Hello! So, this is my first story, I apologize for…stuff…heh. The story has an OC and I normally don't like OC stories but they're easier to write for me so, I hope you enjoy!
I was reaching my boiling point, I could feel it. Any day now, I can just snap. I'll say things I don't mean to the people I love. I'll regret everything. Then, I'll do something I would regret even more. All I need is somebody to talk to me. Somebody who would understand me, and I could trust them with all my secrets. But I don't think there's anybody else out there like that. I've been screwed over by this stupid thing called God. If there is even one up there...He doesn't seem to like me, I guess.
The best part is that nobody suspects a thing. Most of my friends think that with this stupid fake smile, I'll be fine. That I'm just super fucking dandy with all that's going on in my life. Yeah, they only know a few things that I've been through...like Brandon and I. This whole, stupid situation going on between us. And that I have a few family problems...
Now that I think about it, the Glee club has been the only reason I haven't done anything stupid in a long time. Singing has become a release for me. Broadway. The thing I love most about Broadway is that when you go on stage, and you sing all those silly, blissful songs about some miracle that happened. Some miracle that would make everything better. Because just for those few minutes, I'm in somebody else's shoes.
Writing does the same for me too; I love writing because it has no rules other than grammar and spelling. One second you can be hiding in a wardrobe, and then the next, you're in some magical land called Narnia. Or one year you could be stuck living under stairs, in a cupboard at your Aunt and Uncle's house and then the next year you're at some magical school for Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was stuff like that, that made me really happy.
Sometimes I've thought about singing songs that would tell everybody my true feelings. Or even writing a whole book about my life but replace the names. Then maybe somebody would get the hint. But a part of me doesn't really want anybody to get the hint. I'd rather keep all these things bottled up inside than risking somebody I love to judge me for all this non-sense that goes through my head. It'll be easier for me.
I stopped myself before I could think too hard about all this. Even though it's kind of already happened. I lifted my head up from where it was resting on my hand and tried to pay attention to Mr. Schuester teach us about irregular verbs. Of course, I couldn't keep my attention on him.
I glanced to my right to see Sam and Mike throwing pieces of paper at each other when Mr. Schue wasn't looking. Finn was sitting in the table next to me, and he obviously couldn't focus either. I immediately assumed he was thinking about Rachel. I felt bad because she decided that once she graduates, she was going to New York with Jesse St. James, which left Finn heartbroken that she chose to be with Jesse over him. I knew that face on anybody. I could tell he was hurting, even if he didn't have any kind of expression.
I leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder and whispered, "Hey, Finn. Are you alright?"
Finn jumped in his seat and turned to me. "Yeah, I'm just tired." Lies.
I narrowed my eyes. "Are you sure? You don't seem okay..."
"Yeah, yeah. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, that's all," Finn lied again. I stared at him, thinking whether or not to just drop it or ask him to tell me the truth.
'It's his business,' I thought, 'He could talk to one of his friends if he needed to.' I turned back to the front of the room but I could still feel Finn staring at me. I tried to ignore it by fiddling with the metal spiral on my notebook but I could still feel his eyes on me. Slightly annoyed, I turned towards him.
"What?"
"Are you okay, Marisa?" He looked at me with those soft, brown eyes. I could tell he honestly cared.
Mr. Schuester shushed us before I could reply. Thank you, Mr. Schue. I turned away from Finn and started doodling on my notebook. I was pulled away from my own little world when Finn slid a note to me. I opened it up and read Finn's sloppy words.
seriously, marisa. how are u doing? u dont seem okay :/
I stared at the note. Somebody was trying to reach out to me. I could either lie, like every other day, or I can pour my heart out right here, right now.
meh.
I passed the note back to Finn. Each second grew longer as I anticipated what he was going to say back. My knees were shaking under the table, something I do when I'm nervous. Finn passed the note back to me and I nervously read it.
whats wrong? please tell me the truth :/
I took a deep breath. Here's my chance. I hesitantly picked up my pencil and wrote back.
pretty much everything. why do you care so much, finn?
Finn quickly wrote back.
becuz i care about you and i know youve been through alot..
My throat closed up. I know that if I tell him about all the crap that goes on in my life, he would care.
to be honest, im fine acting like everything is perfect when its not. its just easier
I passed the note back to Finn, and he wrote back slowly, probably making sure he doesn't say the wrong thing. I glanced over and saw that he wrote almost a full paragraph. What is he writing? I was antsy to see his response. Mr. Schue must have been watching us the whole time because he walked over, still talking about the lesson, and he grabbed the note from Finn.
My heart dropped. I looked over at Finn, who was frowning at Mr. Schue. He turned towards me and gave me an apologetic look. I forced a smile and looked down. Of course nobody's on my side. Nobody's ever on my side...
I blanked out the rest of Spanish class. Once the bell rang, I took my time to put away my stuff. Finn was waiting for me at the end of the aisle, but I ignored him. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I walked to the door, only I was stopped by Mr. Schuester. I rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking and walked to his desk. He walked out from behind it and sat on the corner of it. Typical 'concerned teacher' pose. I held onto the strap of my shoulder bag with both my hands and took a sudden interest in the table leg.
Mr. Schuester put his hand on my shoulder sympathetically. "Do you want to talk about the note?"
I looked up to his eyes and shook my head no. "I'd rather not."
"Okay..." Mr. Schue patted my shoulder and turned around to grab the note. He said, "Here," and handed it back to me.
"Thanks..." I said and turned back towards the door to head to Glee club. I took the long way there so I wouldn't run into Mr. Schue.
I stared at the folded note and tried to decide if I wanted to open it or wait. I walked slowly and opened the piece of paper. Finn had written a whole paragraph.
sometimes you cant do whats easier because it always ends up being the hardest. you dont need to tell me every little detail, and im not expecting it. im just saying that i care about you and i wanna be here for you when it gets your toughest. you can tell me anything, i wont judge you or think of you any different, marisa. you're amazing. you dont deserve half the shit you deal with. just remember im always here if you need anyone. me and the whole glee club.
I started choking up halfway through reading it. I've only had Brandon to help me all through high school but then I join a stupid club and get this stupid note. And now I have all these stupid people telling me that they care about me and are willing to help me. It's never been like this for me. I've been alone nearly half my life and then now...I expect to know that all these people want to help me with my problems. It was different then what I was used to.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to control myself. I didn't want to breakdown in the middle of the hallway. I wiped the tears but it seemed like a never-ending flow of them. Deep breath. Sniff. Wipe. Deep breath. Sniff. Wipe. I can control myself. I took a final deep breath and then walked to the Glee room. And I still, somehow managed to beat Mr. Schuester there.
Everybody was having their own little conversations so I took a seat behind Mercedes in the middle row at the far right. Luckily, nobody seemed to notice me so I sat in silence, staring at the whiteboard. Maybe I was wrong, I thought. I felt someone's eyes staring at me again, just like in Spanish. I ignored my urge to look to my side to see if anybody was looking at me but soon it became awkward. Like when you're walking past a whole bunch of people and you know they're all staring at you.
I looked down at the note I was still holding. It had wrinkles where I was holding on to it too hard and had a few dark spots where my tears dropped. I folded it into a little square and just held it in my hand, I didn't feel like letting it go.
I finally gave in and looked to my left and quickly saw Finn was staring at me from the other corner of the room. He looked at me with comforting eyes and gave me a small smile. I forced a smile back and held the note up to let him know I read it.
Ahh, here we go. Once again, it's my first, so I apologize for any sucky-ness. And also, it may take a while for me to update, as I'm a slow writer. :P Please review! I strongly encourage constructive criticism. Lol. Thanks for reading!
