Fic is rated T for some cursing and non descriptive nudity, I'm trying to keep it at that rating for a broader audience.

Vocaloid and Kaito are copyright property of Crypton Future Media Inc. I claim no ownership of either or any other Vocaloids that may or may not appear in this story!`

Please Enjoy!

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Chapter 1
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My name is Kaito, and today is the worst day of my life. You see, I've been arrested for indecent exposure. Before you judge me, know that it wasn't my fault; in fact I'm completely innocent you see. I tried to explain what happened to the police officer; unfortunately it's a little difficult to convince the police when you're naked from the waist down. So here I sit in the back of a police cruiser with my wrists shackled behind my back. Any moment now, I will be driven to the station, booked, and thrown in jail.

How did this happen you might ask? Funny you should ask, it's… complicated, why don't I start from the beginning. Today started as most of my days off would, I woke up with the sun in my eyes shining from the living room window. Yea I sleep on the couch, so what? It's comfortable. I stumble my way into the bathroom, and turn the shower on as hot as I can stand. Nothing beats a hot shower in the morning… well except sex of course, but that goes without saying doesn't it? After cleaning up I'll just put on whichever button up shirt I grab first, throw on a pair of pants… Yes I do wear actually wear pants; I told you this wasn't my fault!

Ah great, it seems the officer has finished taking witness statements. Man they look pissed, that lady is looking at me like I raped her daughter or something. How the fuck was I supposed to know she'd be the one to answer the door? It's not like I didn't apologize or anything, I don't even like girls that young. She's probably seen worse shit on the internet lady; dumb bitch probably doesn't even have any parent controls on that computer. How the hells much longer are you gonna take dude? Seriously I'll probably end up with some weird disease if I sit here much longer. I really don't even want to think about how many weird ass criminals have been in this back seat.

Where was I…? Oh yea, so usually I'll head off to the mall as soon as I'm dressed. Why the mall you ask? That's a simple answer – desperate single hotties out shopping. Department stores are usually the best places; find a girl bringing a bunch of clothes in with her to the dressing room. She's trying to find an outfit to catch a guy's attention with. I have a few routines I rotate through of course, the easiest is playing off like you're not watching where you're going and 'accidently bump into her' after she's been through check out. Apologize, pick up her bags, give her a few bullshit compliments, she'll fall into your hands like putty.

Oh he's finally getting back to his car, god that hat looks stupid. Hey buddy can I get these cuffs off? Their digging into my wrists, it's not like I'm gonna go anywhere. Wait… what…? That's bullshit you can't add that charge on me! I didn't even touch that girl! I'm not a pedophile!

Just when I thought shit couldn't get much worse, dipshit piggy over there wants to add "lewd conduct with a minor" to my charges. This day just keeps getting better doesn't it? Hey maybe you should arrest one of those broads while you're at it pal, battery and lying to a cop is a crime as well. Yea horseshit self-defense, that bitch hit me over the head with a frying pan! Do you have any idea how much it hurts getting hit in the head with a cast iron frying pan? I'm sorry if you do, but if you don't… well, it hurts like hell!