Valse Triste

by Youkaiko
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I have lain awake almost every night this week thinking about nothingness, death, and the ocean. The ocean is really beautiful. It sits upon itself, calm and yet listless, hoping for nothing but the wind to churn it into rage. I wish I could lay on the bottom of the ocean, my breath having been stopped, sleeping the eternal sleep.
As I think of this quixotic ocean, I can taste my own blood. It seems to seep into the blue-grey water and mingle with it until the blood claims the water its own. The salty bloodwater is warm and dark. But the warmth slowly ebbs. The dark and cold carry me to sleep.

I woke up feeling a small body on my chest. It was only Minomon. What an innocent creature, I thought to myself. I too was innocent. Then my thoughts turned to *him*. He was innocent as well. And beautiful. Was that the way I thought of young boys my age? No, this boy was an exception. He was loving and always thought of others; I think of myself.

"Ichijouji! What's wrong? You ok?" A hand waved in front of my face.
"Yes, I'm fine." I realized that I was at Odaiba Shougakkou. Daisuke wanted to talk to me. He enjoys talking to me. I enjoy his company. Such a sweet boy... I wish I could say the same about myself.

"So Ken, you want to do something this weekend?" He was looking at me with those soft eyes.
"I suppose," I answered, trying to sound aloof. He began to list things we could do together. I shrugged. He looked at me impatiently.
"Are you sure you're all right? You don't seem like yourself."
"I didn't know. I'll try harder."
Daisuke growled. "Ken!" His anger and concern fused. I simply stared at the wall and resigned any bodily movement. I could feel myself leaning to one side. He immediatly sat next to me, thereby propping me up. It was unpleasantly nice.

The rain thundered on the roof of the mansion. I could feel myself drifting on a raft to nowhere. There was a utopian island ahead, a single palm tree in the middle and water lilies being blown by the high winds, blooming as they land on the island. I couldn't be there. I reached up to a hand and there was nothing. The rain beat down almost causing me to fall off the raft, but I could not fall off. It seemed that I must stay between the storm and the ocean bottom.

I ran quickly. The weather was alarmingly pleasant. I paused to catch my breath. It seemed that Daisuke caught me. I felt somewhat happy. I could hear birds sing and Daisuke laugh. I laughed as well, out of insanity. I felt the weight of my body push me down. I looked up at the sky. It had turned grey. Like me. Daisuke held a hand out. It just made me cry. I don't know why I was crying. I know I felt so happy but so sad ... I began to laugh again... it was terrible. I held onto him tightly. Everything seemed to spin around in my head. I walked around. One two three, one two three, timed steps; still in his arms. I felt everything begin to darken. The brightly dark ocean water came back in giant waves. They looked as if they were poised to take me with them.

And then it stopped.




An echo in the lake.











End.