Prologue: A Long Time Ago…
Muppet Theater – 1982
Oh, I'm never gonna be the same again,
Now I've seen the way it's got to end,
Sweet dream, sweet dream.
Strange Magic,
Oh, what a strange magic,
Oh, it's a strange magic.
Got a strange magic,
Got a strange magic.
Not even the soothing tune of the Electric Light Orchestra could bring ease to Tomas's unsteady card-playing hand. He accepted the invite to a Friday night game from his mother-in-law, Diana Navarro. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Bunsen, Beaker, Animal, and Rizzo had joined in. All of them sat around a makeshift poker table on an empty stage with the Boombox nearby to play all the tunes from KMUP Radio, the hottest station in the Los Angeles area.
Bunsen and Beaker had been winning every hand in the game, upsetting the other players and arousing suspicion in them.
Kermit was the only courageous one to confront them on the matter. "Hey, uh, you guys wouldn't happen to be using any 'technical help,' would you? You are the smartest people at the table."
"Call it like it is, Kermit!" Rizzo angrily exclaimed. "Dese two are cheatin'! Dey're usin' some of dat new tech dey've got runnin' around down dere in deir lab!"
Bunsen and Beaker simultaneously gasped over the rat's accusation.
"Beaker and I one hundred percent assure you all that we are using neither brains nor tech." Beaker meeped in support of Bunsen's claim. "We're simply blessed by Lady Luck."
"Oh, baloney." Rizzo muttered.
Diana refrained from busting with laughter over the behavior among the other players, biting her lower lip. Her eyes shifted over to Tomas, who sat to her left at the table, and she could see how stressed the young man was by his grimacing face and shaky hands. She had hoped the card game would be somewhat of a reliever for him, which was the reason why she invited him to play.
He turned to her and asked, "Where has Joanie been these last fourteen hours?" His African accent was as thick as Joanie always said it was, being one of the many traits she loved him for.
Diana smiled. "Where else would she be?"
Tomas nodded understandingly, catching on to what she had alluded to. "I must profess the moment I discovered my wife's secret life that things would be more fun. Unfortunately, as of late, it seems she has spent less time with me…on purpose."
"Tomas, why on earth would you think Joanie would deliberately try to avoid you?" Diana questioned. "She's always been crazy about you, ever since you two met in Africa five years ago."
"I know it does not make sense. I am still trying to comprehend it myself. But I just believe she is hiding something from me. I do not want to think the worse, but…could she be…?"
Diana slammed her cards down on the table, inadvertently interrupting the heated debate among the Muppets and directing their attention to her and Tomas. She pointed a stern finger to the young man and said, "Now you listen to me. My daughter loves one man and one man only – and that's you. Why else would she trust you with all that she told you about our little adventure in 1977? Who else other than you would she share that with? She wouldn't have told you, unless she knew for a fact she would spend the rest of her life with you."
Tomas nodded. He appeared only slightly assured upon refocusing on the card game. The Muppets also rejoined the game, ceasing their bickering.
Seeing the uncertainty still in Tomas's demeanor, Diana sighed in desperation. She was genuinely worried for her son-in-law. She internally questioned herself what her daughter had been up to for such a lengthy period of time. To hurt Tomas like this only made Diana incredibly disappointed in her.
"I'm here!"
The singsong announcement came from stage right, which was where a young, attractive blonde with a Farah Fawcett-style hairdo – donned in a tight peach-colored Studio 54 t-shirt, bellbottom blue jeans, and sandals – made her entrance.
Most everyone at the table greeted the blonde in a drone manner. "Hello, Ashley."
She approached the poker players, particularly Diana, with her oversized pink handbag. She bent over and wrapped her arms around Diana's neck from behind, delivering the warmest of rear hugs. Diana turned her head slightly and gave her niece a kiss on the cheek; she was presumably the only one who expressed any happiness in seeing her.
"How was shopping with Miss Piggy, sweetie?" Diana asked.
Ashley had a look of disgust. "I swear. That pig is one serious diva. I couldn't get her to make up her mind on anything in that store." She snickered and added, "Not that anything would fit her."
"Yeah, just don't let Piggy hear you say that." Kermit cautioned.
"Oh, lighten up, Kermit." Ashley remarked. "She's not gonna be here for the next couple of weeks, which gives me to leeway to say whatever I want about the hog." Her sparkling blue eyes moved from the frog to the handsome African prince in the purple muscle shirt, black jeans, and boots. "Why, hello there, Tomas." There was a great deal of seductiveness in her address. "Didn't see ya there."
Tomas barely acknowledged her, his mind elsewhere. "Y-Yes. Hello, Ashley."
She left Diana's side and switched over to Tomas. Her hips swung alluringly as she walked right up from behind him and proceeded in massaging his broad, toned dark brown shoulders – her delicate pinkish hands a stark contrast to them.
