe dat u 2 wont even say anythin

Cashman: 4 get it Ed jus play da damn game

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There were a couple of posts on the student bulletin board at school.

"Football tryouts this week! If you think you got game, then get your sorry butt out to the school's football and track field after school where we'll see if you can thrash with the best or crash like the rest!

Football Captain Kevin Smith

NOTE: The following students are barred from joining the team: Eddy Dean, Eddward Milton, and Plank Woods."

"Need a shoulder to cry on? An ear to listen to? Some other analogy involving a body part? Then you need to come to Jimmy and Sarah's Counseling and Psychiatry Help, where healing is only a quarter* away.

*Twenty-five cents per minute"

"Student Class President Sign-up Sheet!

Eddward Milton (sucks dick)

Eddy Dean

Nazz Winters"

"Whoever it was that put that stink bomb in the girl's locker room, causing our class to run out in our underwear in front of all the boys, I just have four words to say to you. YOU ARE NOT COOL.

Please don't do it again,

Nazz"

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Students tend to text each other during classes, mostly behind the backs of teachers. Here are some texting examples.

[From: Kevin]

[Say Nazz, where were we all supposed to meet at Saturday?]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:45 AM]

[From: Nazz]

[Big Jim's Burgers, I invited everyone.]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:46 AM]

[From: Kevin]

[Everyone? Even Jonny and the dorks?]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:47 AM]

[From Nazz]

[Yeah, and if you have a problem with that, you don't have to show up.]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:48 AM]

[From: Kevin]

[Nah I don't really care, it's just that, well, those dorks don't seem to be acting right and Jonny hasn't been the same since we...well you know.]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:49 AM]

[From: Nazz]

[That's why I want us all to get together, to see if it will help the Eds out and apologize to Jonny...again. Oh, that reminds me, how's Rolf doing with his technophobia?]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:50 AM]

[From: Kevin]

[He's not really a technophobe, his country just didn't join the modern world until a few years ago while he was still here. And he's doing great, I finally managed to get him an e-mail address, his username is silly though.]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:51 AM]

[From: Nazz]

[LOL what is it?]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:52 AM]

[From: Kevin]

[IAMROLF no seriously, all caps and everything.]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:52]

[From: Nazz]

[ROFL]

[Sent: September 15th, 11:53]

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From: Woodboy

To: Partygirl1999

Subject: RE: Hang out?

Nazz,

I know you and the others feel bad about what happened, and want to make it up to me for what you did, but I still don't want to hang out with you all. Really, I know you all didn't mean to BEAT ME UP AND LEAVE ME FAR AWAY FROM HOME WITHOUT A WAY BACK last summer, and you didn't mean to get me GROUNDED ALL SUMMER because the POLICE ARRESTED ME FOR HIJACKING A BUS AND JOYRIDING and my parents thought that I RAN AWAY FROM HOME and were worried sick, but you know what? Saying that you're sorry over and over when all I did was RETALIATE FOR ALL THE BULLSHIT THE EDS PUT ME AND PLANK THROUGH isn't going to cut it.

You think that since you guys are the only ones who include me in things means that you're my friends? Friends don't HURT their friends! It makes me wonder WHY THE FUCK you guys ACCEPTED the Eds when all they did was try to steal our allowances with their scams that would HURT us and DESTROY MY HOUSE a number of times!

So you know what? NO. I do NOT want to hang out with you assholes. I'm fine being by myself, thank YOU very much.

-Jonny

PS: Plank says that he didn't WANT to be on the football team anyway! Tell your jock-bastard boyfriend that!

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Graffiti was on the bathroom stalls, from crude drawings of genitalia to the simple saying of "Fuck you!" to what seemed to be conversations.

"For a good time, go down to Park 'n Flush for some trailer trash action!"

"Nazz Winters is a good fuck"

"Yes she is"

"You assholes cut that out!"

"Fuck you gay-ass faggot"

"Believe in Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, write this to spread the message." (accompanied by a drawing of a cross)

"I got a message for ya Jesus doesn't EXIST"

"Does anyone know where they keep the extra toilet paper?"

"It's up your ass"'

"LOL"

There was a drawing of some kind of monster with six huge bug-eyes, fangs, tongue sticking out, was fat, and gave the viewer the finger on the stall door.

"Dude whoever drew this is AWESOME"

"Holy shit I didn't even notice this until I sat down! It made me shit myself! WIN!"

"Who the fuck drew THIS? I need to KNOW!"

"Edd Milton is the teachers bitch."

"I know right? Whats wrong with that faggot?"

"I heard somewhere that they like to fuck him after school after everyone goes home."

"I heard that he blows the principal every hour on the hour."

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From: MrScience

To: Partygirl1999

Subject: My Apologies

Dear Nazz,

I must apologize for the disaster that was last night, because well, I'm probably the one to blame for most if not all of it.

You know Eddy took our friendship fallout worse than I did, he always was quite emotional and took things too seriously for his own good, so me scolding him to calm down and act civil (for once) while we ate at Big Jim's Burgers was not the right move. Him punching me in the face and leaving probably says at least THAT much.

Speaking of which, yes, my nose is fine. He didn't break it, he just hit hard enough to release blood. If he had hit me higher, then yes, it would be broken. Thank you again for not calling the paramedics, really, something minor like that isn't too harmful as it could've been. I just hope Ed is alright, it hurt to see him cry like that.

To be honest, I'm glad Kevin and Rolf didn't go after Eddy after the fact. That would've only caused more trouble, and that's the last thing anyone needs.

Yes, I've heard all the rumors about me around school. I wouldn't be surprised if it really was Eddy who was spreading them around, but I honestly don't blame him. I apologize for his behavior these days, it's all my fault, really. If only I wasn't such an idiot, we would still be friends.

From,

Eddward "Double-D" Milton

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The following is from a private chatroom on Chatjack.

IAMROLF: hello i am rolf

GotTopic: like i care wat ur name is

IAMROLF: sorry it is rolfs first time

GotTopic: dont say that! fuck why do i always get weirdos on here

-GotTopic has left-

-ButterNGravy has entered-

ButterNGravy: hiya rolf!

IAMROLF: hello edboy how are you today

ButterNGravy: good u

IAMROLF: rolf is good how is loudmouth eddy and hat wearing double d

ButterNGravy: they not talking

IAMROLF: even to edboy?

ButterNGravy: no did i do something bad?

IAMROLF: rolf would not know would u like to come over for dinner?

ButterNGravy: would i?

IAMROLF: rolf is making fish sticks

-ButterNGravy has left-

-IAMROLF has left-

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[From: Jimmy]

[Sarah, you're not going to believe this, but we've struck GOLD. No, DIAMONDS Sarah!]

[Sent: September 29th, 3:30 PM]

[From: Sarah]

[Whoa, already? What do you got?]

[Sent: September 29th, 3:31 PM]

[From: Jimmy]

[Remember that "special case" I was telling you about? Well, they finally cracked and sang like the birds in spring. The best part is that I got it all ON TAPE.]

[Sent: September 29th, 3:32 PM]

[From: Sarah]

[No way, finally some actual blackmail! So, what did our good friend say today?"

[Sent: September 29th, 3:33 PM]

[From: Jimmy]

[I'll show it to you later, but I'll tell you this. The rumor is true!]

[Sent: September 29th, 3:34 PM]

[From: Sarah]

[OMG NO WAY! For real?]

[Sent: September 29th, 3:35 PM]

[From: Jimmy]

[For real.]

[Sent: September 29th, 3:36 PM]

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