Hey! Okay this is going to be three chapters. Maybe four. I haven't decided yet. But enjoy and feedback would be wonderful!
Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine! ;)
Chapter 1:
Finn couldn't believe it. Nationals. He thought they did an awesome job. Everyone was so excited, and when they finally got their performance together Mr. Schue and the entire Glee club were pretty confident. Which made it all the more shocking when they found out they didn't make it into the top ten. The moment they found out, all standing in the hall with their outfits still on was.. painful to say the least. Everyone was choking back tears, and no one really spoke on the walk back to the hotel. Once they all got back on the plane though, things started to get better. "Twelfth out of fifty is great you guys, and I'm really proud. Plus we've still got all of next year!" Mr. Schue had told them, and everyone started to lighten up slowly. Finn could even hear people laughing softly around him as the plane took off back toward Lima. Everyone seemed alright, he thought to himself. Everyone except for him.
"You wrote an amazing song, Finn." Rachel had said to him right before they went on stage. Rachel. His eyes shut at the thought of her name. He tried so hard. He tried so freaking hard for her. Their date was perfect. He knew she had a good time. They went to the super expensive restaurant, he gave her flowers, and she met Patti whatever. Rachel had smiled and laughed the whole time and still the night ended with her running off back to the hotel. Looking back at it now, maybe it was a good thing. If she didn't run off he would have never been able to write "Pretending". If she stayed with him and kissed him back, his song would probably have been .. well he probably wouldn't have been able to write a song at all.
Finn never guessed he'd be the one to write the song New Directions would perform, but really, after that night, it was pretty simple. He knew exactly how he was feeling, so the words flowed right out of his mind and onto paper. Of course he had to consult with Mr. Schue, and he even asked Mercedes to see if he spelled everything correctly, but after that it was a done deal. Him and Rachel would be performing "Pretending" in front of everyone. He hoped for a while that their duet would work magic like all their previous ones. That was until she said that there was nothing that would change her mind. Finn felt one last wave of hope right at the end of their performance. The way she stared back into his eyes as she sang out the last word of the song spoke volumes. And he was ready. He was ready to tear down the walls and kiss her in front of hundreds of people - until she shut her eyes and turned away.
He was just completely defeated after that. Yeah, maybe they had lost the competition this year, but that's not the true loss that Finn felt. Losing Nationals was something that could be consoled. It was something his mind could deal with. His other loss, the loss of Rachel, was a disconnection of something much deeper.
So there he was sitting by himself in the back of the plane staring out at the clouds. Sam had offered to sit with him, but Finn told him it was okay - he should sit with the rest of the group. There was no need to spread his bad mood to the rest of his friends. Every so often he heard someone walk past him to go to the bathroom, but he never looked up to see who it was. He noticed that his ears were starting to hurt, and knew they were going to pop eventually from the elevation. Finn rubbed his hand across his forehead. "Things are just going great for me, huh?" he thought to himself sarcastically.
"Are you okay?" he heard someone ask softly. He didn't have to look up to know that voice, that beautiful voice, but he raised his head anyway and found himself looking right into Rachel's concerned eyes. She stood there looking down at him, her fingers nervously playing with one of the sleeves of her shirt.
"Yeah I'm alright, my ears are just hurting from being this high in the air," Finn answered, clearing his throat. He knew she wasn't asking if he was physically okay, but this was the easiest answer for him to give right now.
"Oh, I.. I have," she started fishing through her purse and she pulled out a small brown paper bag. "Here," she handed him the bag, bit her lip slightly, and glanced away at the floor. "It's gum.. you mentioned your ears popping after we landed here three days ago, so I .. I picked this up for you at the store in the air port. I know it's supposed to help a little," she looked up into his eyes tenderly and smiled at him softly. "Feel better, Finn."
By the time he looked back up at her, she was already hurrying back to her seat in the front of the plane, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. He sunk back down into his seat, stuck a piece of the gum in his mouth, and pressed his head against the cool glass window.
Arriving home took his mind off of things for a while. Burt and Carole had tons of questions for Finn and Kurt, and they decided to all go out to dinner and a movie to celebrate the boys being back. The couple even said that Finn and Kurt didn't have to go to the last day of school if they didn't want to. Kurt of course decided he didn't want to miss the last Glee club meeting of the year. Finn, on the other hand, was happy to stay home.
Late the next afternoon, Carole knocked lightly on the bedroom door, "Finn, sweetie," she said "I think you should start to unpack a little bit today. Do you want anything to eat?"
"No I'm okay." he answered, and picked his duffel bag up off the ground and placed it on the bed. The doorbell rang, and Carole turned and walked out to answer it. It was probably Blaine or someone to see Kurt, so Finn turned his attention to his suitcase.
Finn hated unpacking, but this time he was avoiding it for a reason. Usually he would just turn his bag upside down, and empty the contents onto the bed. This time, however, he knew more than just his clothes were going to come out of the bag. He took a deep breath, held up the suitcase, and let everything fall out. He picked up all the clothes at once, and threw them into his laundry basket, then sat down on the bed looking at what remained. He let his fingers run over the smooth covers of the brochures he collected from different colleges he snuck off to see during his stay in New York. He knew Mr. Schue said they weren't allowed to leave the hotel room, but Finn left anyway and he picked up information and applications from four schools.
Maybe people thought of Finn as a small town guy, but when he got to New York he was in awe. That city was full of life, and standing in Times Square, he could truly picture himself there. Not only that - he turned and saw Rachel's face as she stood there looking up at all the signs and lights, and he could picture the both of them there. Together.
As soon as he heard her say "I made it," he knew what he had to do. He would look all over that city to find a school he could get into. He wanted desperately to get out of Lima, and New York was the perfect place to find success. Plus Rachel would be there, and he could be there too. With her. He would go to all her shows, help her memorize her lines.. help her with anything. Be with her. They'd be out of Lima, and they'd be living a dream.
After he got back from collecting brochures, he took a stroll into the souvenir store in the hotel lobby. All the stuff was totally overpriced, but he found a small snow globe that had the New York skyline in it. He picked it up and brought it over the cash register to purchase. This way he could look at his new dream any time of the day.
All that seemed so far off now. He lost Nationals, and Rachel apparently wanted nothing to do with him.
He mind snapped back to reality as he heard a loud giggle coming from his brother's room. The doorbell apparently wasn't Blaine after all. Rachel was in his house hanging out with Kurt, and Finn was probably the last thing on her mind.
Is this how it was going to be all through senior year? He'd have to watch from afar as she smiled? As she laughed her adorable laugh, and sang with her angelic voice? No more touching her or kissing her? No more duets? No more Finn and Rachel.. Then they'll graduate and she'll leave. With his luck Jesse will come back, steal her away, and they'll live happily ever after in New York while Finn stayed in Lima miserable and alone. Who was he kidding? He never had a chance. He never would have actually made it to New York. Finn shook his head, and ran one of his hands through his hair. The thought alone was unbearable.
This was not enough for him. And this feeling of "not enough" was just too much. Suddenly overwhelmed with sadness, Finn choked back tears as he stood up and threw all the applications he collected into the garbage next to his bed. He rubbed his hand over his mouth, picked up the snow globe, shook it a little, and stared at it. He placed it gently on his night stand as the snow fell around the City. He slipped on some sneakers, turned out the light, and left the house.