The action did not go unnoticed by the others, who looked away from their cards and to Ashley's hands on Tomas's shoulders. It had been obvious, ever since Ashley started living at the theater, how much of a crush she had on Tomas, despite the fact that he was a married man.
"Ooh, Tomas." The tone in her voice increased in its seductiveness. "You're awfully so tense. Something wrong?"
Ashley's massaging, although welcoming, felt like more of a weight on his shoulders. "I am fine, Ashley. Thank you for asking."
"It's no prob. I just hate to know that such a strong guy like you is feeling so weak." Her hands moved much further down, touching his toned pectorals that popped through his shirt.
And that was where Diana had to draw the line: "Ashley. Behave yourself."
Ashley glanced at her aunt, noting the strict look in her face. It was enough to urge her in taking her hands off of Tomas, who began to feel comfortable again as soon as she did.
"So where is my lil' cousin anyway?" She coldly inquired.
It was almost too quiet at the table before Kermit answered, "She's still out."
Ashley mockingly snickered. "Typical. She's never around when anyone needs her to be." She gestured to Tomas with disgust. "And to leave her poor husband all alone here, worried to death about her, waiting to know when she'll be back… or if she'll ever come back?"
Tomas squirmed in his chair, his discomfort returning.
Seeing the affect Ashley's words had on him, Diana firmly told her niece, "That's enough, Ashley!"
"Oh, Auntie, I'm just only looking out for Tomas." She wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his head and letting the curls from his slightly puffed black hair tickle her skin. "Tomas, honey? If you need anything, I'll be there for you."
It became too much for Tomas to bear. Growing increasingly agitated, he set his cards down, pulled himself away from Ashley, and stood up. "Excuse me," he said in a whisper, making his departure from the poker table and through stage right. His head was hung low, clearly reflecting his despondent attitude.
Watching him leave in such a huff, Ashley felt a bit guilty. The poor guy really was hurting, she realized.
"Ashley!" Diana angrily exclaimed, directing her niece's attention back on her. "What the devil has gotten into you? Speaking that way to Tomas! Couldn't you see he was scared?"
"Look, I'm sorry, Auntie. Really, I am." Ashley admitted. "But half of what I said was the truth. Where does Joanie go? I don't ever see her half of the day. And most nights when I do, she's either in bed or still out of the theater."
"Yeah, I've gotta admit myself that somethin's pretty fishy about dat girl." Rizzo acknowledged Ashley's sentiments. "Like, dis one time, she'd promised tah help but didn't even show up!"
"What did she promise to help you with?" Scooter asked.
"Only dah most important thing in my whole life: raiding the mousetraps." The rat's response was met with collective groans. "Hey, a rat's gotta eat, amirite?"
"Seriously, Aunt Dye," Ashley said, "where is she?"
Diana shared an awkward glance with the other Muppets. All of them knew the truth about Joanie's random disappearances. Rizzo would have known himself, if the version of him that went through their adventure back in 1977 were not from 2010. This Rizzo, who only just recently moved into the theater with his family, was just as much in the dark as Ashley, making matters more complicated for Diana and the other Muppets.
Enough silence had passed to arouse even more suspicion between Rizzo and Ashley. Realizing this, Gonzo blurted out, "She's taking skydiving lessons!"
It clearly was not the cover-up they needed, determining from the way in which Diana, Kermit, Fozzie, Scooter, Bunsen, and Beaker all rested their faces upon their palms in aggravation.
Ashley's hands irately went to her hips, her pink handbag sliding down her arm and dangling on her wrist. "Fine. Don't tell us. One way or another, we're gonna get to the bottom of this mystery."
"Yeah. Dah both of us." Rizzo shared in her declaration, standing uncomfortably close to her hip, which he practically clung himself to. "Ain't dat right, light-of-my-life?"
Ashley revoltingly stared down at the rat. "Get…off…of me."
Rizzo was quick to please the woman he obviously had a crush of his own on. "Sure thing, cheesecake."
"Ashley, honestly, everything's fine." Diana calmly assured. "It's nothing worth turning into an episode of The Rockford Files. Joanie is just a very busy woman, that's all."
Unfortunately, her niece persisted to be unconvinced.
Ashley's words cut like a knife to Tomas's confidence. He feverishly paced around the backstage area for a few minutes before deciding to sit down on the foot of the staircase that led to the upstairs dressing rooms. The thought of Joanie being somewhere in that "Disneyverse," as she called it, and presumably in one world with a handsome prince…it tied his stomach in knots. He did not want to think that way; he knew Diana was right about the way Joanie felt about him. Yet there was still that nasty, lingering sensation – undoubtedly influenced by Ashley.
Suddenly, the stage door nearby flew open, letting the chilly night air circulate into the warm interior. A figure hastily emerged from outside and shut the door behind it. Tomas immediately stood up once he saw that this visitor had blue hair – Joanie's color. Sure enough, the visitor was his wife. She looked completely disheveled with her long blue hair ruffled, her red robe tattered, and her sorcerer hat covered in dirt and grime. She was out of breath, her focus on the old, creaky floorboards beneath her. It was evident that she had been involved in some sort of hard labor or altercation, but she was otherwise unscathed.
