COOKING WITH FOOLS

'Cut the specimen right through the centre with precision. Remember not to use any sharp instrument without my permission. That includes knives, scissors and chain saws'

The class, consisting of a young amateur cooking patron, looked at the man, the instructor, who seemed to be gleefully cutting a cucumber. But secretly, the amateur wished that the instructor would erase the eerie smile that had gripped his facial features for the past hour and a half. However, he did not concern himself to inquire about the chain saw.

'Now add...aah! I see my disciple has lost interest'

'Student. I'm your stude-'

'Oh my! Dear lad really, is it that hard for you to fix your attention at one point?', the instructor murmured as he opened the Daily Newsletter and salivated over the crossword puzzle.

'But sir! You...we've not finished yet. We still have another thirty-eight minutes till the end of the session!'

'But my disciple y-'

'Not disciple. Student-'

'Yes of course. Now as I was saying disciple, think this way, you have gone through twenty five minutes worth of precious teaching. The glass is always greener on the other side'

'Sir, I think you meant, that a glass is always half full. And that's a hundred and thirteen minutes sir. A hundred and thirteen minutes cutting a cucumber'

'Well like they say "one thing with one arrow"'

'I think you meant "one thing at a time". But cutting one cucumber?'

'Patience disciple, do not make haste. Learning with perseverance is the path that leads to inner peace and...Nirvana!'

'But you must teach me. Wait..what does Nirvan-'

'Hmm... Very well then, I shall share my knowledge with you grasshop..I mean disciple. Come sit down. Together we shall explore the vast ocean of intellect!'

The instructor pointed- ardently- at the cross word puzzle. Leaning down, he let his-disoriented and tousled - tresses disperse forlornly on the table.

'But cooking! I came here for ...you said that you would teach me!' the student squeaked in palpable distress.

'I will child. Now come here,' the instructor motioned with spatula. The other hand functioned as a support for a stuffed rabbit. Overpowered, by the instructor's-terrifying-zeal, the student surrendered and eventually sat adjacent to him. Peering over at the puzzle, the student had two clear thoughts; one in which he enquired of himself whether he would gain knowledge of the art -that was cooking- and the second in which he realised that the stuffed rabbit had been seated on the table since the commencement of the tutorial.

Three hours later, the instructor and the cooking not-so-much-enthusiast were found to be seated on the table itself, gleefully leering at the section of paper that contained the puzzle. The conversation that was taking place between them was as follows:

'Hmm...something beautiful but deadly- Five letters'

'Nymph?'

'No'

'Ah! Disciple, I've got it! Siren.'

'Indeed.'

'That's one tryst overcome then,' the instructor bellowed, stretching his long limbs, and subsequently continued, 'So, how far have you got at cooking?'

This statement was followed by a period of silence, after which the student reluctantly replied, 'to cut a cucumber I guess....sir'

'Only that! I know that you are a bit slow, but really! Oh well one thing at a time for you I guess. But I wonder what can I teach someone who has the attention span of a hyperactive butterfly!'

'But you said...'

'Oh look at that! We've really stretched this lesson, haven't we? Well time does pass quickly while having fun...'

'Um...but......Oh sure'

'Now off you go!'

The instructor heaved the disciple-student- out of the door-still smiling- and shut the door, leaving a very stunned young man-with a cucumber protruding out of his pocket- at his doorstep.