"Joanie!" Tomas caught her attention the moment he excitedly shouted her name and made his presence in the room known.
The second she caught sight of him, she instantly rushed towards him and gave one of the warmest, tightest hugs Tomas had ever received. "Tomas! Oh, man! Please tell me that I haven't been gone for over a month!"
"Just fourteen hours, darling." She was cold to the touch and carried the scent of smoke in her clothes and hair. "Where have you been? And what has happened to you?"
Joanie disengaged her embrace and just stared long and hard at her husband's loving, gorgeous face. It was certainly a sight for sore eyes, especially for a woman who had been away from home as long as she had. Without notice, she locked her lips with his, kissing him in a way that was so passionate to Tomas he could certainly tell she had been through much.
It reached a point where he could barely breathe and had to force himself away. "Joanie! What is the matter?"
She took a moment to catch her own breath. "I'm sorry. It's just—"
The second she began to explain herself, another figure emerged through the stage door; this one being a tall, attractive redhead in a green mini-skirted dress, a black leather jacket, black leggings, and black boots. "Sorry, but I cannot stay out there for another minute. I may not be able to freeze as quickly as the average person anymore, but I know just when I am freezing my butt off," she said upon entering. She had a very powerful voice that was as charismatic as her appearance.
Tomas stared quizzically at the redhead, who smiled back at him as she tried to warm up her hands. "Joanie, who is this?"
The redhead approached him, staring at his face with great interest. "Oh, dude. This is so tight. I've never seen you so young." She nodded to Joanie and added, "She was right. We do look a lot alike. Almost like looking into a mirror."
Her words greatly confused Tomas. He glanced up and down at her. She was the total opposite of him – Caucasian, older (presumably in her mid-forties), blue-eyed, and (most notable of all) female. The only real similarity they had between them was that she stood close to his height of six-foot, two-inches; his nose at level with her forehead. Other than that, he had no clue what she meant in them bearing any resemblance to each other.
Joanie struggled with an explanation in the identity of her redheaded companion, especially after what she told Tomas. "I-It's difficult to explain, babe. S-She's…"
"There you are, lil' twerp!"
She looked to the source of the interruption and found her least-favorite person in the world, her only cousin, entering the room with her mother and the Muppets that were present at the theater that evening. No doubt they all heard the commotion from the stage area and checked to see what was up.
"Oh, brother." Joanie muttered in annoyance. It was less than pleasing for her to see Ashley, especially now of all times. "Look, Ashley. I really don't have time for your foolishness right now."
Ashley snickered. "You don't seem to have time for much of anything these days." She took notice in her blue-haired cousin's disheveled and even more baffling appearance. "The blue hair was horrid enough – now you're going with a homeless wizard?"
Joanie's redheaded companion shook her head over Ashley and her remarks. "You always were the biggest loudmouth of the family. Was there ever a time when you showed my mother the respect she deserved?"
Ashley gazed sharply at the woman. "Who are you to talk to me like—" She stopped cold once she realized the way in which the redhead referred to Joanie. "Your mother?"
That one word stuck out like a sore thumb to everyone else – except Joanie.
"Your mother?" The others repeated in the same register of confusion.
Joanie hid her face behind her left hand in embarrassment and exasperation.
"Joanie, you're supposed to have only four children, three girls and a boy." Scooter indicated from his memory of the incident from 1977.
His reference only attracted more confusion from Ashley and Rizzo with his inclusion of "supposed to."
"I still do have four children, Scooter…or, I mean, I will have them." Joanie addressed. "It's just…well… only one has had a bit of an identity crisis." She gestured to her redheaded companion and said, "Everybody meet Vanessa…who is in reality a reincarnation of my future son, Sean Thomas."
Vanessa held up two fingers (a peace sign) sideways to the group with a friendly smile, oblivious to the odd stares they all had given her. "What up!"
Diana, Tomas, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Bunsen, and Beaker were in shock from discovering who Vanessa really was. It suddenly began to make sense to Tomas what Vanessa had said the second she looked at him.
He approached the smiling redhead and stood close enough to look deeply into her eyes, as if searching for the actual person behind them. "This…is my son?"
Vanessa shrugged and uttered, "So to speak."
Observing the entire scene with Ashley (his fellow outsider), Rizzo bellowed with frustration, "Alright! What in dah heck is goin' on here?"
Joanie despairingly sighed. Her cousin and the Muppet rat had been exposed enough as it was to the secret she, her mother, and the other Muppets had been so desperately trying to keep from them and most everyone else at the theater.
"O.K. It's time you two knew the whole story about the world of Disney we discovered back in '77." She glanced over to Vanessa, again letting out a deep, exhausted sigh. "And for everyone else to know the new story that has developed recently."
